Review Summary: slayerfan420 learns to sludge.
Metal Archives user ‘BloodIronBeer’ rates Lair of the Minotaur’s The Ultimate Destroyer
the supposedly appropriate rating of 1%, and considers his justifications for said rating as sufficient. He obviously doesn’t understand
Lair of the Minotaur, and it’s obvious again that his understanding of any metal outside the realms of mediocre is somewhat limited. Do not be under the impression that this review is a parody of his; if that were the case, I would be relentless. Just think of it as a retort, an articulate response to what is really a stupid fu
'My first question to anyone who thinks this is more destructive than
a wrecking ball to the groin would be - have you ever heard of Swedish death metal?'
So we’re immediately thrust into the idiocy of this individual’s opinion when he compares a thrashy sludge band to Swedish death metal, and actually implies that Swedish death metal is the pinnacle of brutality in music. Um what? To clarify for you, dear reader, these are Swedes:
They look completely fu
cking gay, and any death metal from a country full of these guys will no doubt reek of complete faggotry.
Lair of the Minotaur in a nutshell is if Slayer decided to go sludge – a thrashy hardcore aesthetic covered by a healthy dose of feedback, giving it that crunchy sludge sound. ‘BloodIronBeer’ proves his imbecility once again when he actually thinks that this somehow degrades the band’s quality, when they make music that utilizes feedback to further the planned dissonance. I won’t be facetious to the point where I’ll list as many bands I can possibly think of that are equally or more so feedback-laden than Lair of the Minotaur, but let me assure you that such a list would be as long as me kicking this idiot in the face.
The intensity that comes with Lair of the Minotaur’s music is exhilarating – they revel in their belligerent tone, and their amalgamation of different genre elements is done to the point where they sound completely fresh without any real originality. As far as face smashing goes, Lair of the Minotaur are without a doubt masters. The famous realization that every pretentious Converge fan must make to be accepted (they’re just left over Slayer riffs!
) is at full play here, and the riffage of The Ultimate Destroyer
leaves it almost perfectly titled – it will ultimately destroy you, which is a huge deviation from BloodIronBeer’s laughable description, ‘it’s just uneventful heavy music’.
There is obviously much more I could go on with the untapped idiotic material in BloodIronBeer’s review, but I think it’s time to stop. The Ultimate Destroyer
is a fantastic, cohesive and hugely enjoyable album. It takes lessons from the right bands, and doesn’t fu
ck it up. Don’t listen to BloodIronBeer - listen to me. Get this now.