3OH!3
Streets of Gold


1.5
very poor

Review

by vanderb0b USER (63 Reviews)
June 30th, 2010 | 48 replies


Release Date: 2010 | Tracklist

Review Summary: I suppose one could use the CD as a coaster or Frisbee. He should avoid doing anything else with it, though.

The human brain is one of the most fantastic and complex devices in the universe. The brain can regulate an organism’s body. The brain can feel emotions and can express them in multiple ways. The brain is capable of establishing a means of communication with other individuals. The brain (or at least my brain), however, can’t comprehend what some find appealing in the band 3OH!3.

In an effort to solve this perplexing mystery, I decided to stream their new album. Hesitantly, I clicked on the words, “3OH!3 (NEW ALBUM IN STORES!) on MySpace Music - Free Streaming...”. The image of two insufferable cretins manifested itself on my computer screen, with their names written by their heads. I scrolled down to the “Play” button, still not entirely sure why I was doing so. Taking a deep breath and bracing myself, I clicked, prepared for an onslaught of offensively appalling noise.

For a brief moment, blissful noiselessness filled the air. Suddenly, an array of synthesizers playing a bouncy melody interrupted the silence. Needless to say, the composition I heard was no revelation, but, surprisingly, it was also not the putrid bile I was expecting. I looked down, shocked to see my toe tapping along with the music. I was, oddly enough, enjoying myself. Alas, this joy lasted for only a brief while, as then, then came the second track.

From this very moment, the rapturous bliss was replaced by agonizing torture. Sean Foreman and Nathaniel Motte’s inept, computer-altered voices permeated the air, spewing forth worthless, vapid lyrics. Tepid, uninspired beats, whiny, inept singing and grating, recycled synth and guitar riffs pervade Streets Of Gold, so the whole album is an uninspired and generic affair. Some interesting melodies are played by the synthesizers, and occasional entertaining passages are sung, but these faint glimmers of hope offer little solace, as the absolutely atrocious vocals and the lukewarm performance ruin these tolerable moments.

Time and time again, lyrical content has saved a musically bland album, or at least prevented it from becoming an absolute failure. Streets Of Gold has no such salvation. On the contrary, 3OH!3‘s tasteless verse pushes the album from mediocrity into the realm of utter disaster. A variety of topics are covered throughout the album, and Foreman and Motte sing of lost love, the apocalypse, sexual relations between individuals, having parties in their homes, and the band member’s dangerous habits. For an album that aims to do nothing more than be fun, these themes aren’t particularly inappropriate, but the shallow writing is devoid of subtlety, intelligence, or, perhaps worst of all, humor.
To-to-to-touchin on my [censored]
while I'm touchin on your [censored]
You know that we are gonna [censored]
cause I don't give a [censored]
The lines that don’t boast of the singers’ sexual adequacy instead say sugar-coated, trite words about how we should be more caring and loving. And it’s all done without an ounce of either thought or wit or sincerity.

Very rarely is there an album with so few redeeming features as Streets Of Gold. Frankly, this failure of a composition is almost entirely undeserving of any attention directed towards it. 3OH!3 tries to win respect by singing of how frequently the members engage in sex, by fruitlessly trying to be “deep” and “emotional” while talking about relatively serious topics, and by pretending to be edgy; all they do is inspire contempt.



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user ratings (267)
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1.6
very poor
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Comments:Add a Comment 
vanderb0b
June 30th 2010


3473 Comments

Album Rating: 1.5

Wrote this for the hell of it. Wasn't gonna submit the review, but then chose to. Feedback would, as always, be awesome.

accompliceofmydeath
June 30th 2010


4218 Comments


I think in the summary it should say "though" not "although" or just end it at the comma.

Digging: The Swarm - Parasitic Skies

Urinetrouble
June 30th 2010


5760 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

these guys ruin colorados cred with the music scene. there is a cool death metal band here called motivated to murder though

Bulldog
June 30th 2010


3796 Comments


or for slicing cheese

LepreCon
June 30th 2010


4098 Comments

Album Rating: 1.5 | Sound Off

This 'band' sucks balls

vanderb0b
June 30th 2010


3473 Comments

Album Rating: 1.5

@accomplice
Thanks, looks better now.

@weedbeater
Checked out MtM, they're pretty cool. Some riffs are pretty generic, and the vocals are weak in spots, but still rather good.

@Bulldog
Lol

Dryden
June 30th 2010


12928 Comments


bulldog knows how to make the best cheese

Bulldog
June 30th 2010


3796 Comments


For a brief moment, blissful noiselessness filled the air. Suddenly, an array of synthesizers playing a bouncy melody interrupted the silence. Needless to say, the composition I heard was no revelation, but, surprisingly, it was also not the putrid bile I was expecting. I looked down, shocked to see my toe tapping along with the music. I was, oddly enough, enjoying myself. Alas, this joy lasted for only a brief while, as then, then came the second track.


this is the description of my experience with their EP

Skimaskcheck
June 30th 2010


2360 Comments


hurr hurr clever album art hoidy


SowingSeason
Staff Reviewer
June 30th 2010


16026 Comments


album makes me mad. talentless music with not even a notion of artistic intentions. still, has some catchy moments for being utter shit.

Digging: Yellowcard - Lift a Sail

Jethro42
July 1st 2010


12440 Comments


Congrats man I just notice you've written more than 20 reviews.. already oh man, lets celebrate!...Cheers vanderbob, buddy. You got my vote. Keep it up. I'd like to see you cover some prog haha

dylantheairplane
July 1st 2010


2170 Comments


oh darn I was really hoping this would be good

Satellite
July 1st 2010


20816 Comments


a girl I work with unashamedly considers herself a fan of this band. wat do?

TheSpirit
July 1st 2010


17854 Comments


one of your best reviews, this deserves a feature tbh

Digging: Wreodan Heahl - Laecig

fr33convict
July 1st 2010


11689 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

I was shocked that this wasn't an instant classic.

Bitchfork
July 1st 2010


7584 Comments


Same.

vanderb0b
July 1st 2010


3473 Comments

Album Rating: 1.5

Thanks everyone.

@Jethro
I'll be doing some prog next, more likely than not. Just got to listen to the album a few more times to settle on a rating.

Scoot
July 1st 2010


17754 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0 | Sound Off

IT'S SO GOOD

SlyJak
July 1st 2010


68 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

This should be used as evidence in the case for creating a ZERO rating on sputnik. There is no word worthy to describe the pure, seething hatred I have for these idiots.

Fuck you.

vanderb0b
July 4th 2010


3473 Comments

Album Rating: 1.5

Allmusic.com just gave this a 3/5. Fail.



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