Bring Me the Horizon
Count Your Blessings


1.0
awful

Review

by Zipzop5565 USER (20 Reviews)
September 23rd, 2009 | 203 replies


Release Date: 2006 | Tracklist

Review Summary: If you’re incredibly sick after a night of binge drinking, and need to regurgitate the two day old pizza and Taco Bell in your stomach to feel better, listening to Bring Me The Horizon’s Count Your Blessings will do more to make you vomit than stickin

If you’re looking for a normal review of this album, then just look at my summary, and you’ll know my thoughts on it. How this band got popular, let alone a record deal, is shocking to me. Everyone either despises this album as much as they despise Adolf Hitler, or they love it to death, and I am convinced that the latter group of people is suffering permanent mental brain damage.

It’s not to hard understand why this band is despised in the metal community. Their image looks more appropriate for a Fall Out Boy and My Chemical Romance tour than Slayer or Megadeth. The band members are clones of frontman Oliver Sykes, the lyrics are the biggest bland bull*** found in a copy of your sister’s Seventeen magazine, and the instruments sound like they were playing underwater. I was introduced to this band when one of my friends asked me if I liked Death Metal. He then told me to listen to Count Your Blessings, and after listening to the title track, I threw a brick in his face and tossed his CD in my fireplace.

A Year later, I thought to myself “Remember that terrible CD you tossed into a fireplace? You should do a review of it.” Of course, I don’t own a copy of Bring Me The Horizon’s first full length abomination of music, and my only recourse was to look up each song individually on youtube. If it wasn’t for that, I wouldn’t have been able to differentiate the songs from one another. After listening to all 10 tracks, including the bonus hot topic track, I went to the nearest liquor store and bought 3 liters of the cheapest vodka and drank heavily, trying to kill the brain cells that stored the memories of those god-awful 11 tracks. Unfortunately, my efforts failed.

The first track has some promise with some fast drumming, though you can instantly tell that something went wrong during the production of this album. The guitars and drums sound muffled, the bass is either non-existent, or they pulled a Metallica and edited it out, and only the vocals are sharp in production value (and this isn’t a good thing). The blood-curdling screech emitted from Oli Sykes is the indicator that things are just going to get bad from here.

Now, this is all a matter of opinion, but I, for one, do not like high pitched screeching such as Angela Gossow’s or Alexi Laiho’s voices, and it doesn’t help that this album is completely full of this garbage. The album would actually improve if the vocals were muffled, or hell, if they were removed completely. As I said, however, this is all matter of opinion. I’m sure there are plenty of people out there who enjoy screeching vocals that make kittens want to commit vehicular suicide, and if you are one of those, this album is for you.

I guess a good thing about the vocals is that Oliver Sykes screeches them in such a way that makes the lyrics nearly incomprehensible. Trust me, after looking up some of the lyrics in this album, you’d be better off not know what the hell he’s screeching about. I, however, need to know that the lead singer isn’t advocating the Holocaust or screaming about mutilating pregnant women with a pair of pliers while drinking a diarrhea milkshake, so I look up lyrics. To be frank, Count Your Blessings has some of the most uninspired, unoriginal, uncreative lyrics in the history of music. With an aura so emo, you might actually think they were originally an emo band, Bring Me the Horizon assaults your ears with hardcore lyrics such as:

“You got a mouth like a razor blade. It cuts so deep
So kiss my wrists my neck and give me eternal sleep”

-From Tell Slater not to Wash His Dick

and:

“She starts her new diet of liquor and dick,
Just like Hollywood, but laced in sick,
The sun goes down, and so does she”

-From Pray for Plagues

Most of the lyrics deal with misogyny, suicide, or getting drunk at parties. In fact, I actually think BMTH was an emo band before turning to deathcore. I imagine them sitting in the recording studio when Oli Sykes walks in shouting, “Hey, guys, wait a second. I just read on myspace that Job For A Cowboy got a record deal from playing Deathcore. We should do that, too!”

Someone from the rest of the band: “But, you already wrote the lyrics to all of the songs, and we were just about to finish up the saxophone solo, or whatever they do in emo songs.”

Oli Sykes: “Forget that. We’re playing deathcore now. Just play really fast, put some breakdowns in every song because those are cool, and don’t worry about the lyrics. They’ll work.”

Basically, all the songs are the same. Fast riffs that are boring and uninspired, boring drum patterns, breakdowns every minute, and screeching vocals that make you want to put your head in an oven. If I hadn’t looked at the titles of the songs on youtube, I would not know the difference between Braille and Liquor and Love lost. It’s not like listening to Rust In Peace where the songs are actually different. I’ll give a quick word about breakdowns: they suck. Not just these boring Bring Me Scene Music breakdowns, but all breakdowns. One is too many, but BMTH apparently doesn’t agree with me, sometimes putting 3 in one damn song. Jesus, guys, give us a break. Breakdowns suck, end of story.

So, is there anything good about this album? Well, to give us a break from the horrid lyrics and vomit-inducing vocals, the band had the courtesy to put two instrumentals in the album. One is actually quite good. The other is the same putrid diarrhea mush prevalent throughout the album. “Slow Dance” isn’t very slow at all. As if padding their regular songs with repeated vocals wasn’t bad enough, they decided to pad this instrumental with a ***ing breakdown. Are you kidding me? Aren’t instrumentals supposed to…I don’t know….show off the instruments? While there is some use of guitar, putting a breakdown in an instrument is counter-productive. It tells me the other members of the band couldn’t come up with a good solo, so they put a stupid, bland breakdown. Garbage.

The second instrumental, Fifteen Fathoms, is much better. A softer song, it’s a welcome change from the screeching vocals and watered-down guitars. Unfortunately, it is so far down the track list, by the time I got to it, listening to a cat meowing for three minutes would have been a welcome change. After Fifteen Fathoms, we get another diarrhea mess of anal juice, and a cover of Slipknot. A cover of a Slipknot song. A…Cover….of a Slipknot…song. Who said this band is death metal, and where do they live?

I could keep going, but there’s no point anymore. The whole album sucks. There’s like one good song, and it’s too damn short. There’s also a good solo in Black and Blue, or is it Liquor and Love Lost? I don’t know. Somewhere in this quagmire of anal abominations is a good solo. You might find it, or you might find your will to live diminishing after listening to the first 2 tracks. I’m not going to recommend this garbage to anyone, unless you’ve captured a terrorism suspect and need to know where Osama Bin Laden is located. Don’t listen to it. Don’t let your friends listen to it. Don’t let anyone listen to it.



Recent reviews by this author
Last Days of Humanity Putrefaction in ProgressNocturnus The Key
Metallica Death MagneticNickelback Dark Horse
Lykathea Aflame ElvenefrisSepultura Chaos A.D.
user ratings (1756)
Chart.
2.8
good
other reviews of this album
1 of
  • DragonHeartstring (4)
    Count Your Blessings stands out among most deathcore as being considerably better written,...

    DirtBagDan (2)
    An album that starts off with a lot of potential but whittles it away with every passing m...

    Michael B. (1.5)
    Pray for plagues, indeed....

    Chris Higgins (2.5)
    Boring and repetitive, yet filled with energy. Can Oli Syke's steal the show enough to mak...

  • AntennaofVertebrae (4)
    One Of the best england hardcore acts out today this disc shows the best of whats to come...

    Cody York (4)
    This album is fast and brutal, invoking elements from thrash, metal, hardcore and somehow ...

    Theo H. (2)
    ...

    xAnthx (4.5)
    Bring Me The Horizon has released an aggression-filled and technical album that is simply ...


Comments:Add a Comment 
Tempertemperature
September 23rd 2009


154 Comments

Album Rating: 1.5

Kind of an, how do you say...
uncouth review.

But seriously the 3 reviews of this that rate it above a 2.5 (and even that is stretching it) should be deleted. Album is so bad.

WhiteWallStargazers
September 23rd 2009


2647 Comments


more of a rant then a review...

Fapper
September 23rd 2009


649 Comments


This album is bad but it could be worse. I think it's more of a 2.0

Mordecai.
September 23rd 2009


8279 Comments

Album Rating: 2.5

This album > than your review

Carnifex
September 23rd 2009


1918 Comments


Yeah this review seriously doesn't help anyone that's never heard this prior, it's just a long rant about how much you hate it.

pizzamachine
September 23rd 2009


12571 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

Ugh, this band sucks.

InHumanForm
September 23rd 2009


316 Comments


good review. and yea this band is trash

fromtheinside
September 24th 2009


18717 Comments


this album is by no means as good as (few) people suggest.

Digging: Devin Townsend Project - Z2

KILL
September 24th 2009


71957 Comments

Album Rating: 1.5

gd review

Digging: Exodus - Blood In, Blood Out

LiquidVelvet
September 24th 2009


628 Comments

Album Rating: 1.5

I'm sorry, sir, you seem to have got the word "review" confused with "mess of failing-to-be-clever comparisons." Oooo! Look! He compared the band to Hitler! AND Bin Laden!
Now, I'm not advocating this album...Yeah, it's bad. But this review is infinitely worse.
And, learn up. My Chemical Romance are not even close to emo. And compare these guys' lyrics to Circle Takes The Square, and I doubt you'll find much similarity.

cirq
September 24th 2009


9264 Comments


It sounds like you got a crush on oli

Zipzop5565
September 24th 2009


402 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

How is this not helping people who haven't heard of the band? I'm saying the album is so terrible, you don't want to know who they are. There seriously was nothing redeeming about this album. There's maybe 1 good song, and you dont buy an album for one song.

Also, I wasn't comparing the band to Bin Laden or Hitler. I don't know how you made that assumption, but since you like this band, I'm going to assume you don't have a brain.

DaveBum69
September 24th 2009


699 Comments


this album sucks there new one isnt to bad though

Fugue
September 26th 2009


7353 Comments


Now, I'm not advocating this album...Yeah, it's bad



Album Rating: 4


lulz.

LiquidVelvet
September 28th 2009


628 Comments

Album Rating: 1.5

Protip: You did compare it to Bin Laden.
"I’m not going to recommend this garbage to anyone, unless you’ve captured a terrorism suspect and need to know where Osama Bin Laden is located."
Can't find the hitler ref, don't care enough to look. And that rating is definitely not how I ever felt about the album. Sorry about being so slow on the uptake, I been gone all weekend.

Zipzop5565
September 28th 2009


402 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

Liquidvelvet:

That quote you referred was not comparing anything. If I had said I would rather listen to a bootlegged copy of a Bin Laden videotape, THAT would be comparing the two.

In the case of my words, I was pointing out the uses of this piece of horrid vomit of a CD: i.e. NOT comparing it to anything.

PitDetonator
October 3rd 2009


15 Comments

Album Rating: 3.0

I don't believe it. I actually LOVE this review

You're 400% wrong. Obviously, but this review is hilarious. For good and bad reasons

Fuc*in' pos'ed

bloc
October 3rd 2009


34919 Comments


and the instruments sound like they were playing underwater.

ZING! that's a great line, btw.

keysofanxiety
October 21st 2009


143 Comments


This. Band. Suck. =)

Although it wasn't the strongest review written, it was pretty entertaining to read, though I'm hoping you could maybe edit in a few more harsh similes =D

You've got a lot of negatives, which is probably from a load of ridiculously-fringed weeping emos.

Therefore, I have little choice but to pos this review ;)

Good job =)

Zip
October 21st 2009


5312 Comments

Album Rating: 3.0

liked this



You have to be logged in to post a comment. Login | Create a Profile





FAQ // STAFF & CONTRIBUTORS // SITE FORUM // CONTACT US

Bands: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z


Site Copyright 2005-2014 Sputnikmusic.com
All Album Reviews Displayed With Permission of Authors | Privacy Policy