Review Summary: Goonies never say frogs.17 of 21 thought this review was well written
“Oh my god. Will this ever end. Music catered to small small children that never heard a proper hardcore band. This is just another boy band. Maybe it is more appropriate to compare it with the 90s hair metal. Music that claimed some sort of metal stamp but was just super commercial and substanceless music. Yeah, that’s what is happening. Music has no meaning, no substance. It’s just about haircuts and tattoos. We are living in horrible times.” - Dennis Lyxzén of Refused
This was the vehement criticism French pop-punk act Chunk! No, Captain Chunk! received from the iconic punk legend who, as you can see, was far from amused. It came about in a fun little interview that was constructed as comic gold for fans but painful torture for the recipient who weighed in on bottom of the barrel inceptions. I can only imagine his mental state as it was being tested by a slew of contemporary hacks he never had the misfortune of knowing were even in existence.
It’s a shame the oblivious gift was crushed for a man of his stature but at least those who have been stripped of the same blissful ignorance can find solace in his words. I felt akin to the validation expressed when my friends forced me to sit down and watch the music video for “In Friends We Trust” from this absolutely vile album. It managed to portray every single despicable trait infused into the bastard offshoot labeled “pop-core” that attracts insipid flocks of the most vacuous kind.
The origin of the band name is enough to make any film buff’s blood boil because Something For Nothing’s
only success is failing to respect source material. It feels like the members purposely set out to piss off as many people as possible by incorporating the worst aspects of specific genres and obnoxiously cramming them down throats. I simply don’t understand how this could be taken at face value when so little regard is shown for what’s being presented in such an utterly detestable fashion.
It’ll figuratively cause someone to repeat the following actions of tugging at hair in frustration and grabbing sides in stitches through this overbearing piece of trite. Speaking of things that come in pairs, this entire pathetic excuse for an ensemble does nothing but chug all the livelong day between mindless open note breakdowns. As if the foul synth wasn’t mundane enough, the lead singer is the epitome of facepalms with his nasally tone, making nails on a chalkboard a godsend.
The ability to keep food down doesn’t even seem like a possible bodily function when the vomit inducing lyrics tunnel through the listener’s ears like a drill dozer. For instance, in the track “M.I.L.F.” this goddamn kid carries on like a mentally handicapped version of Mad Libs about being molded into a Cougar’s sex machine. I wish I was making this up but, “I am the gladdest geek that have the luckiest dick/You are the best chick/I love your nipples/In spite of wrinkles”…just why?
Oh how I curse the inevitable release date for the follow-up to this repugnant self-produced mess that says a mouthful by being called Something For Nothing
. If this is what transpires when Chunk! No, Captain Chunk! has total creative control then I shiver at the thought of one trick pony Joey Sturgis at the helm of the project. I have no clue what types of drugs Fearless Records are smoking but please deport these talentless wastes back to where not even the city of love wants them.