Joe McElderry
Classic


1.0
awful

Review

by Ali CONTRIBUTOR (130 Reviews)
September 1st, 2011 | 27 replies


Release Date: 2011 | Tracklist

Review Summary: Quite the opposite.

Let’s get one thing straight; I, like any self-respecting music fan, despise The X-Factor, and all the pathetic ‘stars’ it has puked up since it’s inception in the UK seven years ago. It’s a plague on the earth, completely dominating the nation’s talking points and Facebook feeds, and what’s worse it seems to reappear mere weeks after we were celebrating it’s conclusion. But of all of the supermarket staples that the show has shat out, none get under my skin quite as much as 2009 winner Joe McElderry. I remember it clearly, the moment when it was announced that his debut single – a cover of Miley Cyrus’ 'The Climb' – had been beaten to the top of the UK charts by an internet campaign which had propelled Rage Against The Machine’s 'Killing In The Name' to number 1. I was beside myself with joy, for not only were RATM one of my favourite bands, but McElderry is local to me, and as a result I’d had to spend the previous few months hearing how people knew his aunt’s best friend’s house-cleaner, or whatever.

In fairness, his debut album, Wide Awake wasn’t the worst thing ever released – nor for that matter was it the worst released by an X-Factor winner. It did, however, come across as a miserable attempt to strike a chord with his new gay audience, since he’d belatedly came out in the run-up to it’s release. Even worse, the brand of sickly euro-pop he adopted failed to impress the sheep that had bought 'The Climb,' meaning that the album flopped badly and McElderry was unceremoniously dumped from Simon Cowell’s SyCo label. It seemed his fledging career as a pop star was over no sooner than it had begun, oh how I rejoiced...

Sadly, like an especially unpleasant cockroach, he’s come crawling back winning another reality show, Pop Star To Opera Star, and subsequently bought himself a second chance. This second album, rush released before interest in the show inevitably dissolves, marks this drastic change in his musical direction, not that he ever seemed to have a concrete plan laid out in the first place. Despite still having a distinct smell of cheddar, the dramatic orchestral arrangements and backing choirs are no where near as cheesy as the overproduced snot on his debut, and as a result the whole thing comes over as a far more tasteful release. Other than his wonderful personality, the one thing his supporters always quote as a strength is his voice, and that is showcased far more effectively on this record, with plenty of high notes and pretty harmonies for him to warble along to. He even *gasp* sings in different languages in some of the songs, how adventurous.

Unfortunately, although not at all unexpectedly, these are the only minor positives which can be taken from Classic. Talent show albums rarely possess any kind of spark, but this is so utterly devoid of any form of creativity that you have to wonder whether you could count the hours it took to assemble on one hand. It’s composed entirely of covers, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but every one is performed in such a predictable and formulaic way that the whole thing just seems totally pointless. What’s more the song choices are frightfully cynical, with the inclusion of 'I Dreamed A Dream' in particular doing a poor job of disguising the fact that they’re simply trying to tap into Susan Boyle’s market – aka, music for people who don’t like music.

Yes, Joe McElderry has a good voice, but then so does my ***ing Gran, and the fact that she’s pushing 70 isn’t the only reason why she’s not a global superstar. McElderry is in his element when hitting the big high notes, but all too often that can seem like the only trick he has to offer, and as a result the variation in terms of his vocal performance is practically zero. But perhaps the worst thing of all about this album is that it all seems so needless. The kid could quite easily make a decent living in the West-End musicals, which in itself would make a lot of people happy. Instead, though, he’s insisted on bulldozing on with his dream of being a pop star, and as a result has clogged the market with yet more worthless, throwaway music that his legion of obsessive followers will doubtless lap up. They don’t care that this is an album with barely a single redeeming feature, they only care about the fact that it’s by lovely Joe, who they saw on the TV and voted for a few years ago. I’ll happily hold my hands up if he returns with something decent, but I’m quite prepared to go on record and say that I hope that this is the last we hear of him.



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user ratings (7)
Chart.
2.1
poor

Comments:Add a Comment 
AliW1993
Contributing Reviewer
September 1st 2011


7338 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

I don't usually 1 things, but this shit is just so needless

Trebor.
Contributing Reviewer
September 1st 2011


50380 Comments


I never understood the appeal of listening to some asshole sing covers

Digging: Viper the Rapper - You'll Cowards Don't Even Smoke Crack

mvood
September 1st 2011


818 Comments


oh hey you're welsh?

TheVoiceAndTheSnake
September 1st 2011


3663 Comments


Yep, another piece of shit.

Tyrael
September 1st 2011


20876 Comments


Another rape face cover

brrr

Digging: Darkspace - Dark Space III I

IfYouRun
September 1st 2011


293 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

Agreed with the review, X Factor needs to die a slow and painful death.

AliW1993
Contributing Reviewer
September 1st 2011


7338 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

I wouldn't get your hopes up, it's spread to the US now

fish.
Contributing Reviewer
September 1st 2011


21964 Comments


well simon cowell left which will kill it


and didn't this guy get dropped by sony?

AliW1993
Contributing Reviewer
September 1st 2011


7338 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

Well maybe, but I'm not particularly optomistic.

SyCo is a branch of Sony, I believe

letsgofishing
September 1st 2011


902 Comments


fantastic review

POS

Aids
Contributing Reviewer
September 1st 2011


23826 Comments


entertaining review, sounds like this would make me blood boil

Steoandnoodles
September 1st 2011


2832 Comments


I feel bad for him (and most of the people who make a 'career' from the X-Factor) Because he genuinely seems like a nice lad who doesn't deserve the hate. Alas, he's probably enjoying himself and I wish him the best even if I hate the music he releases.

AliW1993
Contributing Reviewer
September 1st 2011


7338 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

If he was that nice he'd give up recording music for the sake of humanity.

Seriously, though, I've got nothing against him as a person but clearly the stuff he releases is dismal and someone should just tell him to stop. It's particularly bad for me scene as he's from my parts, you never hear the end of how he's a local hero and how people are distantly connected to him.

Steoandnoodles
September 1st 2011


2832 Comments


I know, I'm sure it's bad but afterall; the music is full of crap. It's more satisfying knowing that crap is coming from someone who means well. Besides, we live once; he has the opportunity to do someone he wants and though I may dislike his music, along with Katy Perry, Justin Bieber, Mumford & Sons and Pit Bull and the likes; they aren't harming anyone. It's not like they are trying to make us feel any sort of pain.

Someone likes it and they enjoy what they do, you know?

Motiv3
September 1st 2011


8932 Comments


This guy is a cunt and im sure this album is fucking awful. Pos.

Digging: Punch - They Don?t Have To Believe

jordo246
September 1st 2011


69 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

I'm all for letting people have their own opinions when it comes to music but when the music literally
takes no skill, emotion or feeling to create its nothing but tasteless crap

AliW1993
Contributing Reviewer
September 1st 2011


7338 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

Yeah, I can definitely understand him living the dream and all that, but it's clearly not going anywhere because this album has flopped even worse than his debut. It'd be far better if someone put an arm around his shoulder and told him to go down to London and make a living at the west-end, it'd suit him far better.

The problem that I have with this record in particular is that it's so shameless in it's aim of exploiting the target audience. It's some of the most inoffensive music you'll ever hear, and that's exactly what's wrong with it.

Steoandnoodles
September 1st 2011


2832 Comments


Oh yeah, don't get me wrong; I haven't listened to it though I'm sure it's garbage but it's not as if they set out to make a thought provoking masterpiece.

AliW1993
Contributing Reviewer
September 1st 2011


7338 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

Well that's something else that irks me. I'm not saying that all music should be poetic and thought provoking, but I personally think that anyone who makes music should go into it with the vision of making something completely amazing. Now obviously I have no way of proving this, but to me it seems that the people behind this album (and by that I mean the producers etc more than JM himself) have money in their minds over making a masterpiece.

Steoandnoodles
September 1st 2011


2832 Comments


Of course but I'm probably seeing it in Joe's perspective; that he gets to do something he has always wanted, which is to be a pop artist. So yeah, it's really the good and the bad isn't it?

If only the producers cared more to release something with actual attention.



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