brokeNCYDE
I'm Not a Fan, but the Kids Like It!


1.0
awful

Review

by Caleb McAlpine USER (109 Reviews)
July 19th, 2009 | 835 replies


Release Date: 2009 | Tracklist

Review Summary: If the musical world is a buffet, brokenCYDE is a TV dinner: insipid, detrimental and potentially lethal.

At the root of all music, there is a unifying concept, connecting all musicians and songwriters together: the love of music itself. Never has music become too homogenized and superficial; there is always some sort of musical heart beating underneath the gelatinous layers of studio sheen and corporate hyperbole. Searching for this heartbeat in the streamlined, over-processed music that the industry manufactures today can prove to be difficult, but it is nonetheless there, right? Well, mostly. Here lies the problem with Albuquerque "crunk-core" troupe brokeNCYDE: they have no heart. They're like the alarmingly pubescent boys who parade around high school whilst thinking with their ever-present hormones instead of their malfunctioning, scenester heads. Like a destructive plague, the group's sounds haunt and depreciate their surroundings; uprooting plants and subconsciously peeling wallpaper off innocent walls. Yes, it all boils down to the fact that brokeNCYDE's latest record, "I'm Not a Fan but the Kids Like It", is perhaps the most abhorrent, self-destructive record to appear in the new millennium; a torturous, brain-numbing bonfire celebration of 'crunk-core' that, instead of spurring fantasies of "getting freaky" and "pulling shorties' panties down", is more likely to inflict suicidal thoughts on to the uneducated, vulnerable listener.

"I walk into the club looking kind of sexy now/I see these shorties in the corner, they started making out"

These words - eloquent poetry presented by the first real track, "FreaXXX" - are the listener's (or ex-listener's, depending on the time) first exposure to brokeNCYDE's crunkzity-bombasticness (or lack thereof); a tilt-a-whirl presentation of non-dynamic sing/scream distribution. It's important to note that vocalists "Se7en" and "Mikl" can perform neither singing or screaming and instead opt for a combination of digital warbling and cat-like hissing, furthering the album's inherent unlistenability from simply migraine-inducing to life-threateningly hellish. Unintuitive and unoriginal synth loops and beats (example: any song on the record) rotate lifelessly around poorly written and ultimately sexist lyrics (example: also, any song), spinning a revolving globe of infantile juvenility and raging hormones. Musically, "I'm Not a Fan..." is like putting a collection of angsty knives into a ziploc baggy, tossing them into a microwave and sticking around to watch the results: a) these things clearly do not go together (crunk and core, metal objects and microwaves) and b) if these things do end up together, the results are going to unpleasant, if not hazardous.

"Look at you, you want my body/Let's go start another party"

This lyrical excerpt from "Booty Call" is in no way significant; it's quite lyrically tame for the record, actually -- I'm sparing the faint of heart who may be reading this review. The lyrical excerpt above is, however, a prime of example of what makes up the bulk of "I'm Not a Fan...": no track does anything to differentiate itself from another, they are all the same and they are all equally atrocious. Every single song has brokeNCYDE amorously and unsubtlely praising their own anatomies, promising ambiguous sexual fulfillment (at least to those who want to get laid by scrawny, white scene kids with asymmetrical haircuts) and just plain "gettin' crunk". Every single song has the same tired and thieved beats, the same carbon-copied synths and basslines. The unholy matrimony that sums up this record is a painful welding together of unoriginality and ridiculous execution that I can guarantee will make you feel like less of a person for listening to it. Alas, I am certainly not a fan, and the kids only like it because they're so gratuitously caulked up with so much faux-angst that they enjoy torment and torture. Alas, if this stuff is selling like sweet manna from heaven, I suppose that makes it...

brokeNCYDE: 1
Music: 0



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user ratings (1193)
Chart.
1.2
awful
other reviews of this album
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Comments:Add a Comment 
Waior
July 19th 2009


11461 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

brokeNCYDE review, guys.
brokeNCYDE

No, but I think this was completely necessary...

Digging: Hey Rosetta! - Second Sight

Douglas
July 19th 2009


9118 Comments


Probably the best brokencyde review...

Waior
July 19th 2009


11461 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

Err, thanks. I actually enjoyed writing it.

AtavanHalen
July 19th 2009


17927 Comments


I'm over this. We're only giving them more than their fifteen minutes by doing these reviews.

Waior
July 19th 2009


11461 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

Yeah, but the other reviews were TBTs... the world needed fixing.

Asiatic667
July 19th 2009


4648 Comments


dumbdumbdumbbrokencyde blah blah suck suck shite shite

AtavanHalen
July 19th 2009


17927 Comments


There's only so many ways you can say "this band sucks". And we all agree. Hell, anyone with a brain agrees.
It's time to move on.

ninjuice
July 19th 2009


6760 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

Much better than the other two. Kudos.

I must be the only one who thinks Soulja Boy is significantly worse...

There's only so many ways you can say "this band sucks"

The other two reviewers didn't say it nearly as well though.

AtavanHalen
July 19th 2009


17927 Comments


I'll pay that. It's a great review. But I think this needs to be the final word on the matter.

Waior
July 19th 2009


11461 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

Thank you, both of you. I know it's a bit unnecessary, but for the sake of Sputnik having at least one solid review per album...

Soulja Boy is worse.

Ghost pos?

burnafterbreeding
July 19th 2009


1466 Comments


Waior, you love this site don't you?





I love you for your Jenna...its oh so true.

burnafterbreeding
July 19th 2009


1466 Comments


Pos'd of course, fuckin' grand review.

MrGlass
July 19th 2009


326 Comments


I pos'd cuz this review is so much better than the others. nice work m8.

Waior
July 19th 2009


11461 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

burn, I do like this site, yes. Is it that obvious? Jenna loves you. And thank you.

Glass, why thank you.

po0ty
July 19th 2009


489 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

lol, 78 awful votes. These dudes get way more attention than they should.

cvlts
July 19th 2009


8967 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

come on Waior, just what we didnt need... another goddamn Brokencyde review... no matter how well written it is (which it is)

Avirov
July 19th 2009


1206 Comments


Review was hilarious, pos'd.

Knott-
Emeritus
July 19th 2009


10198 Comments


Haha, this is brilliant. A good review, and funny to boot. I'll be honest, I'm glad you posted this for one main reason: I was considering listening to this record so there was a sensible review on here, and now I no longer have to :p

Great stuff, pos.

Zip
July 19th 2009


5312 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

What makes you think that we need another review for this?
Oh wait, you're the only person that managed to form intelligent and intellectual thoughts about this "music" without delving into the realm of "Omg Brokencyde is sooo bad they like cannot play at all"
pos

AtavanHalen
July 19th 2009


17927 Comments


Everyone is now banned from any further reviews of this band.



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