Lair of the Minotaur
The Ultimate Destroyer


4.0
excellent

Review

by rasputin USER (196 Reviews)
June 22nd, 2009 | 31 replies | 5,913 views


Release Date: 2006 | Tracklist

Review Summary: slayerfan420 learns to sludge.

3 of 3 thought this review was well written

Metal Archives user ‘BloodIronBeer’ rates Lair of the Minotaur’s The Ultimate Destroyer the supposedly appropriate rating of 1%, and considers his justifications for said rating as sufficient. He obviously doesn’t understand Lair of the Minotaur, and it’s obvious again that his understanding of any metal outside the realms of mediocre is somewhat limited. Do not be under the impression that this review is a parody of his; if that were the case, I would be relentless. Just think of it as a retort, an articulate response to what is really a stupid fucking opinion.

'My first question to anyone who thinks this is more destructive than
a wrecking ball to the groin would be - have you ever heard of Swedish death metal?'

So we’re immediately thrust into the idiocy of this individual’s opinion when he compares a thrashy sludge band to Swedish death metal, and actually implies that Swedish death metal is the pinnacle of brutality in music. Um what? To clarify for you, dear reader, these are Swedes:

http://img524.imageshack.us/img524/2987/39934ez2.jpg

They look completely fucking gay, and any death metal from a country full of these guys will no doubt reek of complete faggotry.

Lair of the Minotaur in a nutshell is if Slayer decided to go sludge – a thrashy hardcore aesthetic covered by a healthy dose of feedback, giving it that crunchy sludge sound. ‘BloodIronBeer’ proves his imbecility once again when he actually thinks that this somehow degrades the band’s quality, when they make music that utilizes feedback to further the planned dissonance. I won’t be facetious to the point where I’ll list as many bands I can possibly think of that are equally or more so feedback-laden than Lair of the Minotaur, but let me assure you that such a list would be as long as me kicking this idiot in the face.

The intensity that comes with Lair of the Minotaur’s music is exhilarating – they revel in their belligerent tone, and their amalgamation of different genre elements is done to the point where they sound completely fresh without any real originality. As far as face smashing goes, Lair of the Minotaur are without a doubt masters. The famous realization that every pretentious Converge fan must make to be accepted (they’re just left over Slayer riffs!) is at full play here, and the riffage of The Ultimate Destroyer leaves it almost perfectly titled – it will ultimately destroy you, which is a huge deviation from BloodIronBeer’s laughable description, ‘it’s just uneventful heavy music’.

There is obviously much more I could go on with the untapped idiotic material in BloodIronBeer’s review, but I think it’s time to stop. The Ultimate Destroyer is a fantastic, cohesive and hugely enjoyable album. It takes lessons from the right bands, and doesn’t fuck it up. Don’t listen to BloodIronBeer - listen to me. Get this now.



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user ratings (21)
Chart.
3.9
excellent

Comments:Add a Comment 
rasputin
June 22nd 2009



14516 Comments


http://www.metal-archives.com/review.php?id=107936

and stupid fucking formatting

jingledeath
June 22nd 2009



7104 Comments

Album Rating: 4.0

review rules.

need to check this out, i do

AvictimOfSociety
June 22nd 2009



71 Comments


Bravo, bravo! Encore!

rasputin
June 22nd 2009



14516 Comments


need to check this out, i do

it's on the blog

gaslightanthem
June 22nd 2009



5209 Comments


think i want to thrust my penis in you review is that good

mynameischan
Staff Reviewer
June 22nd 2009



17920 Comments


hey kane you look a bit like those swedes eh

gaslightanthem
June 22nd 2009



5209 Comments


without the blonde hair blue eyes and mask of faggotry yes i do

mynameischan
Staff Reviewer
June 22nd 2009



17920 Comments


no that last thing is there

gaslightanthem
June 22nd 2009



5209 Comments


it's not a mask so no

i embrace all faggotry & homoerotic behavior

u hav to be true to yourself



rasputin
June 22nd 2009



14516 Comments


kane does not discriminate

gaslightanthem
June 22nd 2009



5209 Comments


hey do u need a defibrillator

FistfulOfSteel
June 22nd 2009



894 Comments


picture rules. been meaning to check this out, ill grab it off the blog.

Phantom
June 22nd 2009



8930 Comments

Album Rating: 4.0

So I'm gunna get this. Better be good or I'm telling BloodIronBeer.


Just read his review.......lol.

Tits McGee
June 22nd 2009



1876 Comments


review rules. I'm for sure getting this.

Zoo
June 22nd 2009



3759 Comments

Album Rating: 4.0

Bitches can't handle this.

HenchmanOfSanta
June 23rd 2009



1852 Comments


How come when I type "Cock" in a review it gets automatically censored?

rasputin
June 23rd 2009



14516 Comments


because you are below the law

masterofcum
June 23rd 2009



428 Comments


greatest lyrics ever

Wizard
June 23rd 2009



19208 Comments


Wow, pos' for spite rasputin. I know for a fact that this band would make me shit my pants. Awesome.

Digging: Monarch - Sabbracadaver

SKUDstorm
June 23rd 2009



136 Comments


haven't been in much of a metal mood lately, but i'll listen to this eventually.
pretty good review. still waiting on that collapse review ;)



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