Review Summary: A perfect dosage of gayness and legit guitar playing
What do you get when you take Tony MacAlpine, some other bros, and throw them in a blender in 1986? You get a really cheesy “metal” album, and it kicks ass. It’s no wonder this album flopped commercially when it came out. Straight up, everything from the lyrics, to the riffs, and the entire package the boys are trying to sell us is pretty gay. Not like Cinderella gay though. Maybe Winger-gay with a touch of Priest, or there abouts. But for all this gaydom, we can’t neglect how badass Tony MacAlpine is and his ability to piss fire when he starts into a solo. He by himself makes this album legit.
You know what was great about 1986? Dudes back then just didn’t even care. They ripped on the guitar and drank beer and cool stuff like that. Nowadays all these metal bros want to be tough and come across as elites and it gets lame. All these critics back then who gave this album a bad review were just ***bags. “Shut your cunt and just jam it bro” is what I’d tell them. They were probably just angry MacAlpine could ram his guitar up their rectum and play better than they could. I mean c’mon, not every album needs to be creative!
One will look at this album and say, “ugh it’s so cliché, look at those album titles!” And that is exactly correct! Look at them! They’re so cliché and so gay and so predictable that it is great. “Slave To My Touch“….if that’s not a perfect 80’s song then I don’t know what is. Even the album cover looks cool. Damn. There’s nothing to not like about this album unless you’re some pretentious critic, and if that’s the case then just shove a Viking spear up your twat and die.
Straight up, listen to solos like that on Nostradamus and Writings On The Wall and try to tell me they aren’t good. You can’t. TheNotrap rec’d me this album and he was dead on because he knows what he’s talking about. It just owns. Plain and simple. If you don’t agree then you probably possess overtly gay characteristics, but not even in the cool way like this album. And make sure to check out the song “I Can See it In Your Eyes” because it’s my favorite here. Basically these dudes just jammed and killed it and it came out great, just like sometimes when you don't feel like exerting too much effort for writing a review and want to just tell it like it is. Keep it metal, metal brothers! m/