BABYMETAL
Babymetal


0.5

Review

by Jordan CONTRIBUTOR (46 Reviews)
July 26th, 2014 | 428 replies | 7,662 views


Release Date: 02/26/2014 | Tracklist

Review Summary: Neckbeards of the World Unite.

Why musical evolution nowadays is regarded as awkwardly hobbling together disparate genres bewilders me, but makes sense considering the nostalgic nature musical youth have begun to take in lieu of actually rebelling against the internet and Justin Bieber. Japan's Babymetal are easily the worst product of this lazy man's 'innovation', the result of Japanese music industry types recognizing the strong crossover in fedora-clad fanbase who absorb speed metal and J-Pop and tricking those undesirables into believing that they have found a band on the cutting edge.

On their frustratingly and idiotically titled debut, BABYMETAL, awkward heavy metal non-compositions give way to embarrassingly misplaced J-Pop sections, sickeningly saccharine sweet choruses that would not sound out of place on one of the worse-off Sonic the Hedgehog games rubbing up against riffs so turgid even Jeff Waters wouldn't give them the time of day. With the exception of "Megistune" and other fleeting moments of pleasure (chorus of "Gimme Chocolate!!", occasionally hilarious moments of self-parody on "Head Bangya!!"), Babymetal don't actually fuse genres as much as they force them together like 2 jigsaw pieces clearly not designed for each other. Nothing clearly stands out, either; far too often the songs fall into the basic song structure of 'pop bit/speed metal bit/repeat'. With that in mind, stupidity has never been a bigger prerequisite for listening to music.

Many have said the problem with Babymetal haters is that they take themselves too seriously and have problems letting themselves go. I can safely say though that the problem here isn't so much 'letting go' as it is 'ignoring all self-respect'. To regard the dreadfully childish vocals and puerile guitars as anything other than a chore would be wrong. In Layman's terms, Babymetal are diluted purveyors of hastily knocked together shite, passed off as 'new' and 'exciting'.

Among the bevy of poorly informed metal bands today like R'n'B/metalcore fusion act Issues, Babymetal stick out primarily for all the undeserved critical praise lauded upon them; simply put, Babymetal don't make me angry because they aren't 'pure metal' or 'true metal' or whatever-the-fuck neckbeard minorities want to label it, Babymetal make me angry because they've had the cart placed before the horse. Removed of journalistic nonsense and inane critical platitudes, Babymetal are just about the single most unlistenable band to emerge from heavy metal in the '10s. Avoid.



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user ratings (216)
Chart.
2.8
good
other reviews of this album
GrimReaper (4)
Everything that metal shouldn't be and yet it somehow works. Brilliantly....

discovolante (4)
An addictive tongue-in-cheek parody of modern J-pop, Babymetal's first full length album proves to b...


Comments:Add a Comment 
Arcade
Contributing Reviewer
July 26th 2014



1885 Comments

Album Rating: 0.5

i'm so sorry.

Digging: Botch - We Are the Romans

Jacquibim
Contributing Reviewer
July 26th 2014



13535 Comments


slow clap

Digging: Krusseldorf - Fractal World

Keyblade
July 26th 2014



14273 Comments


Neckbears of the World Unite

Digging: Ishq - Orchid

FrozenVain
July 26th 2014



2372 Comments

Album Rating: 3.0

Neckbears, the most fearsome animal EU.

Arcade
Contributing Reviewer
July 26th 2014



1885 Comments

Album Rating: 0.5

seriously just noticed that as you commented you cheeky sarcastic little

FrozenVain
July 26th 2014



2372 Comments

Album Rating: 3.0

Srsly though this album is prob a 5

Mall
July 26th 2014



666 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

Dreadful album, nice review

Digging: Nirvana - Nevermind

FrozenVain
July 26th 2014



2372 Comments

Album Rating: 3.0

This is kawaii-metal you pleb.

Jacquibim
Contributing Reviewer
July 26th 2014



13535 Comments


hastily knocked together shite

pls make that your summary

danielcardoso
July 26th 2014



1571 Comments


"Many have said the problem with Babymetal haters is that they take themselves too seriously and have problems letting themselves go. I can safely say though that the problem here isn't so much 'letting go' as it is 'ignoring all self-respect'."

Great sentence. Awesome review, man.

Keyblade
July 26th 2014



14273 Comments


"Babymetal don't make me angry because they aren't 'pure metal' or 'true metal' or whatever-the-fuck neckbeard minorities want to label it"

So do neckbeards like this or not

Chrisjon89
July 26th 2014



3382 Comments


"the result of Japanese music industry types recognizing the strong crossover in fedora-clad fanbase who absorb speed metal and J-Pop"

not saying you're wrong, the success of this group may well be proof you're right but this still surprises me.

Digging: Ichiko Aoba - 0%

SnakeDelilah
July 26th 2014



5424 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

can we please take this fucking band out of the database

Digging: Bob Dylan - Highway 61 Revisited

Irving
Staff Reviewer
July 26th 2014



7144 Comments

Album Rating: 4.2

Dude you write Staff-worthy material like 99% of the time but this just feels like a tirade at something you always knew you were never going to get (from the horse's mouth: "Why musical evolution nowadays is regarded as awkwardly hobbling together disparate genres bewilders me").

I don't think the point of this is "riffs" either (Like come on, right? The main case for these girls is obviously in the relative novelty of having what is vaguely discernible as typical J-Pop thoroughfare being backed by obnoxiously "heavy" music. That being said I'd be willing to argue the riffs here stand up to what bands like, say, latter-day Helloween have made in recent times) so arguing that Babymetal isn't METUHL enough is a fairly weak approach.

And this: "I can safely say though that the problem here isn't so much 'letting go' as it is 'ignoring all self-respect'" is a poorly set-up argument as well. Songs like "Blurred Lines" and Taio Cruz's "Hangover" - now THOSE are legitimately self-disrespecting as they feed into pointless and unhealthy culture.

"To regard the dreadfully childish vocals and puerile guitars as anything other than a chore would be wrong."

Speak for yourself!

"In Layman's terms, Babymetal are diluted purveyors of hastily knocked together shite, passed off as 'new' and 'exciting'."

This is an assertion. Also, this album was something like three years in the making, lol.

IMHO, this review is a rant and nothing more. Maybe there's a great case to make against Babymetal, but this is definitely not it.

Funeralopolis
July 26th 2014



11029 Comments


correct rating on review good job

Digging: RATKING - So It Goes

Irving
Staff Reviewer
July 26th 2014



7144 Comments

Album Rating: 4.2

NEG =p

BigPleb
July 26th 2014



34158 Comments


Pointless rev and quite self indulgent tbh.

Digging: Opeth - Pale Communion

Judio!
Contributing Reviewer
July 26th 2014



4855 Comments


Ugh how do you non-staffers 0.5?

Digging: Integrity - Those Who Fear Tomorrow

Metalstyles
Staff Reviewer
July 26th 2014



8318 Comments


Agreed with Funeralopolis, this project is awful and I wish a quick and painless death for it.

sixdegrees
July 26th 2014



16838 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

:^(

Digging: Ted Nugent - Shutup&jam!



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