[QUOTE=AntiHero3314]Yeah, he definitely overdoes the loudness in some spots, but when he actually calms down, he's pretty funny. I like his animated motions, too.[/QUOTE]

I like them a lot, too. :)

[QUOTE=ArrestThisMan]Anything you want in return?[/QUOTE]

Your call, it's not a problem.

I'm pretty sure you guys have seen this, but this is my favorite comedian Greg Giraldo's work. Read it, it's funny.
[i]
Why is marijuana not legal? Why is marijuana not legal?
It's a natural plant that grows in the dirt.
Do you know what's not natural?
80 year old dudes with hard-ons. That's not natural.
But we got pills for that.
We're dedicating all our medical resources to keeping the old guys erect,
but we're putting people in jail for something that grows in the dirt?

You know we have more prescription drugs now.
Every commercial that comes on TV is a prescription drug ad.
I can't watch TV for four minutes without thinking I have five serious diseases.
Like: "Do you ever wake up tired in the morning?"
Oh my god I have this, write this down. Whatever it is, I have it.
Half the time I don't even know what the commercial is:
people running in fields or flying kites or swimming in the ocean.
I'm like that is the greatest disease ever. How do you get that?
That disease comes with a hot chick and a puppy.

The schools now: It is all about self-esteem in the schools now.
Build the kids' self-esteem, make them feel good about themselves.
If everybody grows up with high self-esteem, who is going to dance in our strip clubs?
What's going to happen to our porno industry?
These women don't just grown on trees.
It takes lots of drunk dads missing dance recitals before you decide to blow a goat on the internet for fifty bucks.
And if that disappears, where does that leave me on a Friday night with my new high speed connection?

Masterminds are another word that comes up all the time.
You keep hearing about these terrorists masterminds that get killed in the middle east.
Terrorists masterminds.
Mastermind is sort of a lofty way to describe what these guys do, don't you think?
They're not masterminds.
"OK, you take bomb, right? And you put in your backpack. And you get on bus and you blow yourself up. Alright?"
"Why do I have to blow myself up? Why can't I just:"
"Who's the ****ing mastermind here? Me or you?"

Americans, let's face it: We've been a spoiled country for a long time.
Do you know what the number one health risk in America is?
Obesity. They say we're in the middle of an obesity epidemic.
An epidemic like it is polio. Like we'll be telling our grand kids about it one day.
The Great Obesity Epidemic of 2004.
"How'd you get through it grandpa?"
"Oh, it was horrible Johnny, there was cheesecake and pork chops everywhere."

Nobody knows why were getting fatter? Look at our lifestyle.
I'll sit at a drive thru.
I'll sit there behind fifteen other cars instead of getting up to make the eight foot walk to the totally empty counter.
Everything is mega meal, super sized. Want biggie fries, super sized, want to go large.
You want to have thirty burgers for a nickel you fat mother ****er. There's room in the back. Take it!
Want a 55 gallon drum of Coke with that? It's only three more cents.

Sometimes you have to suffer a little bit in your youth to motivate yourself to succeed in later life.
Do you think if Bill Gates got laid in high school, do you think there'd be a Microsoft?
Of course not.
You got to spend a long time in your own locker with your underwear shoved up your *** before you start to think,
"You'll see. I'm going to take of the world of computers! I'll show them."

We're in one of the richest countries in the world,
but the minimum wage is lower than it was thirty five years ago.
There are homeless people everywhere.
This homeless guy asked me for money the other day.
I was about to give it to him and then I thought he was going to use it on drugs or alcohol.
And then I thought, that's what I'm going to use it on.
Why am I judging this poor bastard.
People love to judge homeless guys. Like if you give them money they're just going to waste it.
Well, he lives in a box, what do you want him to do? Save it up and buy a wall unit?
Take a little run to the store for a throw rug and a CD rack? He's homeless.
I walked behind this guy the other day.
A homeless guy asked him for money.
He looks right at the homeless guy and says why don't you go get a job you bum.
People always say that to homeless guys like it is so easy.
This homeless guy was wearing his underwear outside his pants.
Outside his pants. I'm guessing his resume isn't all up to date.
I'm predicting some problems during the interview process.
I'm pretty sure even McDonalds has a "underwear goes inside the pants" policy.
Not that they enforce it really strictly, but technically I'm sure it is on the books.[/i]

You've posted that before, but it is still hysterical. :lol:

tis quite humerous

[QUOTE=ArrestThisMan]Have you guys heard of Greg Giraldo?[/QUOTE]
Yeah I have.

The guy's hysterical.

Wahah, that's pretty funnay, I must say. Now, details about Myspacegirl last night. :naughty:

I like Dave Chapelle's stand up a lot too.

/me is still uploading for ATM :-\

AH, I'm going to go see Atmosphere tomorow!

[QUOTE=ArrestThisMan]AH, I'm going to go see Atmosphere tomorow![/QUOTE]
YOU BASTARD!

/is jealous

[QUOTE=ArrestThisMan]So I meet this girl through a friend, and we start talking a little bit online. Everything seems good, she plays guitar, likes pretty good music, etc. I thought she was hot after seeing her pics.

So last night we decide to finally meet up, so after her parents go to sleep I sneak out the back door. I was driving down the road, all excited thinking it's going to be a great night.

I get to her street around 1am, and she tells me to drive up and down the street and she will come out and jump in the car. So I see her walking towards me, and she jumps in the car. I look over at her and I was like "AH WTF". She looked nothing like her picture. I found out later that her pic was 3 years old. So now I just drove all this way, to be with this girl that I had really no interest in physically, or emotionally that much. I couldn't just leave, so we hang out for a little bit. At one point she tried to get me to make out with her, but her breath was RANK. I was like, I gotta go I'm paranoid about my dad waking up.
Got home at 3am.

In other words, I got pwned by the internet.[/QUOTE]

Here you go kombucha: I'm not sure ATM wishes to go through to pain of explaning it again. :)

I edited a confusing part.

Congrats on 5,800 posts AH!

and 2,756 for you, ATM!

:confetti:

[url=http://s28.yousendit.com/d.aspx?id=0D2JVXT75U4VX39VUFGAXBAYA8]Comedy Central Presents: Dane Cook (with video)[/url]

Please let me know if it* works :-\

*the video

The performance is nothing without the video.

:lol: Thanks for the bumpage Ripper. :lol: Poor ATM. Was she ugly, or what?

Hideous.

[QUOTE=kombucha mushroom mofo]:lol: Thanks for the bumpage Ripper. :lol: Poor ATM. Was she ugly, or what?[/QUOTE]

Her picture looked hot, but as it was three years ago I bet she was on the road to obesity, and was in such a condition when ATM met her. :-/ He didn't give specifics.

AH, it does.

I'm not DLing it though. 95 megs would take about...maybe 2 days for my compy.

Where has Vince been? I haven't seen him online in days.

AH, I'm uploading a Radiohead music video for you.

Thanks for uploading.

Evening everyone. How are you doing?

[QUOTE=kombucha mushroom mofo]AH, it does.

I'm not DLing it though. 95 megs would take about...maybe 2 days for my compy.[/QUOTE]

A few more than that I'd reckon, based on a 1 hour per MB rate for a dial-up modem.

[QUOTE=kombucha mushroom mofo]AH, it does.

I'm not DLing it though. 95 megs would take about...maybe 2 days for my compy.[/QUOTE]

It's going to take me 40 mins :)

EDIT: I want to make sure the VIDEO works, not the link, d00ds.

I know that the link works :p

[QUOTE=Ripper22]A few more than that I'd reckon, based on a 1 hour per MB rate for a dial-up modem.[/QUOTE]

I can DL faster than that! Give me some credit here. I can download about 5 mph. :cool:

Does anyone have anything by the band "Cog" on their computer? I've been dying to hear them, but I can't find anything by them. :confused: If so, could you upload something by them?

/doubts

Not me.. never heard of them

[QUOTE=Ripper22]A few more than that I'd reckon, based on a 1 hour per MB rate for a dial-up modem.[/QUOTE]

What kind of dial-up modem can only do 1 MB an hour? I'm on a 56 k, and I get around 10 MB per hour..

I want to ask someone to change my username. I don't really like it anymore.

I want my H lowercased and the numbers chopped off :(

It'll stay, though.

[QUOTE=Eitri Is Berserk]What kind of dial-up modem can only do 1 MB an hour? I'm on a 56 k, and I get around 10 MB per hour..[/QUOTE]

My gay-*** dialup only got 1 per hour. But now I'm on cable so I could probably download a **** movie in an hour if I wanted. :p That's what high-speed connections are for, anyway. ;)

What does it mean?

sexual favors for DBJ=any name you want

:p

/kids

I asked about a name change. I just want something simpler like <The Kombucha> (Not with the <>'s but just for quoting purposes...) Go to the site forum and ask there.

[QUOTE=AntiHero3314]I want my H lowercased and the numbers chopped off :(

It'll stay, though.[/QUOTE]

I was thinking about changing it to "Cain" or some other "Bourne Identity"-inspired name. I'm reading that book right now, and it's ****in incredible. It makes me want to be an assassin. :)

I already have asked DBJ for an "Up For Parole" thread, and I have since been ignored.

[QUOTE=ArrestThisMan]What does it mean?[/QUOTE]

Are you asking about my name? It was a retarded metaphor based on how I saw my guitar playing style (i.e., I see myself as a "ripper" the more badass, melodic version of a "shredder" :rolleyes:, as in "he can rip on guitar" as opposed to "he can shred." Quite stupid really. ), coupled with 22 for the number of frets my guitar has.

NP: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles theme song :lol:

Explain the whole 'Parole' thing, please? I've heard it mentioned, but I don't exactly get the concept..

:wave: Talk again in a while. Time for supper.

[QUOTE=AntiHero3314]I already have asked DBJ for an "Up For Parole" thread, and I have since been ignored.[/QUOTE]

Yeah. That's too bad...DBJ has kind of an intimidating persona to me based on what I've seen of his pwnage of certain people in the Pit. I would feel way above my station asking him to do anything for me. :(

What do you think of my alternative name?

Up For Parole is a thread that comes once in a blue moon where you make an appeal to get something changed about your account (merging, name change, suggestion, etc.) or anything you want it to be.

DBJ examines your posting history and other things, and if he feels you are worthy, your request is granted. If not, you are SOL.

TURTLES IN A HALF-SHELL! TURTLE POWER!