Visions Of Atlantis
Ethera


2.0
poor

Review

by pizzamachine USER (211 Reviews)
March 25th, 2013 | 16 replies


Release Date: 03/22/2013 | Tracklist

Review Summary: The album that tore my soul from its housing and cast it into the impassive depths of space.

Long ago, a group of like-minded beings gathered together and brought forth upon this world a new album. Saints of yore, these djinn of the night travelled Finland, and later the world; they handed down to humanity the gift of their music, as Prometheus had given the gift of fire. They gathered devout followers to themselves, and their fame did grow. Yay, such was and is… Nightwish.

Some of these followers sought to claim the power of their saints to themselves, and splintered into many bands of travellers, mimicking with absolute audacity the sounds of their lords. One such group took the name Visions of Atlantis to themselves, and today, they inflicted their aural lashes on my feeble mind.

The blasphemous band assaulted me with forgettable choruses of howling goats, their screams echoing into the riven sky as I cowered and swayed. A beast with two heads and a microphone of obsidian crawled from my speakers and resolved before me, towering over my frail form as the moon eclipses the sun. Its ghastly groaning drove me to my knees, and I wept tears of pitch as my ears blood and soul reeled. Finally, a spindly creature with limbs beyond counting stepped before me, and played a completely unremarkable guitar solo.

I wished to flee, to hide, to be anywhere and do anything than to stay here and to listen, but my body was unable or unwilling to obey. I could not accept it. I would not accept it. Refusing to simply give in, to die, my soul tore itself free of its earthly shackles and rose above the din, as the flesh once mine slumped to the floor. The cosmos reeled before me in infinite majesty, but the music echoed still in my mind. Tearing through the sky, I traced a path from the wretched, doomed planet of Earth to the furthest point in the heavens, but the curse I had inflicted on myself could not be so easily undone. The creatures grew in stature to unfathomable depths, their shadows casting all the universe into darkness. Their hands spread over the stars, reaching for me. I sped away, faster than anything I had ever known, but their snaking fingers still overtook me. They blotted out the stars and I saw only darkness.

I send this message to you in desperation, in hopes that my mistakes will not be repeated:

This album’s not very good. I mean, I’ve heard worse, but I’ve definitely heard better, in fact, their last album was alright. This one isn’t. Don’t listen to it.



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user ratings (6)
Chart.
2.6
average

Comments:Add a Comment 
pizzamachine
March 24th 2013


12571 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0

The beast with two heads obviously refers to the female/male singing duo.

yo



NeoSpaz
March 24th 2013


4519 Comments


I like the ending paragraph, sup Pizza.

pizzamachine
March 24th 2013


12571 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0

Not much bro, ty.

Tyrael
March 24th 2013


20901 Comments


pizzy is alive wtf

pizzamachine
March 24th 2013


12571 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0

I had sketchy internet for a while but yeah I'm still here.

Gyromania
March 24th 2013


15941 Comments


really good to see a review from you man. good work

Digging: Lantlos - .neon

Poet
March 24th 2013


5935 Comments


Band's always been bad.

pizzamachine
March 24th 2013


12571 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0

I liked Delta a bit but yeah

Hep Kat
March 24th 2013


15351 Comments


poet sighting

i always had big plans back in the day to write this concept review of whatever such and such album for my 100th review, but then it wound up taking me 5 years to go from 80something reviews to 100 so ppppttttthhhhbbbb

cool review

Dreamflight
March 24th 2013


1760 Comments

Album Rating: 4.0

ahahaha Epic shit here.


Band sucks, saw them opening for Epica in 2004, swore I'd never listen to them again.

NocteDominum
Contributing Reviewer
March 25th 2013


7100 Comments


Hey cool a Pizza, returned from the soggy blackened crust stuffs..... Hey dude excellent review

Spec
March 25th 2013


27190 Comments


tinychat? more like pizzachat

ReturnToRock
March 25th 2013


3448 Comments


A wild pizzamachine appeared!

Excellent review, it was funny and clever but also told you something about the album. The return to normal speech in the final paragraph cracked me up. Band isn't bad, though.

pizzamachine
March 25th 2013


12571 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0

Thanks guys. :P

CaptainDooRight
March 25th 2013


29963 Comments


nice reed

Digging: Fleurety - Min Tid Skal Komme

FrozenVain
March 25th 2013


2446 Comments


Hehe pretty funny review, man. Love the third paragraph. I'll stay away...



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