Metallica
St. Anger


1.5
very poor

Review

by cjwbball51 USER (7 Reviews)
July 23rd, 2007 | 16 replies


Release Date: 2003 | Tracklist


Here it is: the album all mallcore bands look up to: St. Anger. For St. Anger, Metallica asked themselves: how can we make our reputation be even worse than it was when we a) Sold out in the 90s, b) cut our hair and wore eyeliner, or c) played with a full symphonic band. And the answer is St. Anger. It was 4:30 AM when I wrote this down on paper, and some of the scores may be affected by that. Read on:

I started at 4:30 trying to find my CD player, but i just finished the first track and opening statement of crapiness: "Frantic". Metallica pretends to be a tough-guy stale mallcore band, and I don't like it. I'll give it a 3.1. It's 4:35. Now I'm on my way to the second track, which is also a title track. I guess this is a long standing tradition in good Metallica albums, as showcased in progressive metal classics such as Master of Puppets and ...And Justice For All. Except that this isn't a good Metallica album, nonetheless is it a good song. Surprisingly, it had good potential: it has a pretty fair arrangement and a nice riff, but the underproduced sound never gives the resounding roar that "St. Anger" could have. Instead, it sounds like an overly long Nirvana outtake. I give it a 2.6. It's 4:42.

"Some Kind Of Monster." That is the name of St. Anger's third track. It is eight minutes of James Hetfield moaning "We the people/some kind of monster". It isn't good. I'm giving it a 0.0. But that's probably not going to be the only one. 4:50

Finally, a sign of life from an extremely stale album. "Dirty Window" is almost a serious thrash song, until the odd "eeyee" moans from Hetfield near the end of the song. Probably what Hetfield said when he heard the album. The score for the song is a 5.7. 4:56.

You know, if everyone thinks St. Anger sucks, is too long, isn't heavy enough, and can't sell, why does every rock fan (and most of all, hipster) have an opinion over it? What I mean, have all these haters bought the thing with their own money, or are they just bombarsting it with bad reviews beacuse it's the cool thing to do? This was my first Metallica album I ever owned. I graduated to own classics like Master Of Puppets, Load (well, scratch that as a classic), Ride The Lightning, ...And Justice For All, and Metallica. I actually bought this with my own money. Can't say the same for you though, punk.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Invisible kid/Never see what he did/got stuck where he did/fallen through the grid." Eight minutes. Of that. "Invisible Kid," the 5th song, gets goose eggs. 0.0. It's 5:04.

The lyrics for "My World are so laughably bad I think Metallica purposely made St. Anger suck. I mean, read these lyrics: "Mama, why's it raining in my room/cheer up boy clouds will move on soon; god it feels/like it only rains on me; It's my world/you can't have it/It's my world/sucker!" Yet the riffs and rhythm aren't too bad, and the song is respectable in length. A good (for this album) 5.1. It's 5:10.

"Shoot Me Again." Damn, it's getting late and tough to write this review: I got four (!) songs left. This is my favorite song on the whole album. Kirk Hammett has some room to experiment, while the rest of the album doesn't even have damn guitar solos. This is a really weird, arty (!!) song, and I'm sorta digging it. The lyrics are still absolutely unforgiveable, however. Ah, well, St. Anger won't give you anything good without a fight. A very good (!!!) 8.1. My clock says 5:17.

St. Anger is just taunting me now. I only have three songs left, yet it feels like I have a hundred. This is simply mindless torture. You can hear Metallica kind of trying new things, being their best art rock band they can be. But who am I kidding, there's nothing arty about Anger's eighth track, "Sweet Amber." It just plainly sucks. 3.1 for that track. It's 5:22. I'm hungry.

It's 5:30, and now I believe I can do this thing. Track nine is "The Unnamed Feeling," and the lyrics, production, bongo drums, screechy vocals, and simple bass all suck. I could go into detail on how these songs repeatedly reach such a high level of suckiness so easily, or i could quote some ***ty lyrics, but it's just too late. I'll give out my third goose egg out. Does Hetfield think by saying *** a couple times people will forget how bad his music is? Has he been talking to Trent Reznor again? 0.0. Easily.

"Purify," the second-to-last song (yay!) and tenth track of St. Anger, is a mind-boggler. It's delightfully raw, it hols nothing back, it has the same spirit of the 80's classics- but the lyrics suck, and the song is boring. Huh? I'm shaking because it's so late (5:36) and I'm exhausted. Barely can write. I'm listening to "All Within My Hands" right now. I'll give a 2.3 to "Purify" because its weirdness prevents it from getting a 0.0. Yeah, I'm tired. Does it matter?

God, I got up at seven in the morning. I'm a minute away from finishing the last song, "All Within My Hands" right now. It ends with Hetfield screaming "KILL, KILL, KILL" repeatedly. Ooooh, how scary. It's eight minutes long. It's craptacular. I'm giving it a 10.0 because it's the last song on St. Anger. I finished at 5:45. I'll calculate your final score in the morning. Good night.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Okay, it's 11:00 in the morning, and it's time to give my final score for St. Anger. Only I'm going to do it a little different than usual. Since this album is in no way a cohesive unit (the songs aren't even cohesive units), it's okay for me to average out my scores I gave for each individual track. I am never doing this again. Now, after six hours of hard work, I give you, and St. Anger, the final score. And that score is...

3.6/10.0

There ya go, there's the final score for St. Anger. I actually LIKE Metallica too, but there's just no plausible ***ing reason an album can be this bad. Now that I think about it, "All Within My Hands should of gotten a 0.0. Whatever. Good night.



Recent reviews by this author
LCD Soundsystem Sound of SilverMy Chemical Romance The Black Parade
Common BeVoxtrot Voxtrot
Slipknot IowaGym Class Heroes As Cruel As School Children
user ratings (4584)
Chart.
2
poor
other reviews of this album
1 of

Comments:Add a Comment 
skingle
July 23rd 2007


48 Comments


I don't think another review of this was necessary but I liked your original style of writing.

good review.

Aficionado
July 23rd 2007


1027 Comments


No more reviews for this...but I liked this review. Even though the one with a court session is better.

wakeupdead
July 23rd 2007


2208 Comments

Album Rating: 3.5

nice review, i really enjoyed reading it. I like this album though and I thought Sweet Amber was a better song off this album. I prefer St. Anger over Load tbh. Anyways keep it up :thumb:

cjwbball51
July 23rd 2007


14 Comments

Album Rating: 1.5

This is my third in one day, and I'm trying to write a fourth: i was going to write 5 but i couldnt get to the site for some friggin reason. Anyway, im on a fuckin ROLL!

fathergoat
July 23rd 2007


55 Comments

Album Rating: 1.5

I didn't like this review. It lacked description to the extreme. Track by tracks need a little more than just 'this song suffers from severe acute suckiness'.

And this album is pretty bad, it's hidden at the bottom of my cd tower and will probably never see a cd player again.

Fort23
July 23rd 2007


2479 Comments


again, we don't need another review for this. But its very good (got my vote). And yea go for 4 reviews, but don't rush.

meep17
July 23rd 2007


136 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0

There are a lot of reviews for this album, but like Fort said, it's well written and interesting. Nice job.

plane
Staff Reviewer
July 23rd 2007


6099 Comments


don't listen to fort. don't write more than a review a day. it's bad enough as it is.

Aficionado
July 23rd 2007


1027 Comments


Seriously, don't ever do this again.

south_of_heaven 11
July 23rd 2007


5438 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

edit feature ftw

fathergoat
July 23rd 2007


55 Comments

Album Rating: 1.5

I've read this three times and found that i like the album more than your review.

tribestros
July 23rd 2007


918 Comments


This isn't actually a half-bad review but this album is horribly underrated. Metallica can't do anything to make their fans happy.

Doppelganger
July 23rd 2007


3124 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

I quit reading after the first line. Nobody likes St. Anger.

Wizard
July 24th 2007


19607 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

This was an entertaining read. Horrible album (possibly the worst metal album ever concieved......or shat out) and an ok review.

Digging: Earth - Primitive and Deadly

Wizard
July 24th 2007


19607 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

Hahaha yes I have, but I will be one to admit that they have two "ok" guitarists, unlike Hetfield and Hammett who absolutely suck balls on this album.

FR33L0RD
July 24th 2007


1464 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

ok review for an Awful Album
oh..and S&M album was real goodThis Message Edited On 07.24.07



You have to be logged in to post a comment. Login | Create a Profile





FAQ // STAFF & CONTRIBUTORS // SITE FORUM // CONTACT US

Bands: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z


Site Copyright 2005-2014 Sputnikmusic.com
All Album Reviews Displayed With Permission of Authors | Privacy Policy