Review Summary: people wanna know how i feel about a lot of things but i never give information to these motherfuckers.3 of 7 thought this review was well written
So I was lurking Sputnik for the first time in a hot minute and I was thinking about how little I visit here anymore. I thought of when Sputnik used to be one of my regular haunts for many an internet filled morning, of all the great music I would pick up here, and all the great music I would pretend to listen to so that all the older kids here would like me and think I’m precocious for like how “intense” and *** Circle Takes the Square are (who?), and thus all the wonderful cyber-bullying that followed. Ahh youth.
And it made me sad that I barely recognize most of the usernames I see commenting away here like little deer ***ting in the woods. “Why don’t I write reviews anymore?” I wondered 30 minutes ago. And then I remembered that writing reviews nowadays is annoying as ***. Why do I have to write a ***ing paragraph about the ambiguity of modern commercialism or some *** and how listening to Godspeed You! Black Emperor makes me want to jerk off in the middle of a Wal-Mart? For no reason, which is why I decided to write this review like we did in the good all days, which is track by track. And because Anthony Fantano wrote the other review for this. Enjoy this really awkward looking review because I'm fort23 and I'm cWaAaZy!
1 Grill-Alright, on the real, if you don’t like this song, you’re probably a virgin. That’s really it. Look, not everyone has to be Kendrick ***ing Lamar out here speaking for the youth of America and ***. Hodgy Beats can rap about smoking weed and eating cheese which all of you internet fags obviouslt know way more about than rolling up and murking some house with your homies and not getting caught. Stop feeling guilty all the time for being a cracker and just stop thinking all the time. If I’m in a car with you and you don’t get buck to this song and sit there like a bitch, I *** on your chin. It’s science. Never *** a bitch up in her bucket. She just suck a nigga. 5/5
2 65/Breakfast-Hodgy got bars. This song makes me want to grip a mic real tight with both of my hands and my eyes closed and rap real intense and still until “BITCH IMA RED CAMERA SCANNING ALL OF YOU AMATEURS/ME AND MY/DANGEROUS WOLVES IS RUNNING LOSE ANGELES” where I, like, run up to the audience and rap in some bitch face because I’m quite real like that. Look, Hodgy is rapping anything mind-blowingly deep but neither are your faggot pothead friends and neither is ***ing Ab-Soul. 5/5
3. Astro Featuring My Boyfriend-The Black girls at your school like this song. 5/5
4. Nfwgjdsh-Okay so the laziness evident in their song-naming is the most offensive part of this album forsure. I’ll look like an asshole if I actually memorize all the ***ing letter, and I’ll be an asshole because that means they won. So instead I say ”nifwigjidish” and some people know what I’m talking about. If Flying Lotus released this instrumental you would suck my dick. Fact. 5/5
5. La Bonita-No one ever makes such gratifying songs about black girls. Hodgy calls his dick “vertical joyride”, which is weird, and makes me a little sad because maybe if he stopped saying *** like that and threw away the thesaurus, he’d have radio potential. Oh wait, I don’t give a ***. 5/5
6. Beat-Another great title. This is one of those songs where I don’t know what the *** Hodgy’s talking about, but this beat is beautiful. 5/5
7. Snare-This is that one song you like. Who the *** doesn’t get amped for a little-kid chorus. The Hodgy Beats formula is random pseudo philosophical *** X food references + some cool *** like “High mellow, to do a puntos into God's ghetto”. It makes me hungry. 5/5
8. Untitled L-Okay this song kind of sucks. I know that and I still listen to it all the time. But I have problems, so you don’t need to like this. Except for HERE WE ***ING GO. 2/5
9. Leflair-WE DON’T *** WITH NO BO DY BUT YOU YOU *** WITH ER BO DY. This song sounds like it should suck but it gets my dick hard when I’m on coke. 3/5
10. Monster- See above, except it’s not cute now. Three songs in a row and Left Brain is not making the beats he should be. Look, Left Brain is a better producer than ***ing Clams Casino or whatever, but unfortunately Odd Future Records makes money (maybe) and thus, niggas can’t throw samples around and make monsters like “Loco” and “Hell”. Hahaha, monsters and it’s called monsters. And I know that sounds like a cheap excuse, and it is. 2/5
11.GNC- Lil Wayne is on this song. 4/5
12. 666 Featuring Mike G- More ammo for the ODD FUTURE IS SHOCK TREATMENT THEY TRY TOO HARD people who pretend to like Schoolboy Q and Action Bronson. Song’s pretty good, usually Hodgy shows up people on his and other’s people’s songs, but he sucks on this, Mike G steals the show. “And fans think I’m more awk-ward than Kristen Stewart” is a more self-conscious line than anything Kid Cudi said last year. 3/5
13. P2 Featuring Earl Sweatshirt-Left Brain redeems himself with the best beat ever and UHHHOMGEARL’S VERSEWUT. As I wipe the cum off my computer screen he says “roughneck putting paws to the pavement” and I have to wipe again. Seriously, if you don’t have Earl in your top five, you probably drink vitamin water and like Stallely. 7/5
14. Brain- Ok seriously you already have a song called “Brain” and it’s better than this one. Another New Yorky Jay-Z on my backpack type beat Heems from Das Racist wishes he could rap on. I love that guy. 4/5
15. Under 2- Same as above except add sentence about how it’s cute that he raps about his song and singing is a nice thing. 4/5
16. Break- I know they were going for the pretty last song, like with Gram on BlackenedWhite, but there’s no comparison. This song is plenty pretty but it’s no ***ing Gram. “Life is so simple, Life is so Precious, Life is Everything, Everything to Me” is really gay too.
Overall, Numbers shows a marked improvement and potential and shock value and they’re so young and it’s not as good as Blackenedwhite. Ambiguity of commercialism. FORT-OUT NIGGA!