May 4, 2001
Dear diary:
I’m really excited about the prospect of this new album. The brainstorming meetings have spawned some really neat ideas, and I can’t wait to start putting them into practice.
First off, we’re all gonna change our image so that we can look like 5ive. Actually, Bryan says we should rip off their album cover, too. I think that’s neat, y’know, ‘cause they have success and all that, and we need to be able to join the Big Leagues.
Yeah, I know - we’re Irish, not American. We’ll never be able to compete, right? Wrong! Bryan said the producer had said that all we need to do is sing in an American accent, and no one will notice. We’ll be fine. Plus, Bry is now reading the «Boysband Guide To Success», and he says we can make it through with some Americanized drum machines and backing tracks.
Plus, Steve Kipner’s gone to Sweden again to talk to some more of their songwriters. Swedes are the best songwriters ever! I’ve been thinking long and hard and I think I know how they do it. The thing is, they’re sitting there trying to write a song, right? So they look over at their bedroom and there’s this whopping blonde Swedish girl in her lingerie. Naturally, the songs write themselves. Genius, ain’t it?
Of course, Bry is helping to write some of the songs himself…or so they claim. For my money, it’s just a scam to sell more records. The only work I’ve seen Bryan do lately is trying to decide whether to take Amber or Tammy to the dance next Sunday. (I think he should take ‘em both). Mostly, the songs are being written in Sweden, and I don’t really know much about them.
One thing that really gets in my nerves is how Bryan won’t let the rest of us sing. It’s kinda frustrating, really. Especially since I was the one who started the group in the first place. But as long as we score some birds, it’s OK with me, boyo.
Love, Shane
PS: The first MP3 just came in. I’m holding my breath…
December 4, 2001
Dear Diary:
The album sucks! Bryan and Steve have managed to ruin everything yet again. Every damn song sounds the same to me – apart from a couple of uptempos, they’re all lovey-dovey ballads. And even the uptempos sound just like some Backstreet Boys b-side rip-off. Surprisingly, there’s a couple songs I liked in there. The first track,
Queen Of My Heart, is great! It’s a kind of country-type ballad, very quiet, and I think they really used a band in that one. I personally could have done without the keyboards, but that’s OK.
If only the rest of the album was that good!
If Your Heart’s Not In It is passable as well, a sort of icky, plastic ballad, but at least it has a decent chorus. The other 15 songs, however, are pure unadulterated trite. Why do we even need 17 songs anyway? I know boyband albums are supposed to be long and tiredsome (it says so on chapter 2 of «The Boyband Guide»), but couldn’t we maybe, like, make a difference? Personally, I grew tired halfway through the album. My interest just kinda…
went yanno? I found myself thinking about Stacy from the coffee shop, and about that hot outfit she wore the other day…they had to snap me out of it.
Another sucky aspect is that my voice is heard in, like, two songs, for about ten seconds. Bryan’s always hogging the mike, blah blah blah, won’t let the others do anything…it’s sooooo unfair! How are we supposed to get chicks this way?!
Anyway, as you might have noticed, I hate the album. It’s going out today anyway, there’s nothing I can do about it, but I truly think it sucks. And so, I think, will everybody else. We’ll see.
Love, Shane
NOTE: OH YEAH; I finally managed to rate an album 0,5/5!! (BB)
