I feel like my story is probably the typical story of peoples lives but I'm going to vent and maybe someone will have some advice. I've lived in a small town for the past six years and since i started school then in 6th grade I've had this one really close friend who, get this, is a girl. Unbeliveable I know. Shes always been a really good friend and we started to get really close until about 9th grade when due to schedualing we didnt see much of each other for a year.

Its now 11th grade and we are both taking the same class at a vocational school that gets us away from our home school for about 2 hours and a 20 minute bus ride there and back. We spend alot of time together now both in class, on the bus, and on the weekends when we often do things with our 2 other best friends. I guess I should mention that Ive started to have really strong feelings for her. I've been really subtle with letting my feelings show because I dont want her to feel pressured. She had bad experiences with guys using her during the time when we werent in contact (aparently she gives great... but anyway) so now she is afraid of being close to anybody. She puts up huge walls that stop her from being close to anyone or even come in physical contact with guys other than very close friends. I fear that coming right out and telling her how I feel would only push her away or flat out ruin a great freindship. I want to help break down the walls and make her feel like shes the most important thing in the world to me. I dont want her to be uncomfortable or feel used. I know she loves me in at least a platonic way and maybe even more and she knows I love her in the same platonic way but I dont think she knows that my feelings go beyond that. So i guess what im wondering is is a relationship anything to risk a friendship over and what would be the best way to get closer to her. Im not looking for just a quick screw or friends with benifits, in fact its the furthest thing from it. At the very least I just want to make her feel loved and important because I know its what she has always wanted and never had. I dont care if i get anything out of it other than being closer to her and seeing her happy. This sounds very very chessy in a lame highschool way but its true.

Thank you for your time in listening to my crap.

Life isnt easy. Thats for sure.

[QUOTE=~grif~]Thanks man, that made me feel better :) You make sense.

Thanks chaindrive too..

im not going to ask her to explain the mix up or stand him up. She'll know what to do, she'll do the right thing. I know she will.
Maybe il suggest it lol[/QUOTE]

No worries. Hows the sleeping arrangements for her visit going? Convinced her to not sleep on the street yet?

[QUOTE=AC/DC Rocker]Thank you for your time in listening to my crap.[/QUOTE]

First of all it is not crap, its a perfectly reasonable situation to fall for someone you are that close to.

If you really feel that strongly for her, and want to let her know without making her feel pressured, put up walls etc. Just make it painfully obvious that you really care about her, that you're not in it for "a quick screw", and maybe even that you were in fact scared about letting her know your feelings because you didn't want to jeapordise your friendship.

Do it whenever it feels most right and comfortable as it is a risky step and yes, there is a chance she will react in the way you worry about, but there always will be. I can't tell you the best way to tell her about this, you know her best and know about these bad things that have happened to her in the past, just don't be like these other guys. Maybe if you haven't already, before talking to her about it, build up to it by being there to listen and talk to her about her bad experiences, (Im assuming you probably already talk to her about this kinda stuff anyway). Anyway best of luck you'll figure out how to say it.

The-piper:

Just read this post and they will explain everything

[url]http://musicianforums.com/forums/showpost.php?p=11718079&postcount=2152[/url]

EDIT: There is my story

[QUOTE=JohnnyT]The-piper:

Just read this post and they will explain everything

[url]http://musicianforums.com/forums/showpost.php?p=11718079&postcount=2152[/url][/QUOTE]

Oh man i can't imagine how that must feel. :upset:

Im real sorry for you man, and for all that to happen at once with your
d[SIZE="2"]ick[/SIZE]head mates deserting. Argh thats bad.

A while back my godfathers wife left him and ran off with some other guy, he took it really badly too. He just went out to his piece of land and started working on building a house there and fixing the place up. It really helped him get his mind off things and last time i saw him he was doing great.

All i can suggest is that you get your mind off this mess somehow, focus your attention on something you love doing, your instrument for example. You could try getting rid of these feelings of sadness by either confronting them and maybe write a song, poem etc. Or what i think you could really do with is a good friend to hang out with. Have some fun and take some time out for yourself. There will be other women and you'll get back on your feet eventually.

I know letting go of your feelings for someone who means the world to you can be hard, very hard, but until you do i think this depressiveness will stay along with them. So find a good mate, (im hoping they didn't all leave?) and try to forget about her. As i said, there will be other fish in the sea, as corny and cliche as that is, it is the fundamental thought in a breakup.

Keep us posted on how things are going.

[QUOTE=The-Piper]Oh man i can't imagine how that must feel. :upset:

Im real sorry for you man, and for all that to happen at once with your
d[SIZE="2"]ick[/SIZE]head mates deserting. Argh thats bad.

A while back my godfathers wife left him and ran off with some other guy, he took it really badly too. He just went out to his piece of land and started working on building a house there and fixing the place up. It really helped him get his mind off things and last time i saw him he was doing great.

All i can suggest is that you get your mind off this mess somehow, focus your attention on something you love doing, your instrument for example. You could try getting rid of these feelings of sadness by either confronting them and maybe write a song, poem etc. Or what i think you could really do with is a good friend to hang out with. Have some fun and take some time out for yourself. There will be other women and you'll get back on your feet eventually.

I know letting go of your feelings for someone who means the world to you can be hard, very hard, but until you do i think this depressiveness will stay along with them. So find a good mate, (im hoping they didn't all leave?) and try to forget about her. As i said, there will be other fish in the sea, as corny and cliche as that is, it is the fundamental thought in a breakup.

Keep us posted on how things are going.[/QUOTE]


Thanks for the help.

Right now i am doing pretty bad. But life isnt easy, but im dealing with it. Usually to take things off my mind i just listen to music. Its helps a lot.

[QUOTE=JohnnyT]Thanks for the help.

Right now i am doing pretty bad. But life isnt easy, but im dealing with it. Usually to take things off my mind i just listen to music. Its helps a lot.[/QUOTE]

No worries i hope it helps somewhat. I find music to be very comforting too :)

[QUOTE=The-Piper]No worries i hope it helps somewhat. I find music to be very comforting too :)[/QUOTE]


Why dont u have that much post count? You have been here since april 2005

[QUOTE=JohnnyT]Thanks for the help.

Right now i am doing pretty bad. But life isnt easy, but im dealing with it. Usually to take things off my mind i just listen to music. Its helps a lot.[/QUOTE]

Its normal for someone to be doing bad after that. But ya taking your mind off of things really helps. Like the other day I almost killed a ladies baby (long story0 and I feel terribly guilty about it. I have been trying to help her with her baby and stuff and When I can't help her I'll go running or working on my drums to get my mind off of it. It really helps. I do recommend doing some charity work and stuff, Because when I do that stuff I feel great about myself, and I think it could help you in your situation.

Also. I am in a situation guys. Tell me if this is strange. I like one girl alot and she likes another guy, she happens to be the complete opposite of me, she likes to have fun, but she goes beyond the limits, (like hard core drinking and drumgs) I don't drink or anything and yet I don't mind it at all. but She is still a toatal over achiever aswell, her average is a 94, Mine is a 74 and Im in grd 9 math (Im in grd 10). Her and I are great I mean GREAT friends. And I like her alot, yet she is the preppy popular type that cares alot about what her friends think, And I could care less what ppl think. Also. There is another girl I like, who is just like me, she loves talking about music and musical theory, Her and I decipher meanings to Lyrics and Poems,And Philosophic Scriptures together all the time, We Are both apart of our Green team (Recycling and stuff) and Amnesty International (helping other countries) groups at school. And We like all the same stuff. And yet I like the Popular girl even more than her. I dot get why I don't like the girl who is perfect for me in everyway more than the girl who is what I hate in ppl???

[QUOTE=JohnnyT]Why dont u have that much post count? You have been here since april 2005[/QUOTE]

Haha yeah, when i joined i didn't post that much really, and just now i'm starting to become more active on here. Its funny seeing people with february 2006 join dates who have higher post counts than me.

[QUOTE=White]I dot get why I don't like the girl who is perfect for me in everyway more than the girl who is what I hate in ppl???[/QUOTE]

Attraction can be very strange sometimes, like when some guys would question anothers interests in a physically unnatractive girl. He sees in her ways others don't.

Is your attraction to the popular girl based much on physical appeal?

[QUOTE=The-Piper]Haha yeah, when i joined i didn't post that much really, and just now i'm starting to become more active on here. Its funny seeing people with february 2006 join dates who have higher post counts than me.



Attraction can be very strange sometimes, like when some guys would question anothers interests in a physically unnatractive girl. He sees in her ways others don't.

Is your attraction to the popular girl based much on physical appeal?[/QUOTE]



I really didnt start posting for a while too. I was really lazy in the ol' days.

[QUOTE=The-Piper]



Attraction can be very strange sometimes, like when some guys would question anothers interests in a physically unnatractive girl. He sees in her ways others don't.

Is your attraction to the popular girl based much on physical appeal?[/QUOTE]

That is one thing that is scarring me, it may be because of physical appearance, as much as I don't want it to I can't help but think it is.

[QUOTE=White]That is one thing that is scarring me, it may be because of physical appearance, as much as I don't want it to I can't help but think it is.[/QUOTE]

You shouldn't be scared of being attracted for physical appearance, our main sensory organs are our eyes, so its natural to be attracted to someone good looking. After that its up to you to decide if her personality holds up to what the looks promise. It seems that you are already good friends so im assuming you like her personality already? Everything seems to be in place here, i say go for it.

Yes. I like her personality Alot. But I don't like how she will do anything because her friends say its a good Idea, and she cares so mucha bout how she looks. The aother girl looks Hot and she dresses unique, I love that about her, but she doesnt know I like her yet, And The one I really like does, and she turned me down. so Im wondering whether to give up on her and go for the one whos just like m. or keep trying.

Just an insert here, then carry on.

As you get older appearances don't matter in the least.

[QUOTE=White]Yes. I like her personality Alot. But I don't like how she will do anything because her friends say its a good Idea, and she cares so mucha bout how she looks. The aother girl looks Hot and she dresses unique, I love that about her, but she doesnt know I like her yet, And The one I really like does, and she turned me down. so Im wondering whether to give up on her and go for the one whos just like m. or keep trying.[/QUOTE]

Hmm that makes things a little complicated, but in my experience, when a girl by the description of girl A turns you down, chances are she wont say yes second time round. I don't know this girl so you'll have to decide that for yourself. Stay friends with her by all means, as long as she cares about your interests theres nothing wrong with her being the complete opposite to you.

As for girl B, she sounds perfect for you, and maybe the reason you haven't been as interested in her as girl A is because you liked girl A in the first place?
It's not uncommon to completely miss someone standing right infront of you because you're so into another person.

Its up to you who you think you have a better chance with, but i wouldn't wait around for girl A, especially since she turned you down, when theres a chance for a great relationship in girl B.

[QUOTE=Chaindrive]Just an insert here, then carry on.

As you get older appearances don't matter in the least.[/QUOTE]

I tell that to my friends all the time.

"When you're 80 are you really going to care about how *insert name here* looks. I think youll be more worried about the personality of such and such at that age"

But nope :(, they're teenagers afterall.

[QUOTE=The-Piper]No worries. Hows the sleeping arrangements for her visit going? Convinced her to not sleep on the street yet?
[/QUOTE]
she is staying in a guest house, but the last night she has nowhere to stay so im gona make her sleep in my bed lol

[QUOTE=~grif~]she is staying in a guest house, but the last night she has nowhere to stay so im gona make her sleep in my bed lol[/QUOTE]

Haha have fun. Hows your parents on that one? Have they agreed to let her stay?

[QUOTE=The-Piper]I tell that to my friends all the time.

"When you're 80 are you really going to care about how *insert name here* looks. I think youll be more worried about the personality of such and such at that age"

But nope :(, they're teenagers afterall.[/QUOTE]

I wasn't one of "those" teenagers" that I can recall. Didn't matter what anyone looked like...it mattered whether I could have fun with them. Funny is of utmost important to me.

[QUOTE=The-Piper]Haha have fun. Hows your parents on that one? Have they agreed to let her stay?[/QUOTE]
Well she really thinks my family hate her for some reason, my mom said something pretty bad about her when i was on the phone to her one time and she heard it, got pretty upset about it and dosent really want to meet my mom. But since everyone goes to school/work in the morning, il just walk up with her at midnight sometime and she can sleep in my room before she flies home :( the following day.

I really hate how we only ever have a week together. Really pisses me off. Knowing that she has to go and that we have limited time.

:upset:

[QUOTE=Chaindrive]I wasn't one of "those" teenagers" that I can recall. Didn't matter what anyone looked like...it mattered whether I could have fun with them. Funny is of utmost important to me.[/QUOTE]

Yeah the two most important factors for someone with me is, funny + someone i can really talk to about lots of things. Physical appeal comes in only as a bonus for me and even then i honestly don't care unless they are concious about their looks.

[QUOTE=The-Piper]Yeah the two most important factors for someone with me is, funny + someone i can really talk to about lots of things. Physical appeal comes in only as a bonus for me and even then i honestly don't care unless they are concious about their looks.[/QUOTE]
you cant really say that physically apparence dose not play a role, course it dose. can you honestly say you'd go out or date some girl even if she is like 400bls and bad hair with hairy armpits all because she is funny?

physical apperance is not everything, but it dose play a role on making a decision about a girl or boy.

be honest

[QUOTE=~grif~]Well she really thinks my family hate her for some reason, my mom said something pretty bad about her when i was on the phone to her one time and she heard it, got pretty upset about it and dosent really want to meet my mom. But since everyone goes to school/work in the morning, il just walk up with her at midnight sometime and she can sleep in my room before she flies home :( the following day.

I really hate how we only ever have a week together. Really pisses me off. Knowing that she has to go and that we have limited time.

:upset:[/QUOTE]

Hopefully on her stay with you she will come to get along with your family and it will turn out for the betetr aye.

I hate spending short amounts of time with people i love too, my best friend i only see like once or twice a year, it really sucks.

[QUOTE=~grif~]you cant really say that physically apparence dose not play a role, course it dose. can you honestly say you'd go out or date some girl even if she is like 400bls and bad hair with hairy armpits all because she is funny?

physical apperance is not everything, but it dose play a role on making a decision about a girl or boy.

be honest[/QUOTE]

Yeah i suppose when you put it like that physical appearance does matter to me. But it plays a very minor role. For example if i was to date an amazingly hot girl who didn't really care about what i had to say, and wasn't particularly interested in my interests, i would have a big problem dating her again. Whereas if i were to date an unnatractive person (not as extreme as your 400lb hairy armed example :p) who was interested in me and my interests, i would have a much better time.

Holy crap.

Found out Fatima's little sister likes me. What the hell? She's a freshman, me and Fatima are both sophomores.

How exciting.

Thanks, man. Good to know I've got a brown man on my side. The thing is, I'm crazy for Fatima.

It spells Amitaf backwards.

:eek:

[QUOTE=Eggo]It spells Amitaf backwards.

:eek:[/QUOTE]

:lol: And what does the af stand for?

Awhollotta Funaftathepartay

[QUOTE=~grif~]you cant really say that physically apparence dose not play a role, course it dose. can you honestly say you'd go out or date some girl even if she is like 400bls and bad hair with hairy armpits all because she is funny?

physical apperance is not everything, but it dose play a role on making a decision about a girl or boy.

be honest[/QUOTE]

good point.

looks get you there, personality keeps you there.