Limp Bizkit
Results May Vary


1.5
very poor

Review

by Zornagrapher USER (2 Reviews)
March 14th, 2009 | 161 replies


Release Date: 2003 | Tracklist

Review Summary: Banality and irony plague Limp Bizkit's fourth release....not that that's any different from their other albums.

It's a Monday afternoon and I'm at my local library, sifting through the CD racks to see whats readily available for my hungry ears. After a few minutes of finding nothing worthy enough for my attention, I was just about ready to leave, disappointment starting to rise within me. But what's this? Out of the corner of my eye, an unmarked CD case comes within my view. I quickly reach for it, and my heart sank. A copy of Results May Vary rests in my hands, the front cover cracked to hell, and instead of hinges, scotch tape takes it's place, making the task of opening it a difficult one. I have heard horrendous things about this album, obscene as a matter of fact, so my hesitation grew stronger by the second. Then I think to myself, "Hey, your an open-minded listener. Critics have been wrong before, and maybe, just maybe, they're wrong on this one". So, I took a chance, placing the disc on the check out counter, grabbed my receipt , and left.

Upon leaving the comforts of the library, I place the CD into my Sony Walkman whilst walking down the street on a cool, summer afternoon, birds singing in the distance, children laughing and cheering in the playground across the street. Ahh, sweet, sweet serenity. And then the album starts playing.

It actually begins promisingly enough, the single "Eat you Alive" comes at you like a battering ram at full force, mashing your face into the ground until it turns into red applesauce. "Hmm," I think to myself, "this actually sounds pretty listenable.". But then midway through the song, it takes a left turn, transforming from metal to...a ballad? Surely Fred Durst, a man who resembled an "in your face" and "I'm so tough" attitude, was pulling a prank, and an unfunny one at that. "I'm sorry, so sorry" he whines, guitars droning in the background as he adds "I just wanna look at you all day. There ain't nothin' wrong with that". Has Fred Durst gone all emotional on us all of a sudden? But I shrug it off, and listen onwards.

As I'm listening more and more, It's clear to me that Freddy doesn't understand the meaning of irony. One song has him screaming in your eardrums, rapping that messing with him will result in a situation where "Your face will be where your shoelaces are at", then a alternative rock ballad follows shortly after, whining that he's a man with feelings, and that nobody understands him. Seriously? Surely he jests. Either that, or he has an extremely short attention span as tracks like "Lonely World" and "Almost Over", where he complains that fame and constant partying has left him all alone and that he was picked on as a little kid, seem almost laughable after hearing him insult you numerous times on other tracks.

But it's not the lyrics that make or break an album, right? Yes, Durst's lyrics are shocking in their banality and illiteracy, but the songwriting is obviously the meat of the sandwich. Unfortunately, the only talented member of the band, Wes Borland, left shorty after Chocolate Starfish, leaving the future of Limp Bizkit in Fred's hands. After listening to the album in it's entirety, it's obvious that any member of the band, let alone Durst, aren't even capable of writing ANY songs with replay value or merit. "Head for the Barricade" is a fine example of this, consisting of horrible time signatures and mind numbingly bad performances that would make N*SYNC puke.

I had had enough. I took it back within the same hour I got it, throwing it into the return bin and hoping that it never be brought into the hands f any poor soul that comes across it. I.Q. dropping lyrics, horrible songwriting, everything that could possibly go wrong on an album went wrong on this one. 3 long years were spent on the follow-up to Starfish, countless albums were recorded and canned, and THIS is the one they settled on? Jesus.


user ratings (904)
Chart.
2
poor
other reviews of this album
ScuroFantasma (3)
Like it says in the title, Results May Vary is a mixed bag....

djon96 (3)
...

barosjn (3)
...


Comments:Add a Comment 
bastard
March 14th 2009


3435 Comments


this review was extremely necessary, great job.

Willie
Moderator
March 14th 2009


16149 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0

whoa, there are a few tense issues on the first paragraph... it was like back to the future... but not.

Digging: Mors Principium Est - Dawn Of The 5th Era

fireaboveicebelow
March 14th 2009


6837 Comments

Album Rating: 2.5

there's not really any irony, but I can see why people hate this, even though it's not obnoxiously popular

AtavanHalen
March 15th 2009


17927 Comments


this review was extremely necessary, great job.

I lol'd. Lil' bastard learned2sarcasm

Captain North
March 15th 2009


6792 Comments


Eat You Alive is a great song. And I'm not being sarcastic, Limp Bizkit is a guilty pleasure of mine.

AliW1993
Contributing Reviewer
March 15th 2009


7431 Comments


Good first review, my only real complaint is that it reads more like a 1 than a 1.5.

Lelle
March 15th 2009


2156 Comments

Album Rating: 1.5

Of course it was necessary since we didn't already have a negative review of this album MAYBE?

Greggers
March 15th 2009


2375 Comments


messing with him with result in a situation


4th paragraph - that should say "WILL result in a situation"

Other than that, good, relevant first review.

RevengeSoldier
March 15th 2009


300 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0

Wow, the album was destroyed before it even reached behind blue eyes. I'm impressed.

Phantom
March 15th 2009


8930 Comments

Album Rating: 1.5

Eat You Alive is a decent track but, apart from that, this album is trash

Metalstyles
Staff Reviewer
March 15th 2009


8394 Comments

Album Rating: 1.5

Eat Me Alive is decent. I also like Almost Over, but yeah this album is pretty weak overall

Zornagrapher
March 15th 2009


4 Comments

Album Rating: 1.5

This is actually my 6th review, the other 5 were mysteriously deleted. :/

Wizard
March 15th 2009


19648 Comments


until it turns into red applesauce.

More like green-apple splatters.


brought into the hands f any poor soul

Missing a few letters in there.

Welcome to the site dude. Just something to think about next time you write a review: Discuss more music and less on how you went on an adventure to obtaining this album.


Digging: Horseback and Locrian - New Dominions

Mendigo
March 15th 2009


2299 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

one of the absolutely worst albums I have (or better: had, I think I've deleted it from my computer sometime)
review is kinda nice, you should save back-ups of all your reviews though from now on, there seems to be a site-crash like once a year.

AliW1993
Contributing Reviewer
March 15th 2009


7431 Comments


This is actually my 6th review, the other 5 were mysteriously deleted. :/


probably because the site was hacked. all reviews written since sometime in feb got deleated.

HighandDriving
March 15th 2009


3288 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0

Eat you alive is a banger.

alytee123
April 25th 2009


23 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0

I didn't think this album was as bad as you're saying, but it is quite bad. Underneath The Gun and Build A Bridge are pretty good, and Red Light Green Light is a decent rap tune.

bloc
January 17th 2010


35024 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0

I'D EAT YOU ALIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE

cirq
January 17th 2010


9266 Comments


whoever told them that it would be a good idea to fuck up a Who song should be shot.

bloc
January 17th 2010


35024 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0

is cirq waiting for Gold Cobra as much as i am?



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