Review Summary: I wish most metalcore sounded this good.
Comedy is a difficult thing to get right, no matter what medium you choose. It, more so than any other genre, relies on a balance of knowing exactly what will land with your audience, and being accessible enough to entertain casual fans/listeners. Musical comedy, in my opinion is the most difficult to successfully pull off. This is why Jarrod Alonge’s “Beating a Dead Horse” is such an impressive feat– it covers so many years and so many sub-genres, and the results are largely positive.
Jarrod Alonge is a YouTube comedian who has been satirizing the metalcore/punk scene for the better part of two years. He can be seen spoofing vocalists in his “Every Metalcore Vocalist” and “Every Hardcore Vocalist” and being a spot-on reenactment of every concert I attended in high school. He has a talent for being able to portray all of the characteristics of the genre with extreme accuracy. He’s beaten the video spoof horse way into the ground, so the next logical step was to make an actual album.
The best thing about this album is that every song, despite being ironic to an almost painful degree, is really, really good. Do you enjoy the bouncy riffs and occasionally groan-inducing Southern twinges of Memphis May Fire? There’s a song for you. Do you enjoy gross lyrics and brutal death metal? Check. Do you think that friendship is all you need to succeed? So does the Chunk! No Chunk Captain inspired song. Each song tackles a new genre, poking fun at a new band, and it does so flawlessly.
Jarrod Alonge, YouTube famous guitarist Drewsif Stalin, and a Macbook are the only consistent members of the band and this helps keep a consistent, tongue-in-cheek feel to every song. The songs are a spinning door of guest vocals, surprisingly by some bigger vocalists like Mike Semesky (of Vestascension, The HAARP Machine, and Intervals). Lyrics are on point, calling out specific behaviors and themes found in each sub-genre of music. Take, for instance, the song “Cosmic Metaphysical Verisimilitude” (by the band Rectangles), which calls out every “progressive metal” [ed. note– read djent] band to date:
Deep within the eclipse of the exosolar hypotenuse
Understand the hypothetical artifacts
I cannot fathom the accretion disk
Symbiosis?
Mathematics
or the song “Save My Life” (by Amidst the Grave’s Demons), a “band” that calls out every posi-metalcore band (like Memphis May Fire or We Came As Romans) with lyrics like:
Always believe in yourself, and let my voice guide you into the light
Reborn from the ashes, you are who I say you are
Look up in the sky, my unstoppable power guides you
Lift up your hands and bow before me
Through your insecurities I will reign supreme
Each and every song has the ability to put a smile on your face, whether it's with clever lyrics or solid music, ironically. The album was produced by Joey Sturgis, as well, another stereotypical choice by the bands this album is poking fun at. For what it sets out to do, it succeeds with flying colors. If there is a complaint to be made it is that it has a longer runtime at an hour, with 15 songs. It continues to be fresh, given that it covers so much musical ground, but it is a long trek from beginning to end.
So, is this album worth a listen? If you enjoy metalcore or any similar sub-genre, it's an absolute must. If you’re unable to poke fun at the bands that you enjoy, then you especially need to listen to this album and learn to not be a snob. Jarrod has produced a solid compilation of songs poking fun at a lot of the bands that I’ve listened to in my musical journey, and has proven that he has a knack for the whole musical comedy thing… maybe it’s not as hard as I thought.
