Morningwood
Diamonds & Studs


1.0
awful

Review

by Eric USER (161 Reviews)
November 10th, 2009 | 21 replies


Release Date: 2009 | Tracklist

Review Summary: Morningwood doesn’t even deserve the label given to simplistic bands- fun. Surfing, learning the Thriller Dance, playing a prank on a friend, these are seen as fun. Morningwood and their loathsome music, shallow lyrics, and generic power-pop is not fun

Familiar with those cheesy VH1 “Help Me Find ‘Love’ On a Reality TV Show Because There’s No Other Possible Way For Me To Find It” shows? These reality shows incorporate the washed-up stars whose 15 minutes of fame that lasted 15 minutes too long, but it wasn’t enough to satisfy their unfulfilled need for constant attention: Flavor Flav, Bret Michaels, New York, Hulk Hogan, Scot Baio, the list goes on. While these mind-numbing forms of entertainment are absolutely tasteless and offensive, they do please a certain demographic- most likely 13 year old boys who tune in for a chance to see breasts or a catfight, guys sitting on the couch too blazed to change the channel, or people who love television yet have reception that only allows them to view VH1. You may be familiar with one of the latest shows, Daisy of Love, one of the many tasteless offshoots. Coincidentally, Morningwood provides the theme song, “Best of Me.” Sadly, the connections between these two uppermost forms of art do not end there. The previously mentioned demographics are assumably three of the top results that came up on the corporate board meeting drawing board where Morningwood’s latest, Diamonds & Studs, was conceived. Where else would a band with a hot frontwoman, thinly laced sexual references, a witless mildly humorous band name, and talentless music find each other?

Morningwood’s latest is a step to the left from their previous release, a bubble-gum pop record that took the same innuendo as their band name, Morningwood. And yes, it refers to the male phenomenon that results in many an embarrassing situation at pubescent sleep overs everywhere. “Best of Me,” better known as the Daisy of Love theme song (yes, BETTER known), begins Diamonds & Studs with a confident power-pop anthem. Frontwoman Chantel Claret wastes no time in asserting herself as a “chick with attitude,” but her subpar range and shoddy lyrics suggests otherwise along with her cliche interjections of “Yeah,” “C’mon bitches,” “Alright,” and just guttural sounds to take up space and establish herself. Get used to the overused chorus, lack of vocal range, and repetition, because it doesn’t subside after “Best of Me” is finished. Every song follows in similar fashion is basically a power-pop anthem that requires an IQ below 85 to truly enjoy. While it’s a chore to listen to the lyrics, they soon reveal some very mixed messages. Literally every song deals with one of two subjects: either a) Chantel lusting after a male or b) Chantel letting the opposite sex know that she can handle herself and she a feisty, sexy, bitch- girl power! The one exemption of this is a song about a killer polar bear, literally, not metaphorically. She attempts to emphasize this second point often times rather with one-word exclamations rather than lyrics or lines. Rather than actually have to listen to Diamonds and Studs, it would be easier to view the atrocious lyrics here...

You think you're the ***,
doo-doo, doo-doo, doo-doo-, doo-doo
there are no words I can say about it
I have to admit,
you make me giggle with your super sharp wit
and then I sweat when you get me unzipt
and i can't resist

(That’s How You Know It’s Love)

She's undone / He can't come/ Still time for her to go get some / The season
Of the trust fund / Handbags by Louis Vuitton now
S'all uptown / Chanel gowns / Brownstones on / Lex with the top down
Whats that sound / Ching Ching now / Sugar baby needs a sugar daddy now now Sugar's gotta get out

(Sugarbaby)

Though, the awfulness of Diamonds & Studs reaches new lows with “That’s My Tune.” Constructed primarily for ring tones, this song epitomizes the downfall of the modern music industry. Had it been an ironic gesture, it would be necessary to praise Chantel for such a witty song, but sorrowfully that is not the case. “I’m riding on the bus / sitting with my girlfriends / I stare at my phone / but it’s not ringing,” Chantel sets the scene. It gets worse. The chorus, “Let it ring man don’t you pick it up / don’t stop that my tune / that’s my thing man you can turn it up don’t stop that my tune,” which Chantel repeats ad infinitum, are the type of lines that beg 2 b writtn in AIM shrt-hnd. kno wat i meeeeean???

Diamonds & Studs is an embarrassment to music, yet pitifully it epitomizes what today’s music industry values. Whether Chantel is asserting herself and her “Bitches,” or simply begging for sex, her unbearable lyrics easily overpower the simple, generic power chords or the lonely ballad at the end, “Cat in a Box.” Morningwood doesn’t even deserve the label given to most simplistic pop bands- fun. Surfing is fun. Learning the Thriller Dance is fun. Playing a prank on a close friend is fun. Morningwood and their loathsome music on full display with shallow lyrics and generic power-pop is not fun.



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user ratings (3)
Chart.
2
poor

Comments:Add a Comment 
SeaAnemone
November 10th 2009


20834 Comments


First 1 review, totally deserves it. Also, I realized this album is posted twice, this without artwork, which kinda sucks.
Tell me what you think please.

PuddlesPuddles
November 10th 2009


4787 Comments


Summary is cut off, but is a funny summary

SeaAnemone
November 10th 2009


20834 Comments


Phew... tough to fit that in. This definitely needs artwork... it adds to the experience considerably.

shortone323
November 10th 2009


883 Comments


Good review. This sounds awful.

EVedder27
November 10th 2009


6088 Comments


Nice. Keep churning out reviews.

SeaAnemone
November 10th 2009


20834 Comments


Thanks both- and yes it is. I'll have another review out this evening as long as this leaves the front page.

PuddlesPuddles
November 10th 2009


4787 Comments


That album cover is hilariously terrible

klap
Staff Reviewer
November 10th 2009


10545 Comments


awesome band name.....not

Digging: Jessie Ware - Tough Love

SeaAnemone
November 10th 2009


20834 Comments


I was given the chance to interview these guys last night but there's NO WAY I could have done so with a straight face.

mvdu
November 10th 2009


608 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0

I was considering giving this a listen and still will since their other CD is fun at times.

SeaAnemone
November 10th 2009


20834 Comments


Alrightttt... but don't say I didn't warn you. I'd say the summary/entire review pretty clearly shows my opinion on that, but feel free to take your chances.

fromtheinside
November 10th 2009


19029 Comments


the band name made this sound so promising.

Digging: Ibex Throne - Ibex Throne

BSX
November 10th 2009


1634 Comments


I love those trashy shows!

Digging: Azealia Banks - Broke With Expensive Taste

mvdu
November 10th 2009


608 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0

OK, I gave it a listen, and you were right to warn me. I think the first few songs are guilty pleasures; music isn't always about thinking and they just get you moving. But after that, the album is a mess.

SeaAnemone
November 10th 2009


20834 Comments


Best of Me is the MOST bearable, you're right... and sorry, but Itoldyaso.

MrDoobie
January 27th 2010


10 Comments


I was going to get this because I liked the song "Best of Me". Now, the crappy cover art, and the fact that it's supported by a VH1 reality show has me second guessing that.

SeaAnemone
January 27th 2010


20834 Comments


based solely on your avatar you'd love this.

AtavanHalen
January 27th 2010


17927 Comments


Chantal Claret is so fucking sexy

SeaAnemone
January 27th 2010


20834 Comments


... as long as you avoid her voice.

AtavanHalen
January 27th 2010


17927 Comments


Fuck that, Jetsetter and Nth Degree are the tits



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