Millionaires
Tonight


1.5
very poor

Review

by Sam Kerner USER (5 Reviews)
August 31st, 2013 | 15 replies


Release Date: 03/13/2013 | Tracklist

Review Summary: “This far you may come and no farther; here is where your proud waves halt.” Job 38:11

The term “shovelware” is a computer term used to describe software that is more notable for quantity than quality, which is a sugarcoated way of saying that it really sucks. It is featured extensively in videogame manufacturing, denoting a game that is so maddeningly horrible, one cannot fathom why it was even created to begin with. But why stop at videogames, when artists like the Millionaires are practically begging for the label to be stuck like a sticker next to the Parental Advisory Warning? They have, after all, been around for several years, and a peek through the song titles of their past EPs shows that their musical progression is basically zero. Perfect, one may think. Here is the ideal example of the muck that modern music has become.

But is that too easy? Tear this album apart, and you will certainly draw blood (the alcoholic concentration of which is not to be underestimated). Yet the Millionaires seem to have crafted Tonight, their debut album, with just enough irony to make one hesitate to write it off as “shovelware” and call it a day. Lyrics like “I'm kinda sweet, and fake like Splenda” would suggest that they’re in on the joke, and I cannot see someone rationally cobbling together an album like this without a single hint of tongue-in-cheek. Ke$ha, of course, has made a living out of this stuff, and the Millionaires seem to be on a similar track.

Irony, however, does not make an album bearable. Tonight takes a dive into the waters of fraternity-style debauchery and not once does it come up for air. One liners may hold your attention for brief seconds, and Hot Topic-style song titles like “Dat Boi” and “K Thx Bye” may prompt a raised eyebrow. Other than that, this is a sordid experience that demands your attention only because it is so incompetent in every way. All this could have been fixed up, at least a little, with snappy production, yet the Millionaires’ GarageBand leanings are evident from the opening track. This is the dark side of Top 40, where synths and drum builds and autotune bombard and repel at every turn.

Of course, I’m not sure what I was expecting. The Millionaires have been releasing music since 2007, and not one song has deviated from their motifs of partying, sex, drinking, and getting high. Perhaps I was hoping that the beats on Tonight would at least be polished enough to be enjoyable, or at the very least, memorable. Shame on me. This is an album to be endured once and only once. No amount of irony can fix that.


user ratings (24)
Chart.
1.6
very poor

Comments:Add a Comment 
pizzamachine
August 30th 2013


12572 Comments


Review is well written! Horrible album.

Crawl
August 31st 2013


1647 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

you sure you're not overrating this?

Rawben
August 31st 2013


178 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

I'm actually in a bad mood now after listening to this alleged 'album'.

Millstone
September 1st 2013


367 Comments


would still bang

fish.
Contributing Reviewer
September 1st 2013


22048 Comments


I'm actually in a bad mood now after listening to this alleged 'album'

lol

Digging: Andy Stott - Faith in Strangers

Rawben
September 1st 2013


178 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

Millstone- Yea, but lack of talent is such a turn off.

CrankSinatra
September 20th 2013


11 Comments


still better than kesha. lol.

demigod!
September 20th 2013


45266 Comments


ill just go ahead and 1 this

Digging: Black Sabbath - Master of Reality

ASnideReturns
April 1st 2014


5241 Comments


These chicks live like four blocks down from my house.

someguest
April 1st 2014


21390 Comments


you should really stop letting those around you influence you so much

Digging: Pet Shop Boys - Please

ASnideReturns
April 1st 2014


5241 Comments


I don't even like their music someguest lmao.

VermTheImpaler
April 1st 2014


1360 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

Snide, i want to fuck really slutty and lovely scene whores. You should present me those bitches, I will give you a ps4 fella and 1000 dollars.

XfingTheSullen
September 10th 2014


2824 Comments

Album Rating: 1.5

"Every time I'm at the bar
you wanna pay
go ahead buy me a drink
you won't get laid"

The funny thing about this is how fucking true this is, and how no one ever takes this advice, lol

Brometheus
September 10th 2014


310 Comments


Ya but if u don't buy her a drink u won't get laid either

XfingTheSullen
November 17th 2014


2824 Comments

Album Rating: 1.5

I would not bang these girls.

I'd totally give this a 3 or higher if I was sure they were doing it for the lulz, though



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