Converge
No Heroes


1.5
very poor

Review

by Nick Butler EMERITUS
December 28th, 2006 | 392 replies


Release Date: 2006 | Tracklist

Review Summary: I'll undoubtedly get flamed to hell for this, but if [i]No Heroes[/i] isn't the worst album I've heard in 2006, it's certainly the least enjoyable.

There are a lot of music lovers who, like myself, take pride in being able to listen to and enjoy all different kinds of music, our listening tastes happily veering from one extreme to another in an instant. The problem is, of course, that sometimes a lack of experience can really hurt your ability to make an accurate value judgement about the kind of music you're listening to.

For instance, a newcomer to jazz that's just picked up Kind Of Blue and A Love Supreme, knowing the reputation those two albums have, might feel pressured into giving them both 5 stars, more out of ignorance than anything. People much more versed in jazz than that are unlikely to personally consider both of them 5-star albums, unless they have a lenient rating system. Things are never that obvious. The crux of the matter is that different kinds of music employ entirely different approaches, and need entirely different methods of listening.

The point I'm building towards is that you need to have heard really bad music in order to figure out what the really good music is. Until now, I wasn't able to acccurately rate the spastic hardcore people keep getting me to listen to for this very reason. Well, now I can.

No Heroes has barely a single redeeming feature. The first five tracks fly by; they mean nothing, they sound crap, and they really don't need to exist other than to pad this record out. In all honesty though, they're better than the two that follow - at least the first five tracks end only 20 seconds after exhausting all their ideas, but "No Heroes" and "Plagues" (which features one of the album's only hooks) spin things out for a torturous 3 more minutes. "Grim Heart/Black Rose" is, if we're being charitable, a nice change of pace, but it's boring as hell. If it was 3 minutes long, it might have succeeded, but 9 and a half minutes is extreme overkill. And what follows that is, frankly, utter crap; the last 5 songs are even worse than the first 5 songs.

What is there here that I'm meant to be sinking my teeth into? There's absolutely no musicianship on offer (everybody blasting all their instruments at once doesn't count as musicianship, no matter what time signature it's in). What lyrics I can figure out are atrocious ('My daylight fades to grey when our days bring guilt and shame/My heart turns black'. Is this meant to be serious?) and the music's not good enough for me to care about the ones I can't. The vocals are average at best. The production is mediocre.

Oh, but of course, the punks are all going to arrive, spouting the same crap they use to defend every ***ty album they're heard. It's 'honest'. It's 'true'. It's 'unpretentious'. And, for some reason, it's 'manly' (as if that matters). If this is unpretentious, testosterone-fuelled honesty, give me fanciful, feminine lies; at least I'll enjoy them. I might even remember them, which is more than I can say about this entirely forgettable record. It passed me by, leaving me with nothing except a sense of bemusement. This album failed to change my life, to make me enjoy myself, to impress me, to scare me, to make me feel any emotional (this is meant to be emotionally bare? With lyrics like this? Middle-class white kids wetting the bed, more like), to have any effect on me whatsoever. I really wanted to enjoy this, but all I knew, once "To The Lions" finished, is that this is really bad music. I hope to God that Jane Doe is at least 50 times better than this, because if it's not, I'm going to have to start seriously questioning the sanity of a lot of people whose taste I trust.



Recent reviews by this author
Krzysztof Penderecki and Jonny Greenwood Krzysztof Penderecki / Jonny GreenwoodLana Del Rey Paradise
Scott Walker Bish BoschEmilie Autumn Fight Like A Girl
Susanne Sundfor The Silicone VeilPepe Deluxe Queen of the Wave
user ratings (1698)
Chart.
3.7
great
other reviews of this album
1 of
  • vladislavK (4.5)
    The End is rarely happy. And the hero here is the only one - the death that puts an end to...

    Cesc (4.5)
    ...

    Grant Hunter (2)
    Aggressive and over the top, "No Heroes" is an emotion-packed trip, but it ultimately fail...

    Andrew H. EMERITUS (4)
    Converge's sixth album is typically fantastic, featuring all of their trademarks while sti...

  • Jared W. Dillon (4.5)
    If you don't like Converge, I hope you're OK with holding your wedding in New Hampshire...


Comments:Add a Comment 
Iai
Emeritus
December 28th 2006


3553 Comments

Album Rating: 1.5

This should turn very interesting very quickly. This Message Edited On 12.28.06

Iluvatar
Staff Reviewer
December 28th 2006


16089 Comments

Album Rating: 4.0 | Sound Off

[quote=Iai] There's absolutely no musicianship on offer (everybody blasting all their instruments at once doesn't count as musicianship[/quote]

Thats essentially where I stopped caring. Maybe other people got farther.

edit: This also seems to be a type of music you have absolutely no appreciation for. Botch doesn't count. And, even trying to place myself as someone who hasnt heard the album, you come off as someone who hates this type of music complaining. /hypocrisy etc.This Message Edited On 12.28.06

Two-Headed Boy
December 28th 2006


4527 Comments

Album Rating: 3.5

some reason, it's 'manly' (as if that matters). If this is unpretentious, testosterone-fuelled honesty, give me fanciful, feminine lies;

Haha. Nice.

I love this review, though I don't really agree with it.This Message Edited On 12.28.06

FlawedPerfection
Emeritus
December 28th 2006


2806 Comments


I disagree, but you defended your point pretty well and kept it concise.

pixiesfanyo
December 28th 2006


1223 Comments

Album Rating: 4.5

I read this on RYM.

It's horriblely incorrect and just seems like someone that doesn't understand the music would say.

At the very least you could've given the album repeated listens, because like most "intense" or "experimental" music it takes repeated listens to latch on to what Converge is doing.

Maybe you should stick to raving about MCR being a savior of music tho'

south_of_heaven 11
December 28th 2006


5433 Comments

Album Rating: 1.5

I've listened to this a few times. It still sucks.
Good review.
[quote=reviewer]The first five tracks fly by; they mean nothing, they sound crap, and they really don't need to exist other than to pad this record out.[/quote]
Basically.

Zebra
Moderator
December 28th 2006


2647 Comments


I was hoping to see a review like this. It's good to see a reviewer give his honest opinion on an album regardless of what other people think. The review was well written to, especially the introduction.

Iluvatar
Staff Reviewer
December 28th 2006


16089 Comments

Album Rating: 4.0 | Sound Off

[quote=review](this is meant to be emotionally bare music? Middle-class white kids wetting the bed, more like),[/quote]
Incredibly well written, if by well written you mean cliche etc.This Message Edited On 12.28.06

Electric City
Staff Reviewer
December 28th 2006


15737 Comments


You need to review more. This is awesome.

The review, I'm trying to avoid the record.This Message Edited On 12.28.06

Digging: Ricky Eat Acid - Three Love Songs

Iai
Emeritus
December 28th 2006


3553 Comments

Album Rating: 1.5

Hey, that's my bet with my girlfriend won. Told her it'd be either one of the two morons from that blog who'd mention me liking music that's fun to listen to.

2 listens was enough. To be honest I'm perfectly happy not understanding what a band is doing when their music's this bad. There's plenty of good albums out there, and I'm perfectly happy leaving this one behind.

And I fail to see how this is experimental in any sense at all.

Edit:

You need to review more. This is awesome.

The review, I'm trying to avoid the record.

Digging: Wheatus

This probably isn't helping my cause But thanks.This Message Edited On 12.28.06

Two-Headed Boy
December 28th 2006


4527 Comments

Album Rating: 3.5

Incredibly well written, if by well written you mean cliche etc.

Um, Iai was right about that, among other things.

Iluvatar
Staff Reviewer
December 28th 2006


16089 Comments

Album Rating: 4.0 | Sound Off

Converge being bed wetting music? Glad to see that after a review was submitted that you could justify your rating with, you finally rated the album ;).

The review was written well, but that sentence was so completely out there its ridiculous.

edit: Oh well that change certainly makes that understandable nevermind then.This Message Edited On 12.28.06

Iai
Emeritus
December 28th 2006


3553 Comments

Album Rating: 1.5

Bed-wetting lyrics, it's meant to say.

/edits

Two-Headed Boy
December 28th 2006


4527 Comments

Album Rating: 3.5

Uh...I still like this review. :thumb:This Message Edited On 12.28.06

Jom
Staff Reviewer
December 28th 2006


2675 Comments


I also saw this on RYM and pretty much thought 'Dude I hope he posts this on Sputnikmusic 'cause people are gonna biiiiiiiiiiitch.'

Electric City
Staff Reviewer
December 28th 2006


15737 Comments


Teenage Dirtbag is classic, you're just silly.

The Jungler
December 28th 2006


4827 Comments


Great review, hope to see way more and stuff.
The music I heard from Jane Doe wasn't bad, but I'm not much of a Metalcore guy to be honest.

Iai
Emeritus
December 28th 2006


3553 Comments

Album Rating: 1.5

Coz I wish I was in Weezer, baby....



AlienEater
December 28th 2006


716 Comments

Album Rating: 4.0

good album

Neoteric
December 28th 2006


3243 Comments


I read this on RYM.

It's quite obvious you don't understand this type of music but it's still well-written.



You have to be logged in to post a comment. Login | Create a Profile





FAQ // STAFF & CONTRIBUTORS // SITE FORUM // CONTACT US

Bands: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z


Site Copyright 2005-2014 Sputnikmusic.com
All Album Reviews Displayed With Permission of Authors | Privacy Policy