Waking the Cadaver
Perverse Recollections of a Necromangler


1.0
awful

Review

by Starblind USER (28 Reviews)
July 7th, 2012 | 31 replies | 2,661 views


Release Date: 2007 | Tracklist

Review Summary: BRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!

4 of 5 thought this review was well written

It takes a lot for a heavy metal album to piss me the *** off nowadays, and it seems that Waking the Cadaver has successfully done that. I'd honestly be quite impressed if they were trolling, like Anal Cunt always does- except their music is funny as hell. But for the first time, Waking the Cadaver has managed to make an album that's so void of...well, ANYTHING.

I only heard of this album recently. As I constantly visit Tv Tropes, and love to search up items I find in the "So Bad it's Horrible" section, one of my fondest memories of searching out horrible music featured on that page was Enmity's "Disembowel the Meek". The moment the song started with its mindless snare rolling, double bass abuse, guitar slamming and vocals that sound like a garburator with a wooden spoon stuck in it, I immediately fell to the ground laughing extremely hard. A few months later I read up on their example about... ladies and gents, Waking the Cadaver and their little masterpiece called "Perverse Recollections of a Necromangler".

Seriously, metal doesn't get any worse than this. There is not a single shred of musicianship here. There's breakdowns, breakdowns, more breakdowns, a few breakdowns, a couple additions of breakdowns, and just when you thought the band has used up all their breakdowns (which should be by around the second track), well, guess what? Another breakdown!!! The only way to describe it at is "a cat having sex with a running lawnmower". Oh, and did I mention that there's too many breakdowns yet?

The vocalist, Don Campan, is a real joke. Not helping is the fact that he's also a rapper. I'm not joking. I could barely contain myself upon hearing that news. He has three vocal styles: high pitched BRIEEEEEEEE shrieks, which are 75% of the tracks, low pitched growls and pig grunts. In fsct, his rapping would probably be preferable to... um, this. I'll be damned if anyone can make out any of the lyrics.

Oh right, there's lyrics too! And as you've guessed, they're generic death metal gore lyrics. Except with bands like Cannibal Corpse and Cryotopsy, they're clever and darkly funny. Here they're just desperate. Not helping is the air of wigger talk that pollutes them too ("The notch never saw that coming"). After all, I did mention that Don Campan is a rapper, right? Here's an example of some of the rather Shakespearean lyrics, from "Raped, Pillaged, Gutted":

"I grasp my cleaver, my tool of dismemberment,
hacking at your limbs, slipping in the blood on my floor,
jamming your severed arm into your rancid vaginal pore.
i spew at the sight of the slashed and gaped asshole,
hyper-extended vaginal cavity fuels my urge to disembowel.
Removal of your mangled innards, forceful extraction from your busted anus.

Now that i'm done with this brutalized cunt
as i walk away, i spark up a freshly rolled blunt
I left her there to die slow,
this is how i show zero respect for this busted ass hoe."

For the record, any song that says "busted anus" in the lyrics wins points, but loses those points with "busted ass hoe".

The other musicians, well there's not much to say. All of them do what you'd predict a band like this to do: attack the guitar strings and snare drums. Bass? Well, there is none... Or at least it was recorded below the ability for humans to hear.

You may have noticed I didn't mention any songs. That's because they're ALL THE SAME. Save for the interlude, which is just a sound clip of the band taking bong hits.

In closing, *** this band, *** its fans, *** death core and *** myspace. All four are a waste of space on this earth and you can do something much better with your time and money, like investing in a fresh wheel of brie.



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user ratings (439)
Chart.
1.4
very poor
other reviews of this album
1 of
  • Trajan Paul Murphy (1)
    Who the hell signed this band?...

    Brendan Schroer (0)
    Fuck......

    Subrick (1)
    The single worst metal album ever released. And I use the words "metal" and "album" as lig...

    vanderb0b (1)
    When it seemed that Waking The Cadaver could only go up, they managed to spectacularly plu...

  • Lambda (1)
    An atrocious metal album. Absolutely terrible, with awful vocals, sloppy drumming, and bor...

    LoveTheEndless (1)
    Waking the Cadaver offers an album to the simpletons in love with all things "brutal."...


Comments:Add a Comment 
Hyperion1001
Staff Reviewer
July 6th 2012



18284 Comments


tell us how you really feel

Digging: Octex - Idei Lahesna

sixdegrees
July 6th 2012



16917 Comments


this album is more amusing than anything.

Digging: Ted Nugent - Shutup&jam!

MMX
July 6th 2012



4797 Comments


This needs a 5 review

Da11thMytrillSphere
July 6th 2012



546 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

I DONT LIKE RICE
DONT TOUCH MY RICE

sixdegrees
July 6th 2012



16917 Comments


shredded wheatcore m/

Shuyin
July 6th 2012



11465 Comments


so i heard a joke about this band trying to rip off CC.


pretty funny, yea?

Digging: Integral - Sercosa

MGMTBoys
July 6th 2012



272 Comments


To the writer, you're an asshat. This band used to be good. This is more like a 3 or 3.5.

MGMTBoys
July 6th 2012



272 Comments


Of course resident dickhead Ancas would think that.

LifeAsAChipmunk
July 6th 2012



4854 Comments

Album Rating: 1.5

Boom.

LifeAsAChipmunk
July 6th 2012



4854 Comments

Album Rating: 1.5

Don't mind him. I'd rather have Keller than that guy.

Devastator
July 6th 2012



2481 Comments


lol someone thinks this is good.

ZilbelPing
July 6th 2012



6146 Comments


SHREDDED WHEAT
SHREDDED AND SHREDDED AND SHREDDED AND WHEAT

urnamz2longfixit
July 6th 2012



34 Comments


'I grasp my cleaver, my tool of dismemberment,
hacking at your limbs, slipping in the blood on my floor,
jamming your severed arm into your rancid vaginal pore.
i spew at the sight of the slashed and gaped asshole,
hyper-extended vaginal cavity fuels my urge to disembowel.
Removal of your mangled innards, forceful extraction from your busted anus.'

im never going to listen to this but that is damn brilliant

Da11thMytrillSphere
July 6th 2012



546 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

I LIKE TO CHEW ON GUM
I LIKE TO COLOUR PAINT
I'D LIKE TO FEEL YOUR ARM

By the way, that guy who rates this pile of poop with 3 must be joking, or is a def and retarded kid.

Treeman
July 7th 2012



1223 Comments


even this band doesnt think theyre actually good

SLAMMING GORE GROOVE

ILJ
July 7th 2012



6658 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

lol

BodomThrashMachine
July 7th 2012



316 Comments


MGMT is troll, nobody can be that fucking stupid.

I mean really now. lol

ShadowRemains
July 7th 2012



20521 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

BodomThrashMachine

ZedO
July 7th 2012



1096 Comments


Is this so that awful? Ah, can't wait to hear it and laugh..

Pankar95
July 7th 2012



137 Comments


Someone should let IcyLily hear this. He would give this the 5 review u want.



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