Review Summary: When you disappoint everyone all the time, it’s hard not to want to die.
My main interest when listening to music is how it makes me feel. If I don’t feel anything, I’m not interested. This album makes me feel, but it doesn’t make me feel any different than I do all of the time. It’s more of a reassurance of just how much of a waste of space I am. I’m not even 16 yet and I’ve basically ruined my life. I’ve been in the hospital for an overdose on drugs, drugs that I have taken again since that incident; I am failing most of, if not all of my classes when all my parents really want is for me to apply myself in school. It’s hard for me to look people in the eye.
I really have nothing to show for my life. Sure, I made a ***ty album, and yeah I’ve written some ***ty reviews on this ***ty website about music. I may not be an average person, but I frankly don’t give a *** how smart or gifted I am. Really the last few years have been a slow, steady decline into deeper and deeper depression. I have not attempted suicide yet; I assume that should be coming up pretty soon. I doubt anything is going to turn around soon.
I guess I should talk about this music. Teen Suicide was a band that was mainly run by Sam Ray, a lethargic ***, just like me. His band released many lo-fi gloomy emo pop type albums throughout their short existence. This one just happens to be the one their most known for. The music is nothing impressive, it’s just chords and simple riffs and samples, all with this soft voice crooning sad little nothings into a microphone. This music can all be summed up in saying that it is the soundtrack to my life; pointless, and depressing.
It is a strange feeling knowing that everything I’ve ever done, everything I’ve ever loved will go away relatively soon. I don’t know how much longer I will be alive, or how I’m going to die. I just figure it won’t be very long from now. I haven’t left much of a mark on the world; I’ve just sort of existed for the past 16 or so years, doing nothing. Just like everyone else. I won’t end up with the girl I love. I won’t ever make good music. I’m not going to make anyone proud. This album is for people like me.
I’m going to dinner with my biological father tonight. I have no idea what I’m going to say when he asks me, “How have you been?” I never know what to say. I feel bad for leaving behind all the people that care about me, but one day soon something will push me over the edge and I just know I’ll jump in front of a bus or something ***ing stupid like that. I’d probably be better off just living out my life, but who knows what pain and disappointment lies ahead in my future. I haven’t even turned 16 yet and I’m already a suicidal alcoholic junkie. There’s really no way to bounce back from this.
So yeah you can neg this stupid review into oblivion, it’s really not going to make a difference in anything at all. Sure, I spent like 20 minutes in my school library trying to write something interesting about my life and how it connects with this album, but really it’s all just a waste of time. So really, this review is more like some stupid diary entry of a teenage girl. I only hope that you can find something positive out of this. I feel like I need to leave behind something good. I have to.
“constantly i feel this weird and shameful feeling
like im being watched by a thousand glowing, vengeful eyes
behind one way mirrors in public bathrooms and in metro cars
and everywhere i go i know i'm not welcome”