Susan Boyle
The Gift


1.0
awful

Review

by ConsiderPhlebas USER (34 Reviews)
November 11th, 2010 | 98 replies | 10,247 views


Release Date: 2010 | Tracklist

Review Summary: You’ve gone too far this time, Susan. Too damn far.

23 of 24 thought this review was well written

Susan Bd tones. For her sophomore effort, The Gift, Boyle has stuck with the winning commercial formula and plopped out a covers record, one bizarrely split between classic pop/rock songs and Christmas carols. It’s an absolute certainty that it will shift in droves, but this time, the results astill fnks partly to their European record label, Poison the Well sent ripples of excitement around the world with their debut ep, [i]Distance Makes the Heart Grow Fnye West cares about himself, about money, about pussy, religion and black people. Unfortvoice ties together the deceptively simple instrumentation, and from the opening beat of 'Hands' to the anthemic close of the title track, Running Out of Places to Go goes about its business with its feet on the table and a smile on its face. You could call it unassuming, but with this type of quality, unassuming is a sign ofside, and that is glossy, uber-melodic music with a heavyweight punch. And Chiodos certainly deliver on those fronts. The rather awkwardly titled Illuminaudio is a huge, polished affair - one bristling with a newfound, and sorely needed, energy. Any fears that new singer Brandon Bolmer would throw an unwelcome spanner in the works have been proved dramatically wrong; it might b Me’, to the thundering, monolithic ‘Not Within Arms Length’, it was obvious that Poison the Well had found their feet. The integration of post-hardcore aesthetics, melodies and structures took them away from their previous, more metal incarnation, providing a rounded, full sound that they would develop even further in later releases. But for now they were still firmly metalcore, and the spark caused by The Opposite of December resonates throughout the genre to this day.

The album is tightly, crisply constructed. From the first meaty clatter of ‘12/23/93’, it’s obvious that the drumming on display here is a real presence, a firm bedrock underpinning everything else on display. The guitars beat out blunt, energetic rhythms, seamlessly interspersed with melodic streams that temper the anger and frustration of the music with genuine beauty. It hasn’t aged penks partly to their European record label, Poison the Well sent ripples of excitement around the world with their debut ep, [i]Distance Makes the Heart Grow Fnye West cares about himself, about money, about pussy, religion and black people. Unfortvoice ties together the deceptively simple instrumentation, and from the opening beat of 'Hands' to the anthemic close of the title track, Running Out of Places to Go goes about its business with its feet on the table and a smile on its face. You could call it unassuming, but with this type of quality, unassuming is a sign ofside, and that is glossy, uber-melodic music with a heavyweight punch. And Chiodos certainly deliver on those fronts. The rather awkwardly titled Illuminaudio is a huge, polished affair - one bristling with a newfound, and sorely needed, energy. Any fears that new singer Brandon Bolmer would throw an unwelcome spanner in the works have been proved dramatically wrong; it might b Me’, to the thundering, monolithic ‘Not Within Arms Length’, it was obvious that Poison the Well had found their feet. The integration of post-hardcore aesthetics, melodies and structures took them away from their previous, more metal incarnation, providing a rounded, full sound that they would develop even further in later releases. But for now they were still firmly metalcore, and the spark caused by The Opposite of December resonates throughout the genre to this day.

The album is tightly, crisply constructed. From the first meaty clatter of ‘12/23/93’, it’s obvious that the drumming on display here is a real presence, a firm bedrock underpinning everything else on display. The guitars beat out blunt, energetic rhythms, seamlessly interspersed with melodic streams that temper the anger and frustration of the music with genuine beauty. It hasn’t aged penks partly to their European record label, Poison the Well sent ripples of excitement around the world with their debut ep, [i]Distance Makes the Heart Grow Fnye West cares about himself, about money, about pussy, religion and black people. Unfortvoice ties together the deceptively simple instrumentation, and from the opening beat of 'Hands' to the anthemic close of the title track, Running Out of Places to Go goes about its business with its feet on the table and a smile on its face. You could call it unassuming, but with this type of quality, unassuming is a sign ofside, and that is glossy, uber-melodic music with a heavyweight punch. And Chiodos certainly deliver on those fronts. The rather awkwardly titled Illuminaudio is a huge, polished affair - one bristling with a newfound, and sorely needed, energy. Any fears that new singer Brandon Bolmer would throw an unwelcome spanner in the works have been proved dramatically wrong; it might b Me’, to the thundering, monolithic ‘Not Within Arms Length’, it was obvious that Poison the Well had found their feet. The integration of post-hardcore aesthetics, melodies and structures took them away from their previous, more metal incarnation, providing a rounded, full sound that they would develop even further in later releases. But for now they were still firmly metalcore, and the spark caused by The Opposite of December resonates throughout the genre to this day.

The album is tightly, crisply constructed. From the first meaty clatter of ‘12/23/93’, it’s obvious that the drumming on display here is a real presence, a firm bedrock underpinning everything else on display. The guitars beat out blunt, energetic rhythms, seamlessly interspersed with melodic streams that temper the anger and frustration of the music with genuine beauty. It hasn’t aged penks partly to their European record label, Poison the Well sent ripples of excitement around the world with their debut ep, [i]Distance Makes the Heart Grow Fnye West cares about himself, about money, about pussy, religion and black people. Unfortvoice ties together the deceptively simple instrumentation, and from the opening beat of 'Hands' to the anthemic close of the title track, Running Out of Places to Go goes about its business with its feet on the table and a smile on its face. You could call it unassuming, but with this type of quality, unassuming is a sign ofside, and that is glossy, uber-melodic music with a heavyweight punch. And Chiodos certainly deliver on those fronts. The rather awkwardly titled Illuminaudio is a huge, polished affair - one bristling with a newfound, and sorely needed, energy. Any fears that new singer Brandon Bolmer would throw an unwelcome spanner in the works have been proved dramatically wrong; it might b Me’, to the thundering, monolithic ‘Not Within Arms Length’, it was obvious that Poison the Well had found their feet. The integration of post-hardcore aesthetics, melodies and structures took them away from their previous, more metal incarnation, providing a rounded, full sound that they would develop even further in later releases. But for now they were still firmly metalcore, and the spark caused by The Opposite of December resonates throughout the genre to this day.

The album is tightly, crisply constructed. From the first meaty clatter of ‘12/23/93’, it’s obvious that the drumming on display here is a real presence, a firm bedrock underpinning everything else on display. The guitars beat out blunt, energetic rhythms, seamlessly interspersed with melodic streams that temper the anger and frustration of the music with genuine beauty. It hasn’t aged peamiliar and predictable, but even these strain under the album’s insipid nature and the singer’s lack of talent and heart. It’s when Boyle turns her attention to Lou Reed’s ‘Perfect Day’, Leonard Cohen’s ‘Hallelujah’ and Crowded House’s ‘Don’t Dream It’s Over’, though, that things really go tits up. The first and last of these are rinsed of any worth, but ‘Hallelujah’ bears the full brunt of the record’s mediocrity, with Boyle’s faux-sincerity reducing a truly sublime song to empty, meaningless drivel. What began as a rags-to-riches tale has turned into a massacre, one that could have been avoided if only someone had given Susan Boyle a haircut and a shave. If this is what we can expect every year, maybe it’s time we cancelled Christmas.



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user ratings (12)
Chart.
1.4
very poor
other reviews of this album
Michael Philp (1.5)
Several missteps in production push The Gift beyond simple cheese and into horrendous territory....


Comments:Add a Comment 
ConsiderPhlebas
November 11th 2010



6157 Comments


Britain's got talent

Countess
November 11th 2010



818 Comments


so much win in that 1st paragraph!

pos'd

Ovrot
November 11th 2010



10253 Comments


I can't tell if this is serious or not.

but.. fuck you.
susan boyle is awesome

ConsiderPhlebas
November 11th 2010



6157 Comments


Thanks, Countess.




It's absolutely serious, Ovrot. And fuck you too.

Ovrot
November 11th 2010



10253 Comments


Ok, as long as its not rape.

I pos'd though.

ConsiderPhlebas
November 11th 2010



6157 Comments


Cheers. I frown upon rape, so you're safe.

foreverendeared
November 11th 2010



14678 Comments


"Cheers. I frown upon rape, so you're safe."

:[ how else am i supposed to have sex with someone that doesn't want to?

Ovrot
November 11th 2010



10253 Comments


Tell them your a priest and they will go to hell if they don't.
That what I do.

ConsiderPhlebas
November 11th 2010



6157 Comments


Ask them with a fake gun.

foreverendeared
November 11th 2010



14678 Comments


can i ask with a real gun?

ConsiderPhlebas
November 11th 2010



6157 Comments


Only if it's unloaded

Bitchfork
November 11th 2010



7584 Comments


"a fake gun"

Awesomesauce
November 11th 2010



1083 Comments


I just got a warning from my boss for laughing my arse off at work. Killer review.

This monster needs to be sent back to the loch from whence it came.

Waior
November 11th 2010



11421 Comments


this is a great review. thank you for spelling centre right

ConsiderPhlebas
November 11th 2010



6157 Comments


Thanks, fellas. I feel bad too, andcas, violated even.

March_Of_Sand
November 11th 2010



784 Comments


lol Susan Boyle

pos'd

thebhoy
Emeritus
November 11th 2010



4459 Comments


Ovrot, is that Mothra?

Baphomet
November 11th 2010



7364 Comments


Love the review. Love Mothra.

I can't believe we live in a world where you're a monester if you don't get a warm feeling in your chest when this woman sings.

patroneyes
November 11th 2010



1919 Comments


susan boil

foreverendeared
November 11th 2010



14678 Comments


"I can't believe we live in a world where you're a monester if you don't get a warm feeling in your chest when this woman sings."

i get a warm feeling in my pants

get it, because, like, i get a like fucking boner



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