Attack Attack! (US)
Someday Came Suddenly


1.5
very poor

Review

by Caleb McAlpine USER (109 Reviews)
August 10th, 2009 | 578 replies


Release Date: 2008 | Tracklist

Review Summary: Crustaceaos metalcore

Click-clack, click-clack, click-clack. The sonic pattering of tiny feet on weathered shale benignly arises from a British Columbian shoreline; the sound of hundreds and hundreds of decapod crustaceans -- specifically, crabs. Bobbing their exoskeletal heads to a distant beat, the congregation of crabs - ranging in size from the miniscule pea crab to the legendary Japanese spider crab - are amassing together under a common purpose: to boogie to Attack Attack!'s crab-tastic single 'Stick Sickly', the anthem of Crustacea. Frantically waving their kinetic legs in the air and slamming their monstrous claws down to the ground in time with the infectious beat, the throng of crustaceans were gathered to celebrate their freshwater emergence in popular music and to memorialize the dawn of a new, wild genre of music.

Crabcore.

Those unfamiliar with the music scene's newest meme - the aforementioned "crabcore" - are likely scratching their heads furiously and wondering why this review starts with what seems to be, at best, an LSD-induced hallucination dredged up from the blurry past of the reviewer. Allow me to explain: Attack Attack! shot a video for their single 'Stick Sickly' that involved - along with their bad music - two-step dancing, guitar-waving and most importantly, synchronized crab-walk-headbanging. Once this video surfaced online, some French kid with a broadband connection pretentiously noted in a YouTube comment that the band looked and danced like crabs -- little did he know he had coined the subgenre for a new generation of deplorability. After the watching said music video, even the most gracious of listeners will be immediately repulsed. That being said, it's incorrect to critique a band based solely on their image, no matter how distracting that image may be.

Unfortunately for Attack Attack!, the only thing worse than their music videos is their music. The band performs sonically like the premarital lust-child of a slightly-evolved brokeNYCDE and The Devil Wears Prada (bad parental combo: problem #1), sacrificing harmless 80's aerobic-track synths by splicing them awkwardly with brainless, meat-headed breakdowns. Vocalist Austin Carlile possesses a scream that varies in it's sound, offering up a monotonous high scream (sounds like Mike Hranica hucking up a cocaine-addicted vampire bat) and numerous faux-growls (sounds like a badger with strep throat) which interplay miserably with guitarist Johnny Franck's clean vocals: laughably autotuned pop-melodies from a scene kid that swallowed a vocoder. Settling for brutality over technicality, the band loves a good breakdown and constantly (usually twice or three times in a song) exercise their ability to bring out the palm-muted jun-jun (click-clack), but when looking at the broader terms of things, it's better that Attack Attack! settles for the cliched chugging because their bland, uninspired riffs are even worse. In what would potentially be the only redeeming element of the band's discordant assault, Caleb Shomo's gimmicky synths manage to do the impossible and ultimately bring each and every song to previously unperceived-of lows with their campy whizzing and whirring.

Perhaps the most frightening aspect of the record is that, before the uproar surrounding 'Stick Sticky's music video, it was fairly well-received. Luckily, the abhorrent music video is pushing Attack Attack! closer and closer to being recognized as the execrable opprobrium to music that they are. Until the day you find yourself with an exoskeletan, stay far far away. However, when that day comes, clack your claws and scurry around your raving shorelines to the brutality and dance-synths. 'Someday Came Suddenly' is audible evidence that Attack Attack! aren't the fleas or the headlice of metalcore -- they are the crabs.



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user ratings (1207)
Chart.
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Comments:Add a Comment 
Waior
August 10th 2009


11454 Comments

Album Rating: 1.5

oh waior is trying to be funny ha

For those who haven't seen it, watch the video for Stick Stickly (along with an amusing article) here: http://www.guardian.co.uk/music/2009/jun/24/attack-attack-stick-stickly-video

Review was unnecessary, mostly just wrote it so I could talk about crabs. Fair enough?

cvlts
August 10th 2009


8967 Comments


crabcore.

marksellsuswallets
August 10th 2009


4848 Comments

Album Rating: 1.5

Man this breakdowns so heavy guys...I dunno...I can barely stand under the weight of it...urgh...gotta crab-walk...

Waior
August 10th 2009


11454 Comments

Album Rating: 1.5

You'd think they were playing Les Pauls, they're so low to the ground.

sspedding
August 10th 2009


4773 Comments

Album Rating: 1.5

possibly the funniest review ever for the right reasons. This heap of shit has needed a negative review since it reared its ugly head in music stores.

atrink
Contributing Reviewer
August 10th 2009


2845 Comments


finally. good review

Waior
August 10th 2009


11454 Comments

Album Rating: 1.5

possibly the funniest review ever for the right reasons.


I'm really uncomfortable with writing off-cuff humor in my reviews at this point, but writing fictitious crab rave parties (paragraph one) for some reason comes naturally to me. Haha. Go figure.

Thanks, atrink.

sspedding
August 10th 2009


4773 Comments

Album Rating: 1.5

id love to see that show

ninjuice
August 11th 2009


6760 Comments

Album Rating: 1.5 | Sound Off

This sounds awful, so I guess it's good I haven't listened to it. Great review and outstanding Fischer avatar.

SmurkinGherkin
August 11th 2009


1769 Comments


I lol'd

AtavanHalen
August 11th 2009


17927 Comments


Fuck I love you so much Caleb

illmitch
August 11th 2009


5429 Comments


i was gonna complain "wtf another attack attack review" but this is good

ninjuice
August 11th 2009


6760 Comments

Album Rating: 1.5 | Sound Off

I just watched that music video. Sooooo much better when you read the article first, because you're laughing at how bad the music is and how true the article is.

Douglas
August 11th 2009


9115 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0

One typo

'Stick Sticky's music video


This gets a 2 for the synth break at the end of Catfish Soup.

Digging: The Preatures - Blue Planet Eyes

brainsheldis
August 11th 2009


320 Comments

Album Rating: 1.5

good review is good

Aids
Contributing Reviewer
August 11th 2009


23909 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

The best part of the video is surely when they shout "woo!" and fling their guitars behind thier heads whilst doing a one footed hop. Right?

Digging: RATKING - So It Goes

Skimaskcheck
August 11th 2009


2360 Comments


'...guitarist Johnny Franck's clean vocals: laughably autotuned pop-melodies from a scene kid that swallowed a vocoder.'

Hahaaha, i love that bit, great review, terrible band.

bloc
August 11th 2009


34919 Comments

Album Rating: 2.5 | Sound Off

i've seen one of them japanese spider crabs. thing has a leg span of almost 10 feet.

Waior
August 11th 2009


11454 Comments

Album Rating: 1.5

Somebody's tripled troll-neg'd all my reviews. Adam Knott and I suspect it's Attack Attack! the band themselves.



AlexTM510
August 11th 2009


1403 Comments

Album Rating: 2.5

Great review haha

I really feel like if these guys could stop the gimmicks and unnecessarily combined techno and post-hardcore they could make something legit cause there are some really cool melodies when there is singing (even with the overkill on autotune)

but i sincerely doubt it will happen

Digging: Flying Lotus - You're Dead!



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