MyChildren MyBride
Lost Boy


1.5
very poor

Review

by J. Ponton EMERITUS
June 9th, 2010 | 118 replies | 20,897 views


Release Date: 2010 | Tracklist

Review Summary: Thanks, MyChildren MyBride

This just in: There’s a new MyChildren MyBride album out (!) Do you know what that means? No? Take their last offering, Unbreakable, play through it once again if it has been a while – note: it should have been a while – and listen to this year’s Lost Boy. You’ll be able to vomit along to the lyrics with ease - despite not even knowing them - predict the breakdowns right down to what chord they’re in – at least half of them are in the same chord; don’t think too hard - and cut the whole album off, like you could with Unbreakable, once track three rolls around. By that point in Lost Boy, you will have taken in everything the band have to offer you and more: i.e. a metalcore headache, the likes of which the most generic, derivative, and uninspired bands in this genre could give you.

Is Lost Boy really that bad? It is when you factor in the colossal level of infuriating astonishment that you get when listening to this album. Taking the irksome guitar players and vocalist out of the equation – I’d also take the bassist out too, but, you guessed it, MyChildren MyBride pretty much already did that themselves – and you have a good band: well, you have a good temporary drummer anyway. Patrick Snyder lends his kit to the group as a fill-in, and he is somehow able to play a competent level behind the disturbingly bad, below-par work of the others. And by playing competently, I strictly mean that: he’s the best MyChildren MyBride have going for themselves, certainly – but he’s only average in his performance!

For the fun of the pun, where Unbreakable was already broken on release in 2008, Lost Boy is already lost once it opens up. I literally started the album on opener “Terra Firma” while searching the web – next thing I knew, six tracks had passed by in the album without my having noticed a change at all: Matthew Hasting kept the same ugly, vomit-inducing tone in his voice; guitarists Robert Bloomfield and Daniel Alvarado gave me the routine chugs and upsettingly weak melodic guitar lines; and the band tried on a number of occasions to implement these gang vocals, utterly failing every time. The problem with the MyChildren MyBride’s sing-a-longs was how cheesy and awkward they were in their implementation in the songs. When such cliché-ish lines as “what goes around comes around” and “we weren’t assigned for so much than this life worth living" are belted by the rest of the band behind the regurgitated mess that is Hasting’s vocal performance, you have more than one reason to cringe.

Lost Boys is like Unbreakable two years ago: the band do nothing to diversify themselves, whether in the actual album itself or among their peers as a whole; everything is played sub-averagely; and the band just can’t seem to improve their performance – no matter how much touring they seem to do. For these reasons, I will deem this group one of the bands, the ones who give the negative metalcore stereotypes and connotations some validity, striking a long, thick line of red ink on well over half of the genre. Lost Boy is a title fittingly encapsulating MyChildren MyBride right now: they're stuck in the uglier confines of their genre, unwilling to move, and giving critics readily available-for-use fire starters everywhere. Thanks, guys, as if we really needed more people to hate this kind of music.



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Comments:Add a Comment 
Ponton
Emeritus
June 9th 2010



5784 Comments


Out yesterday, but here's a stream:

http://music.aol.com/new-releases-full-cds/#/15

I was pretty harsh, but this stuff just gets really really old

Crysis
Staff Reviewer
June 9th 2010



16242 Comments


Well at least the album art is pretty cool, I have to admit.


Excellent review, I'm sure I would agree if I brought myself to listen to this.

AbyssalCreation
June 9th 2010



2041 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0 | Sound Off

Just listened to this myself and I pretty much agree.

This band needs to break up and soon.

Digging: Renounced - The Melancholy We Ache

Ponton
Emeritus
June 9th 2010



5784 Comments


Much appreciated guys, expect to make some people mad, but it was fun to write at least.

Yeah, this sounds almost exactly like unbreakable.

Nagrarok
June 9th 2010



8169 Comments


Excellent work, reads more like a 1 though.

AbyssalCreation
June 9th 2010



2041 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0 | Sound Off

I just noticed the track listing LOL

Ponton
Emeritus
June 9th 2010



5784 Comments


Haha, just saw that too. It should be fixed now though. I'm not sure who added the album to the database

Was thinking about it nag, and while terrible, this isn't as bad as brokencyde so I couldn't do it. It's just an album that I think exemplifies a lot of metalcore stereotypes

buckfutter
June 9th 2010



2164 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

My girl went out and bought me this yesterday by accident. I told her see if there's a My Dying Bride album I don't have, and she comes home with this garbage.

She got the paddle.

Metalstyles
Staff Reviewer
June 9th 2010



8317 Comments


I literally started the album on opener “Terra Firma” while searching the web...
So you actually started the album with the OPENER? Whoa man, that is some sick shit right there.


JK Jared, nice review, and while reading it I actually felt that you must've been really pissed when writing this haha.

Ponton
Emeritus
June 9th 2010



5784 Comments


haha, the literally ties into the dash after, but yeah I see what you're saying there.

thanks, guess im trying to add more spice to my writing

iamSeraph
June 9th 2010



857 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0

although I like metalcore this was a very good read and after 1/2 listen I have to admit that you are right and I for myself am one step before closing this record -.-
it's sooo generic and boring..

Digging: Everley - The Tyger and the Lamb

iamSeraph
June 9th 2010



857 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0

yeah, so pretty much pos'd.

AggravatedYeti
June 9th 2010



7684 Comments


Thanks, guys, as if we really needed more people to hate this kind of music.


:D
I'm sure I do!

review rocks par usual.


bloc
June 9th 2010



34660 Comments


I swear you get a small bottle of fragrance when you buy this album...

Digging: Anberlin - Lowborn

AggravatedYeti
June 9th 2010



7684 Comments


its probably called ManSweat

loveisamixtape
June 9th 2010



5903 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0 | Sound Off

great review man, i agree with pretty much everything you said.

this album pisses me off. all of the riffs are super easy/predictable.

ALLTHOUGH the intro to terra firma is kinda cool. but that's the only good thing i'm saying.

loveisamixtape
June 9th 2010



5903 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0 | Sound Off

oh, and Crimson Grim sounds like a bad Slipknot rip off. just saying.

WhiteWallStargazers
June 9th 2010



2647 Comments


I. Hate. This. Band.

Apollo
June 9th 2010



10239 Comments


^this

shortone323
June 9th 2010



883 Comments


Good review. I'm now fairly certain that this album is exactly as I expected: the same boring and generic crap from their debut minus the novelty of a song that is sort of about Halo.





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