Saxon
Saxon


5.0
classic

Review

by escalatortopurgatory USER (5 Reviews)
August 27th, 2011 | 33 replies | 6,389 views


Release Date: 1979 | Tracklist


11 of 13 thought this review was well written

Back when men were men, rock was rock, and we didn't have fairies like Vampire Weekend prancing around in pink Polo shirts, a band existed that was so fearsome, their name actually came from a massive confederation of barbarians that terrorized the Roman Empire. That band was The Vandals… and then there was Saxon.

Listening to Saxon is equivalent in masculinity to mowing the lawn while smoking a pipe AND sipping on a glass of scotch, except the lawn is actually your own facial hair, and you stop after 5 minutes so you can go inside and watch reruns of M*A*S*H. Listening to Saxon is the hormonal equivalent of cage-wrestling a grizzly bear, strangling it with your bare hands, devouring its raw flesh, and turning its hide into a rug for the cabin you constructed using nothing but a dull box cutter and roll of duct tape. A scientist at Area 51 once tried concentrating Saxon into a pure liquid form so it could be injected into soldiers; he discovered the resulting serum to be 100% atomically identical to testosterone. He then spontaneously combusted.

This is the caliber of ass-kickery we're dealing with here. There are no stupid gimmicks or pretentious horseshlt to be found with Saxon. Just kick ass rock-n-roll- hard hitting riffs, face melting solos, pounding drums, songs about war, motorcycles, the apocalypse, and even seemingly non-manly things like rainbows which become manly by virtue of the fact that Saxon has decided to sing about them. Just look at the cover art. Look at the twisted rage in the barbarian's eyes. Look at his blood-stained sword. Look at his shield. It actually has dents in it. What kind of enemies has this dude been up against that his shield would actually have dents in it? This is clearly a guy you wouldn't want to mess with.

Just get the album. What are you waiting for? Why are you listening to Radiohead right now when you could be listening to real rock 'n' roll? Could it be that you're a fool who spends too much time caring about what Pitchfork Media thinks? I think so.


user ratings (74)
Chart.
3.3
great

Comments:Add a Comment 
cinaedus
August 27th 2011



26447 Comments


"Why are you listening to Radiohead right now when you could be listening to real rock 'n' roll?"

Digging: The Suicide Machines - Destruction By Definition

AngelofDeath
Staff Reviewer
August 27th 2011



16134 Comments


Oh ho, gettin' some real metal on the front page.

AngelofDeath
Staff Reviewer
August 27th 2011



16134 Comments


Oh, and the twenty Devil Wears Prada reviews, of course.

AngelofDeath
Staff Reviewer
August 27th 2011



16134 Comments


Yeah, I feel like I should go throw together some Hellhammer and Venom reviews.

AngelofDeath
Staff Reviewer
August 27th 2011



16134 Comments


T'was a queef time when hairspray ruled the airwaves and tight spandex inverted chodes...

foxblood
August 27th 2011



6797 Comments


good review, pitchfork is so easy to mock. drinking rum and listening to this right now, guess that's manly enough. no
pipe or M*A*S*H though

foxblood
August 27th 2011



6797 Comments


testosterone reaching critical levels.
first two songs have rainbow in the title, now that's manly

TheNotrap
August 27th 2011



8029 Comments


my fav track here is Big Teaser
The next two records are better IMO

Digging: Savage Grace - Master Of Disguise

Nagrarok
August 27th 2011



8170 Comments

Album Rating: 3.5

Wheels of Steel and Strong Arm of the Law rock harder, but can't go wrong with early Saxon.

letsgofishing
August 27th 2011



900 Comments


Best review I've read in months

POS

Aids
Contributing Reviewer
August 27th 2011



23800 Comments


youre 2 for 3 today, well done on this one

Jruined
August 27th 2011



1296 Comments


My thick carpet of chest hair just grew it's own carpet of chest hair after reading this.

pos.

Digging: Mike Oldfield - Ommadawn

rockandmetaljunkie
August 28th 2011



3302 Comments

Album Rating: 3.0 | Sound Off

Great review but i disagree with the rating.

coneren
August 28th 2011



11111 Comments


FUCK YEAH ONLINE STORE

rockandmetaljunkie
August 28th 2011



3302 Comments

Album Rating: 3.0 | Sound Off

Saxon, Diamond Head, Angel Witch, Venom... great bands man
NWOBHM is the best

Wizard
August 28th 2011



19296 Comments


god damn great reviews today

You're fucking kidding, the review as of lately have been complete shit.

Digging: Downer - Downer

Textures
August 28th 2011



76 Comments


saxon? review some good music please.

SWORD
August 28th 2011



111 Comments


damn good

JamieTwort
Contributing Reviewer
August 28th 2011



20254 Comments


Saxon rules.

TheNotrap
August 28th 2011



8029 Comments


damn right
m/



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