Review Summary: it's like a nightmare for your ears.17 of 17 thought this review was well written
First things first: Brokencyde is a terrible band which produces terrible music which appeals to terrible people. That is not conjecture, those are facts. I've got this down to a science, you see: I listen to the music, I observe the group, and I judge, lest punishment be withheld from the wicked.
The album opened with the creatively named "Epic Intro", and throughout its megalomaniacal rants about the band's plans to transform the music industry, I found myself smiling. They couldn't be serious, after all. This is clearly a joke album, I thought, created by master pranksters for the sole purpose of gathering rage from the unintelligent.
I was wrong. The album began in earnest, and it quickly became obvious that the previous track was entirely serious. It had to have been, for no music could have been so willfully awful: if anyone had created such a dirty excuse for music as a joke, they would have at least been self-aware enough to realize the horror they had nearly birthed into the world, like a screaming maggot born of flame and rage, and they would have had the decency to throw their worthless body from the nearest cliff. As it is, I wish that were the case, because at least then the planet would be rid of these useless wastes of flesh. This band is a blight on the order of a nation-wide famine, and it is shocking that its coming wasn't heralded by swarms of locusts.
The vocals sound as though a pig's dying gasps were transmitted through a CB radio and recorded onto a gramophone, and to make matters worse, there are no instruments to cover it up. At least, I assume so: the only other noise is a sort of thumping, somewhat off-beat, off-tempo and off-rhythm, like a pickaxe being swung desperately by an emaciated man through the torso of his neighbor in a last-ditch effort to feed himself. In my opinion, they are both just as depressing, and they both represent failures of humanity of the very worst sort.
I hate this band. I hate what it sounds like, what it stands for, and the fact that such an utterly horrifying sound can be visited upon this earth without the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse loosing all terrors of the deep upon us in retribution. Retribution, I think, not simply for our part in producing a crime of such magnitude, but for the fact that no-one has yet taken it upon themselves to rid us of this band.