Paramore
Paramore


1.5
very poor

Review

by Channing Freeman STAFF
April 3rd, 2013 | 1099 replies


Release Date: 04/09/2013 | Tracklist

Review Summary: This is some fucking foolishness right here.

What is it about Paramore that makes music critics forget how to write? In the Rolling Stone review for this album, the terms “emo-metal,” “post-emo,” and “pop-metal” are all used, and the entire review is only three sentences long. One could – and maybe should – argue that nobody at Rolling Stone knows how to write about music anymore, but even they are rarely that far off-base. But they’re not the only ones to do so. A few years ago, the Los Angeles Times described Riot! single “That’s What You Get” as having some “screwy off-time math-core” in it.

What?

Anyway, it doesn’t matter. Things like that used to bother me because I thought Paramore was a good band and it seemed stupid that people found it hard to pinpoint what they were. But listening to their self-titled album has lent that difficulty some credibility after the fact, because this shit is all over the place.

Still, if you didn’t like Paramore before, then maybe there’s something here for you. Want to hear them sound how Taylor Swift does when she tries to write a rock song? Listen to “Fast In My Car” which is seriously just awful. Sort of a lyrical mash-up of Tracy Chapman’s “Fast Car” and Cyndi Lauper’s “Girls Just Want To Have Fun” in that it removes the desperation from the former and adds the vapid bullshit of the latter, it stands out because it features one of the most annoying pre-choruses ever and one of the worst bridges I’ve ever heard. Want to hear them try their hand at mixing punky buzz-saw guitar verses with an "epic" stadium rock chorus? Lead single “Now” is here for you, in which Hayley Williams gives the first of several poor singing performances on the record; the verses are toneless and she tries to cram too many words into them without really saying anything.

Really though, this album seems especially poor because it makes the departed Farro brothers seem justified in their pissy leaving. Yeah, maybe they left because Hayley was getting all the media attention. Maybe it really was because they thought the band was headed in a direction that didn’t glorify Jesus or whatever. But now I can’t help imagining that Hayley presented them with a demo of “Ain’t It Fun” and they got the fuck out of there as fast as they could. If the “we just want to have fun!” version of Paramore doesn’t do it for you, and the Muse-ish “Now” sounds a bit too try-hard, then there’s always the Gospel Paramore of “Ain’t It Fun.” Seriously, there is a full-on gospel breakdown that takes up the entire second half of this five-minute song. It would be cheesy even if they weren’t singing something as ridiculous as “Don’t go cryin’ to yo’ mama, ‘cuz yo’ on yo’ own in the real world.” But that is indeed what they’re saying, and I don’t want to talk about that song anymore.

And after that, there are still eleven songs to go. Previous Paramore albums were sometimes instrumentally bland and overwrought lyrically, but they could always fall back on Hayley’s voice to carry them through the rougher patches. However, not even she can save songs like “Anklebiters” and “(One Of Those) Crazy Girls,” which are blatant examples of filler that should have been cut before they were even demoed. There's also the closer "Future," which features five or so minutes of the most boring post-rock song you've ever heard. I guess the sad conclusion here is that Paramore needs Josh Farro, who maybe could have tempered all of the crazy fucking songwriting decisions that were made on Paramore. And then we could have all gone back to happily misdiagnosing them as metal-pop or emo-thrash or whatever, as long as it sounded good.



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user ratings (518)
Chart.
2.7
average
other reviews of this album
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Comments:Add a Comment 
CaptainHadouken
April 3rd 2013


1960 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0

Not really surprised. I'll listen to this.... in a while to rate it.

pepster50
April 3rd 2013


335 Comments

Album Rating: 3.0

listening right now.... what happened to them? Way too much synth !

someguest
April 3rd 2013


21390 Comments


But that is indeed what they’re saying, and I don’t want to talk about that song anymore.


hahahaha

Nice one, Chan.

Digging: Pet Shop Boys - Please

kingsoby1
Emeritus
April 3rd 2013


4956 Comments


disney metal

CaptainHadouken
April 3rd 2013


1960 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0

Disney metal sounds appropriate just based on the review.

SeaAnemone
April 3rd 2013


20954 Comments


I thought Paramore was a good band


sounds like a personal problem

Digging: Viet Cong - Viet Cong

mynameischan
Staff Reviewer
April 3rd 2013


17945 Comments

Album Rating: 1.5

we can't all be emo masters

someguest
April 3rd 2013


21390 Comments


or novices

Electric City
Staff Reviewer
April 3rd 2013


15743 Comments


review makes me nostalgic for slityrguts reviews of wil control

Atari
Contributing Reviewer
April 3rd 2013


20158 Comments

Album Rating: 3.0

agreed about fast in my car but ain't if fun fucking rules

Digging: Johann Sebastian Bach - Brandenburg Concerto No. 5 in D major, BWV 1050

someguest
April 3rd 2013


21390 Comments


how gay are you andcas

someguest
April 3rd 2013


21390 Comments


how gay are you andcas

IfYouRun
April 3rd 2013


295 Comments


I genuinely don't even want to listen to this after the first two songs released. I'll just go play their other albums and pretend it's 2009.

Atari
Contributing Reviewer
April 3rd 2013


20158 Comments

Album Rating: 3.0

if it wasn't for the first 2 tracks i'd give it a 3.5

Cygnatti
April 3rd 2013


22317 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0 | Sound Off

IloveMyNameisChan

Digging: Jerry Lee Lewis - Live at the Star Club, Hamburg

Cygnatti
April 3rd 2013


22317 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0 | Sound Off

This is much better than new Transit album.

Trebor.
Contributing Reviewer
April 3rd 2013


50960 Comments

Album Rating: 1.5

Incredible

Digging: Friendzone - Collection 1

Atari
Contributing Reviewer
April 3rd 2013


20158 Comments

Album Rating: 3.0

nah transit album is better than this ;)

Emyay
April 3rd 2013


6010 Comments

Album Rating: 2.5

nice review, i like the vitriol

Trebor.
Contributing Reviewer
April 3rd 2013


50960 Comments

Album Rating: 1.5

Holy fuck look at that bar graph



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