Review Summary: BRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!4 of 5 thought this review was well written
It takes a lot for a heavy metal album to piss me the *** off nowadays, and it seems that Waking the Cadaver has successfully done that. I'd honestly be quite impressed if they were trolling, like Anal Cunt always does- except their music is funny as hell. But for the first time, Waking the Cadaver has managed to make an album that's so void of...well, ANYTHING.
I only heard of this album recently. As I constantly visit Tv Tropes, and love to search up items I find in the "So Bad it's Horrible" section, one of my fondest memories of searching out horrible music featured on that page was Enmity
's "Disembowel the Meek". The moment the song started with its mindless snare rolling, double bass abuse, guitar slamming and vocals that sound like a garburator with a wooden spoon stuck in it, I immediately fell to the ground laughing extremely hard. A few months later I read up on their example about... ladies and gents, Waking the Cadaver and their little masterpiece called "Perverse Recollections of a Necromangler".
Seriously, metal doesn't get any worse than this. There is not a single shred of musicianship here. There's breakdowns, breakdowns, more breakdowns, a few breakdowns, a couple additions of breakdowns, and just when you thought the band has used up all their breakdowns (which should be by around the second track), well, guess what? Another breakdown!!! The only way to describe it at is "a cat having sex with a running lawnmower". Oh, and did I mention that there's too many breakdowns yet?
The vocalist, Don Campan, is a real joke. Not helping is the fact that he's also a rapper. I'm not joking. I could barely contain myself upon hearing that news. He has three vocal styles: high pitched BRIEEEEEEEE shrieks, which are 75% of the tracks, low pitched growls and pig grunts. In fsct, his rapping would probably be preferable to... um, this. I'll be damned if anyone can make out any of the lyrics.
Oh right, there's lyrics too! And as you've guessed, they're generic death metal gore lyrics. Except with bands like Cannibal Corpse and Cryotopsy, they're clever and darkly funny. Here they're just desperate. Not helping is the air of wigger talk that pollutes them too ("The notch never saw that coming"). After all, I did mention that Don Campan is a rapper, right? Here's an example of some of the rather Shakespearean lyrics, from "Raped, Pillaged, Gutted":
"I grasp my cleaver, my tool of dismemberment,
hacking at your limbs, slipping in the blood on my floor,
jamming your severed arm into your rancid vaginal pore.
i spew at the sight of the slashed and gaped asshole,
hyper-extended vaginal cavity fuels my urge to disembowel.
Removal of your mangled innards, forceful extraction from your busted anus.
Now that i'm done with this brutalized cunt
as i walk away, i spark up a freshly rolled blunt
I left her there to die slow,
this is how i show zero respect for this busted ass hoe."
For the record, any song that says "busted anus" in the lyrics wins points, but loses those points with "busted ass hoe".
The other musicians, well there's not much to say. All of them do what you'd predict a band like this to do: attack the guitar strings and snare drums. Bass? Well, there is none... Or at least it was recorded below the ability for humans to hear.
You may have noticed I didn't mention any songs. That's because they're ALL THE SAME. Save for the interlude, which is just a sound clip of the band taking bong hits.
In closing, *** this band, *** its fans, *** death core and *** myspace. All four are a waste of space on this earth and you can do something much better with your time and money, like investing in a fresh wheel of brie.