Review Summary: a classic8 of 8 thought this review was well written
Twas the 90s, when prog was dead and music was queef. No longer was Karn Evil 9 the feel-good hit of the summer, nay, it twas ***ty bands like candlebox and other gay ones. But in 1994, the boys of EMERSON LAKE AND PALMER set out to record another album - one that would change the world.
Beginning with "Hand of Truth" the band is already back in top shape. Keith plays like it's 1974 and he holds no mustard. He unleashes whatever he pleases and he doesn't care if the audience likes it or not- a true rock attitude. Greg is sitting there playing his bass like he doesn't even give a ***. Newsflash: he doesn't. He strums all day and the bass just gets inside your ears like a dead flashlight. In other words, nobody saw it coming. The cheese of the sandwich that is ELP is the great Carl Palmer. He hits his drumset many times throughout this song, and not just this song, but the entire album. He hits his drumset with his big sticks and he has no regrets. He's in ELP. He plays how he wants. He doesn't care what the homo grunge bands were gonna think of this record. He's not out to impress Pearl Garden and Sound Jam. He's out to bring prog back into the limelight.
The band truly comes together on this album. It's like they are coming out of their penises. You know the moment when you ejaculate...it's like being in heaven. And you know ejaculation is a great thing. ELP knew this as well. They ejaculate all over our ears with such heavenly music. Never before have I been ejaculated upon so gracefully and so brilliantly. And as much as I hate to say it, I don't think I'll get ejaculated on this good ever again. Who could ever have believed that getting jizzed on was this miraculous?
The highlight of the album is "Hammer It Out", a sexual piece played with such sensuality and sexualness, it makes one crave more ejaculation upon them. Not from other men, I dare say, but from ELP on this album. A metaphorical ejaculation; the type that only a group like Emerson Lake and Palmer could even dream of doing. Others may try to ejaculate with such proficiency...they fail. All of them. The only album that has ever come
close to matching this one is Calling All Stations. And that's a whole other review altogether. Yet on Hammer It Out, Greg makes it clear what he wants. Masturbation. An attribute often attributed to the group since their creation in 1970. Masturbation is good for the soul.
So is this album.