Nile
Ithyphallic


2.0
poor

Review

by Tyler Munro EMERITUS
July 16th, 2007 | 245 replies | 33,464 views


Release Date: 2007 | Tracklist

Review Summary: Not even a slew of low-grade boner jokes could make Ithyphallic interesting. Seriously, I tried.

Karl Sanders is sort of like the prototypically fat, white thirty-something dude wearing a Hello Kitty t-shirt, only instead of trying to learn Japanese and running a blog dedicated to the genius of Hayao Miyazaki he writes death metal albums about Egypt and names them after the god of wine's penis. I couldn't make this up if I tried.

There are a few ways to interpret the album's title, but regardless of how you look at it the answer will always boil down to boners. Ithyphallic can either be a reference to the phallus carried in the bacchanalia, or it could maybe have to do with the poetic metre used in hymns sung during the carrying of the phallus during the bacchanalia. Regardless of what they meant with the album title, the bigger question is why they chose one that refers to a Greek/Roman god.

Don't fret, though, Nile's focus hasn't changed; there's still plenty of random Egyptian bullshit scattered throughout Ithyphallic. The label claims that Ithyphallic is, and I quote, "the most technical and extreme album of all time", but regardless of hyperbolic press claims, it's more of the same for Nile. A lot more of the same.

Ithyphallic starts off with the 8 minute "What Can Be Safely Written", which kicks things off with howling wolves and bombastic, synthesized horns. As soon as the drums kick in, triggered as ever, I quickly realize why I hate this band. Before I know it muffled and buried thrash-inspired riffs chime in and we're off to the races. The vocals are brutal as hell, but the kick drums sound like complete shit.

Ithyphallic is, as I said, more of the same from Nile. It's fast as shit, it has some dweedly-weedly tech parts, some Arabian scales and some weird gong noises and in the end, it's more or less forgettable–hell, there's even a pointless acoustic instrumental thrown in for good measure. Ranging from raspy gutturals to Demilich-like burping, the vocals on Ithyphallic are the obvious high-point. Its technicality, however, is atrocious; the guitar solos are absolutely laughable (we're talking Kerry King here), the sweep picking at the end of "Language of the Shadows" is pathetic and sloppy and the bass is non-existent. George Kollias lives up to his legacy by playing the drums really fast and repeating the same shitty fills over and over. Fans of the band might turn a blind eye to Kollias' lack of style because of the breakneck speed he plays at but more jaded listeners will be quickly spurned by how remarkably mechanical and boring his work behind the kit is.

Throughout the firestorm of breakneck blastbeats Nile attempt to create dynamics and variations by inserting slow and groovy breakdowns along with some pseudo-crushing doom parts. While these bridges add a much needed change in sound, they often drag on for minutes at a time. In many ways, the plodding passages are just as much of a proverbial penis extender as the pompous guitar leads.

I can't say if it's their most technical, nor can I claim it to be their most brutal, but allow me to instantly dispel the notion of it being the epitome of either; while it's certainly relentless, its 'brutality' is apparent to a fault. The album is an exercise in excess, a notion proven when you consider one of the stronger tracks on the album is called "Papyrus Containing the Spell to Preserve Its Possessor Against Attacks From He Who Is in the Water". That's 17 words if you're counting.

The band makes no effort to differentiate between songs, since they pretty much all start off with buried "tech" riffing and a generic, uninterestingly fast drum fill. The production and mixing on the album is absolutely deplorable, somehow managing to sound over-produced and overtly raw at the same time. The drums, as noted, sound like complete ass and the guitars are buried beneath them while the vocals weave in and out of prevalence.

These guys are simply going through the motions and whether I like it or not, people are going to eat this up. I could go on with ease, filling this up with boner joke after boner joke but I'll stop before I bore you. Nile, I'd advise you try doing the same on your next album.



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user ratings (499)
Chart.
3.2
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Comments:Add a Comment 
Tyler
Emeritus
July 16th 2007


7926 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0

This is the alternate version. The one I originally wrote was one giant dick joke.
I didn't proof read this, so bear with me. I just wanted to get it out. This is also a very generous 2. This Message Edited On 07.16.07

LifeInABox
July 16th 2007


3708 Comments


Can you either bold or italicize the curses? The way you have them now if somewhat annoying. Otherwise, the review did just what you promised.

EDIT:And nevermind.This Message Edited On 07.16.07

plane
Staff Reviewer
July 16th 2007


6094 Comments


lol coding

Very good review otherwise. The dissipating paragraphs towards the end gets annoying, but its short and concise.

Kaleid
July 16th 2007


711 Comments


Y'see, this is why you're staff. I've hardly heard anything by Nile; yet I enjoyed reading every word of this

Tyler
Emeritus
July 16th 2007


7926 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0

I just wrote it in a way that would be really quick and easy to read, and I lost interest in writing this faster than I did in listening to it (and that was about 4 minutes into the first song).

edit: @lewis This Message Edited On 07.16.07

LifeInABox
July 16th 2007


3708 Comments


I think I might re-review this tommorrow when I get it to see what I think of it. This wasn't my favorite of yours, but it wasn't low quality.

Tyler
Emeritus
July 16th 2007


7926 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0

If you're a fan of Nile you'll probably still get something from it, but personally I tried to be as objective as I could when listening to it and still found almost nothing to like. The vocals are cool and I guess some of the riffs are (when you can hear them).

kalkal50
July 16th 2007


2386 Comments


Good review, typo on the word Egypt in the first paragraph if you care. I had a laugh though the fat guy snorts bratwursts and looks like one.

Tyler
Emeritus
July 16th 2007


7926 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0

Fixed the typo, thanks. If anyone notices any more let me know please.

plane
Staff Reviewer
July 16th 2007


6094 Comments


I just wrote it in a way that would be really quick and easy to read, and I lost interest in writing this faster than I did in listening to it (and that was about 4 minutes into the first song).

Yeah, I figured that. It helps the review, if anything. Instead of a huge review/rant on why the album is bad, I get that it's boring. You described it well enough that I know why.

Dulcinea
July 16th 2007


181 Comments


Papyrus Containing the Spell to Preserve Its Possessor Against Attacks From He Who Is in the Water


...


I used to be into Nile a bit but after awhile they do get boring. They're good when you just want something heavy though. I probably wouldn't check this out though.

Mikesn
Emeritus
July 16th 2007


3709 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0

Boring album. The acoustic instrumental is the only song worth listening to. The rest sounds the same. Really poor.


Also I agree about the drums. Good job.This Message Edited On 07.16.07

jrowa001
July 16th 2007


8750 Comments


yeah this album was disappointing. good review

Brain Dead
July 16th 2007


1150 Comments


Not being able to vote on staff reviews is gay as hell.

Tyler
Emeritus
July 16th 2007


7926 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0

I'm waiting for the inevitable influx of "GEORGE KOPOKLKLIAS IS GOD UR A FUCKIN IDOITO NILE IS THE RULE".

TojesDolan
July 16th 2007


271 Comments


penus

Anyway, I never really liked Nile. Now with the whole erect penis influence I think they are lower down the drain.

Confessed2005
July 16th 2007


3314 Comments

Album Rating: 3.0

I wouldn't say the album is bad. Disappointing though. I've listened through it a couple times and nothing sticks in the mind.

This and Behemoth's latest releases were really big party-poopers.

Wizard
July 16th 2007


19383 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0

"GEORGE KOPOKLKLIAS IS GOD UR A ****IN IDOITO NILE IS THE RULE"! jk

Excellent review, even with no proof reading done! I feel the same about you on this album, about how these guys havent progressed at all with each album. But, I find them more enjoyable than most of the death metal out there today.

Digging: Mistigo Varggoth Darkestra - The Key to the Gates of the Apocalypse

Crysis
Staff Reviewer
July 16th 2007


16373 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0

Nile sucks in my opinion. Boring and uninteresting death metal, the songs I have from them haven't held my interest past a minute and a half. Good review, as always.This Message Edited On 07.16.07

Digging: Darkspace - Dark Space III I

Skyler
July 16th 2007


1084 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0

I see you didn't really like Annihilation of the Wicked too much either. I'll give this album a shot, I guess.



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