Review Summary: If this album were a tree, it'd be a Xmas tree, with many gifts underneath.2 of 6 thought this review was well written
Hey, y'know, it's a good album. No wait, it's a great album! It's like, this totally huge album. What do you want me to say? I mean, I've read this all before and so have you. "The music is breathtaking. The solos pierce my soul. The vocals can move mountains," blah blah blah, God, I can't stand sounding like a suck-up, "the universe's gift to reviewing" anymore. There are only so many damn ways to say "it's good," or "it friggin blows," and I'm getting sick of reading it and typing it. You all write the same as every other damn reviewer with a pole up his ass ya elitest pric, so, pull that previously mentioned poll outta your ass.
I'm a journalist and an English teacher, so ya, I'm a pretty good writer but, FUCK, I don't even get paid for this, so no, my reviews aren't up to par. This is more of an outlet. A place where I can drop all the damn rules and crap and just write like a normal 24 year old. So, this review is going to be a bit different. Yeah, it'll probably be my worst review ever (it's already shaping up that way, no?) but to Hell with it, this is also going to be my favourite review too.
All this shit, filling up the earth. People are getting dumber by the fumes coming out of the previously mentioned shit. It's like they've lost the frontal lobe of their brain or something. All glued to the damn TV's and damn cellphones like a bunch of assholes. READ A BOOK, DOUCHE BAGS!!!! Speaking of cellphones, I remember when a cellphone was just a fucking phone! Why the Hell did it turn into this...thing! This indescribable THING with useless crap and then these fucking dumbass people go drop like 500$ to show everyone their shiny new toy and then drop a fortune on usless software for it! I had one friend do something remarkably stupid. I have a Zippo, ok, so I use said Zippo to light a cigarette. My friend says, "That's a pretty cool Zippo, I have one too," and then he takes out his fucking Iphone and shows me a virtual Zippo loaded onto the phone. "That's pretty useless, dude," I said. "Was that free?" "No, man. I payed 3$ for it....duh-huh-huh-huh." He then began drooling as he ate his own feces.
Even when they do put down their cellphones and turn off the TV, everyone just goes out to get hammered and get laid. I know people who can't even have fun anymore unless they're drunk. Have we really sunk so fucking low? I mean, I can't deny it, I think I'm better than these drooling feces-eatting morons, but only slightly...because I listen to Prog Rock. Yes, we Prog fans are notorious for being really God damn arrogant and anti-social. Well, WHOOP-DEE-DOO, I listen to Prog Rock! Doesn't mean shit! I'm still fueled by alochaul and saying bullshit to get laid. I honestly can't believe some of the shit that comes out of my mouth. Whatever, I tell myself Prog Rock is smart people music to give myself at least a little boost of confidence.
Marillion's "Misplaced Childhood" is in my opinion, an album we can feel smart listening too. It's good music and really pretentious. It's like, this really good album! Everything is exactly what an arrogant Prog pric such as myself is looking for. Intellectual lyrics, well-played music, vivid atmospheres and it won't ever get me laid. It's the perfect Prog album and real smart-like. Course, there are people who consider Slayer's "Reign in Blood" a work of genius and I think it sucks ass (OH SNAP!) So again, my words are trivial.
I didn't like the album of first though. I thought it was garbage. I thought "WOW, whoever likes this album must be a loser and never had a girlfriend." Well, shame on me. Time certainly makes fools of us all. Then again, I'm a loser and I've never had a girlfriend so maybe my initial thoughts did have some element of truth in them "snicker."
You know, I had to interview the mayor of my city once. Couldn't believe how fucking stupid he was. He was literally pretending he was an airplane during the interview. Friggin psychopath and he's our mayor! I'm thinking, "I'll bet this guy doesn't listen to Marillion." Then again, Marillion's frontman Fish liked to parade around in drag so...
I download most of my albums! Screw ya if you don't like it. If you've even downloaded ONE single album in your life then you're no better than me! If you haven't, then what the Hell are you waiting for and get on the bus. The party is great! Still not convinced, well, you just hold on to your little false sense of rightessnous there buddy. Go do something more productive. I mean, it's pretty sad when the only things you can think of that makes you better than everyone else includes, "I BUY my music." I mean, what else is on your list? I always flush twice? I put the seat down? I drink friggin soy milk? I didn't download this album though. I mean, I did at first, but I loved it so much I bought it. Now that's saying something! I also bought Steve Unruh's entire discography because the man is a music genius. I'd totally hit that if I were gay.
Fuck, I'm hungry. I live in China. I just finished living in S. Korea! I was going to go to Japan but it's a DAMN good thing I didn't. Speaking of Japan, that earthquake is hard news. Hard, powerful news. Y'kow what the top story on MSN headlines was? "Justin Biber's moustache mission!" No that's not a joke! What wrong with people? I remember I did a research assignment in school entitled "The Dumbening." I guess you can guess what it's about. Anyways, wanna know what the top search in Google was-2009? Wanna?
"How do I kiss better?"
Not fucking, "Misplaced Childhood." In such a world, we'd all be Einsteins and curing various forms of cancer. We'd all be too scared to talk to memebers of the opposite sex, but Hell, there'd sure as Hell be no wars or fighting, cuz we Prog fans are NOT athletes and are in bed by 9:00 with a cup of tea!
God! I'm hungry. I',m getting sick of Chinese food. You know, I jut order things of the meny at random, I can't read Chinese and I'm still learning how to speak it. I pointed to thre different things, the waitress laughed, and she gave me three bowls of soup. "That dog won't hunt Mont Seignor," I said. She smiled and left me to eat my friggin soups.
It's hard to stay sane in this country. "Misplaced Childhood" helps me keep my deluded sense of self intact. I listen to it religiously. I often pretend that I am Fish. Well, I imagine I am on stage....sans the drag. Crowds roaring. In awe at my brilliant lyrics and writing. Then I remember, in reality, they'd be like..."THIS FUCKING SUCKS! SING POKERFACE!!!!"
The fuck does that even mean? The song is HUGE in Asia. I swear to God, the next girl I dance with to this song is guna get a kick to the head. Just kidding. I need to get laid. If they played this album in bars though, shit, I'd be drunk all the time.
I say all Prog fans, yes, I mean all 71 of us, should unite and just....do something. If we put our heads together we can come up with something. We're geniuses right? IQ of 130+ right here baby, just dont ask me to stack boxes. Fuck, they always fall down.
Album is a masterpiece. The Hell else do you want me to say? Go buy it or something if you're into smart peepol music.
"I can't take anymore."