Bolt Thrower
Realm of Chaos


4.0
excellent

Review

by InvertedChaos USER (6 Reviews)
May 19th, 2011 | 111 replies | 11,460 views


Release Date: 1989 | Tracklist

Review Summary: I have smelled the taste of death, and it is good.

8 of 8 thought this review was well written

Most of you don't know metal. Most of you wouldn't know metal if your mother fed it to you for breakfast. Bolt Thrower is metal and more. Bolt Thrower is a mountain of metal, a mountain of crushing metal and vocals. The vocals in Bolt Thrower are what General Patton would sound like if he was still alive. Bolt Thrower is like a nuclear-tipped Tomahawk cruise missile hitting your house. Bolt Thrower is like 25 barbarians being set free. If you see a dude on the subway listening to Bolt Thrower, you know. Everyone on the train knows. They know not to **** with that guy. Listening to Bolt Thrower is like trying to eat a bag of bolts.

Realm of Chaos. Bolt Thrower's second tour of many through the world of metal and war. From the beginning of this masterpiece you are opened to the onslaught of death by Karl Willetts' Patton-like vocals. If General Patton was around in these days he would listen to Bolt Thrower and nothing else. Karl snarls like Cerberus at the gates of the Underworld. He's that intense. I wouldn't be surprised if he's killed a man in hand-to-hand combat. Karl didn't need to change his name to some crap like Ape Shredder to sound like a crazed maniac. He was born that way. His lyrics hit home in a way few other lyrics do. Take for instance the crushing honesty of "All That Remains":

Shattered dreams forgotten
Body writhes in agony
Death bringing release now
From futile destiny

Through wreckage still burning
You look for signs of life
Find only rotting bodies
Scream in despair for mankind

Die



Of course as we all know, a vocalist is only as good as the guitarist next to him. Karl has three brutal guitarists next to him, one playing a bass. They wield their axes (guitars) like Mongolian horsemen severing the heads of innocent Siberian peasants. The riffs sound like the screams of children in fields of violence. They sound like machine guns puncturing your bowels as you charge the German beaches. They sound like grenades exploding all around you. They actually sound like war (trust me).

Andrew Whale, a drummer who needs no introduction isn't like those other drummers. He doesnt rely on pussy-sounding blast beats to convey his message which is: "Don't *** with me". I haven't seen Bolt Thrower live so I can't be sure, but I've been told Andrew Whale doesn't even use drumsticks, just his hands. What does that tell you? It means this guy would kick anyone's ass. This guy would take on Hitler, Mussolini, and Stalin all at once and kill them all without shedding an eyelash. He would invade Rome and rip Julius Caesar's balls off. He would punch Sun Tzu in the face so hard it would open a rift the entire country of China would fall into.

Every song on Realm of Chaos is enough to make weak men beg for mercy. They are as solid as the biceps of Conan the Barbarian. I can not think of one thing bad to say about this album, at all. Bolt Thrower named themselves after a boardgame played by a bunch of dorks, but they have turned the game into a violent, brutal nightmare of rape and sodomy. I highly recommend this for anyone who thinks they have balls.



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user ratings (173)
Chart.
3.9
excellent

Comments:Add a Comment 
Willie
Moderator
May 19th 2011



15908 Comments


Most of you wouldn't know metal if your mother fed it to you for breakfast.
Pretty sure that's child abuse.
Bolt Thrower is like 25 barbarians being set free.
Where? It's a pretty crucial piece of the puzzle. I mean you said where the nuclear tipped missile was going.
If you see a dude on the subway listening to Bolt Thrower, you know. Everyone on the train knows. They know not to **** with that guy.
Why does every body know? Is it because he's the guy with the terrible hygiene?
If General Patton was around in these days he would listen to Bolt Thrower and nothing else.
He was around in the 40s. Pretty sure if he were around today he'd just be yelling at kids to get off his lawn.
Karl has three brutal guitarists next to him, one playing a bass
How do they all fit in such a limited space?
The riffs sound like the screams of children in fields of violence.
I'm pretty sure that the screams of children would be much more chilling in a quiet field of poppies or something. I mean, with all the other violence going on in this field the children's screams are probably just background noise.
They sound like machine guns puncturing your bowels as you charge the German beaches.
It would require a lot of force (and a gross misunderstanding of the weapon) to puncture someone with a machine gun.
I've been told Andrew Whale doesn't even use drumsticks, just his hands. What does that tell you? It means this guy would kick anyone's ass.
Wouldn't that actually mean that he would smack anyone's ass?
This guy would take on Hitler, Mussolini, and Stalin all at once and kill them all without shedding an eyelash.
None of them were very formidable. It was the foundation surrounding them.
Every song on Realm of Chaos is enough to make weak men beg for mercy. They are as solid as the biceps of Conan the Barbarian.
We're bordering on homo-erotic now. Were we a bit excited by the time we reached the conclusion?
they have turned the game into a violent, brutal nightmare of rape and sodomy. I highly recommend this for anyone who thinks they have balls.
We've crossed that border....

That was fun, have a pos.

Kris.
May 19th 2011



12280 Comments


man willie why you gotta do that to such a manly-as-fuck review

Willie
Moderator
May 19th 2011



15908 Comments


It's 3am and it's quiet here so I decided to have a little fun with it. Besides, it's not some new guy, it's an alt. ;)

Voivod
Staff Reviewer
May 19th 2011



5997 Comments


monumental post Willie!!!!

laughed my ass out....


This review reads like it was written in the 80's in an underground fanzine.

It's almost cult, pos just for that.

Digging: Lisa Gerrard - Twilight Kingdom

rasputin
May 19th 2011



14538 Comments


bolt fwoororororrr

KILL
May 19th 2011



71372 Comments

Album Rating: 3.5

fuckin m/

Digging: Invisible - El jardin de los presentes

Crysis
Staff Reviewer
May 19th 2011



16310 Comments

Album Rating: 3.5

fuk yea m/

Digging: Ulver - Bergtatt

scissorlocked
May 19th 2011



3509 Comments


holy shit ,Willie's post made my day

Digging: Leon Vynehall - Music For The Uninvited

alachlahol
May 19th 2011



7484 Comments


my self confidence was low enough and willie rips apart the review as if it were a wounded antelope. i know youre an engineer man but stop trying to flaunt your deductive capability

jingledeath
May 19th 2011



7104 Comments

Album Rating: 3.5

rofl

Psychopathologist
May 19th 2011



1924 Comments


this > all 90s bt albums put together

Poet
May 19th 2011



5922 Comments


The words on this page are amazing

Willie
Moderator
May 20th 2011



15908 Comments


my self confidence was low enough and willie rips apart the review as if it were a wounded antelope. i know youre an engineer man but stop trying to flaunt your deductive capability
You made these guys sound like the death metal equivilant of Manowar, and how can that be bad.

Anyway, I wasn't going to do it but then I saw that it was your alt and I knew you could take it ;)

TheNotrap
July 26th 2011



8035 Comments

Album Rating: 4.0 | Sound Off

First Bolt Thrower record I've heard. Cool DM classic.
My favourites songs are Eternal War and of course World Eateeeerrrrr.

Digging: Savage Grace - Master Of Disguise

Valerius
September 26th 2011



1137 Comments


This album makes me smile and laugh. The down tuned guitars are hilarious; it's just so heavy of an album. Being a wargamer myself, I like the homage to Warhammer 40k.

rasputin
September 26th 2011



14538 Comments


didn't you just listen to this yesterday

Valerius
September 26th 2011



1137 Comments


Yep.

Valerius
September 26th 2011



1137 Comments


I have an ear for music. This god damn shit owns; it owns in a way like no other album. This shit is the most brutal fucking album I have heard. I love it. I loved it when I first heard it checking out your list, and it still owns after 5 or so complete listens; and it makes me laugh every time.

TheNotrap
September 26th 2011



8035 Comments

Album Rating: 4.0 | Sound Off

WORLD












EATEEEEEEEEER

KILL
September 26th 2011



71372 Comments

Album Rating: 3.5

I have an ear for music

ur gay



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