Korpiklaani
Ukon Wacka


1.0
awful

Review

by sonictheplumber STAFF USER (107 Reviews)
June 9th, 2013 | 27 replies


Release Date: 2011 | Tracklist


Korpiklaani is a "folk-metal" band that has spent its career capitalizing on the wannabe-vikings/faux-pagans (or maybe some of these people think they're legit) of the world who are most commonly found drinking Mountain Dew in a flagon while pretending that it's mead while also playing Skyrim or World of Warcraft and acting like Amon Amarth is the heaviest band in the world. Fans of this type of music enjoy it for the melody, the folky inspiration (like the inlcusion of instruments that aren't typically found in metal), and most of all, because it is supposed to be unique. In a world of bands just trying to be the next Iron Maiden or Slayer, or in Korpiklaani's native Scandinavia, trying to be the next In Flames or Burzum, folk-metal bands like Finntroll and Korpiklaani are supposed to provide a refreshing alternative to the heavier side of metal. Fun music to drink "mead" to, right?

The problem is that, although the schtick might have been cute at first, it was never really all that listenable, and anything unique about this band has, by its seventh album, Ukon Wacka, completely disappeared. And while this was indeed my first Korpiklaani album, I thought that since it was newer I should listen to their older material, because it's probably better. I was wrong. These guys are the AC/DC of their insane sub-genre, or maybe that is too much of an insult to AC/DC. These guys are the Motley Crue of this pagan/folk-metal noise, in that although their music largely stays the same, it manages to keep getting worse and worse. Every album Korpiklaani puts out is the exact same. Same dumb, ***ty Xbox 360 RPG-level music, complete with every instrument you don't want in a metal record ("acoustic and electric violin, jouhikko, tin-whistle, recorder, torupill (bagpipe), mandolin, mouth harp," according to Wikipedia), and the same ridiculous vocals that go from sounding like a deaf and dumb Finnish man trying to carry on a conversation to what I'm guessing is the vocalist's attempt at "harsh vocals," or at least, "harsh" by pagan-folk-Skyrim metal standards. While no one criticizes Motorhead or Overkill for not bringing anything new to the table, at least they've perfected their formula. Korpiklaani's formula, on the other hand, was never good to begin with.

And I know I'm not supposed to take this music seriously. For one thing, how the *** could I (or anyone), and while I am certainly aware that metal as a whole isn't usually meant to be taken all that seriously, it should at least ***ing sound good. If you're going to be a novelty group like this, at least have decent music to back it up. But listening to this album, it is easy to see why Paganism and the worship of trolls and other stupid, old-world bull*** has all died out. If the folk music of those ancient times sounded anything like Korpiklaani, then I guess I'd be a Christian crusader and slaughter those silly ***ers too.



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user ratings (45)
Chart.
2.9
good

Comments:Add a Comment 
Cygnatti
June 9th 2013


21353 Comments


very very nice review.

ResidentNihilist
June 9th 2013


1103 Comments


Lol I love the last line. Pos.

Digging: Nostromo - Hysteron - Proteron

Tyrael
June 9th 2013


20893 Comments


Very well written, sonic

pos'd

FrozenVain
June 9th 2013


2444 Comments


yeh this sucks hard pos'd

"music for skyrim tavern bards"

Skyrim has higher standards. I very much rather listen to the tavern music in World of Warcraft than this.

RunOfTheMill
June 9th 2013


1502 Comments


Fantastic review, dude. That last line is golden.

My friend is obsessed with this band. I liked some of their songs, so I figured I'd check them out, but it was seriously average as fuck.

Titan
June 9th 2013


5053 Comments


never got into these guys, and if I do, I won't start here.......

good review sonic....pos'd

BallsToTheWall
June 9th 2013


44606 Comments


I'm a skyrim tavern bard and I approve of this message. Bathory or Skyclad or go home.

Digging: Mare Cognitum - Phobos Monolith

NapalmCrusader
June 9th 2013


1737 Comments


I'm a skyrim tavern bard and this is not at the level of ragnar the red. Not a big fan of this band, just have heard Beer and Vodka. Funny tracks but nothing spectacular

zaruyache
June 9th 2013


6854 Comments


VODKA! VODKA! VODKA!

Digging: Ardour Loom - Demo

NapalmCrusader
June 9th 2013


1737 Comments


There once was a hero named Ragnar the Red, who came riding to Whiterun from ole Rorikstead!
And the braggart did swagger and brandish his blade, as he told of bold battles and gold he had made!
But then he went quiet, did Ragnar the Red, when he met the shieldmaiden Matilda who said…
Oh, you talk and you lie and you drink all our mead! Now I think it’s high time that you lie down and bleed!
And so then came the clashing and slashing of steel, as the brave lass Matilda charged in full of zeal!
And the braggart named Ragnar was boastful no moooooree… when his ugly red head rolled around on the floor!

This is better than this album. Nothing against this band cuz their well known songs are enjoyable when I'm drunk

Vakarian12
June 9th 2013


3870 Comments


we'll drink to our youth, to the days come and goooone, for the age of agression is now nearly doooooooooooone!

NeoSpaz
June 10th 2013


4519 Comments


don't mind this band, but this review is fucking great, nice one sonic

KILL
June 10th 2013


71957 Comments


best review i ever read

Digging: Exodus - Blood In, Blood Out

KILL
June 10th 2013


71957 Comments


it was andcas

RobbaqPL
June 10th 2013


161 Comments


Woah, the rant in the last paragraph was pretty unexpected. But what a good rant it was.

Motiv3
June 10th 2013


8938 Comments


last line of this review is hilariously awesome. Pos.

NapalmCrusader
June 10th 2013


1737 Comments


Actually I heard this because a friend who loves folk metal send me the album. Not that bad but not avesome either

SubtleBody
June 10th 2013


519 Comments


the nickelback of folk metal

NapalmCrusader
June 10th 2013


1737 Comments


More like motley crue, they make most of the times songs about drinking and all that shit. Better listen ensiferum, fintroll or moonsorrow

SubtleBody
June 10th 2013


519 Comments


all those are pretty bad too, but they're way better compared to korpiklaani



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