Review Summary: A weird album which is not for everybody but is an entertaining listen for the most part.
Bucketheadland 2
"Where all your dreams and nightmares can come true"
Bucketheadland 2 is
Buckethead's sequel to 1990's
Bucketheadland. It may bear the number 2 next to the title, but this album is decidely different than its 13-year older predecessor. This album can basically be divided into three sections: metal songs, demented acoustic ramblings from Albert, and park announcements made by a variety of people. This album seems to get a lot of mixed reviews because of the aforementioned acoustic sections and spoken park announcements. My opinion is that if you don't like them, then make yourself a CD without them. For me, it depends on what mood I'm in. Sometimes I feel like listening to them, sometimes not. However, the metal songs are some of Buckethead's heaviest yet; they are kind of like 2004's
The Cuckoo Clocks Of Hell, but deeper sort of. His tone is absolutely superb on this album- that's one thing for sure.
Enter Bucketheadland 2, where all your dreams and nightmares can come true...
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As I approached the park, I heard an announcement coming from the gates. It was a female voice saying:
"Aboard an old pirate ship made of wet souls
We plunder and pillage from north to south poles
We only steal metal like guns, tanks, and toasters
We melt them all down and we make rollercoasters"
Interesting, I thought as the
Welcome message stopped. I drove up to the gate, and it swung open a little forcefully. As I drove in a blast of sound suddenly hit me. I saw a big sign ahead that read,
Slaughter Zone Entrance. The riff was heavy and short- only about 8 seconds I would say. As I got out of the car, I could see a ride from the entrance-
The Cobra's Head and as I walked into the park more metal music could be heard playing. This was energetic and loud. A strange man started asking me questions about Buckethead- asking me to verify whether Buckethead was really raised by chickens. I didn't say anything, but that was what I was doing there- I was going to discover what this infamous park was all about, and why so few who went in came back out again. Some great shredding could be heard, and then it was back to the original riff again. It was an energetic, head-banging kind of song.
As I got inside the park, I heard a park announcement about
Transportation Options. It was a bored-sounding, semi-monotonous voice. I started looking around for a park map but couldn't find one- and then realized that's why there was an annoucement about transportation at the entrance. I saw another ride in the distance called
Machete Mirage. I could hear some guy singing in the corner and glanced at him briefly, but he disappeared into the shadows before I could get a good look at him- and just at that moment more music could be heard. More metal, much like the previous music- and then an extremely fast guitar solo overtop the riff from before. Some more metal riffs and then suddenly the music stopped- and the female voice from before could be heard. She said something that included, "A gorey head stump can mean good luck." I guess I'll look for one then. And suddenly another voice came on top of the bass and drums saying that Bucketheadland doesn't have any maps- you can pay for a day and stay for a whole month. Well that explains why I couldn't find a map. Then I heard the same voice from before, and tried to find the mysterious man- but again, I couldn't see him.
Walking along, I saw two
Slaughter Buddies Outside The Revenge Wedge they were talking about the Revenge Wedge, and one of them was saying that he heard that his friend lost his arm on it. As I continued walking along, another announcement informed that
We Cannot Guarantee Bodily Harm. I kept walking at a mid-pace, looking around, when another fast metal riff started. I saw a sign that said
John Merrick - Elephant Man Bones Explosion This ride appeared to be very fast. The ride would often stop and voice would come on, talking about things that had to do with the park, including some guy with a ukelele. Then there was a great guitar solo that was extremely. Then some guy started screaming "Goblins and ghouls!" from somewhere that I couldn't see. Afdter the ride ended, I saw a leg fall on the ground in front of me. I made a mental note not to ride any rides while I was here.
I was still walking when I passed a farm with chickens in the front. Someone was sitting there with an acoustic guitar singing about... taxidermy?
Taxidermy Tots. Someone from the other side of the farm was looking at him with malice in their eyes. Then I realized that it was a slaughterhouse. As I continued walking more metal music played in the form of a heavy riff- I saw a sign that said
Bloody Rainbow Spiraling Sherbert Scoop. Then that mysterious man's voice came on again- I wheeled around to see him but he wasn't there. I looked to my right and saw a series of TV's all with an interview with the McFadden family who were in the park- one of them was saying that there favourite ride was the John Merrick- Elephant Man Bones Explosion. I remembered the leg and looked at him. There was a yell from the distance over another great riff. As the song ended, another annoucnement came on about some kids getting into the park through a cemetery drainage system if you could get past albert.
Can You Get Past Albert? I wondered if I could. Then once again the mysterious man's voice was on for a short time. I looked behind me and saw another ride-
Vladimir Pocket's Incredible Bloated Slunk Show. I had heard this was one of the best rides in the park and from the music it definately sounded like it. It was a great riff sometimes interrupted by speech with two great guitar solos. Some people were actually getting off this one, covered in (fake?) blood but looking pleased. I heard another song from that slaughterhouse kid again- he was talking about digging up bodies and putting them in the shed- and wearing an inside-out face.
The Ballad Of Inside-Out Face I thought weirdly.
I was nearing the end of the park now and the trail was getting dimmer. I saw a ride called
The Battery Cage Brawls. There was an amazing solo on this ride. Then another annoucement- a
Ferris Wheel Apology. Apologizing for a rolling ferris wheel. I heard that slaughterhouse kid again and to my horror, saw him standing behind me with his acoustic guitar singing about digging up bodies and saying he wanted to play with pieces of bodies- and pieces of me.
Can You Help Me? he asked. I walked on, a little more nervously. I still hadn't figured why so many people didn't come out of here, but the leg and this weird kid were seemingly reasons. Then an ad for Grimm's taxidermy came on-
Grimm's Sponsorship. Then another annoucnement about a
Realiztic Coop Replica came on. I was still walking along when I saw a large speaker with a sign attached to it that eead-
Frozen Brains Tell No Tales. Entrigued, I listened to this and liked it. The riff was great- and that mysterious man's voice came up a couple of times. I couldn't tell if it was in the song or behind me but I didn't look behind me. As the song ended, a great guitar solo could be heard. The only problem with this track was that it faded out, and I thought it would be better if it just kept going at regular volume until the end, or at least not so long a fadeout.
As the song ended and I had walked a little farther, that weird kid had come back again and was singing something about
Rooster Landing / Lime Time. He was saying that his chickens had been taken away and that someone had been making fun of him at the farm- my thoughts strayed to that guy who had looked at him so oddly. He saying he was gonna kill him and use his body as a lamp... this kid had serious problems. I walked up to him but as I tried to talk to him he ran off.
I came to a clearing where I heard a kid asking his parents for some headcheese.
Two Pints the dad asked for. Disgusted, I saw some headcheese being passed to them. Then another park annoucnement came on about
Health & Safety Advisory. This was about how Bucketheadland had failed the health inspection due to the amount of maggots in the cemetery corpses. This announcement had shredding in between which made it slightly more interesting, and it was longest announcement so far.
Digger's Den was another heavy ride, with speech coming in every now and then, and after that ride finished another announcement came on about a
One-Way Ticket To Grab Bag Alley. Then that creepy kid came back talking about
Fun for You. I walked on, ignoring him this time, as his songs were getting even more disgusting.
Carpal Tunnel Tomb Torker was another big ride. That McFadden family was on another set of TV's but they weren't answering the interviewer's questions this time. There was a great guitar solo and I walked on.
There was another annoucnement about
Today's Schedule, and as it finished I was almost at the end of the park. I was walking along the path when a huge vehicle came at me, driving fast with a huge plow on the front that was pushing dead bodies along. I dived out of the way as a voice issued from the vehicle:
"Our most dangerous rides are contained in the Slaughter Zone
So if you're picky about how any limbs you have
Then stay out"
I reazlied there was something writen on the side of the vehicle:
The Corpse Plower. There was a guitar solo and then... that mysterious man's voice again! He was singing, and as I looked around I caught a glimpse of him in a purple cape. Then that creepy kid started singing. As the song ended, he was moaning... then he started singing about being fired-
Unemployment Blues. He was playing his guitar and seemingly talking to himself- he was talking about hiding in the showers and showing him he was the best gutter around and 'bleeding them all to death'. As the song ended with him talking about 'gutting them alive' I ran for it. I couldn't stay here any more. The kid didn't even seem to notice, but as I chanced a glance backwards I saw him watching me and I also saw a nametag on his shirt: 'Albert'.
I was back at the entrance to the park and could here the slaughter zone entrance music agian. I ran towards the
Slaughter Zone Exit, but then everything was silent. Everything stopped. I frantically looked around but nothing was moving, not even the leaves on the ground. Then Albert started singing again about Bucketheadland, and all the voices started joining in with him creating some sort of diabolical song. Then after another minute or so of silence I was suddenly inside a large room with several other people. After my shock wore off at being basically teleported here, I was realized it was the inside of the slaughterhouse. Everyone was oo-ing and aah-ing and clapping, but I knew better. I ran to the door and pounded on it, but none paid any attention to me, not even the people inside. They just sat there, almost transifxed as I was pounding on the door. And thencame a bunch of metal equipment from the ceiling and the people suddenly seemed to wake from their trance. They were screaming and running at the doors as they were being killed. They were slipping on blood and yelling. There was panic inside. I was trying to open the door. More announcements were coming on. Eventually nobody was left except someone, crying... and then I was outside again.
The mysterious man from the songs was standing over me as I lay outside on my back, in the entrance to the park. He said, "I'M COCO FOR CUCKOO PUFFS!", and vanished. I sat up, looked around, got in my car, and drove away. And that was my trip to Bucketheadland.
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Bucketheadland 2 is an interesting concept album but is definately not for everybody. If you have a weak stomach or don't like metal music then this album isn't for you. Why no 5 you ask? Well, to get a 5, an album has to be perfect, but this album isn't perfect. I wish there were more songs with no interruptions in them, and the silence in Slaughter Zone Exit, while tension-building, can get kind of annoying to skip over. For all the people who dislike the Albert acoustic songs and the park announcements, make yourself a CD without them (2, 3, 5, 8, 10, 12, 14, 19, 23, 26, 28)*. That way you can get the metal with minimal spoken word/Albert interruptions.
4.5/5
*= seperate CD idea from Speed1000 at Buckethead Dot TK
