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View Full Version : Do you think parents should be allowed to hit kids?


MxKashmir
11-01-2004, 10:41 PM
do you think it should be legal for parents to hit their children? Not beat, but hit.

Lowend
11-01-2004, 10:43 PM
yeah. kids need a good hitting to teach them they're not invincible. i hate it when i see some 12-15 year old with total control over their parents

unless it's excessive (bruises)

MxKashmir
11-01-2004, 10:45 PM
Yeah, im 16 and I'm scared of my dad sometimes just because he can kick my ass. My mom cant do that so I'm not as intimidated by her. I wish parents couldent hurt there kids though.

Lowend
11-01-2004, 10:46 PM
i use to wait for my dad to hit me so i could just jack him.

MxKashmir
11-01-2004, 10:48 PM
My dads hella bigger than me :upset:

CreepingBlack
11-01-2004, 10:50 PM
Yes. Its that simple.

Joey Hoser
11-01-2004, 10:54 PM
Assault is assault. If you could get charged for something you do to a random person on the street(IE: hit them), you should get charged for doing it to your child as well.

Parenting is about guiding, not controlling.

MxKashmir
11-01-2004, 11:00 PM
Assault is assault. If you could get charged for something you do to a random person on the street(IE: hit them), you should get charged for doing it to your child as well.

Parenting is about guiding, not controlling.

I wish my dad felt the same way

cbiggz5
11-01-2004, 11:01 PM
yes

deeps
11-01-2004, 11:03 PM
Assault is assault. If you could get charged for something you do to a random person on the street(IE: hit them), you should get charged for doing it to your child as well.

Parenting is about guiding, not controlling.
I don't think its that simple, you aren't raising that person on the street. Mind you there are correct ways of doing it (not actually hurting the kid.)

Iscream
11-01-2004, 11:09 PM
Assault is assault. If you could get charged for something you do to a random person on the street(IE: hit them), you should get charged for doing it to your child as well.

Parenting is about guiding, not controlling.


If you do that, i betcha more than anything you will end up on Maury with a ****ed up sexually active theif and drug addict at the age of thirteen.
Smack the shit out of your children, they deserve it./picturefrominternet.
It does suck dick to get strapped or something, but its only gonna help you in the long run. and from another pic i saw somewhere....Have you beat your children today?

Nuke Broadcast
11-01-2004, 11:10 PM
Parenting is about guiding, not controlling.

sometimes they have to guide with a smack or two. i'm all for it.

Ramsey
11-01-2004, 11:29 PM
Assault is assault. If you could get charged for something you do to a random person on the street(IE: hit them), you should get charged for doing it to your child as well.

Parenting is about guiding, not controlling.
Correct.



As I learned in General Psychology, your children grow up to become brats, essentially, if you keep beating and/or shouting at them.


Guidance, not control, my friends.

CreepingBlack
11-01-2004, 11:31 PM
Assault is assault. If you could get charged for something you do to a random person on the street(IE: hit them), you should get charged for doing it to your child as well.

Parenting is about guiding, not controlling.
No. I agree that punching your child in the face and breaking his nose is a little much, but a discipinary slap in the face for backtalking is perfectly legal.

Independent_CA
11-02-2004, 12:01 AM
Yes, at least when they are young, little kids don't listen to the word "stop" or "no". They need a good smack on the arm or a whack or two from the paddle every now and then. Once they grow older it becomes kind of pointless and even degrading to hit them. By the time they are teens, they may actually hit back, so it's inadvisable at that point.

allyouneedis..me
11-02-2004, 01:09 AM
I got hit by my parents when I was little, a lot, it helped me develop a tolerance to
pain and it kept me from growing up to be a pussie. But I don't think I could ever
hit a kid, especially not mine.

CreepingBlack
11-02-2004, 01:11 AM
I got hit by my parents when I was little, a lot, it helped me develop a tolerance to
pain and it kept me from growing up to be a pussie..
i find this part of your post very true, and also very funny.

StreetlightRock
11-02-2004, 02:24 AM
http://maddox.xmission.com/beat.html

DVG.

humph42
11-02-2004, 02:57 AM
It should be more a scare tactic. My parents never hit me hard enough to leave a mark or anything. I just knew that when I'd been hit I'd taken it too far. A lot of people hold there kids hands out and slap there own hands for the scare factor, and that apparantly works simularly.

denboy
11-02-2004, 04:43 AM
No... Hitting your kids should never be legal.
And luckily, it isn't here in Denmark..
So how come our country isn't filled with brats and thieves?

BigBadBooDooDady
11-02-2004, 04:53 AM
It should be up to the parents. People have turned out bad and good from spanking and bad and good not being spanked.

I was spanked, and I'm a "good kid". I have a friend that wasn't, and hes a "good kid".

I do know it now seems that not as many people give their kids a smack when they need one, and there seem to be more kids that are little sarcastic smartasses that don't respect anybody.

deeps
11-02-2004, 08:02 AM
No... Hitting your kids should never be legal.
And luckily, it isn't here in Denmark..
So how come our country isn't filled with brats and thieves?
dude your country has a semi competent economic system and little poverty. Thats why your crime rate is so low.

Scythe404
11-02-2004, 08:05 AM
If you do that, i betcha more than anything you will end up on Maury with a ****ed up sexually active theif and drug addict at the age of thirteen.
Smack the shit out of your children, they deserve it./picturefrominternet.
It does suck dick to get strapped or something, but its only gonna help you in the long run. and from another pic i saw somewhere....Have you beat your children today?

Hey Maddox Fan028, i can guarantee you've never had it happen to you. Maybe there was a time in society where adults were seen as so infallible by children that this could work, but this is no longer the time (although i wish it was, way back then people had respect for elders).

Now, it can be a horrible and damaging experience no matter how nice you try to be about it. Spanking is a different issue, although.

synzephyr
11-02-2004, 08:30 AM
Hitting kids musnt be allowed.

Because what do children learn when being hit?
i have to do what my parents tell me to, because they are stronger.

Thats like teaching them Strength = right

princeIsLoco
11-02-2004, 08:50 AM
If ye don't hit yer kid it'll grow up to be a pansy. They need a toughening up

kalebsden
11-02-2004, 09:01 AM
I think occasionaly children may have to be hit. It is important for them to learn that their actions may have negative consequences, and sometimes words don't cut it, expescillay when it is a serious "no!".

Seeing the difference between children who have been hit and have not been hit, or mouth washed out wit soap etc..I think the children who have had this sor of punishment think a little bit more before they act than those who have to sit in a corner and told what they did was wrong.

While sitting in the corner can be a good punishment for a child who misbehaves, they need to realise that some actions can have quick and firm reactions...and sitting in a corner just gives them more time to cry and pout about having to sit in the corner.

So at times, yes I think children may have to be hit

SufferforSorrow
11-02-2004, 09:30 AM
kids don't listen to no and don't do that, what you have to do is give them a little slap on the wrist to let them know that if they do that, they will be punished. if the slap on the wrist isn't enough, smack that child. they must understand that THAT IS HOW LIFE IS. there are consequences for our actions.

TheseGreenEyes
11-02-2004, 09:33 AM
Parents hitting kids shoudn't be tolerated in any case. What does it teach you when your parents tell you not to get in fights, and that violence is not the answer. Then they hit you and tell you it is the answer becuase it solves their problems. It turns parents (at least mine) into hyprocrites.

Wiggles
11-02-2004, 09:34 AM
Have a 2nd child, then the older one can beat the them for you.

No seriously screw Sweden I should be allowed to hit my own flesh and blood. I've hit my dad and my brother.

princeIsLoco
11-02-2004, 09:36 AM
Parents hitting kids shoudn't be tolerated in any case. What does it teach you when your parents tell you not to get in fights, and that violence is not the answer. Then they hit you and tell you it is the answer becuase it solves their problems. It turns parents (at least mine) into hyprocrites.

But violence is the answer you pacifist hippy. The 1917 revolution could not have happened any other way.

TheseGreenEyes
11-02-2004, 10:04 AM
Hrmm, i'm saying that violence isnt the answer regarding kids, it just creates a greater problems down the line. But explain about the 1917 revoloution I haven't heard of it.

chips88
11-02-2004, 12:26 PM
Hitting kids musnt be allowed.

Because what do children learn when being hit?
i have to do what my parents tell me to, because they are stronger.

Thats like teaching them Strength = right

no, its a cause and effect situation.you're thinking about it all the wrong way. the intention is, i took a cookie when my mom told me not to, or i called my mom an idiot, i got spanked or hit or thumped, therefore, i will never do it again, because i do not like getting spanked. but if the parent does it for no good reason, i.e. they are in a bad mood or something, that is irresponsible and a misuse of their powers

Joey Hoser
11-02-2004, 12:33 PM
Hitting your kids to teach them right from wrong is a terrible way to raise a child. Sure, it may keep them from doing something bad, but out of fear, and not out of an understanding as to why what they are doing is wrong.

Say your child stole something. Hurting them only teaches them that if they steal, they will get hurt, and not actually what's wrong with what they are doing. Wouldn't it make more sense to teach your child why their behavior is wrong, and how it's better for everyone if he/she refrains from that activity, rather than just scaring them away from it?

princeIsLoco
11-02-2004, 12:38 PM
Say your child stole something. Hurting them only teaches them that if they steal, they will get hurt, and not actually what's wrong with what they are doing. Wouldn't it make more sense to teach your child why their behavior is wrong, and how it's better for everyone if he/she refrains from that activity, rather than just scaring them away from it?

So, it is fear which prevents people from wrongdoing. Why not kill/steal? Fear of going to jail. Why not kick ye teacher/boss in the nuts? Fear of being fired/expelled. Everything is out of fear you tit.
If I was a kid and I'd stole something and me parents gave me some warm fuzzy talk about how it is wrong, I'd be back stealing the next day coz I've nothing to fear.

Joey Hoser
11-02-2004, 12:42 PM
So, it is fear which prevents people from wrongdoing. Why not kill/steal? Fear of going to jail. Why not kick ye teacher/boss in the nuts? Fear of being fired/expelled. Everything is out of fear you tit.


Actually, I don't kill people or steal because I believe they are wrong, not merely because I'd go to jail. I think you need some help if you that's the only thing stopping you from murdering someone.

If I was a kid and I'd stole something and me parents gave me some warm fuzzy talk about how it is wrong, I'd be back stealing the next day coz I've nothing to fear.


No, you'd be back to stealing cause you're a jackass who doesn't care for the lives or property of others.

PerpetualBurn
11-02-2004, 12:48 PM
There seem to be people here who seem to think that you can treat a child in the same way as an adult and get the same reaction. You can't reason with a 5 year old, they don't have the capability.
As a child I was smacked twice, at least that's what I'm told, I don't even remember.
One time I pulled my sister's hair and she cried, so in the middle of Tesco's supermarket she gave me a smack. This was something that hadn't happened before, something shocking and scary. I didn't pull my sister's hair again.
It wouldn't have been possible to calmly discuss with me how and why my actions could be perceived as bad. Kids aren't that smart.
No one is suggesting that we allow parents to beat the hell out of their kids but how on Earth can you suggest that we live in a world where my Mother, standing just over 5ft could possibly be charged with assaulting a child.
It's ludicrous to suggest that a slight smack, normally more effective for its shock value rather than the pain it causes, should be illegal.

ATC
11-02-2004, 01:19 PM
It should be up to the parents. People have turned out bad and good from spanking and bad and good not being spanked.

I was spanked, and I'm a "good kid". I have a friend that wasn't, and hes a "good kid".

I do know it now seems that not as many people give their kids a smack when they need one, and there seem to be more kids that are little sarcastic smartasses that don't respect anybody.

123.

kids need to learn civility. if spanking helps, then thats cool. if it doesnt in that childs case, then dont. long as the kid's not scarred or hurt beyond the superficial.

SuperGirl
11-02-2004, 02:18 PM
Negative reinforcement is not the way to go. You can only keep that up for so long when theyre a kid, but what when they turn into teenagers? Spanking them won't do much, the only way negative reinforcment will continue to work with them is to increase them. By the time theyre teenagers youde have to beat them to keep then in line, because spanking them wont keep them under control and thats the only way they know the difference between right and wrong.

So why not start teaching them right/wrong at a young age in a way that you can continue to enforce when theyre teenagers. Reward for something done well, and being sure they know when youre displeased. Even yelling at them is ok, but you shouldn't be able to lay a hand on your child.

ATC
11-02-2004, 02:29 PM
if you think telling every kid to go to his corner will work, youre mistaken.
if you are able to use light spankings or any other means to teach and instil a set of values in kids, you will not need to beat them as teenagers.
it is not to primarily instil fear.

Ruth
11-02-2004, 03:14 PM
Assault is assault. If you could get charged for something you do to a random person on the street(IE: hit them), you should get charged for doing it to your child as well.

Parenting is about guiding, not controlling.

Totally correct, at least in Canada. Our Criminal Code says it's only okay to spank the butt. Even then, last year it was put to a parliamentary vote about whether to criminalize spanking the butt -- the vote resulted with the butt, without bruising, is still okay. If it is reported (by a neighbour, a teacher, especially the kid him/herself) that someone is hitting a minor anywhere else, then a social worker from the Ministry of Families steps in, and hauls away the kid to a halfway house and then a foster family while the Ministry inspects the parents. This inspection often lasts a whole year. After the inspection, even if the parents were deemed not guilty, Ministry social workers continue to regularly inspect the kid's family -- and arrange to have his/her teachers keep an inspecting eye on the kid at school.

Hitting a kid means an inability to communicate verbally. This is not the kid's flaw -- it's the parents' flaw. The Ministries of Family as well as Education regularly offer parenting courses specifically to help parents with skills more effective than choosing assault.

Still, even the most skilled and educated parents can have a kid who has such deep emotional and psychological problems for which most parents are not trained. In Canada, psychiatric therapy is free by getting a referral from the family doctor. Speaking from experience, child psychiatrists can literally save a child's life, by having the training to listen to and sort out an avalanche of emotions.

Canada went through a bit of a renaissance in the 1970s with the welfare of the child, especially when the United Nations declared a Year of the Child. If a child asks the principal of his or her school for a private meeting, and in that meeting s/he tells the principal that he or she desperately needs help, the principal has to round up services immediately for that kid, or else, according to the Canada's Criminal Code, the principal herself can be arrested -- and is.

The long dark eons when it was acceptable to assault the child -- and the mother -- are at last over. It is NEVER acceptable to assault a child. If you are a minor, and you're being hit anywhere on your body besides the butt, head over to the governmental department equivalent to the Ministry of Families, or Child Welfare, or however your state calls it. Tell them you are "desperately afraid" and sick and tired of being hit. Tell them you want action against whoever is doing it to you -- or a foster home. You can state who you want to live with temporarily, like a relative or the parents of a friend. If nothing is done -- if you are simply ignored and put back with the assaulting parent, head over to the offices of your local newspaper. Tell them you have a story they might be interested in -- that you are a minor who, rather than be a runaway on the streets, chose to follow the correct route of seeking aid at the Child Welfare office, only to have nothing done and be sent back to your parents.

There is a further idea to try (but rarely would it work in Canada). Go to a lawyer at the Legal Aid office, and demand to sue either the Child Welfare office or your parents. From age 12 you have a right to your own legal representation -- at no cost, paid for by the state.

When I was 19 I was badly beaten up by my deranged mother and older brother. I had them charged with assault and battery and brought them to Family Court. That was my mistake. Being Family Court, the judge simply gave everybody heck and threw us all out. Since I was 19 and an adult, I could have brought them to Provincial Criminal Court. I would have won, and my mom and brother would have been jailed. I looked at it like this: since it was only Family Court, I was giving my family fair warning to stay the hell away from me: or else next time it would indeed be Provincial Criminal Court.

The warning worked. That was in 1975. It took twenty years for apologies to be properly made. We're all on friendly terms now.

But my mom had been beating me all over the body with her fists, with 2 by 4 posts, with iron, since I was 8 years old. I put up with her crap for eleven more years before I finally took her to court. Forty years later I am still getting psychiatric treatment for the emotional damage done by the beatings.

We get over the physical beatings quickly; it's damage from the emotional and verbal abuse that can last for decades to come.

If you're being hit, for chrissakes take action. You do not have to be hit.

Ruth.

Ruth
11-02-2004, 03:31 PM
But violence is the answer you pacifist hippy. The 1917 revolution could not have happened any other way.

*g*

Wasn't the October Revolution bloodless?

Joe Average
11-02-2004, 03:31 PM
Well, a friend of mine who works with kids that got mistreated by their parents once told me that a child can get mental problems after being hit on the head even once, so you shouldn't go as far as hitting your children I think.
My mon always hold my arm really hard when I missbehaved however, which hurt and made me behave.
I think you should do that or something similar when your kid behaves absolutely inaproppriate, he should learn that you don't do certain things.

Iai
11-02-2004, 03:56 PM
My view on this is that children should not be protected from the consequences of their actions. This includes smacking children - this, as far as I am concerned, is just portecting them from the real consequences they would face in the wider world.

Say it's something as simple as a child refusing to go to bed. Fine. Let them stay up. Next day, drag them to school, and let them suffer the effects of not sleeping. That's the only way you'll really make them see WHY they should sleep. They should realise the answer is 'Because it's good for me'. Not because 'Daddy will hit me if I don't.'

On that note, I'm going to bed.

grifterdan
11-02-2004, 04:10 PM
yes, but only only if they use a stick no wider than their thumb. no wait, thats for women...

:D

NakedRaygun872
11-02-2004, 04:12 PM
Assault is assault. If you could get charged for something you do to a random person on the street(IE: hit them), you should get charged for doing it to your child as well.

Parenting is about guiding, not controlling.
Telling your kid to "Stand in the corner" isn't going to stop them from mouthing off, as long as you don't give them a bloody nose or anything to that extreme it's ok.

Either way the kid will learn from "hitting" if they got out of hand at school and decided to hit a kid he'll learn that after a while the kid will turn around one day with a bat.

Joey Hoser
11-02-2004, 04:16 PM
Telling your kid to "Stand in the corner" isn't going to stop them from mouthing off, as long as you don't give them a bloody nose or anything to that extreme it's ok.

What are you talking about "stand in the corner"? Explain to them that mouthing off offends people and makes you look bad. If they do it again, mouth off to them, hard. Show them the consequences of what they are doing. Hitting them just makes them fear you. It doesn't teach consequences of mouthing off.

Nra4ever_17
11-02-2004, 04:17 PM
Negative reinforcement doesn't work. Both my parents are trained psychologists: both agree.

NakedRaygun872
11-02-2004, 04:26 PM
What are you talking about "stand in the corner"? Explain to them that mouthing off offends people and makes you look bad. If they do it again, mouth off to them, hard. Show them the consequences of what they are doing. Hitting them just makes them fear you. It doesn't teach consequences of mouthing off.
K....What if your kid is going around beating the crap out of his peers in school? Do you beat the crap out of them, hard?
I was raised under a belt while I do not agree with this I believe that some physical punsihment is understandable.
I'm not trying to start a flame war or anything...I just want to know your opinions because reasoning is the best way to learn. Maybe I've watched too many "My 13 yr old beats me" Jerry Springer shows.

Missouri_Kid
11-02-2004, 04:28 PM
It should be more a scare tactic. My parents never hit me hard enough to leave a mark or anything. I just knew that when I'd been hit I'd taken it too far.

Thats what my parents did. I'm 13 now, and everyone says I'm very nice and considerate and stuff, and I think thats partly from my parents hitting me, even though it wasn't very hard, just hard enough so that I knew I screwed up and that I shouldn't do it again.

AmericanWeiner
11-02-2004, 04:29 PM
Screw hitting kids, tie them to the ceiling fan by their ears.


Ok...that's probably going a little too far. I think it's probably something that'll come up between me and my [whoever] when we start thinkin about kids.

There are worse things you can do to a child than hit them. Hearing your mom tell you she hates you, even out of anger, is a pretty traumatic thing. :\ And I'm one of the nicest people I know...

Joey Hoser
11-02-2004, 04:31 PM
K....What if your kid is going around beating the crap out of his peers in school? Do you beat the crap out of them, hard?

Perhaps my example made little sense. I wasn't taking the eye for an eye stance, I was just saying how one should show or tell their child of the consequences of their behavior.

I'm not trying to start a flame war or anything...I just want to know your opinions because reasoning is the best way to learn.

Ummm... I'm confused. That is my opinion.

CreepingBlack
11-02-2004, 04:45 PM
Negative reinforcement doesn't work. Both my parents are trained psychologists: both agree.
many psychologists disagree on different issues. When i used to be a young kid, getting spanked scared the **** outta me. It really made me a lot more tolerable.
But as i've said before, punching your child is definitely wrong, and teaches poor values. Smacking is alright though. I see it as a warning, not a way to take out aggression.

Iscream
11-02-2004, 07:12 PM
Hitting your kids to teach them right from wrong is a terrible way to raise a child. Sure, it may keep them from doing something bad, but out of fear, and not out of an understanding as to why what they are doing is wrong.

Say your child stole something. Hurting them only teaches them that if they steal, they will get hurt, and not actually what's wrong with what they are doing. Wouldn't it make more sense to teach your child why their behavior is wrong, and how it's better for everyone if he/she refrains from that activity, rather than just scaring them away from it?

Dont be daft, if your child stole something, he knows what he did was wrong. Unless they are like, three and walk out of the toy asile with a bunny or something. So if your kid decides to ignore what he knows is right and does something wrong....go ahead and hit him.

SuperGirl
11-02-2004, 08:40 PM
Dont be daft, if your child stole something, he knows what he did was wrong. Unless they are like, three and walk out of the toy asile with a bunny or something. So if your kid decides to ignore what he knows is right and does something wrong....go ahead and hit him.


And you dont think a child growing up with violence will cause him to become violent? If he is taught that hitting is how conflicts or problems are solved them what do you gonna think its gonna happen if one of his peers takes something from him? The kids gonna get into a fight.

Not to mention the mental effects or a child getting hit. A lot of children who are abused end up going to therapy and having all kinds of mental disorders.

deeps
11-02-2004, 08:44 PM
And you dont think a child growing up with violence will cause him to become violent? If he is taught that hitting is how conflicts or problems are solved them what do you gonna think its gonna happen if one of his peers takes something from him? The kids gonna get into a fight.

Not to mention the mental effects or a child getting hit. A lot of children who are abused end up going to therapy and having all kinds of mental disorders.
Cite reliable sources when painting with a broad brush. Plus I have never been in a fight. Not once. I am the biggest pacifist you will ever meet. I still think kids need to get hit ocasionally.

Edit: Please note that none of the studies put up in the last spanking thread factored income level, overall parenting quality, local pollution rates or education quality when deternining these trends (mental disorders, violent tendancies). It was:

spanked kid => violent sex offender with sexually deviant tendancies.

Independent_CA
11-02-2004, 08:44 PM
And you dont think a child growing up with violence will cause him to become violent? If he is taught that hitting is how conflicts or problems are solved them what do you gonna think its gonna happen if one of his peers takes something from him? The kids gonna get into a fight.

Not to mention the mental effects or a child getting hit. A lot of children who are abused end up going to therapy and having all kinds of mental disorders.
True, but I don't think a spanking or a slap on the hand or arm constitutes the kind of violence you're talking about.

Why does it point left?
11-02-2004, 08:49 PM
And you dont think a child growing up with violence will cause him to become violent? If he is taught that hitting is how conflicts or problems are solved them what do you gonna think its gonna happen if one of his peers takes something from him? The kids gonna get into a fight.

Not to mention the mental effects or a child getting hit. A lot of children who are abused end up going to therapy and having all kinds of mental disorders.


my parents spanked me throughout my childhood, with belts and the like. my dad used to jerk my arm out of socket. am i violent? hell no. its the only way to teach a child that they cant do anything they want.

The Haitian
11-03-2004, 12:03 AM
YES!

I mean parents have disciplined their kids for generation after generation with spankings or belt or whatever. Then some tard comes along and decides its not the parents place to discipline their children the way they see fit. and people wonder why this new generation is a bunch of pricks that walk all over their parents. geez take em out to the shed and whip their ***.

The Haitian
11-03-2004, 12:05 AM
And you dont think a child growing up with violence will cause him to become violent? If he is taught that hitting is how conflicts or problems are solved them what do you gonna think its gonna happen if one of his peers takes something from him? The kids gonna get into a fight.

Not to mention the mental effects or a child getting hit. A lot of children who are abused end up going to therapy and having all kinds of mental disorders.
thats bs. my parents spanked me. I don't do anything like that. the only bad effects from spanking are when kids arent spanked. they think they can do whatever the hell they want. timeout doesn't work people

parents have spanked / belted their kids generation after generation but yet none of them have gone on their angry sprees getting in fights with everyone. bleh rediculous argument you have..

allyouneedis..me
11-03-2004, 03:22 AM
hitting a child teaches him fear. My mom would habitually hit or spank me,
and I have two siblings who grew up the same way. My dad never hit me,
he'd always try to reason. As I got older I would always disrespect my mom
without consequence cause I no longer feared her, then one day after
a big argument I realized what an a-hole I was being to her and that I didn't
respect her. I apoligized to her and I never treated her wrongly again.
Children should be taught to respect their parents, not to fear them.
I see the way my brother and sister treat my mom every day, I see all the
lying and and the disobedience and the back talking and it makes me sad.
I always try to tell them how wrong it is the way they treat my mom
and I hope one day they will see the error in their ways. It's a lot easier
to teach fear than to earn respect, hitting a child is taking the easy way
out, but it has its consequences.

sketchyjoe
11-03-2004, 09:19 AM
many psychologists disagree on different issues. When i used to be a young kid, getting spanked scared the **** outta me. It really made me a lot more tolerable.
But as i've said before, punching your child is definitely wrong, and teaches poor values. Smacking is alright though. I see it as a warning, not a way to take out aggression.
I agree. What annoys me is those smug parents who say "We discuss it with our children like with an adult" A child is not an adult. They are often unreasnable, illogical and unable to see what they did wrong (granted this applies to many adults) a smack will make a child think about what it was that made them get smacked. It's a sad fact that abused children often blame themselves for their abuse but this is what makes smacking work. The children remember the smack and try to avoid whatever caused it just as dogs do in the same situation. Smacking will work if you tell the child what it wrong so it understands not to do it again.

Cipher Hour
11-03-2004, 10:25 AM
hitting a child teaches him fear. My mom would habitually hit or spank me,
and I have two siblings who grew up the same way. My dad never hit me,
he'd always try to reason. As I got older I would always disrespect my mom
without consequence cause I no longer feared her, then one day after
a big argument I realized what an a-hole I was being to her and that I didn't
respect her. I apoligized to her and I never treated her wrongly again.
Children should be taught to respect their parents, not to fear them.
I see the way my brother and sister treat my mom every day, I see all the
lying and and the disobedience and the back talking and it makes me sad.
I always try to tell them how wrong it is the way they treat my mom
and I hope one day they will see the error in their ways. It's a lot easier
to teach fear than to earn respect, hitting a child is taking the easy way
out, but it has its consequences.

I agree totally. I used to get hit by my Dad as a child and it taught me fear (as well as lowered my self-esteem quite significantly). It taught me fear and I went out of my way for a long time to avoid conflict with him (trying my hardest not to give him a reason to get angry). It didn't mean I respected him, hell I ****ing HATED my Dad and I spent my childhood wishing in the back of my mind to stab him in the face and bury his body in the backyard. As I grew older I got bigger and I got less and less scared of him (but the anger I felt toward him never changed). I respected my mother alot however because she never raised a hand against me (she'd discipline me with reason) and I respected that a lot more then I did my father's hateful "fear" tactic.

Looking back on the whole thing...my relationship with my father has never fully mended. He found out through my mother how I felt about him (I had a great open line of communication with her rather then the silence I entered whenever my father was around) and he swallowed his pride and tried to mend things. We went to counseling...it helped that he got his anger under check but like I said...our relationship has never fully mended. Respect in the end is something completely different then being controlled by fear.

Of course I'm talking about hitting and not just a smack on the bum.