Review Summary: Kevin Federline's middle name is Earl, isn't that great? Oh yeah this album is a waste of a listen and may make you want to give up listening to music.27 of 27 thought this review was well written
This is going to be the worst review in the world. I would think differently, but there is no way that a review of a backup dancers rap album can tell you anything you don't already know about this album, the creator of it, or the reason why he is in a position to have made it. Just to rehash, lets go over the basic facts:
1. Kevin Federline is a backup dancer who has danced for Britney Spears, Justin Timberlake, and others.
2. Mr. Federline has since dated, impregnated twice, and married Ms. Spears which has boosted him from a nobody to being the self proclaimed "America's Most Hated" (It was 8 days after the release of this that Britney decided to divorce him, maybe she listened to the whole thing)
3. Playing With Fire
is his debut, and hopefully his final album which contains lame beats, worse lyrics, and at the end you'll realize the 50 minutes you just spent listening to this garbage will never be replaced.
Ouch, a little rough? Maybe he should be given a break, No, there is no break for someone who has not only the audacity for thinking he has the right to record this and release it for people to pay for it, but hearing the name "Federline Records" and realizing that was the label to spring these songs free really does make them worse. It all begins with looking at the cover really, it shows Kevin seemingly in control but still managing to look like a poor man's Justin Timberlake. Of course the picture could be taken before he realized how much this album would really sell, and how many people would be attending his concerts. Let's take a look, debuting at #151 on the Billboard charts selling 6,000 copies its first week and playing to as few as 300 people would be a new band's dream, but coming from someone who made a song with tie title "The World Is Mine" seems a little lacking. The weak album and ticket sales could be a sign that people don't buy this, and especially wouldn't buy the album. Good for them.
Usually for my reviews I cover about 3-4 songs, but since this is so god awful, I will not listen to this just to say how much 3 or 4 songs sucked, that's right Sputnik, you're getting half of it, because honestly it can cover for the entire album, trust me.
With all his faults, at least Federlne knows that an album begins with an Intro
and so here we go. It begins oddly enough, with the clamoring of children, what are they crying for? To hear a story from a character known as "grandpa". The voices lap over each other until the unite with a "Grandpa, can you tell us a story when you were young?". This gets responded with a chuckle, yes the grandfather is none other than Mr. Federline, finding more and more ways to annoy people buy taking on more false roles everyday. The second half of this introduction is a bit of relief, we have to hear "Kevin Federline" being repeated by the many media broadcasts this recording was made from, each speaking of Kevin's questionable abilities to be a father, husband, and rapper. At least we don't have to hear him talk about himself anymore, we can save that for the rest of the entire album. Meaningless noises end this short beginning, and we are lead from the pointless and dull to the...rest of K-Fed's album (there is no other worse phrase I could come up with).
Light electronic textures begin The World Is Mine
, a piece which gets the message across that everything "belong to [him]/every cranny and nook/every rock every bird/every animal in it"
. Not one to humble himself, Federline spits similar sounding ramble for the remaining 3 minutes on top of a looping drum beat being backed up by a steel drum sample. Nearing the end of the song, the drum tempo picks up and so do the repeating keys, leading us out of room 2 and into room 3 or "Kevin Federline's House of Horror" (not official title of album). While we're on the subject of that steel drum sample, how much of a coincidence is it that Paris Hilton received the same treatment for her single? Maybe they should have children, and maybe these children should make records (or make a career out of being looked at, just like their parents).
Alright so we have established that Kevin owns everything and everyone, how many more messages do we have to ear or things do we have to learn? America's Most Hated
begins with a sound Federline is surely familiar with, police sirens. Now we're sure to hear more fake beats being looped ri-...wait what's this? Piano? a sign of changes to the tender and real sign of this misunderstood MC perhaps? "Waitress, can I have another drink please? I'd like to formally introduce myself..."
and so begins our regularly scheduled Kevin Federline number with those fake beats dropping down and being the backdrop to Kevin's weak rapping. Right there is one of his main problems, besides being Kevin Federline, the main problem with the music is his delivery. One for being subject to being called slow and not keeping up with the slowest of beats while still calling this stuff rap, K-Fed shows clear signs he lacks the fire to be a proper MC. Of course maybe fast beats and hard licks aren't his thing, maybe resorting to "I'm Kevin Federline, America's Most Hated"
as a chorus is his only resort to being noteworthy besides his (ex)wife. Bad lyrics do not even begin to describe this song, laughable is a better term for it. "...but it's OK, I got somethin' for ya/handin' out ass kickings like diplomas..."
lines such as that really make you wonder if this was recorded with the intention of real people hearing it and not getting an unintentional humor kick out of it. Since this is being examined under the idea that this is actually real and not a joke track, it fares not well.
Sounding more like an actual rap single and less like mindless boasting is Snap
, which puts the disguise of being a legitimate song about snapping and its ability to relate to everyone who isn't K-Fed alive, until about 30 seconds into it when the man finds another reason to refer to himself. "I don;t say shit I just snap fingers/Kev Federline and I pull better dimes/cause Benjamin Franklin is a good friend of mine"
. What is noteworthy and different than the rest of the the work thus far is that the dull drum beats have been replaced by a dull electronic pulse which eventually drops off to let us hear the lyrics. 4 tracks down and so far sounding hopelessly uninspired and self absorbed, maybe the single will do better.
And so we march on to the single, Lost Control
, which was considered good enough to ring K-Fed to the Kid's Choice Awards and play it for them. What begin with a promising alive real piano melody and the thought that maybe he has hit his stride, our hopes to salvage something is dashed when the bombastic and moronic line of "This is that hip hop flavor/mixed with a little bit of rock and roll"
is spoken, in complete seriousness. Just as it was being made to be heard exclusively and to be a false preview of thePlaying with Fire
, the mainstream would take kind to this and buy into the entire thing due to the actually not bad piano that comes in following each verse, but when some of these lines really are Don't Hate cause I'm a superstar/And I married a superstar/and no one will come between us no matter who you are"
, it really makes you wonder what the success of this track would be if it were reduced to an instrumental.
Guest spots are about to flood the work, and it begins with Dance With a Pimp
featuring Ya Boy and really it just starts to sound like the same message being conveyed in slightly different manners. "K-Fed I'm the pimp of all pimps/the mack of all macks...
and so continue the "lyrics" (which will henceforth be known as "drivel") with the ongoing theme of self promotion. Remaining the highlight of the album, the beats are the only thing incurring any change, and while they do not go up in quality, the rather shift over sideways to signify change, but not progression. Change and not progression might as well be the real theme of this work, as not only would it replace the existing theme of "Kevin Federline", it would be more honest to its listeners, and not require them to listen to it to figure it out.
Minor drugs, privilege, peoples time. So many things are abused in one swift strike it gives K-Fed some sort of thing to be proud of. While each song was not covered, you can get the idea from half of it, and everything you need to appreciate this is there. Want bad lyrics? try every song on this album. Want a vocal highlight? Gotta give it to Britney's appearance on the album, saying "crazy" is just enough to win it. Good beats? Try Lose Myself which obviously was paid the most attention to in the making of this album. The biggest and best song on here is Intro
which gets that title for being under a minute, and not being every other song on here.