Bria Valente
Elixir


1.0
awful

Review

by Nathan Flynn CONTRIBUTOR (68 Reviews)
February 5th, 2012 | 9 replies | 2,849 views


Release Date: 2009 | Tracklist

Review Summary: Apparently looking to emulate the success of his female products of the Revolution era, Prince offers his name to yet another protege who just isn't worth it.

It all started with, and should have mercifully ended with, Vanity 6. Vanity 6 was a Prince-sponsored novelty group in the 1980’s that somehow produced a high charting song with “Nasty Girl.” Apparently Prince was emboldened by the success and, when Vanity departed the group to become a born-again Christian, he sought another female frontwoman to be his next protégé. Out of what can only be quantified as sheer desperation, Apollonia Kotero filled Vanity’s shoes, and a legacy position was born. For nearly 30 years, Prince has been trying and failing to use his success as a launching pad for struggling, young women who he deems funky enough to be his next young star. By 2009, with his best years obviously behind him, Prince was still trying to use himself as a launching pad for- apparently- anyone that knocked on his door.

Enter Bria Valente, a saucily named Minnesotan with absolutely no talent. She also happened to be Prince’s girlfriend at the time production started on Prince’s double album “LotusFlower/MpLSound.” Through a thought process by Prince that can be best described as “because I said so, duh” a third album featuring Valente on vocals was added to the already packed bill. Regardless of the lack of foresight, you can’t really blame Prince. Kotero enjoyed a rather decent career after appearing in Purple Rain, and Vanity obviously had a huge hit, so it would appear to not be a poor decision…

Except it was. Elixir makes it abundantly clear that the success of Prince’s old charges was the backing music. The musical arrangement of Elixir amounts to Prince blandly strumming power chords and a no-name producer throwing down the blandest club-inspired beats ever to come out of NPG Studios. None of this benefits Valente, who frankly needs all the help she can get. She’s far from naturally talented, and the layers upon layers of auto-tune to mask her tone deafness just muddle the already needlessly churned mixture. Her lyrics are droll and obviously written with the intent of appealing to the same women that still worship Prince and presumably read romance novels- all of her songs are dripping with seductive rolls of the tongue and sexy double entendres that would make a 6th grader groan. It all amounts to little more than a cash-grab that Prince probably made as a favor to his girlfriend; and serves as proof that love does in fact conquer all, even integrity.



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user ratings (1)
1
awful

Comments:Add a Comment 
FromDaHood
Contributing Reviewer
February 4th 2012


9034 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

Writing 1 reviews is just too fucking hard.

FromDaHood
Contributing Reviewer
February 4th 2012


9034 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

Because Mom bought the LotusFlower album and we threw it on as a joke

pizzamachine
February 4th 2012


12571 Comments


Though there's only one paragraph about the music, I'm gonna pos.

Trebor.
Contributing Reviewer
February 4th 2012


50306 Comments


Is that a guy?

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FromDaHood
Contributing Reviewer
February 4th 2012


9034 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

surprisingly, no.
And thank you for the gracious pos pizza

Scoot
February 4th 2012


17748 Comments


"Something U Already Know"

taylormemer
February 4th 2012


4917 Comments


Looks like an album trey would like

Tyrael
February 5th 2012


20866 Comments


she's scary as fuck

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Pupi
May 26th 2012


1 Comments


this album is not writen by Brenda , Prince is writing the music and all the songs with LYRICS full with untruth about a person who is he waching in his snooping around without permission, so Brenda is trying to sing and don,t know what is she singing about.
it is the biggest LIE ever to say ,that she is writing anything in this album.

what a shame

and this is also to see in her mendacious GAZE



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