Meshuggah
Koloss


4.5
superb

Review

by Idioteque USER (8 Reviews)
June 13th, 2012 | 23 replies


Release Date: 2012 | Tracklist

Review Summary: Stampede of the elfgiant

Meshuggah. You've heard of them, the Swedish tech/prog metallers that tune so low that they push the boundaries of the audible range. They are famed for their intricate polyrhythms, insane drumming and rumoured cannibalistic habits. The only possible reason that you would not have heard of them would be that you tried to hear them, but were killed by the primal force of trve brutality that entered through your ears and made your soul implode and die (ridiculous as it may sound, this has become known as Meshuggah Syndrome, known sufferers of which include Dave Mustaine and Michael Akerfeldt). Meshuggah haven't really got anything to prove with this album, and it's is actually kinda pointless, since Destroy Erase Improve, Chaosphere and Obzen are all obviously superior albums, and there's only so many songs that you can compose from dropped-Z chugging and oh-I-am-so-raw-and-brutal-and-take-myself-so-seriously vocals before you start to forget which Meshuggah album you're listening to. However, despite the fact, that the emergance of Periphery as a better djentcore band has made Meshuggah's existance unessecary (just kidding), they made Koloss.

I'll admit that Koloss was my first taste of Meshuggah, and I liked it not at all when I first heard it, so I turned the volume up until it was unrecognizable noise and then pretended that it was Oasis. After that, I absolutely ******* loved it. The emotion behind this album is incredible, whilst the originality merits full marks. If you doubt the later statement, then let me convince you by my classic piece of advice: look at the artwork. The artwork displays a slightly runty/nerdy elf/gremlin sitting in a throne of snakes, holding a staff made of snakes with snakes at its feet. At first, you think "What is that puny elf doing on the front of a brutal, awesome Meshuggah album", but then you can hear the elf squeaking "No, **** you, I AM COLOSSUS", and it all becomes clear. With Koloss, Meshuggah takes the side of the dominant underdog and explores the theme of the weak rising. The snakes represent the uncertain path that the elf/gremlin has taken to acheive the position of the Kolossus, so they could have been replaced with a throne made of sand, but that would not have been metal enough. With this revolutionary theme, Meshuggah have sparked a trend that modern culture will follow for decades; just watch any Disney film to see how much influence this album has already had.

Once I realized how great Koloss was, I took my iPod and spent a month meditating naked under a waterfall, listening to nothing but this album (still on a ridiculously high volume), and came to a decisive conclusion about it; it is totally worthless apart from approximately 11.415525% of it. That 11% goes by the name of Dimiurge, and although it's a crap song (it's Meshuggah - duh), it is the perfect song to request from when you struggle to seduce a fit Swedish woman with. In that respect, the song is so outstanding that it earns the album 50/5, whilst the rest of it is so forgettable that it metits -45.5/5. I was so swept away by Dimiurge that I was almost tempted to lower the volume so that I could actually hear it properly, but then I reminded myself that the massively loud sound that I was hearing might me making it deaf, but actually being able to listen properly would make me insane and give up on my life, so I decided to stay loud and remain happy in my ignorance.

Anyways, Koloss is a great album if you like Dimiurge, trippy elves with snakes, Swedish women or very loud volumes. Otherwise, it kinda blows.



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user ratings (1212)
Chart.
3.8
excellent
other reviews of this album
1 of
  • Kubrick (4.5)
    The sweet spot between intricacy and accessibilty....

    Attis (2)
    fuck the polys...

    GeorgeWheeler (4)
    Meshuggah have taken a different approach with Koloss. For better or worse is subjective, ...

    CharlyDeranged (2.5)
    Not great, not bad either. Did these Swedish folks feel it was perhaps time for an unwante...

  • Alex Beebe (3.5)
    A return with nothing ground-breaking for their sound, but a return that reminds you of wh...

    kwitel (3)
    Left wanting more......

    froghawk (3.5)
    A lack of new ideas make this album feel like another step sideways, but a more concise an...

    Jake C. Taylor (4)
    Heavier than the Colosseum itself....

  • Dil Samara (4)
    Head-/earphone users, rejoice!...

    Philalethes (4.5)
    Hey Djent kids, listen up. Your metal teachers Meshuggah are back, and class is in sessio...

    KJ Swantko (4)
    Meshuggah say adios to the trendy djent posers and leave them in the dust....

    Adam Thomas STAFF (4)
    The gears keep turning in a well oiled machine....


Comments:Add a Comment 
IdiotequeCigar
June 13th 2012


402 Comments

Album Rating: 4.5

Fuck, I spelt emergence wrong

IdiotequeCigar
June 13th 2012


402 Comments

Album Rating: 4.5

and Demiurge

johnnydeking29
June 13th 2012


9447 Comments


Are you ever going to review something that you've heard properly, lol (please don't)

Digging: Warren of Ohms - The Wolf and The Fox

BodomThrashMachine
June 13th 2012


316 Comments


Yo dawg i herd u liek trolling so i gave u a troll neg.


IdiotequeCigar
June 13th 2012


402 Comments

Album Rating: 4.5

In that case, you no longer deserve to have Bodom in your name

MO
June 13th 2012


18986 Comments

Album Rating: 4.5

heh somewhat funny review

Shuyin
June 13th 2012


11961 Comments


i predict this album having 30+ reviews by the end of the year.

MO
June 13th 2012


18986 Comments

Album Rating: 4.5

i don't

johnnydeking29
June 13th 2012


9447 Comments


It might get 15

KjSwantko
June 13th 2012


9446 Comments

Album Rating: 4.0 | Sound Off

however many it gets, it doesn't really need any more.

Anyway, I kinda liked this review in a bizarre-review-kind-of-way.

BodomThrashMachine
June 13th 2012


316 Comments


@ OP, are you by chance trying to imply that CoB are an elite/elitist band ? because if so, roflmfao.

Basically what you're trying to accomplish here is get the elitists that say "oh man you just don't get it, band is too smart for you etc etc" mad. Which is fine, that kind of people is pretty annoying. But this album is actually really good. Too bad you disagree then hmm...

IdiotequeCigar
June 13th 2012


402 Comments

Album Rating: 4.5

No, I'm saying that CoB were a fucking amazing band and that you are not worthy
Also, I gave this albums a 4.5/5, so sssssh

BodomThrashMachine
June 13th 2012


316 Comments


"CoB were a fucking amazing band"

Keyword in your post: were.

johnnydeking29
June 13th 2012


9447 Comments


@BodomThrash you can hardly slam him for hating on this album when he gave it a 4.5 (and if you took anything in this review seriously, you are an absolute dipshit)

BodomThrashMachine
June 13th 2012


316 Comments


I didn't, I just find it a waste of time, both on his part for making it (obligatory trolls have no life type comment) and on mine for reading it, tbh. But I'm not really hating on him or anything, just expressing my opinion. Also I couldn't care less that he rated it a 4.5 when his real opinion seems to be completely different.

zaruyache
June 13th 2012


7234 Comments

Album Rating: 3.0

lol pos

Digging: Sleepytime Gorilla Museum - In Glorious Times

IdiotequeCigar
June 13th 2012


402 Comments

Album Rating: 4.5

Ty, lol

KILL
June 13th 2012


72086 Comments

Album Rating: 3.0

got bored of this just a lil

Digging: Steve Hackett - Out of the Tunnel's Mouth

KjSwantko
June 13th 2012


9446 Comments

Album Rating: 4.0 | Sound Off

same, it did get boring qucik

MO
June 13th 2012


18986 Comments

Album Rating: 4.5

still headbang hard to this you guys are lame




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