Review Summary: FUCK YOU
Being pissed off is a pretty ***in' rad. Sometimes you can't really get anything done if you aren't ***in' pissed off and ready to fight. I mean, it might end in you having made the wrong decision but hey, at least you did something right? Luckily for us when cool people get pissed off and write music it generally turns out to be awesome (well, maybe not, but you get the point). Cryptic Slaughter's
Money Talks is a prime example of being ***ing pissed off and doing something about it. Released right in the middle of the thriving New York hardcore/crossover movement Money Talks is full of angry riffs, scathing vocals, and a *** you energy that almost all white kids everywhere feel when they suddenly realize that the world really doesn't like them as much as they thought it did.
Aside from Nuclear Assault's
John Connelly, Bill Crooks was probably the best crossover vocalist to ever yell at a bunch of sweaty teenagers. It was the perfect mix of higher pitched angry as *** yells and small bits of melody here and there. Just like everything else the band did it relied on pure energy to be good and with great effect. Cryptic Slaughter
in general weren't exactly the most musically talented group in the world, but then again crossover wasn't necessarily focused on showcasing musical prowess. Most everything on Money Talks is pretty sloppy and spastic. But it works. If this record had been immaculately produced and performed it probably would have sucked ass. It's not about how good what you're hearing sounds but how it makes you feel. Yeah I know that’s a pretty pussy way of describing Cryptic Slaughter
but it's pretty damn close to describing why this record is so ***ing good. This is the kind of record you listen to when you just want to beat the *** out of old rich white people on their ***ing stupid ass golf carts drinking ice ***ing tea.
Regardless of how sloppy and raw the music is performed the riffs ***ing rule. Conviction was more focused on being all out speed and aggression, but many places in Money Talks break down into a chorus or a low end riff and always sounds good as hell. Of course, most of the time the record spends its time blasting your balls off but the progression to more varied song structures was a great evolution for the band. There are a few solos spread throughout the record but they are there more as accents than an actual critical part of the songwriting. The lyrics stay with the territory of the "*** the system, I won't be a sheep, lick my asshole" kind of angst, which of course is awesome. Nothing is better than making music that old white people will hate because old white people suck. In fact, I think that’s the lesson Cryptic Slaughter
was trying, very loudly, to teach. The older you get, the more you start to suck, so make the best of it while you still retain a bit of your enthusiasm. One day you'll probably be yelling at the kids down the street for messing up your lawn, but for now while you aren't so ***ty enjoy it, do ***, and don't give a ***.