Review Summary: Bad girl gone worse.
The chorus of track 6, titled "Jump" goes something like: "If you want it/let's do it/ride it/my pony
". If that doesn't have you wondering if she's stopped trying, don't worry- anyone would know that she, like most pop stars, has people write for her nowadays. Clearly, this must be the same person who wrote lyrics like "Suck my cockiness, lick my persuasion" on the last album. Clearly, that very writer has run out of ideas. It's sad, but it's what Rihanna and her minions have driven everyone to nowadays- Making everyone want to shoot themselves at the thought of such lack of creativity. Oh, and why use ponies as a metaphor?
It's not uncommon for Rihanna to *** out albums every year. This is her seventh album in seven years, and in a way, I do respect her for being prolific. But since Rated R
, which had its ups and downs, her tank has steadily been running empty, and here it's running on the very tiny fumes. In fact, when the most creative sounding song on the album is the leading single, "Diamonds", that's a sign that it's time for her to go. Perhaps if she spent more time actually writing songs instead of having a gaggle of writers creating stockpiles of songs for her to record and throw on a record, perhaps she could level the awesomeness that was Good Girl Gone Bad
. Whether by coincidence or intention, she even manages to make note of it on the opening track, "Fresh Out the Runway": "How could you be so hood, but you're so ***ing pop/how could you be so fun and sound like you selling rocks?
None of the tracks, save for maybe "Diamonds", "Nobody's Business" and "Love Without Tragedy" are standouts. It's easy to see why "Diamonds" is a single- it's melancholic yet catchy and fun. And it doesn't even have her repeating the same line over 9000 times like "We found glove in a homeless place"- wait, that's not the line?" "Love Without Tragedy" is a beautiful ballad about a couple dying in an auto accident, and "Nobody's Business is a catchy tune. It is kinda ironic to hear Chris and Rihanna singing about everything being wonderful when we clearly all remember what happened once upon a time. But it was a brave move on her part, and they still have quite the chemistry together.
The rest of the album is all just pure fail. Most of the album sounds the same and like it was written and recorded in two weeks. In fact, nearly half the album is devoted to Rhi Rhi trying to recapture the grittiness that took up most of Rated R
. I guess she's nothing without Chris Wifebeater Brown anyways, and it shows with several songs about spousal abuse. In fact, the awful "Get it Over With" will truly push you over the edge if the rest of the album hasn't had you ready to ingest vats of cyanide and rat poison. We get it, you can write songs about abuse because it's happened to you before. Now you're an abuser for punishing us with songs about how sad you are and what not. WE GET IT.
Rihanna's 7th effort is indeed unapologetic. It also is vapid, hookless, and as pointless as Geraldo Rivera breaking into Al Capone's vault. It won't win her any new fans, and most of the outside world will view it as yet another excuse to pump out a few singles to drive everyone to near insanity. Rhianna, I'm so sorry to say, but consider this my breakup letter with you. It's a sad day indeed.