Justin Bieber
Never Say Never : The Remixes


1.5
very poor

Review

by Irving Tan STAFF
February 19th, 2011 | 157 replies


Release Date: 2011 | Tracklist

Review Summary: Never.

Dear Justin Bieber,

I'm willing to forgive the lack of originality in your work and its vomit-inducing subject material. You're a new artist, after all, and I feel that the world should give you some time to both grow and develop. I'm also willing to forgive that hopeless street swagger-thing you've currently got going on - no doubt it was drilled into you on the order of fifteen Island Records marketing execs; and you probably didn't really want it anyway. And guess what - I'm even willing to forgive the poorly thought-out comments on rape and abortion that you made on Rolling Stone the other day. After all, the prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain that allows a person to understand the consequences of a potential decision, is not fully developed until the age of 21; since you're only 16, I think you deserve - at the very least - the benefit of the doubt.

But, what I'm not willing to forgive is the audacity you showed in releasing your second "remix" album of songs from your previous two My World albums. Dude, you just gave us My Worlds Acoustic at the end of last year; trying to pass off what is essentially My Worlds R & B just won't fly. Why don't you just mug us while you're at it? Here, take my wallet - rifle through it; why don't you? Also, do tell us - what's next? Is it My Worlds Dubstep? My Worlds Doom Metal, perhaps? It honestly wouldn't surprise me if either of those things happened, really.

Applying the word "remix" to this car crash of an album is also a grave insult to the usage of the word. We're not stupid, you know, and we can all see that the only thing you added to the songs were people like Jaden Smith, Usher, Kanye West, and Raekwon saying "uh-huh, uh-huh, yeah!", "yo, whaddup!", and "check out my man JB!" in the background. Furthermore - didn't you already release the Jaden Smith version of "Never Say Never" on My Worlds Acoustic? Thinking you could pass this off as a collection of new material is laughable at best. Indeed - your real intention in releasing this record is as well-covered up as people on a nude beach. And I haven't even attacked you for having dropped this on Valentine's Day yet.

It's a clear omen (of doom, that is) when the best number on this record is the one that features the Rascal Flatts. To their credit though, their performance on "That Should Be Me" does manage to add some semblance of a soul to this monstrosity of a release. That said, I struggled to comprehend why you apparently felt that using Miley Cyrus instead of Jessica Jarrell was enough to qualify this release's version of "Overboard" as a "remix"; is there a meaningful difference between their performances? Maybe - in the sense that Jessica Jarrell's was better. But even then, is this version suddenly a novelty item because it took place in a live setting? Speaking of which, I also notice how the audience apparently manages to sustain the same pitch and level of fervor for an entire five minutes; that can't be right - even young teenage girls do breathe occasionally, right?

At this point in the album, even I was fervently hoping that the only new song present, "Born To Be Somebody", might be able to salvage something - anything - for this release. But was I in the least bit surprised when it sounded like the saccharine equivalent of a whale turd? Nope. "Born To Be Somebody" is completely and utterly pedestrian, miserably falling flat on its face as it tries to sound inspirational and heart-rending. It also seriously blows my mind to think that Diane Warren apparently had a hand in writing this; lady, you should be grateful that we can't rescind the Golden Globe you just won for "You Haven't Seen the Last of Me". Not to flog a dead horse here Justin, but are you actually singing, "And this world will belong to me" in the song's chorus? I don't think I need to elaborate on how evil that sounds, and I pray to high heaven that you at least winced in the studio when you had to sing that line.

Words fail to describe the shameless stench of commercialism that runs in the varicose ulcers of this release. To the rest of us who are reading this labor of love from the comforts of their homes: if the world of music was the internet, and artists are websites, then Never Say Never - The Remixes is cyberspace's biggest troll. Rule #1 of dealing with a troll: don't feed it.

Love,

Irving.



Recent reviews by this author
U2 Songs of InnocenceThe Pineapple Thief Magnolia
Ty Segall ManipulatorLinkin Park The Hunting Party
Coldplay Ghost StoriesCaleb McAlpine All Things New
user ratings (111)
Chart.
1.2
awful

Comments:Add a Comment 
Irving
Staff Reviewer
February 19th 2011


7311 Comments

Album Rating: 1.5

I'm sorry Atavan.

fr33convict
February 19th 2011


11689 Comments


pos'd

iFghtffyrdmns
February 19th 2011


7047 Comments

Album Rating: 1.5 | Sound Off

fuckin tell em, dawg

Irving
Staff Reviewer
February 19th 2011


7311 Comments

Album Rating: 1.5

Thanks fr33. I really should stop torturing myself by reviewing Bieber. God-damned Radiohead came out yesterday, and I chose to do THIS instead.

Ugh.

Chrisjon89
February 19th 2011


3733 Comments


Well he's milking these songs dry.

I don't find his music as irritating as everyone else seems to - just when he speaks or is interviewed.

Digging: Flying Lotus - You're Dead!

Irving
Staff Reviewer
February 19th 2011


7311 Comments

Album Rating: 1.5

I don't find his music as irritating as everyone else seems to

Try listening to it for the third album in a row.

Phideaux
February 19th 2011


1654 Comments


I'll be glad when the public stops caring about this shit. Good review.

pizzamachine
February 19th 2011


12571 Comments


I hope you're done with Bieber reviews, pos!

Irving
Staff Reviewer
February 19th 2011


7311 Comments

Album Rating: 1.5

@ Pizz: I'm deleting all his songs from my hard drive as we speak.

Outnumbered
February 19th 2011


370 Comments


What a joke of a money grab.

pos'd.

Gyromania
February 19th 2011


15941 Comments


YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Digging: Lantlos - .neon

Irving
Staff Reviewer
February 19th 2011


7311 Comments

Album Rating: 1.5

GYROMANIA SIGHTING.

FilthyBorgir
February 19th 2011


1334 Comments


My Worlds Doom Metal



That would be funny to hear. It would be the entire Katatonia band remixing the album. It will also be katatonia at their best just because the lyrics(J.B. lyrics) would be more depressing to sing for Jonas Renkse.

FilthyBorgir
February 19th 2011


1334 Comments


(Pos), great review..... as always.

Maniac!
February 19th 2011


26250 Comments


da bitchslapperrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Irving
Staff Reviewer
February 19th 2011


7311 Comments

Album Rating: 1.5

da bitchslapperrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

It's your turn to have at me, Sputnik!

Fugue
February 19th 2011


7353 Comments


First that Radiohead review neg and now this... WHO ARE YOU???

Obvz review was a cool read and all though.

Zettel
February 19th 2011


599 Comments


High-level writing here, and most important, it was a really nice reading. I am eager to see you reviewing more relevant music; you would do a terrific job.

Jethro42
February 19th 2011


12478 Comments


My son would approve 110% your rating.
Edit; Great negative review. It must take courage to listen to crap music.

LepreCon
February 19th 2011


4143 Comments


Fuckin piece of shit



You have to be logged in to post a comment. Login | Create a Profile





FAQ // STAFF & CONTRIBUTORS // SITE FORUM // CONTACT US

Bands: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z


Site Copyright 2005-2014 Sputnikmusic.com
All Album Reviews Displayed With Permission of Authors | Privacy Policy