Review Summary: Just as bad as it sounds.
A well-ordered society is crucial to a smoothly-running world. Honestly, without being well-ordered, how on Earth can you expect something to run smoothly? One thing that plays a big part in keeping a society well-ordered is money. To use an old cliché, money is what makes the world go round. It is both a positive and negative; it is a crucial part of living; and it is necessary to survive in today's society. Without money, our society would probably disrupt into chaos. Sure, we may survive for a few days on the old trading system, but that wouldn't last long. Money keeps people in check- it motivates people to work and work is also crucial to a well-ordered society. Take away that incentive, and what reason is there for anyone to work? Unfortunately, for many people there would be none. It is for that reason that money is an essential part of a well-ordered society; money makes the world go round, smoothly.
That brings me to the debut EP by American pop band Millionaires. Apparently created "as an accident" when sisters Melissa and Allison Green began experimenting with GarageBand, this infernal act is fairly well-known in the music scene for their combination of extremely explicit lyrics and bubbly, electropop backing tracks. Those two things are oxymorons just as are the phrases: "good" and "this album." Sporting the unfortunate title of "Bling Bling Bling!" this EP may feature only five tracks, but that is five tracks too many. I can say without a doubt that this is one of the worst albums I have ever had the displeasure of hearing, and I have heard some bad music in my time. But honestly, with lyrics such as: "Friday night it's time to party / drop it down and get real naughty / girls talk s***, we don't care / we'll take off our underwear!" would you really expect any different?
Right off the bat we get an obviously looped, computerized Spanish guitar-lick, and before long we are thrown into a sea of computerized beats, lyrics that sound like they written by a fifth-grader, and some of the most annoying "singing" ever recorded. Were they trying to rap? I will never know, but if they were, then they failed miserably. Nasally, irritating, and bordering on unlistenable, these girls make Rebecca Black look like Whitney Houston. Thirty seconds into album opener "I Like Money," and I wouldn't blame anyone for wanting to turn it off. It's that bad. And it isn't the worst song on the album.
I could go into detail, describing each of the other four songs on the album, but that would require listening to the EP again, and in all honesty I don't want to do that. Suffice it to say that the other four songs on the album mostly cover the same topics as the opener, talking about money, "loaded" guys, alcohol, and partying. All of the beats are terrible, the vocals are unbearable, the songs themselves abysmal, and the whole EP a disaster.
In the opening paragraph I talked about a well-ordered society being crucial to a smoothly-running world. Albums like these are the downside to living in a well-ordered society, because if society was unorganized, one can hope that these girls would not have had access to the recording equipment necessary to unleash this travesty upon us. If you thought that sentence was long, multiply reading it by fifty, add two, then multiply it by another fifty. That's how listening to this album feels. It's like trying to swim through quicksand; it feels like it's never going to end. I can not think of a single positive thing to say about it. I hope that the Millionaires haven't made a single cent off the album, but I'm positive that isn't true. Without money, our society would probably disrupt into chaos- or we could just play this album non-stop in the streets; that would probably do it too.
