brokeNCYDE
Will Never Die


1.0
awful

Review

by pizzamachine USER (211 Reviews)
February 19th, 2011 | 47 replies | 8,736 views


Release Date: 2010 | Tracklist

Review Summary: it's like a nightmare for your ears.

First things first: Brokencyde is a terrible band which produces terrible music which appeals to terrible people. That is not conjecture, those are facts. I've got this down to a science, you see: I listen to the music, I observe the group, and I judge, lest punishment be withheld from the wicked.

The album opened with the creatively named "Epic Intro", and throughout its megalomaniacal rants about the band's plans to transform the music industry, I found myself smiling. They couldn't be serious, after all. This is clearly a joke album, I thought, created by master pranksters for the sole purpose of gathering rage from the unintelligent.

I was wrong. The album began in earnest, and it quickly became obvious that the previous track was entirely serious. It had to have been, for no music could have been so willfully awful: if anyone had created such a dirty excuse for music as a joke, they would have at least been self-aware enough to realize the horror they had nearly birthed into the world, like a screaming maggot born of flame and rage, and they would have had the decency to throw their worthless body from the nearest cliff. As it is, I wish that were the case, because at least then the planet would be rid of these useless wastes of flesh. This band is a blight on the order of a nation-wide famine, and it is shocking that its coming wasn't heralded by swarms of locusts.

The vocals sound as though a pig's dying gasps were transmitted through a CB radio and recorded onto a gramophone, and to make matters worse, there are no instruments to cover it up. At least, I assume so: the only other noise is a sort of thumping, somewhat off-beat, off-tempo and off-rhythm, like a pickaxe being swung desperately by an emaciated man through the torso of his neighbor in a last-ditch effort to feed himself. In my opinion, they are both just as depressing, and they both represent failures of humanity of the very worst sort.

I hate this band. I hate what it sounds like, what it stands for, and the fact that such an utterly horrifying sound can be visited upon this earth without the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse loosing all terrors of the deep upon us in retribution. Retribution, I think, not simply for our part in producing a crime of such magnitude, but for the fact that no-one has yet taken it upon themselves to rid us of this band.



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user ratings (510)
Chart.
1.2
awful
other reviews of this album
1 of

Comments:Add a Comment 
psykonaut
February 19th 2011


3913 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

this needed a 0.5 review, pos

DinoX
February 19th 2011


3582 Comments

Album Rating: 2.5

An album so bad you manage to compromise the rating system and give her a 0.5 lol

Aids
Contributing Reviewer
February 19th 2011


23814 Comments


now we need a 0.0 review

pizzamachine
February 19th 2011


12571 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

I agree with all of the above.

Aids
Contributing Reviewer
February 19th 2011


23814 Comments


I don't know if it's just me, but I'm using Chrome and the 0.5 rating is messing up the image of the
star rating on the front page.

haha so badass

wyankeif1337
February 19th 2011


6739 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

i use firefox and am superior to you because of it



DinoX
February 19th 2011


3582 Comments

Album Rating: 2.5

lol nice recommendations by reviewer:

Rambling Of A Hobo On A Metro

pizzamachine
February 19th 2011


12571 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

Chrome is terrible, firefox is great, anyone who disagrees is wrong, high fives all round.

pizzamachine
February 19th 2011


12571 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

Addendum: I don't actually care about any of that. High fives still apply. No rainchecks.

Rev
February 19th 2011


9422 Comments


I don't think I've ever seen a 0.5 review before

Pos

Aids
Contributing Reviewer
February 19th 2011


23814 Comments


"i use firefox and am superior to you because of it"

hey wyankeif, where's your DevilDriver review?

Aids
Contributing Reviewer
February 19th 2011


23814 Comments


how is Chrome terrible?
edit: did not see the Addendum. *high five

kangaroopoo
February 19th 2011


3175 Comments


so cathartic, a purging of the bowels if you must, yet I still haven't heard a single second of this band - pos

sifFlammable
February 19th 2011


2741 Comments


pos pos and pos - pizzareviews r delicious to read

Chrisjon89
February 19th 2011


3616 Comments


I'll take your and Sputnik's collective advice and steer clear of this little nugget of gold.

Butkuiss
February 19th 2011


4177 Comments


Is it bad that seeing a 0.5 review gives me kicks? Gotta love sputhacks.

Piglet
February 19th 2011


4654 Comments


I can't believe some of you haven't seen 0.5 reviews before, they linger on with all albums like this.

rasputin
February 19th 2011


14541 Comments


it's sad that you even bothered to review this

Chrisjon89
February 19th 2011


3616 Comments


Equal opportunity reviewing dude. It's like that 'fat chicks need love too' philosophy.

Plus there's always the chance of intelligent debate when a Brokencyde fan comes along and defends their honour.

ZippaThaRippa
February 19th 2011


2417 Comments


oh shi-



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