Lou Reed and Metallica
Lulu


1.5
very poor

Review

by mvlamborghini USER (6 Reviews)
March 22nd, 2012 | 24 replies


Release Date: 2011 | Tracklist

Review Summary: Is this the signal that Rock music is perhaps slowly fading to black?

Metallica are one of the most followed and successful acts in the last 30 years. Their seminal debut record, Kill ‘Em All, was one of ground-breaking albums that defined the Thrash Metal genre, their magnum opus, Master Of Puppets, remains arguably the greatest Metal album ever released, and The Black Album was immensely successful, and cemented Metallica as the Kings of Heavy Metal.

Sounds impressive, but if you were to say Metallica to a normal person, the first word that might come to mind would be “Napster” or “Sell-out.” Metallica have an extensive and infamous history of alienating their rapid fan base since the controversial release of Load, which resulted in unhappy fans. Fans were also disappointed with ReLoad, which was a dismal collection of B-Sides from the Load recording sessions, Garage Inc., which was an unsuccessful attempt at trying to prove they are still a Thrash Metal band, the insufferable and laughable S&M concerts and recordings, and of course, the atrocity of St. Anger. Even Death Magnetic was a vapid attempt at trying to recapture the band’s early Thrash era.

When it was announced that Lou Reed and Metallica were going to record an album together, the news was met with a large amount of sighs and drones amongst the Metal community. Metallica, for all these years have been the most successful heavy metal band of all time, are fading to black in the music business, and all the members in Metallica are now reaching the fifty year old barriers. Lou Reed, is now sixty-nine years old and like Metallica, has built a reputation of recording some interesting but questionable music, the best example of this is his 1975 record Metal Machine Music, which, if you have listened to the album, is basically a bunch of irritating noises in a construction factory being put together. A 30 second preview on Youtube of Lulu’s leading single “The View” of what was to come was met with twice as many dislikes than likes and accusations of the entire release being some kind of joke.

Listening to Lulu for the first time, and indeed the last, you really get the impression that Lou Reed, Metallica and anyone else involved with the project sat down for a lovely lunch, or disgusting in this matter, depending if the quality of their lunch influenced the terribleness of the album, and decided to create excruciatingly long songs with vocals that are offbeat, lyrics that will give you nightmares, intrusive clicking drums and guitar and bass that only the supersonic hearers could hear.

The album’s opener, “Brandenburg Gate”, has you thinking that Metallica have transformed into a late
night Billy Joel tribute act as James Hetfield goes on about a “small-town girl”. Even though the song only lasts for 4 minutes 21 seconds, it becomes boring. “The View” is slightly better, and the Metallica jam that ends the song is half decent, but it’s the drum pattern that becomes irritating. “Pumping Blood” isn’t memorable at all. Reed mutters the title continuously and Lars’ drumming is too intrusive and not very good throughout the whole song. “Mistress Dread” contains a frantic riff and a fast drumbeat, but there is no musical change throughout the song and Reed’s vocals catastrophically are out of time and very slow. The second single off Lulu, “Iced Honey” isn’t terrible by no means, and it lurks back to the Load/ReLoad era, but doesn’t set any benchmarks. “Cheat On Me” clocks in at 11:26, and the first 3 minutes are very reminiscent of Lou Reed’s notorious 1975 LP Metal Machine Music. It is around the 5 minute mark where the song really should begin.

The second disc of this torturous EP is no better than the first. “Frustration” contains the most powerful example of Metallica’s work on the record, but Lars’ drum solos throughout the song becomes a nuisance. “Little Dog” may well just be a new found cure for insomnia, “Dragon” bursts out some breaths of life, but it’s ruined by a very repetitive riff and “Junior Dad” is definitely one of the most pointless songs ever committed to any record in a very long time that lasts an agonising 20 minutes.

The average song length on Lulu is a whopping eight minutes 42 seconds, and three of the songs, “Cheat On Me”, “Dragon” and “Junior Dad” all exceed 11 minutes and contain the same riffs and drum beats being repeated constantly.

Are there any positives? Although Lou Reed’s lyrics are extremely strange, some of the lines in the album are hilarious. Several of them are standouts: “I would cut my legs and tits off”, “The cook got drunk and all the whores they shrunk”, “Like a coloured man’s dick”, “I’m a women who likes men” and “To be dry and spermless like a girl” are all worth actually listening to the album, but the greatest lyric on Lulu is sung by James Hetfield in “The View” in all his glory, where he says, and I quote, “I am a table.”

Metallica will certainly want to avoid performing any of this stuff live to avoid a wave of boos and hisses from die-hard fans that most likely hate Lulu with a passion. As for Reed, he won’t have to deal with any severe criticism despite a statement that claims death threats have been sent to him. If there are any Lou Reed fans left, they might enjoy the EP. It’s very difficult to predict whether Metallica’s next step will be a pleasant one. Of course, we could be wrong.

Pros
• Comedic lyrics

Cons
• Vocals are out of time
• Drums are intrusive and too loud
• Guitar and Bass are too soft
• Riffs and beats are repeated over and over
• Longer songs are very excruciating to listen to
• Entire EP is too long

Recommended Tracks
• Very hard to choose a favourite, but “The View” is probably the best song on the record.

FINAL RATING: 1.5 / 5



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user ratings (946)
Chart.
1.4
very poor
other reviews of this album
1 of

Comments:Add a Comment 
Parallels
March 22nd 2012


6643 Comments


Best comedy album ever

chambered69
March 22nd 2012


1253 Comments


tim allen would say otherwise

TheVoiceAndTheSnake
March 22nd 2012


3663 Comments


Lol

Who said this was an EP?

ILJ
March 22nd 2012


6741 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

This seriously did not need another negative review.

Try reviewing something that doesn't already have 8 negative reviews.

Digging: FKA Twigs - LP1

iambandersnatch
March 22nd 2012


1496 Comments


pointless review is pointless

AsoTamaki
March 22nd 2012


2525 Comments

Album Rating: 5.0 | Sound Off

Lol. Those two disc, 90 minute EPs...

Yeah, terrible review. Half of it's basically a history lesson filled with factual inaccuracies and then it shifts into this atrocious, lazily described track-by-track review.

Negged. Hard.

Parallels
March 22nd 2012


6643 Comments


metallitable

pacedown
March 22nd 2012


174 Comments


the news was met with a large amount of sighs and drones amongst the Metal community.
who are those people by the way, forming the Metal community.?

lostforwords
March 22nd 2012


446 Comments

Album Rating: 4.0

Why do you claim that the whole Rock Music is fading into black? And how does this statement relate to this record?

sexpoi
March 22nd 2012


599 Comments


i didn't think the review was that bad. I can't bring myself to sit through this though


DarkNoctus
Contributing Reviewer
March 22nd 2012


8946 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0

it's difficult to choose which is more redundant, this review or the album it's meant to be reviewing

Tyrael
March 22nd 2012


20974 Comments


lol a 2

MO
March 22nd 2012


19078 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0 | Sound Off

hans did it WAY better

heyadam
March 22nd 2012


1722 Comments


it's difficult to choose which is more redundant, this review or the album it's meant to be reviewing

this.

Digging: DIR EN GREY - Arche

BaseballJames
March 22nd 2012


376 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0 | Sound Off

"“Junior Dad” is definitely one of the most pointless songs ever committed to any record in a very long time"

You borrowed that from Joseph Viney's review...

sixdegrees
March 22nd 2012


17731 Comments


thanks, I had no idea that this was a bad album.

Digging: Satomimagae - Koko

omnipanzer
March 22nd 2012


21660 Comments

Album Rating: 1.5

hans did it WAY better [2]


Sorry sir but yes.

zaruyache
March 22nd 2012


7419 Comments

Album Rating: 1.5

Actually, it's "I am the tablet," not table.

Digging: Maybeshewill - Fair Youth

Ikarus14
March 22nd 2012


558 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

You BOLD person! I see several words and phrases that are either similar or identical to Viney's review.
Neg'ed for plagiarism and bad paraphrasing.

=EDIT=
For the record (pardon the pun) I do believe that this album is an LP, and not an EP.

goop
March 22nd 2012


131 Comments


Redundant review. and this isn't an EP



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