Good review! Small typo here: melodies that are melodic and those that are

I get a feeling I'll like this quite a lot, but that's largely based on how much I enjoy the performance that you also concede to liking (plus I liked the single with the simply whacko Monty python animation video)

butt I think the point illustrated is that their competence doesn't translate into compelling performances/recordings/songs. Lifeless wank v P A S S I O N etc

Album Rating: 5.0

"It’s like watching the Mos Eisley cantina band jerking off to Tera Melos for half an hour"



Be right back, got to check something on pornhub real quick.

Album Rating: 4.0

There are a lot of bands where I feel exactly that way Milo. This admittedly approaches lifeless wankery occasionally, but it always circles back with something soulful and artistic before it crosses that threshold. Everyone can decide for themselves of course. I found this to be the best album yet of whatever we're calling this new wave of UK post punk (windmill or whatever, I'm not going to pretend to be an expert haha).

Nice, I've been vibing with a few of your rates lately, so that's a good sign. I liked schlagenheim (didn't love it) so kind of expecting this to be the moment that black midi carry me over the threshold.
Windmills aside, imagine how joyless life without masturbation would be

Album Rating: 4.0

Much prefer this over Schlagenheim, glad the annoying voice of bmbmbm is gone

Album Rating: 2.9 | Sound Off

but how will I know if she moves wit a porrrpose??!!!

Album Rating: 2.5

lol yeah bmbmbm is a goofy af song

bmbmbm rules

Album Rating: 2.0

its not great but somehow better than basically anything on here



slow is pretty alright though

Album Rating: 2.5

"And without being proficient in music theory - like most listeners - I basically interpret this sentence to mean “these guys are so talented and the tracks are so well-arranged that I don’t like it”."

album rarely rises above the theory and is fiercely exhibitionist about its contents although the presentation is often quite dull.

7th arps in Slow and free jazz harms in the opener are particularly obvious parts that peeps can recognise without theory knowledge - the band take a somewhat irregular idea by the standards of popular rock music and milk it for as much xxxperimental cred as poss by repeating it in exactly the same way as a basic bitch BIG RIFF. the songwriting and structure etc are functional, but this feels very shallow and very novelty-driven to me. it's like we're being presented with concertedly 'innovative' ideas which, heavens be praised, can now be consumed as easily and casually as a kid's first fairground ride. "this music is difficult/WEIRD but dw we made it gratifying for you" is kinda the mood - comes off as overbearingly obvious and more than a little obnoxious, and that impression is much stronger than how much I enjoy/don't enjoy those sections individually, but it helps that they don't make for particularly good riffs to begin with

tl;dr it is lame that the band use good songwriting chops to shoehorn gratuitous theory exercises into the most prominent slots of their tracks//said shoehorning feels overt enough that it's probs fair to call it Wank. also what milo said

Didn't get the hype for Schlong or whatever it's called but I'll probably still check this

she moves with a purpose

Album Rating: 1.0

oh wow this is a band ok i honestly assumed it was SoundCloud rap or something adjacent

Album Rating: 4.0

Oh fucking boy, I can't WAIT to hear another fucking Britbong reciting his shitty ironic Reddit Keanu Reeves meme poetry over masturbatory elevator jazz instrumentals for like 10 minutes until the song bursts into cacophonous noise at which point RYM [redacted]s will cream their mom's panties because ZOMG SO ABRASIVE I CAN'T WAIT FOR FAT VEGAN FUCK MAN TO GIVE THIS 10/10 AND MY FAVORITE INSTAGRAM /MU/CORE MEME PAGES ARE GOING TO CREATE FUNNY MAYMAYS ABOUT IT. One of these days, some deranged Fall fanboy is going to shoot up a Black Midi/BCNR/Squid concert and I'm just going to be sitting in the background eating popcorn and grinning like Michael Jackson while the soi-infused guts of hipsters splatter everywhere and their high-pitched shrieks fill the room. I don't know who the fuck invented this substyle of post-punk but whoever did needs a swift kick in the balls (if they even have them) and/or a saxophone shoved up their ass. These "Windmill scene" bands like the Powerpuff girls of rock, except they're made of estrogen, shitty Mark E Smith impressions, and nepotism. Shut the fuck up and listen to King Crimson, all of you

Album Rating: 2.5

based

Album Rating: 4.0

Hi everyone Anthony "Fuck" Mantano here, the internet's fattest vegan critic

cmon teletubby teleport us to mars

Album Rating: 3.0

Album Rating: 2.0

yowi what is this pasta