Burzum
Filosofem


5.0
classic

Review

by The Human Language USER (3 Reviews)
January 20th, 2010 | 74 replies | 9,602 views


Release Date: 1996 | Tracklist

Review Summary: An unlikely but exquisite realization of the surprising potential of the electric fluid in the rendition of music. I do laud Herr Vikernes' formidable efforts at preserving European culture.

14 of 22 thought this review was well written

Upon the receipt of what I assumed to be a compilation of the greatest classics of Monteverdi rendered upon the harpsichord, I was most fortunately surprised by an error committed by the imbecilic shipping and handling personnel who issued my delivery. Upon placing the iridescent disc into the compact disc playing-apparatus I felt myself assaulted by what I immediately perceived to be the most vulgar cacophony of the electrical fluid I had ever heard.

Fortunately I was self-administering a prostate massage at this time and was so unable to turn off the apparatus immediately. As the initial shock of disgust subsided I was forced to recognize an immense profundity beneath the veneer of coarse wailing electrical guitars and primal screams. I entertained the first song Dunkelheit in its entirety, which moved me very nearly to tears with its exquisite tristfulness. I was then swept into a Wagnerian frenzy by Jesus Tod, as if drawn inexorably into the legendary furor teutonicus of old, a spell which was only gradually broken by the remaining four songs on the album.

As Gebrechlichkeit II drew to a close, I drifted into a deep slumber filled with vivid dreams: I dreamed that I were in Jotunheim, ever emerging the victor in single combat against the giants of frost and flame; I dreamed that I were a spectre riding on the wild hunt with Odin himself; I dreamed that I were a slain warrior standing in awe before Valgrind as the frigid waters of Thund roared about my bloodied thighs; I dreamed even that I had seen the Earth formed from the body of Ymir and grasped the runes from the void. And when I awoke I was a man forever changed. Not only is Filosofem an album of the very highest calibre; it has changed the very course of my life.

And so henceforth I am no longer the enfeebled servant of the Galilean; I forfeit my faith in the Christ in favor of the gods of yore and shall become the most devoted patron of underground black metal. Huzzah for Odin! Huzzah for Thor! Huzzah for Tyr and huzzah for Frigga! Huzzah for all Æsir and Vanir! Huzzah for our glorious pagan past and our ever more glorious future in Gimle! Infernal "hailz" to all!


user ratings (924)
Chart.
4.2
excellent
other reviews of this album
Nash J. CONTRIBUTOR (4)
"Beware of the light, it may take you away, to where no evil dwells. It will take you away...for all...

alecto (4)
Cold, dark and evil, this album is what the Norwegian black metal scene was about. True, it could ha...

Kalle J. (4.5)
Filosofem channels emotion through a raw and beautifully simple compilation of ambient black metal....


Comments:Add a Comment 
Foxhound
January 20th 2010



4570 Comments


So..... what does this sound like?

The Human Language
January 20th 2010



21 Comments

Album Rating: 5.0

It sounds like ... genius, thou dimwitted rivethead

Foxhound
January 20th 2010



4570 Comments


oh sorry I didn't know genius had a genre.

Tyler
Emeritus
January 20th 2010



7928 Comments


the fuck chris, the fuck.

Meatplow
January 20th 2010



5524 Comments


Album rules, sounds like a most affecting enlightenment for you.

TheSpirit
January 20th 2010



17166 Comments

Album Rating: 3.0

Hunh

Digging: Rx Bandits - Gemini, Her Majesty

The Human Language
January 20th 2010



21 Comments

Album Rating: 5.0

the fuck chris, the fuck.


DER FVKK

DER KVLT DIZVGREZZ

GRYM DAATH 2 VLL


Foxhound
January 20th 2010



4570 Comments


I'm about to look up what KVLT means...

rasputin
January 20th 2010



14516 Comments


roflmao this is fucking brilliant

Lunarfall
January 20th 2010



3179 Comments

Album Rating: 4.0

lol @ showing up out of nowhere 19 months after his first review

Dryden
January 20th 2010



12928 Comments


haha

klap
Staff Reviewer
January 20th 2010



10258 Comments


i love all of this guys reviews, vote him for contrib

Digging: The Bilinda Butchers - Heaven

Deviant.
Staff Reviewer
January 20th 2010



30873 Comments

Album Rating: 4.0

I thought this was Principia for a second

Digging: FaltyDL - In The Wild

GnarlyShillelagh
Staff Reviewer
January 20th 2010



5983 Comments


This ain't a review it's a fucking dictionary

Carnifex
January 20th 2010



1918 Comments


Fortunately I was self-administering a prostate massage at this time and was so unable to turn off the apparatus immediately.


I lol'd hard.

Douglas
January 20th 2010



9057 Comments


This ain't a review it's a fucking dictionary


Brilliant none-the-less.

Gyromania
January 20th 2010



15198 Comments


Upon placing the iridescent disc into the compact disc playing-apparatus

Entertaining review; This one has actually been somewhat enjoyable and bearable, unlike the atrociously inaccurate, ignorant Beatles review.

The Human Language
January 20th 2010



21 Comments

Album Rating: 5.0

I do not understand why the plebeians on this site find my reviews so humorous.

My reviews are nothing if not entirely heartfelt.

thordendal
January 20th 2010



7 Comments

Album Rating: 4.0

Hahaha. Great review.

Gyromania
January 20th 2010



15198 Comments


Your reviews are nothing if not entirely absent of relevant content.



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