you SURE you don't want Israeli hip hop/funk? Tis good sheeit.

[QUOTE=Triven]Sorry to advertise, but check out this forum:

[url]http://s9.invisionfree.com/Entertainment_Forums/index.php?act=idx[/url]


It's a real cool place, only about 50 members right now, all who came from mx, and there's no n00bs or bad posters (due to the few amounts of members). So click on the link, and take a look around, and hopefully register cause it's a great place to sign up too.[/QUOTE]

Those forums are a wicked place to go. No Havoc goes on there, and there's a lot of good convo.

Note: I originally had a long story in this post, but I edited it out.

That's a really involved story AH. I'm sorry you're going through so much pain over it. The way you describe her (and I can't be sure if this is actually the case since I don't know her firsthand) she reminds me, actually of the friend of mine I mentioned in my post that I was becoming attracted to. She's different from your friend in multiple ways, but a similarity I see is very frequent partying, frequent rough patches, and a desire to be a more normal person. She compulsively parties, has sex, and does a lot of self-destructive things because her psyche has developed in a way that makes her feel that those things are throwaways, like they don't matter. She's only recently truly learned to appreciate the friends that are in her life, the ones that AREN'T assholes. It sounds like your "friend" hasn't realized it, but she's coming close, and you're frustrated because she's not getting that she has a great friend--you--to turn to.

But I'm not sure how to respond, honestly. I give you a lot of credit for being as honest as you were, and your post has a lot of powerful feeling in it. You succeed admirably at attempting to look at the situation objectively, too. I'd like to help, if I can: should I try to give more examples of similar things or should I tell you straight-up how the situation sounds to me and give the appropriate amount of advice?

EDIT: Also, do you have romantic feelings for her?

Actually, I'm surprised people would actually care to read the whole thing. I think DN signed off while I was typing it, actually.

To be truthful, I'm willing to read whatever you want to share that you feel is appropriate. I'm not in pain over it where I lose sleep over it and it festers in me or anything where I can't focus on things, but it's just that I (obviously) think about this a bit too much if I want to go into such detail... if that makes sense.

EDIT @ your edit: I can honestly say no, because I never think about things like that. That's another long story, hence where my usertitle comes in to play.

[QUOTE=AntiHero3314]Actually, I'm surprised people would actually care to read the whole thing. I think DN signed off while I was typing it, actually.

To be truthful, I'm willing to read whatever you want to share that you feel is appropriate. I'm not in pain over it where I lose sleep over it and it festers in me or anything where I can't focus on things, but it's just that I (obviously) think about this a bit too much if I want to go into such detail... if that makes sense.[/QUOTE]

Hey, c'mon, of course I was going to read your story. You folks on the 'Net are my friends too, and that means showing support when they're going through rough patches.

Well, let's see. My friend that I was talking about did a lot of self-destructive things in the past semester of college, had a lot of meaningless sex, and wounded herself a lot, because the void of having a good, decent guy in her life wasn't filled. I seemed to fill that void for a while, though, but the problem was that I already had a gf that I loved very much. Through the many talks we subsequently had in order to organize our feelings for each other, we became very close because of our honesty with one another. It was weird: the drama brought us closer, and for her, it took being unable to have something that she wanted, and learning from the relationship I was in to realize a.) that I was a very special friend to her and b.) that her life was up to now meaningless and she wanted to continue searching for it instead of partying and having sex so much. For me, talking this out with her is what helped us get through our own problems with one another and become people who care for each other very much.

Ok, I'm going to assume the biggest reason you're pissed is because she sounds ungrateful for the support you've shown her when she's down. She doesn't give you credit for being there for you, and she always is looking past the good, nice, smart guy that's right in front of her for these assholes. Then she complains about how there are no nice guys, and you bring her out of her sadness anyway. I can see how that's frustrating: since she doesn't give you credit for being there for her, the only times you really seem like her friend are WHEN you're bringing her out of her sadness and afterward it's like she forgets about you again. Am I way off the mark on this? Please correct me: I don't know your friend and so I may be talking out of my ***.

[QUOTE=Animosity_62]Those forums are a wicked place to go. No Havoc goes on there, and there's a lot of good convo.[/QUOTE]
No havoc eh?

/remembers Wednesday

No, what you say is accurate, just don't operate with the assumption that romantic feelings are involved (you missed my edit, but even still, your answer doesn't seem to take that into account anyway).

EDIT: by the way, thanks again for taking the time to bother with reading about my trivial story and responding to it.

Very generally, I have to decide whether or not to want to deal with her anymore, and I would like for it to happen before summer/when I come home from university.

[QUOTE=AntiHero3314]No, what you say is accurate, just don't operate with the assumption that romantic feelings are involved (you missed my edit, but even still, your answer doesn't seem to take that into account anyway).

Very generally, I have to decide whether or not to want to deal with her anymore, and I would like for it to happen before summer/when I come home from university.[/QUOTE]

Yeah, I missed the edit. Sorry :) Would she come to you if she ran into another rough spot, or would it be you going to her to help with no request?

[QUOTE=AntiHero3314]
EDIT: by the way, thanks again for taking the time to bother with reading about my trivial story and responding to it.
[/QUOTE]

It's not trivial, and it's also not a problem. I only hope I'm helping a little....

[QUOTE=Ripper22]Yeah, I missed the edit. Sorry :) Would she come to you if she ran into another rough spot, or would it be you going to her to help with no request? I hope I'm helping a little.[/QUOTE]

No, it's always me going to her to see if she's alright. She never initiates anything, which says something about me, I guess. If she has any issues, she goes to her girlfriends (and for good reasons, really).

And yeah, you are helping, because I seriously consider any opinions that people have, so long as it isn't some n00b saying something useless such as "put it in her butt lol."

[QUOTE=AntiHero3314]No, what you say is accurate, just don't operate with the assumption that romantic feelings are involved (you missed my edit, but even still, your answer doesn't seem to take that into account anyway).

EDIT: by the way, thanks again for taking the time to bother with reading about my trivial story and responding to it.

Very generally, I have to decide whether or not to want to deal with her anymore, and I would like for it to happen before summer/when I come home from university.[/QUOTE]
hey man, go listen to Not Within Arms Length by Poison the Well. it's a bad *** song about that....from what I read from Ripper's post.(i never saw the story......) Hey, that songs got some good lyrics too man.

Thanks, I'll have to check it out when I get back to uni. My house connection is slow. I'll go read the lyrics now, though.

[QUOTE=AntiHero3314]No, it's always me going to her to see if she's alright. She never initiates anything, which says something about me, I guess. If she has any issues, she goes to her girlfriends first (and for good reasons, really).

And yeah, you are helping, because I seriously consider any opinions that people have, so long as it isn't some n00b saying something useless such as "put it in her butt lol."[/QUOTE]

Well, that's good. :) To your above point, what do you mean "for good reasons"?

If it's you initiating it, that does say that you care about what she's feeling, but the difficulties you're running into may indicate that you should, perhaps, disengage contact. I'm not sure though. All I know is that you're frustrated with her and it sounds like she's being a little unresponsive to your efforts to help her.

Haha, I think I have a more focused question.

I always say that I'm going to disengage contact, not initiate anything, etc., but I always wind up doing so for reasons I'm not sure of.

I guess my question is, how do I make sure that I don't do that again?

All signs point to a conversation, and that's the last thing I want to do, because I know it'll turn out badly, but I hate having to play e-mail or IM tag over something, so the issue is going to remain unresolved unless I can think of a better method of dealing with it.

///

"For good reasons" alluded to me saying (in my edited-out story) how her girlfriends are the only people in her life (she says) that make her happy in Michigan.

Go talk to her or something, tell her what you're feeling and she might get it. I know you don't wanna talk though, but you gotta talk to people about s[I]h[/I]it.

[QUOTE=Thumb_bass]Go talk to her or something, tell her what you're feeling and she might get it. I know you don't wanna talk though, but you gotta talk to people about s[I]h[/I]it.[/QUOTE]

Thanks, man. Yeah, I understand that that is the most logical thing to do... but "might" is the operative word there. She hasn't shown me at all lately that she cares about what I have to say, because she's always a taker and not a giver... if that makes sense.

[QUOTE=AntiHero3314]Thanks, man. Yeah, I understand that that is the most logical thing to do... but "might" is the operative word there. She hasn't shown me at all lately that she cares about what I have to say, because she's always a taker and not a giver... if that makes sense.[/QUOTE]
I go and have a talk with people about s[I]h[/I]it if it bothers me that bad. Even if I know I might f[I]u[/I]ck somethin up. I just risk it cuz I know "theres more fish in the sea". haha, I love that......Don't do it if you don't want to, I'm just sayin what I do.

I meant to come across as appreciative of your input, but if it doesn't sound like that then I apologize.

Well, let me clarify something. In my humongous story, I wrote that it's not easy for me just to go up to someone and say, "Hey, I need to talk to you about this, can you hear me out?" I realize that it's easier for others, but I have a really hard time with it.

Like, online, it's a Hell of a lot easier because you're not dealing face-to-face with people who you are familiar with, so it's less intimidating.

[QUOTE=AntiHero3314]I meant to come across as appreciative of your input, but if it doesn't sound like that then I apologize.[/QUOTE]
Aight......haha, I used to......nevermind, my girlfreind used to have a problem with my always givin her cooch a little rub, and she'd get all pissed at me. But I stopped cuz i was like,"What the hell man, I'm an as[I]s[/I]hole....." So that was over after I said I was sorry for it and stopped doin it. just tellin you somethin kinda funny.... here, have a smiley :lol:

[QUOTE=AntiHero3314]Well, let me clarify something. In my humongous story, I wrote that it's not easy for me just to go up to someone and say, "Hey, I need to talk to you about this, can you hear me out?" I realize that it's easier for others, but I have a really hard time with it.

Like, online, it's a Hell of a lot easier because you're not dealing face-to-face with people who you are familiar with, so it's less intimidating.[/QUOTE]
Call her, or give her a letter. Nevermind, I don't think you go to skool anymore.......it doesn't really work the same when you out of skool........

[QUOTE=AntiHero3314]Haha, I think I have a more focused question.

I always say that I'm going to disengage contact, not initiate anything, etc., but I always wind up doing so for reasons I'm not sure of.

I guess my question is, how do I make sure that I don't do that again?

All signs point to a conversation, and that's the last thing I want to do, because I know it'll turn out badly, but I hate having to play e-mail or IM tag over something, so the issue is going to remain unresolved unless I can think of a better method of dealing with it.

///

"For good reasons" alluded to me saying (in my edited-out story) how her girlfriends are the only people in her life (she says) that make her happy in Michigan.[/QUOTE]

Hmmm. It may turn out badly in the idea that it will create unpleasentness at first, but there's no need to play IM or phone tag. Try to actually come face to face with her. I mean, talking it out is the only to truly solve a problem. You can choose to quit, but the bitterness will remain in you whenever you think of her and what went on, and so a good talk, while undesireable, may be what you need.

Sorry for the late response.

Just curious also: I never knew you were asexual before today. Any particular reason? (Some asexual people I know weren't born that way, but they've dealt with pain that leads them to shut down the part of them that is attracted to somebody, for instance, hence creating an asexual attitude.) If that's too personal, you don't have to answer.

Well, I'm in college home on spring break. She goes to a community college and stays home.

I could write her a letter, sure, but then I have to think of the consequences of what she'd do with it. Show it to her girlfriends? That would be humiliating for me.

Calling would probably yield the same result as when we talk online, it gets shut down quickly. It's hard to get her undivided attention because I'm not one of her girlfriends :p

[QUOTE=AntiHero3314]Well, let me clarify something. In my humongous story, I wrote that it's not easy for me just to go up to someone and say, "Hey, I need to talk to you about this, can you hear me out?" I realize that it's easier for others, but I have a really hard time with it.

Like, online, it's a Hell of a lot easier because you're not dealing face-to-face with people who you are familiar with, so it's less intimidating.[/QUOTE]

I hear that also. But I personally feel that working an issue out over the phone or online is rather like asking someone out or proposing to someone over the phone. The body language isn't there and some people aren't so good with controlling their tones of voice, which can cause sarcasm detectors to break down and lead to misapprehensions. In person it may be more awkward and difficult, (god knows it is for me too) but to me it's the only way to communicate a truth to someone.


EDIT: and as you say, calling or online gets shut down with some frequency so why not just go for the gold on this issue?

I hope I'm still helping a little.

[QUOTE=AntiHero3314]Well, I'm in college home on spring break. She goes to a community college and stays home.

I could write her a letter, sure, but then I have to think of the consequences of what she'd do with it. Show it to her girlfriends? That would be humiliating for me.

Calling would probably yield the same result as when we talk online, it gets shut down quickly. It's hard to get her undivided attention because I'm not one of her girlfriends :p[/QUOTE]
Maybe you should go up to her and try the cooch rub? lol just messin with ya, gotta have a good laugh sometimes man......

[QUOTE=AntiHero3314]Note: I originally had a long story in this post, but I edited it out.[/QUOTE]

:angry:

[QUOTE=Disconnection Notice]:angry:[/QUOTE]

Hey man, you were the one who left. :)

Im starting up the new fourm poll its on the 100 Greatest Guitarists. Make sure you guys nominate. :)

[QUOTE=Schyma]Im starting up the new fourm poll its on the 100 Greatest Guitarists. Make sure you guys nominate. :)[/QUOTE]

Did already. But thanks. :)

[QUOTE=Ripper22]Hey man, you were the one who left. :)[/QUOTE]

The AH was dormant.

[QUOTE=Schmya]Im starting up the new fourm poll its on the 100 Greatest Guitarists. Make sure you guys nominate.[/QUOTE]

It's going to end with something horribly anticlimactic like "John Petrucci over Joe Satriani", so I say "fu[size=2]ck it[/size]"

[QUOTE=Ripper22]Hmmm. It may turn out badly in the idea that it will create unpleasentness at first, but there's no need to play IM or phone tag. Try to actually come face to face with her. I mean, talking it out is the only to truly solve a problem. You can choose to quit, but the bitterness will remain in you whenever you think of her and what went on, and so a good talk, while undesireable, may be what you need.

Sorry for the late response.

Just curious also: I never knew you were asexual before today. Any particular reason? (Some asexual people I know weren't born that way, but they've dealt with pain that leads them to shut down the part of them that is attracted to somebody, for instance, hence creating an asexual attitude.) If that's too personal, you don't have to answer.[/QUOTE]

Well, I have to leave back for uni this weekend, so that's going to be out of the picture until I come home for either Easter or when the semester ends... hahaha.

I admittedly use the term "asexual" incorrectly; it's more of the attitude that you described. I mean, one could say that this situation could be one that contributes to that attitude, and they might have a valid point... that I'm not sure of.

But again, I admittedly use the term incorrectly as a joke. I take a lot of heat from some of the regulars here (good-natured ribbing, especially when it came to that ice-skating deal, I'm not sure if you were around for that or not), so I get coined with that... much like Ramsey had that avatar of "MX hXc virgin" before he changed it to the Star Wars theme, and Vince takes a couple shots for wanting to die a virgin. It's immature of me to use that term like so, but it's how I keep those problems I have in a positive light.

In short, I have a pre-conceived notion that I'm a much better boy friend (note the space) to a girl than I would be a boyfriend.

And there's always that dilemma of having two friends date, then something bad happens, and people say, "Oh, they'll just go back to being friends." Yeah, from what I've seen, that doesn't happen ever... so I avoid the whole relationship fiasco to begin with, and try not to get caught up in it.

[QUOTE=Disconnection Notice]The AH was dormant.[/QUOTE]

[color=yellow][b][size=300]I WAS TYPING MY STORY, YOU WERE JUST IMPATIENT![/B][/COLOR][/SIZE]

:angry:

What is "asexual"? When you're not attracted to either sex?

[QUOTE=AntiHero3314][color=yellow][b][size=300]I WAS TYPING MY STORY, YOU WERE JUST IMPATIENT![/B][/COLOR][/SIZE]

:angry:[/QUOTE]

Well, if it took you an hour to write the da[size=2]mn[/size] thing, I guess I should have stuck around.

[QUOTE=Disconnection Notice]Well, if it took you an hour to write the da[size=2]mn[/size] thing, I guess I should have stuck around.[/QUOTE]

You're lucky I saved it to a text document so I can repost it if you want.

[QUOTE=Disconnection Notice]What is "asexual"? When you're not attracted to either sex?[/QUOTE]
I wish I could have a long user title...... :upset:

[QUOTE=AntiHero3314]Well, I have to leave back for uni this weekend, so that's going to be out of the picture until I come home for either Easter or when the semester ends... hahaha.

I admittedly use the term "asexual" incorrectly; it's more of the attitude that you described. I mean, one could say that this situation could be one that contributes to that attitude, and they might have a valid point... that I'm not sure of.

But again, I admittedly use the term incorrectly as a joke. I take a lot of heat from some of the regulars here (good-natured ribbing, especially when it came to that ice-skating deal, I'm not sure if you were around for that or not), so I get coined with that... much like Ramsey had that avatar of "MX hXc virgin" before he changed it to the Star Wars theme, and Vince takes a couple shots for wanting to die a virgin. It's immature of me to use that term like so, but it's how I keep those problems I have in a positive light.

In short, I have a pre-conceived notion that I'm a much better boy friend (note the space) to a girl than I would be a boyfriend.

And there's always that dilemma of having two friends date, then something bad happens, and people say, "Oh, they'll just go back to being friends." Yeah, from what I've seen, that doesn't happen ever... so I avoid the whole relationship fiasco to begin with, and try not to get caught up in it.[/QUOTE]

You won't get heat from me about that. Alas, I was not here for the ice-skating thing. Feel free to fill me in. :) Vince got no **** from me about wanting to die a virgin. It all has to do with a person's experience and opinions. I respect the point you made in the last paragraph of your post, but to be honest the only way to ensure that relationships aren't a fiasco is to practice by being in them. It gets easier to nail what you're looking for the more experience you have. Of course, break-up is a dreadful circumstance that I, who is on my first girlfriend, am quite terrified of. But as I go I become better at dealing with the things that are fiascos.

To DN: asexual means you are not attracted to either sex. This also usually comes with a general ambivalence and/or resistance to the idea of sexual activity--i.e., asexuals may think that sexual activity of any kind, including kissing, is "gross." AH explained that wasn't the precise way he felt, though.

[QUOTE=Ripper22]
To DN: asexual means you are not attracted to either sex. This also usually comes with a general ambivalence and/or resistance to the idea of sexual activity--i.e., asexuals may think that sexual activity of any kind, including kissing, is "gross." AH explained that wasn't the precise way he felt, though.[/QUOTE]

Yeah, I figured as such.

[QUOTE=AntiHero3314][url]http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=224562&page=1087&pp=25[/url]

Post #27157 is my story.

The next thousand pages are people twisting my story and insulting me :upset:

Post #27164 was FF's synopsis that started it all :lol:[/QUOTE]

Bumped for Ripper to read the iceskating story (in a nutshell).