Yes I had my old review deleted by request. Instead of having the introduction to the current one a multi sentence rant making fun of myself, allow to be perfectly blunt and blatantly tell you what I was clueless of before; HORSE The Band is a joke.
Indeed, I missed the memo as clearly this album or the band itself was not meant to be taken seriously what so ever. As you can see that can play a major point in understanding the group. So the point of having an overly critical review on it is pretty much defines pointless. This was my first time hearing HORSE on record as I previously heard them at Sounds of the Underground over summer. Here the group pounds the point in that inspiration can come from quite the variety of sources. To be more specific, the brief collaboration of songs here all focus on Pizza. Not that the title
Pizza EP was obvious enough. But being as serious as I can, this album will certainly leave one cracking up, utterly confused, deeply saddened, or maybe even a mixture of the three. I know you’re already intrigued…
Ever made retarded home movies one night? You know when you are editing them and slow down someone talking to half speed to the point where they sound simply retarded? Well that is how
Anti-Pizza beings before the keyboard dominating sound kicks in. Right away something is discovered, the group obviously didn’t put much into the production or mix. Not really a surprise since this is a joke and not even a full length, but at times the mix is just extremely shoddy. Than again how effective would a joke record be with crystal clear production? The opening song itself shifts into many different sections, mainly being dominated by a loud keyboard, yelling vocals, and pounding drums for the first half. The second half is a bit of a spin, as things slow down a bit and a new atmosphere comes into play. Both the guitarist and the keyboard play some cool stuff together with their work sounding interesting fused together. The final minute of the song contains more keyboard and guitar riffing sections with some soft spoken vocals over them. It is a very trippy way to end to the song.
The group continues to confess love in
Crippled By Pizza. Here the intro is very digable as the keyboard riff creates an interesting sound. Sometimes the keyboard is so high in the mix it takes the role of second guitar. Vocal lines like
“So delicious pizza’s powerful taste” make one believe that the group got royalties from Domino’s as opposed to their record label. Ok maybe not, but at least it makes me hungry. The song works in reverse fashion of the previous tune as it ends up speeding up. However, the highlight of the song by far is the outro. I swear it must be a Mario sampler or something, but the ending keyboard and drum section is so strange and funky it is guaranteed to make one laugh, for better or for worse.
A bit of a dark side is shown as
Werepizza features some eerie melodies. The vocals themselves are very creepy during the first few minutes of the song. For the most part the first third or so of the song is at a very slow pace. Thing do end up picking up but the dark atmosphere reigns supreme. Do you think they like supreme pizzas? After a long pause there is a sweet solo. It sounds like bass covered in wah or overdrive but a ridiculously fuzzy tone is present. Sounds pretty spiffy overall as it does standout amongst the rest of the record. The typical sound returns during
Pizza Nif. Its keyboard intro sets a slow pace which only is overtaken by a rapid blast beat section. The P-I-Z-Z-A chant is just downright hilarious during the speedy section of the song. They “want it right now” according to the lyrics. Are they talking about pizza or poon? I’ll give you two guesses but you’ll only need one. Later on there is another chant which sounds like it could have been ripped out of Blitzkrieg Bop.
“It’s a hot fresh slice it’s the night of my life,” is the chant over the drum section. A breakdown follows it up, and despite the hate usually associated with breakdowns, when the subject is about pizza how can negative feelings result? A great drum emphasized section with plenty of nice rolls ends the song. It’s odd how members of the group definitely have talent, despite their relaxed and joking take on music.
One could not ask for a better closer, cause honestly if you don’t like
T.M.N.T. you need to GTFO! Ok maybe not, but seriously we all had a turtle phase right? That aside this song proves that members of the group do have some talent in regard to their instruments. There is a nicely executed guitar solo present here which is probably the only redeeming thing guitar wise on the record due to the lack of production. Aside from that the overall song’s poppy nature will make one want to jump around and get pizza and stuff. The pace of the song is very upbeat and joyful sounding for the most part. There is also a wonderful rip from the show or movie. The hilariousness follows the solo,
“A turtle’s gotta do what a turtles gotta do… please Michelangelo don’t go for pizza” After yelling turtle power, a breakdown arises ending one strange and interesting album with the group showing how down they are with the turtles.
Don’t take this album seriously, it will suck. Trust me I know from experience. If you can’t put it out of your mind or are in an all work, no play mindset I would not recommend you putting this into a music player of any sorts. However, if you want a fairly humorous album and/or some pizza give this a spin. The only downside to that is it makes the record practically hit or miss depending on the mood of a listener. Regardless of all that, there certainly is not anyone in the music industry I know enough about to even begin to compare HORSE to. They are completely diverse for better or for worse, but than again you already know that. I mean how out of your mind do you have to be to write 5 songs in regards to pizza? So the next time you are in the presence of HORSE at a show, don’t throw just plain tomatoes at them. Rather have the common courtesy to include cheese, dough, an oven and possibly some pepperoni.
While eating pizza: 3.5
While being excessively serious: 2
Overall Pizza EP deserves a strong 2.5
