MC Hammer
Please Hammer Don't Hurt 'Em


5.0
classic

Review

by OFace USER (15 Reviews)
October 19th, 2010 | 18 replies


Release Date: 1990 | Tracklist

Review Summary: Best Hip Hop Album in history

Some say MC Hammer is an atrocious, unoriginal, ridiculously awful rapper. Well guess, what, 18 million units moved don't lie. So what if almost the entire album is sampled? This is an absolute CLASSIC of the genre, and its time it received the proper credit it deserves. I have decided to review this mind blowing opus, in order of its sheer awesomeness. Vanilla Ice now who's he?

Here Comes the Hammer

Uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, here comes the Hammer. Has there ever been more foreboding and chill-inducing words ever uttered? Hammer is on a mission, and you better get the hell out of the way.

You Can't Touch This

You know what Rick James, shut the hell up, nobody cares The Hamma ripped off "Super Freak," his version is better and you knew it. Well you did while you were still alive. Best Rap song, and music video ever.

Have You Seen Her?

Eat your hearts out Chi-Lites. Hammer's completely original cover of this song blows your syrupy, pussy infused 70's soul pop out of the water. I once heard someone say this was the worst rap song of all time, and I promptly punched them in the face. It takes a confident man secure in his sexuality to write something this tender.

Yo! Sweetness

A complete Hammer original, and this simple outstanding mitigating factor shines through. Huge beats, tight rhymes, daring background vocals. A true tour de force, many an unsuspecting groupie has fell prey to Hammer yelling YO SWEETNESS, GIVE IT TO ME, ITS MY WEEKNESS, GIVE IT TO ME BABY, AH YEAH.

Help the Children

Well Marvin Gaye, just because you are no longer with us does not mean we should feel sorry for you that Hammer's sampling of "Mercy Mercy Me" is entirely better. Did you give a *** about the children Marvin? Not the way Hammer does, I can assure you. God damn it, just let them be. Hammer is begging you. A god damn generation is DYING.

On Your Face

No this is not about giving someone a facial. Although Hammer does this on a nightly basis, he is far too classy to rap about it in song. Rather, this is a hugely uplifting and inspiration piece, with deliciously bright synths, incredibly well done female background vocals, and the smooth, butter-like delivery of the MAN, the Hamma. Just Keep a Smile on your face, the world cannot shake you the way you feel today. Thanks Hammer, my day is made, I can face anything now.

Dancin Machine

Hey Jackson 5, you think your original of this is within a god damn planet of Hammer? Do you really think you could have come up with chants of GO HAMMER, while the MC gets DOWN like no other sucka MC in history? That’s right, just shut up and keep writing about the ABC's and Michael Jackson's rat. Oh yeah, hey Vanilla Ice, you completely ripped off Hammer with your ridiculously ***ty "Ninja Rap," and your chants of "go ninja go ninja go." Only one rapper gets down and goes on the dance floor, and his name is HAMMER.

Pray

You know what Prince, nobody gives a sh*t that the Hamma ripped off "When Doves Cry" on this track. You only wish you could've written a spiritual song this good in your midget gorged wet dreams. The Hammer has more talent in one of his blimp like pant legs than you do in your entire body, which of course isn't much. And just in case you wondered if Hammer actually does Pray, he serves up some reassurance: That's why we Pray, OH YES we Pray, we gotta Pray just to make it today. Genius.

Crime Story

This is Hammer going hardcore, showing off his roots banging in the streets of Oaktown. You want Gangsta Rap, than look no further than this cutting, gripping, raw tale of the mutha***in hood. Some fool tells Hammer he is going to "smoke his butt." BIG mistake.

She's Soft and Wet

Hey Prince, it looks like you got completely OWNED again. You think your original of Soft and Wet can come within a continent of this sex romp masterpiece? Didn't think so. Hammer pulled a lot more trim than you on one tour than you have in 30 years. Wanna know why? He's taller than 5'2, that’s why. That, and you could never come up with something as poignant as "soft is the feeling of her baby smooth skin, wet is the feeling that says let the HAMMER in."

Black is Black

You know what James Brown, some people might think your soul "classic" "Say It Loud (I'm Black and I'm Proud) is a defining song. I call it a festering pile of decaying sh*t compared to Hammer's version. In case you want to forget, Black is Black. Remember that.

's Go Deeper

You think repeating the words "let’s Go Deeper, we need to go Deeper" for five minutes is repetitive? Then maybe you should remove the damn cloth from your ears. Unbelievable beats create a ride for Hammer's unmatched flow here. It’s the second worst song on the album, and one of the greatest in rap history. Recognize.

k This

One of the best album closes in Hip Hop History. You want to know what Hammer is "working," besides completely owing your ears? That’s right, other buster, fake MC's who wouldn't last two seconds in OAKTOWN. The perfect ending to an all-time, genre defying, wholly original masterpiece.



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user ratings (35)
Chart.
2.5
average

Comments:Add a Comment 
Deviant.
Staff Reviewer
October 19th 2010


31492 Comments


Your summary is wrong

Digging: Hyperdub - Hyperdub 10.4

OFace
October 19th 2010


173 Comments

Album Rating: 5.0

my my my my music makes me, so hard, makes me say oh my Lord!

Nagrarok
October 19th 2010


8298 Comments


HAMMERTIME!

Obfuscation24
October 19th 2010


3939 Comments


STOP





































































































































































































hammertime
[img]http://blog.lib.umn.edu/smit2174/dir/files/McHammer.gif[/img]

BigHans
October 19th 2010


26454 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0

oh man. Pray is an underrated classic.

ConsiderPhlebas
October 19th 2010


6157 Comments


Excuse me, but do you have the time?












HAMMERTIME!

BigHans
October 19th 2010


26454 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0

This was huge when I was 10.
Then he tried to go gangsta rap.

PUMPS AND A BUMP, PUMPS AND A BUMP, I WANT THE GIRL WITH THE PUMPS AND A BUMP.

Tupik
October 19th 2010


673 Comments


"No this is not about giving someone a facial. Although Hammer does this on a nightly basis, he is far
too classy to rap about it in song."

WIN

Romulus
October 19th 2010


8447 Comments


best album title ever

BigHans
October 19th 2010


26454 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0

this is bringing back some memories, I had this tape.

Counterfeit
October 19th 2010


17819 Comments


I had this tape.


AngelofDeath
Staff Reviewer
October 19th 2010


16137 Comments


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fb27wb8UpOE

BigHans
October 19th 2010


26454 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0

lol McHammer

pand3m0nium
October 19th 2010


98 Comments


You are the coolest motherfucker on Sputnik JUST for this review.

OFace
October 19th 2010


173 Comments

Album Rating: 5.0

Thanks!

SoapySoap
October 19th 2010


865 Comments


I like that one song he does. Where he just kills it.

OFace
October 21st 2010


173 Comments

Album Rating: 5.0

You mean all of them!

Cygnatti
November 26th 2012


21880 Comments


the summary is (very) wrong [2]

Digging: Chansey - Natural Cure



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