[QUOTE=Disconnection Notice]Make the bitch sleep.

/much like Morgan Freeman, I am helping a white guy with his problems. Why?[/QUOTE]

We could star in a cop-drama, where a white guy from the suburbs gets teamed up with a black man from the streets! Sit back and let the racial tension ensue!

Oh dear, straight outta Maddox lol

It would be a brand new idea, it's never been done.

[QUOTE=Disconnection Notice]Make the bitch sleep.

/much like Morgan Freeman, I am helping a white guy with his problems. Why?[/QUOTE]

If I were black, I would totally aspire to be like Morgan Freeman. Since I'm white, I have more than one person to look up to. :p

/jokes

[QUOTE=kombucha mushroom mofo]If I were black, I would totally aspire to be like Morgan Freeman. Since I'm white, I have more than one person to look up too. :p

/jokes[/QUOTE]
I'd rather be Samuel L. Jackson.

[QUOTE=ArrestThisMan]We could star in a cop-drama, where a white guy from the suburbs gets teamed up with a black man from the streets! Sit back and let the racial tension ensue![/QUOTE]

And better yet, I could be a renegade cop and you would be the safe cop who always plays it by tbe books. I am 100% no one has done that.

Okay, enough.

This guy wakes up out of a deep sleep and, feeling real horny, nudges his wife awake and asks, "Why don't we get it on, hm?"

She replies, "I have an appointment at the gynecologist tomorrow and you know I don't like to make love the night before." So the husband agrees and rolled back over and started to go back to sleep.

A few minutes later, he nudges his wife again and asks, "You don't by any chance have a dentist's appointment tomorrow, do you?"

:actuallol:

[QUOTE=AntiHero3314]Okay, enough.

This guy wakes up out of a deep sleep and, feeling real horny, nudges his wife awake and asks, "Why don't we get it on, hm?"

She replies, "I have an appointment at the gynecologist tomorrow and you know I don't like to make love the night before." So the husband agrees and rolled back over and started to go back to sleep.

A few minutes later, he nudges his wife again and asks, "You don't by any chance have a dentist's appointment tomorrow, do you?"[/QUOTE]
Bahaha, nice.

[QUOTE=AntiHero3314]Okay, enough.

This guy wakes up out of a deep sleep and, feeling real horny, nudges his wife awake and asks, "Why don't we get it on, hm?"

She replies, "I have an appointment at the gynecologist tomorrow and you know I don't like to make love the night before." So the husband agrees and rolled back over and started to go back to sleep.

A few minutes later, he nudges his wife again and asks, "You don't by any chance have a dentist's appointment tomorrow, do you?"[/QUOTE]

Heard it before.

ATM to Myspace shower girl: "You want to play 'Magic'?"

Myspace shower girl to ATM: "What's that?"

ATM to Myspace shower girl: "I come over to your house and fu[size=2]ck, and then I
disappear."[/size]

/me casts a sleeping spell on Myspace shower girl's mom :wizardry:

/Still refling at Antihero's previous joke

Ray travels at the speed of light and nails ATM's Myspace girl. Twice.

New one:

Two dwarfs decide to treat themselves to a vacation in Las Vegas. At the hotel bar, they're dazzled by two women, and wind up taking them to their separate rooms.

The first dwarf is disappointed, however, as he's unable to reach a certain physical state that would enable him to join with his date.

His depression is enhanced by the fact that, from the next room, he hears cries of ONE, TWO, THREE... UNHH! all night long.

In the morning, the second dwarf asks the first, "How did it go?" The first whispers back, "It was so embarrassing. I simply couldn't get an erection." The second dwarf shook his head.

"You think that's embarrassing? I couldn't even get up on the bed."

(a)

Her mom's asleep :naughty:

[QUOTE=AntiHero3314]New one:

Two dwarfs decide to treat themselves to a vacation in Las Vegas. At the hotel bar, they're dazzled by two women, and wind up taking them to their separate rooms.

The first dwarf is disappointed, however, as he's unable to reach a certain physical state that would enable him to join with his date.

His depression is enhanced by the fact that, from the next room, he hears cries of ONE, TWO, THREE... UNHH! all night long.

In the morning, the second dwarf asks the first, "How did it go?" The first whispers back, "It was so embarrassing. I simply couldn't get an erection." The second dwarf shook his head.

"You think that's embarrassing? I couldn't even get up on the bed."

(a)[/QUOTE]

Heard it.

And what's "(a)"?

[QUOTE=ArrestThisMan]Her mom's asleep :naughty:[/QUOTE]

Godspeed, ATM.

[QUOTE=Disconnection Notice]Ray travels at the speed of light and nails ATM's Myspace girl. Twice.[/QUOTE]

Jake acquires Ray's lightspeed powers, and in an attempt to nail showergirl, gets shot down.

[QUOTE=ArrestThisMan]Her mom's asleep :naughty:[/QUOTE]

[quote=Disconnection Notice]GO GO GO GO GO GO GO[/quote]

123

Have a good time.

Meh, I have to post one that Ray hasn't heard yet.

(a) = MSN angel smiley. It implies innocence, usually sarcastically.

:GirlNextDoor: [color=orange][size=1000]Fu[b][i][/b][/i]ck her for me![/color][/size]

Good thing I killed the ice-skating girl link (a)

[QUOTE=kombucha mushroom mofo]:GirlNextDoor: [color=orange][size=1000]Fu[B][I][/I]ck her for me![/color][/size][/QUOTE]

[QUOTE=kombucha mushroom mofo]:GirlNextDoor: [color=orange][size=1000]**** her for me![/color][/size][/QUOTE]

lol pwned

Here goes nothing, I'll update tomorow.

Night guys.

I got it the 3rd time AH. :upset:

REMEMBER POST ABOUT IT PLZ

AH- what is (a) ? I've seen you do it a few times...just wondering.

Godspeed, ATM.

and kombucha: Jim just explained that :lol:

Sorry, I missed it. :p

[QUOTE=kombucha mushroom mofo]AH- what is (a) ? I've seen you do it a few times...just wondering.[/QUOTE]

[quote=AH](a) = MSN angel smiley. It implies innocence, usually sarcastically.[/quote]
mmmkay

EDIT: post # ++

Plural of "dwarf" = dwarves. I suck at typing tonight :(

A guy can't obtain an erection so he goes to the doctor. The doctor tells him that the muscles at the base of his pen0r are broken down and there's nothing he can do unless he's willing to try an experimental surgery. The guy asks what the surgery is.

The doctor tells him they take the muscles from the base of a baby elephant's trunk, insert them in the base of his pen0r, and hope for the best.

The guy says that sounds pretty scary but the thought of never having sex again is even scarier, so he goes through with it.

The doctor performs the surgery and about six weeks later gives him the go ahead to "try out his new equipment".

The guy takes his girlfriend out to dinner. While at dinner, he starts feeling an incredible pressure in his pants. It gets incredibly unbearable, so he figures no one can see him so he undoes his pants.

As soon as this happens, his pen0r pops out of his pants, rolls across the table, grabs a dinner roll, and disappears back into his pants. His girlfriend sits in shock for a few moments, then gets a sly look on her face.

She says, "That was pretty cool! Can you do that again?"

With his eyes watering and a painful expression on his face, he says,

"Probably, but I don't know if I can fit another dinner roll up my as[size=2]s!"[/size]

[QUOTE=kombucha mushroom mofo]Sorry, I missed it. :p[/QUOTE]

Kids these days.

(mx needs a "shaking head in disgust" smiley, doesn't it?)

[QUOTE=AntiHero3314]Plural of "dwarf" = dwarves. I suck at typing tonight :(

A guy can't obtain an erection so he goes to the doctor. The doctor tells him that the muscles at the base of his pen0r are broken down and there's nothing he can do unless he's willing to try an experimental surgery. The guy asks what the surgery is.

The doctor tells him they take the muscles from the base of a baby elephant's trunk, insert them in the base of his pen0r, and hope for the best.

The guy says that sounds pretty scary but the thought of never having sex again is even scarier, so he goes through with it.

The doctor performs the surgery and about six weeks later gives him the go ahead to "try out his new equipment".

The guy takes his girlfriend out to dinner. While at dinner, he starts feeling an incredible pressure in his pants. It gets incredibly unbearable, so he figures no one can see him so he undoes his pants.

As soon as this happens, his pen0r pops out of his pants, rolls across the table, grabs a dinner roll, and disappears back into his pants. His girlfriend sits in shock for a few moments, then gets a sly look on her face.

She says, "That was pretty cool! Can you do that again?"

With his eyes watering and a painful expression on his face, he says,

"Probably, but I don't know if I can fit another dinner roll up my as[size=2]s!"[/size][/QUOTE]

Haven't heard it, but it wasn't all that funny.

[QUOTE=Disconnection Notice]Haven't heard it, but it wasn't all that funny.[/QUOTE]

I just made it up off the top of my head because all the good ones I know you probably have already heard :angry:

EDIT: I mean, seriously, how does a peni[size=2]s "roll?"[/size] :lol:

[QUOTE=AntiHero3314]I just made it up off the top of my head because all the good ones I know you probably have already heard :angry:[/QUOTE]

Yeah, that would explain it.

EDIT: Page 1862 snypa

You just made it up?

:eek: Jim=joke improv master

This is another bad one:

A woman walks into the store and purchases the following:

1 small box of detergent
1 bar of soap
3 individual servings of yogurt
4 oranges
1 stick of women's deodorant

She then goes to the check out line.

Cashier: Oh, you must be single.
Woman: You can tell that by what I bought?
Cashier: No, you're fuc[size=2]king ugly![/size]

[QUOTE=kombucha mushroom mofo]You just made it up?

:eek: Jim=joke improv master[/QUOTE]

Heh, far from it.

Did you see the latest improv comedy advert? I posted it earlier today.

No, linkplzkthx

ATM has been waiting to ask Myspace shower girl out on a date and she finally agrees to go out with him. He takes her to a nice restaurant and buys her a fancy dinner. On the way home, he pulls over to the side of the road in a secluded spot. They start necking and he's getting pretty excited. He starts to reach under her skirt and she stops him, saying she's a virgin and wants to stay that way (STFU, just go with the joke).

"Well, okay," he says, "how about a blowjob?"

"Yuck!" she screams. "I'm not putting your dong in my mouth!"

He says, "Well, then, how about a hand job?"

"I've never heard of that," she says. (STFU, just go with the joke) "What do I have to do?"

"Well," he answers, "remember when you were a kid and you used to shake up a Coke bottle and it'd spray all over the place?"

Myspace shower girl nods. "Well, it's just like that."

So, he pulls it out and she grabs hold of it and starts beating it. A few seconds later, his head flops back on the headrest, his eyes close, snot starts to run out of his nose, wax blows out of his ear and he screams out in pain.

"What's wrong?!" Myspace shower girl screams.

ATM screamed back,

"Take your thumb off the end!"

[QUOTE=AntiHero3314]This is another bad one:

A woman walks into the store and purchases the following:

1 small box of detergent
1 bar of soap
3 individual servings of yogurt
4 oranges
1 stick of women's deodorant

She then goes to the check out line.

Cashier: Oh, you must be single.
Woman: You can tell that by what I bought?
Cashier: No, you're fuc[size=2]king ugly![/size][/QUOTE]

Your jokes are making me hate white people, Jimmy. And I'm very tolerant of white people