BREAKING: Chad Kroeger Sucks Dick
2008-03-11 by Dr Dave De Sylvia STAFF | 381 Comments
Canadian rocker Chad Kroeger has confirmed the suspicions of many, confirming that he does in fact suck balls.

Kroeger told Playboy: "I put my own dick in my mouth. I was 14 and much more flexible at the time.

"It was soft and required a lot of pulling. I really wanted that case of beer."

Tagged: Nickelback

Comments:Add a Comment 
spoon_of_grimbo
March 11th 2008
2241 Comments


i really did NOT need to know that...

Fire Away
March 11th 2008
293 Comments


oh, chad...

Doppelganger
March 11th 2008
3124 Comments


Photograph or didn't happen.

Sweetness
March 11th 2008
47 Comments


lol

I don't know what else to say.
Why does the world need to know?

Eliminator
March 11th 2008
2067 Comments


ahahahaha

SynGates
March 11th 2008
2467 Comments


w t f

oh, the experimental youth

VicariousIntent
March 11th 2008
1593 Comments


Why would ANYONE tell ANYONE ELSE that!? Why even do it!?
...just...wtf

sickjesus
March 11th 2008
163 Comments


TMI

Sound
March 11th 2008
3901 Comments


:lol:

bobbingforapples
March 11th 2008
266 Comments


fucking retard

Abdar112
March 11th 2008
392 Comments


did he not realize that people already thought him and his band "sucked dick?" and now we can use it as a literal meaning
hahahaha, this is ridiculous what a dumbass

Abdar112
March 11th 2008
392 Comments


love the headline too

botb
March 11th 2008
9681 Comments


LOL.

Limework
March 11th 2008
223 Comments


I wonder if he got ribs removed so he can still do it like Marylin Manson did

ToWhatEnd
March 11th 2008
3172 Comments


This news seriously made me LOL. AHAHA!

DariusBlue
March 11th 2008
11 Comments


"I really wanted that case of beer"

So, he was sober at the time?

Thor
March 11th 2008
10193 Comments


I wonder if he got ribs removed so he can still do it like Marylin Manson did

Wasn't that just a rumor?

Spectrum
March 11th 2008
347 Comments


Oh good lord. It's true that this news item confirms something that we all knew, and yet it still manages to be TMI! Quite lolworthy.

BroRape
March 11th 2008
803 Comments


not a surprise.

duckies
March 11th 2008
143 Comments


What? lol. Classic!

RoshanC
March 11th 2008
219 Comments


quite unnecessary, yet the funniest news article ever

webbtje
March 11th 2008
41 Comments


Bwahahahaha

Bassplayer101
March 11th 2008
34 Comments


All i can say is , WTF Chad? And yes the Marilyn Manson thing is only a rumor. He has denied it quite a few times. Its just something somebody made up to make him look even worse in the public eye.

DWittisarockstar
March 11th 2008
1501 Comments


Wait, that isn't normal?

jimay333
March 11th 2008
433 Comments


Wouldn't you if you could?

wakeupdead
March 11th 2008
2208 Comments


when I read the title I thought it was some guy who hated nickelback and was gonna get his account deleted, then I saw that it was Spat lol. and also :lol: at Chad being desperate and not being able to get a woman to do it for him

Tyler
Emeritus
March 11th 2008
7926 Comments


Desperate? Did you not read it? He was 14. I'm sure he could get a woman to do it for him, he's insanely rich.

Poet
March 11th 2008
5933 Comments


quite unnecessary, yet the funniest news article ever


So true. lol

Ohh
March 11th 2008
115 Comments


yeah, thor it was.

this band is terrible.

but i can do it.
and yeah, im gay.

DJTeeLay
March 11th 2008
25 Comments


Thank God he probably can't recollect what he might have done AFTER getting that beer.

It must have been SOME beer.

XD

WhiteLocust
March 11th 2008
37 Comments


Pfff, deny it all you want, the truth is you would if you could.

Gotta respect the guy's honesty

industrialjunkie92
August 1st 2008
167 Comments


why would ANYONE tell ANYONE ELSE that!?


init, doing it is one thing but then telling people. he's just an attention seeker.

SylentEcho
November 22nd 2008
1570 Comments


First of all he's lying, no normal person can do that. Unless hes one of those freaks who can fit themselves into a trunk or something.

AFI084
January 13th 2009
32 Comments


Most somewhat intelligent people usually follow the phrase "first of all" with another relevant thought or idea.

aliciaarol1
June 7th 2009
1 Comments


Even more "intriguing" than Chad performing such a "skillful" feat of flexibility at age 14 would be if Chad still has such a "skill" at age 34... What person (myself included) wouldn't wish to have such a "talent"? Come on...Don't lie... Chad Kroeger is very "fascinating" because he writes such a diverse variety of songs... How could you ever figure out a man whose onstage presence radiates sexual, animal, MAGNETISM, yet whose voice belts out tender, vulnerable, soulful, ballads? Chad Kroeger can never be "pigeon holed" like a lot of recording artists definitely can be... Chad writes beautiful love ballads like "Hero", "Too Bad", "Far Away", "Gotta Be Somebody", "Never Gonna Be Alone", & "If Today was your Last day"... Chad writes fun songs like, "Animals", "Something In Your Mouth", "Rockstar", "Next Contestant", & "Someone That Your with"... Chad writes angst filled, "suicidal" songs like, "Savin Me" and "I'm Not Leaving Yet"... Chad writes searing, heart pounding songs like "Side Of A Bullet", "Just To Get High", and "Just For"... Chad writes wild songs like, "Burn It To The Ground", And then (the icing on the cake) Chad recently wrote the sexually charged, "Sex" and "Next Go Round"... This gorgeous hunk of a man writes songs about EVERYTHING! What woman wouldn't DIE to have a sweet, loving, caring, VULNERABLE man in her life who was also fun, wild, crazy, and super sexually charged? Chad's pure onstage animal magnetism while singing songs like "Figured You Out" is terrifying, & just doesn't match up to the vulnerable little boy belting out songs like "Savin Me" and "Hero" This is called COMPLEXITY people, and Chad Kroeger's complexity and creative GENIUS is off the charts! (And this "God" can still laugh at himself and reveal some stupid, little thing he did when he was growing up in horrible life circumstances and just wanted some BEER)... What a beautiful "SOUL" lives and breathes in Chad Kroeger... The man takes my breath away

SeaAnemone
June 7th 2009
20322 Comments


I couldn't have said it better myself

Digging: Holy Sons - Lost Decade II

AtavanHalen
June 7th 2009
17927 Comments


Chad recently wrote the sexually charged, "Sex"


lauriej
June 7th 2009
1712 Comments


How could you ever figure out a man whose onstage presence radiates sexual, animal, MAGNETISM, yet whose voice belts out tender, vulnerable, soulful, ballads?

OH GOD THAT MADE MY DAY

Digging: Robin Trower - Bridge of Sighs

Titan50
June 7th 2009
4588 Comments


Too Bad's not a love song, it's about his wank of a dad

Relinquished
June 7th 2009
25069 Comments


Well, my suspicion is proven true. Something about him always screamed he'd done this kind of thing.

Fugue
June 7th 2009
7353 Comments


Lol is all I can say.

BallsToTheWall
June 7th 2009
44424 Comments


I SUMMON BLUE EYES WHITE DRAGONNNNNN

Digging: She Past Away - Belirdi Gece

straylightrunner
June 7th 2009
74 Comments


ROFL @ the desperate housewife above

Nikkolae
June 7th 2009
4848 Comments


wahhahahha you can tell balls spend too much time playing with his yu gi oh! cards (so did i X D), on the news, yeah... freak...

Digging: Pallbearer - Foundations of Burden

JAV
June 7th 2009
1939 Comments


Wasn't that PB issue pretty old?

marksellsuswallets
June 7th 2009
4848 Comments


I'm speechless.

KILL
June 7th 2009
71795 Comments


I am without speech

poweroftheweez
June 7th 2009
1290 Comments


words can't describe.

PanasonicYouth
June 7th 2009
7411 Comments


Anyone with an ear could tell that Kroeger has been knee-deep in balls since the first grade.

Chewie
June 7th 2009
4532 Comments


this old, he said that like a year ago

marksellsuswallets
June 7th 2009
4848 Comments


Did you happen to notice that the article date is over a year old?

cirq
June 7th 2009
9264 Comments


hahahahahahahaha

lauriej
June 7th 2009
1712 Comments


this old, he said that like a year ago

retard

MentalityOfA
September 5th 2009
1213 Comments


Hehe. This is great.

Romulus
September 5th 2009
8437 Comments


I'm so pleased you bothered to follow my link

Nagrarok
September 5th 2009
8247 Comments


has confirmed the suspicions of many

lol

myhigherpie
September 5th 2009
3027 Comments


omfg I have this issue too.

god I'm going to get rid of it now.

EasternLight
September 5th 2009
2700 Comments


well...i dont care. whatever he does is his own business.... FAG.

foreverendeared
September 5th 2009
14678 Comments


I just don't get 99% of the comments here, who the hell wouldn't suck their own dick if they could?

robertsona
Staff Reviewer
September 5th 2009
15036 Comments


i bet he lied


even about that

EasternLight
September 5th 2009
2700 Comments


true. good for him. but i wouldve prefered that he keep that to himself. oh well.

Poet
September 5th 2009
5933 Comments


wow...what a great bump to have. and lol...I do remember this when it was posted.

Oh this is still going. I'm fairly sure this story is the sole reason we don't have a "most viewed news stories" feature.


pretty much.

thebbqshrimp
September 5th 2009
1207 Comments


Made my day.

@ aliciaarol1: Epic sole post.

YouAreMySilence
September 5th 2009
3727 Comments


If I could, I would at least try it. I would just be incredibly ashamed and wouldn't tell anyone..

foreverendeared
September 5th 2009
14678 Comments


"If I could, I would at least try it. I would just be incredibly ashamed and wouldn't tell anyone.."

why? and if you don't mind me asking, how old are you?

i can almost guarantee any man over the age of 20 wishes he could suck his own dick. you jerk it, what's the difference?

bloc
September 5th 2009
34854 Comments


ewwww

Digging: Interpol - El Pintor

YouAreMySilence
September 5th 2009
3727 Comments


16.

Its not about the difference, its about curiousity.
Man this is the worst convo ever haha.

foreverendeared
September 5th 2009
14678 Comments


lol people are too closed up on these sort of things. well i'm assuming you're a virgin (of coarse u don't have to respond) because i was at 16, but if you don't start being comfortable with these sort of things, you're not going to know how to please a woman because you'll be too scared and uncomfortable. just my opinion

EasternLight
September 5th 2009
2700 Comments


shhhhh

cirq
September 5th 2009
9264 Comments


you would if you could

EasternLight
September 5th 2009
2700 Comments


yep i would

bloc
September 5th 2009
34854 Comments


i'm pretty sure doing this, and pleasing a woman are two different ball games man.

foreverendeared
September 5th 2009
14678 Comments


you're missing the point

cirq
September 5th 2009
9264 Comments


if you do it to yourself, its not gay

bloc
September 5th 2009
34854 Comments


oh, did you mean being comfortable with talking about sex? then, i see your point.

CompanionCube
September 5th 2009
977 Comments


not gonna lie ive done it just to see if i could

foreverendeared
September 5th 2009
14678 Comments


"oh, did you mean being comfortable with talking about sex? then, i see your point."
yeah exactly. sex is the one of the most natural things on earth, right next to eating and breathing, it baffles me why people are so uncomfortable

bloc
September 5th 2009
34854 Comments


it's cuz you gotta get nekkid

cirq
September 5th 2009
9264 Comments


nudity is fun

bloc
September 5th 2009
34854 Comments


with a profile pic that you have, i am not surprised to hear you say that, thecircus

cirq
September 5th 2009
9264 Comments




Tits McGee
September 5th 2009
1876 Comments


awesome thread guys, keep it up

ziroth
September 5th 2009
1252 Comments


Someone keep it bookmarked and bump it once a month.

cirq
September 5th 2009
9264 Comments


everyday

fromtheinside
September 5th 2009
18300 Comments


oh
mi god.

Digging: Gehenna - Seen Through the Veils of Darkness

foreverendeared
September 5th 2009
14678 Comments


thread is rated R

Athom
Staff Reviewer
September 5th 2009
17213 Comments


hard R

Digging: Inigo Kennedy - Vaudeville

cirq
September 5th 2009
9264 Comments


your 16 yr old friend isnt allowed in here

Klekticist
September 5th 2009
1259 Comments


no suprise

fromtheinside
September 5th 2009
18300 Comments


Even more "intriguing" than Chad performing such a "skillful" feat of flexibility at age 14 would be if Chad still has such a "skill" at age 34... What person (myself included) wouldn't wish to have such a "talent"? Come on...Don't lie... Chad Kroeger is very "fascinating" because he writes such a diverse variety of songs... How could you ever figure out a man whose onstage presence radiates sexual, animal, MAGNETISM, yet whose voice belts out tender, vulnerable, soulful, ballads? Chad Kroeger can never be "pigeon holed" like a lot of recording artists definitely can be... Chad writes beautiful love ballads like "Hero", "Too Bad", "Far Away", "Gotta Be Somebody", "Never Gonna Be Alone", & "If Today was your Last day"... Chad writes fun songs like, "Animals", "Something In Your Mouth", "Rockstar", "Next Contestant", & "Someone That Your with"... Chad writes angst filled, "suicidal" songs like, "Savin Me" and "I'm Not Leaving Yet"... Chad writes searing, heart pounding songs like "Side Of A Bullet", "Just To Get High", and "Just For"... Chad writes wild songs like, "Burn It To The Ground", And then (the icing on the cake) Chad recently wrote the sexually charged, "Sex" and "Next Go Round"... This gorgeous hunk of a man writes songs about EVERYTHING! What woman wouldn't DIE to have a sweet, loving, caring, VULNERABLE man in her life who was also fun, wild, crazy, and super sexually charged? Chad's pure onstage animal magnetism while singing songs like "Figured You Out" is terrifying, & just doesn't match up to the vulnerable little boy belting out songs like "Savin Me" and "Hero" This is called COMPLEXITY people, and Chad Kroeger's complexity and creative GENIUS is off the charts! (And this "God" can still laugh at himself and reveal some stupid, little thing he did when he was growing up in horrible life circumstances and just wanted some BEER)... What a beautiful "SOUL" lives and breathes in Chad Kroeger... The man takes my breath away

i couldn't have said it better myself

this.

Romulus
September 5th 2009
8437 Comments


the sexually charged, "Sex"


I think this is my favorite

mckale
April 18th 2010
39 Comments


oh my

ShadowRemains
April 18th 2010
20773 Comments


all i can say is...no surprise

Digging: Banks - Goddess

Baphomet
April 18th 2010
7364 Comments


To this point I had not read this.... why?

Fugue
April 18th 2010
7353 Comments


The important thing is you have now.

MUNGOLOID
April 18th 2010
4305 Comments


dude is one bad mother fucker.

Baphomet
April 18th 2010
7364 Comments


Wow. I thought this was a spam article from someone' alt. account.

Same here, I was shocked when I saw Dave de Sylvia as the author.

Poet
April 18th 2010
5933 Comments


lol@bumping two year old news articles.

bloc
April 18th 2010
34854 Comments


Splat Out is the biggest troll ever!

fr33convict
December 4th 2010
11689 Comments


Not sure what I think about finding this...

Defeater
December 4th 2010
5782 Comments


"It was soft and required a lot of pulling. I really wanted that case of beer."


lmfao still hilarious

Athom
Staff Reviewer
December 4th 2010
17213 Comments


oh yeah, i remember this. lulz were had. tears were shed. good times.

wyankeif1337
December 4th 2010
6739 Comments


love you, Dave. js

Inveigh
December 4th 2010
24968 Comments


this is just ridiculous but

Even more "intriguing" than Chad performing such a "skillful" feat of flexibility at age 14 would be if Chad still has such a "skill" at age 34... What person (myself included) wouldn't wish to have such a "talent"? Come on...Don't lie... Chad Kroeger is very "fascinating" because he writes such a diverse variety of songs... How could you ever figure out a man whose onstage presence radiates sexual, animal, MAGNETISM, yet whose voice belts out tender, vulnerable, soulful, ballads? Chad Kroeger can never be "pigeon holed" like a lot of recording artists definitely can be... Chad writes beautiful love ballads like "Hero", "Too Bad", "Far Away", "Gotta Be Somebody", "Never Gonna Be Alone", & "If Today was your Last day"... Chad writes fun songs like, "Animals", "Something In Your Mouth", "Rockstar", "Next Contestant", & "Someone That Your with"... Chad writes angst filled, "suicidal" songs like, "Savin Me" and "I'm Not Leaving Yet"... Chad writes searing, heart pounding songs like "Side Of A Bullet", "Just To Get High", and "Just For"... Chad writes wild songs like, "Burn It To The Ground", And then (the icing on the cake) Chad recently wrote the sexually charged, "Sex" and "Next Go Round"... This gorgeous hunk of a man writes songs about EVERYTHING! What woman wouldn't DIE to have a sweet, loving, caring, VULNERABLE man in her life who was also fun, wild, crazy, and super sexually charged? Chad's pure onstage animal magnetism while singing songs like "Figured You Out" is terrifying, & just doesn't match up to the vulnerable little boy belting out songs like "Savin Me" and "Hero" This is called COMPLEXITY people, and Chad Kroeger's complexity and creative GENIUS is off the charts! (And this "God" can still laugh at himself and reveal some stupid, little thing he did when he was growing up in horrible life circumstances and just wanted some BEER)... What a beautiful "SOUL" lives and breathes in Chad Kroeger... The man takes my breath away

i couldn't have said it better myself


this [2]

Winsomniac
December 4th 2010
7972 Comments


I can't say I've read this before, but it's pretty great.

Xenophanes
Emeritus
December 4th 2010
10594 Comments


lolwut

Digging: Grouper - Ruins

Josh D.
December 4th 2010
13968 Comments


Why was this found.

cvlts
December 4th 2010
8956 Comments


waitwut

Counterfeit
December 4th 2010
17819 Comments


wow, lol. just heard about this. hahahaha

Winsomniac
December 4th 2010
7972 Comments


Lol'd so hard

fr33convict
December 4th 2010
11689 Comments


You guys are welcome.

I think.

psykonaut
December 4th 2010
3913 Comments


greatest article ever

Winsomniac
December 4th 2010
7972 Comments


This is why Sputnik is my music news source.

fr33convict
December 4th 2010
11689 Comments


1. Laughed.

2. Stopped laughing.

3. Read it again.

4. The lulz resumed.

Jebull
December 4th 2010
1340 Comments


Lmao.. what.. hahahahaha

Hep Kat
December 4th 2010
15351 Comments


dave de sylvia owned the fuck out of me up there

wyankeif1337
December 4th 2010
6739 Comments


I just realized that this is over 2 years old.

Josh D.
December 4th 2010
13968 Comments


[quote=Hep Kat]That wasn't funny at all.[/quote]
Lil Wayne avatar


Hep Kat
December 4th 2010
15351 Comments


yeah well josh why dont you go suck chad kroeger's dick for him cuz we know youd like it you half n half

Josh D.
December 4th 2010
13968 Comments


Whoa











.

Puzzles
December 4th 2010
3065 Comments


um, source?

Winsomniac
December 4th 2010
7972 Comments


Little bit of a verbal attack there.


On a side note, holy fuck that bull's eye is a star why the fuck would you mess with a bull with a star eye

Hep Kat
December 4th 2010
15351 Comments


PUZZLES


ARDENT DEFENDER OF ALL THINGS NICKELBACK






ps: josh i'm srry ilu tiger got outta the cage bro

Counterfeit
December 4th 2010
17819 Comments


Kroeger told Playboy:
Kroeger told Playboy:
Kroeger told Playboy:
Kroeger told Playboy:
Kroeger told Playboy:
FOUND THE SOURCE
lolz

Puzzles
December 4th 2010
3065 Comments


I found the source, lads.

Josh D.
December 4th 2010
13968 Comments


ps: josh i'm srry ilu tiger got outta the cage bro


Superbad.

Hep Kat
December 4th 2010
15351 Comments


have you seen every movie judd apatow and co. have ever been involved with ever



cause so have i

Puzzles
December 4th 2010
3065 Comments


PLAYBOY: Will Nickelback be vindicated 30 years from now, the way Led Zeppelin has?
CHAD KROEGER: I don't know if we've been decimated to the level Zeppelin was. Maybe we have, maybe more so.

(hinting that Nickelback are the modern day Led Zeppelin)

Puzzles
December 4th 2010
3065 Comments


PLAYBOY: Did you steal things often?
CHAD KROEGER: I broke into my junior high school about 11 times and found the combination to this huge walk-in safe. God, it was like my personal ATM.

(whoa guys, what a badass)

Josh D.
December 4th 2010
13968 Comments


have you seen every movie judd apatow and co. have ever been involved with ever


Yeah.

seifer
December 4th 2010
1006 Comments


lol

Puzzles
December 4th 2010
3065 Comments


PLAYBOY: The Los Angeles Times wrote, "Nickelback's music isn't for hipsters or the illuminati. It's for people who don't want to have to think."
CHAD KROEGER: At what show, besides Frank Zappa's, is someone trying to get people to think? Rage Against the Machine is the only band I can think of.

(System of a Down, Tool, Pearl Jam, Bruce Springsteen, Bob Dylan, Neil Young, Radiohead, Nine Inch Nails, Pink Floyd, Opeth, off the top of my head, and the list goes on)

Irving
Staff Reviewer
December 4th 2010
7294 Comments


Okay who was the bugger that revived this damn thread.

lol

Digging: U2 - Songs of Innocence

Spec
December 4th 2010
27173 Comments


To be fair... it was for beer.

Puzzles
December 4th 2010
3065 Comments


I thought this was recent... How come I never saw this before?

thunder15
December 4th 2010
619 Comments


I don't know bro do you not search "chad kroeger" and "dick sucking" like all the time? there's your first mistake

Against Miik!
December 4th 2010
215 Comments


Its possible. A friend of mine saw Chad Kroeger go into a bathroom with a black guy, and when they came out the black guy handed him $10. It was a dick measuring contest. This was not made up.

Puzzles
December 4th 2010
3065 Comments


"I don't know bro do you not search "chad kroeger" and "dick sucking" like all the time? there's your first mistake"

I mean, if it was in the Sputnik news feed, I would have seen it. I check this site most days.


Jesuslaves
December 4th 2010
4655 Comments


:l

Counterfeit
December 4th 2010
17819 Comments


to be fair beer aint nothin special

Josh D.
December 4th 2010
13968 Comments


Liar.

Counterfeit
December 4th 2010
17819 Comments


nah im bein legit

Winsomniac
December 4th 2010
7972 Comments


I suppose if I was offered beer for putting my dick in my mouth...


I'd just go buy my own fucking beer.

Counterfeit
December 4th 2010
17819 Comments


yeeee

fr33convict
December 4th 2010
11689 Comments


"I don't know bro do you not search "chad kroeger" and "dick sucking" like all the time? there's your first mistake"

I found it by googling sputnikmusic sucks.

thunder15
December 4th 2010
619 Comments


ZINGGGGGGGGGGGG

Puzzles
December 5th 2010
3065 Comments


OH YES

Puzzles
December 5th 2010
3065 Comments


wait, fr33, I thought you were leaving lol

TMobotron
Contributing Reviewer
December 5th 2010
7117 Comments


lmao i never read this before

DonniSharK
January 7th 2011
466 Comments


Monthly bump. Just in time.

Motiv3
January 7th 2011
8932 Comments


lolwut? i never saw this hahaha.

Digging: Punch - They Don?t Have To Believe

witchxrapist
January 7th 2011
11039 Comments


I wonder if I could pull this off.

Spec
January 7th 2011
27173 Comments


What a faggot seriously. I tried this but couldn't bend over far enough!

BallsToTheWall
January 7th 2011
44424 Comments


I wonder how much yoga is necessary for a grown ass man to do this.

Gyromania
January 7th 2011
15717 Comments


Can't believe I'm just reading this for the first time. Absolutely hilarious.

BallsToTheWall
January 7th 2011
44424 Comments


What would Philosoraptor think of you now Gyro?

omnipanzer
January 7th 2011
21503 Comments


"Photograph or didn't happen."
Unless you give a quote first hand...
Why would he do that?

AliW1993
Contributing Reviewer
January 7th 2011
7338 Comments


Still the funniest news story I've ever seen

brandnewAAAA
January 7th 2011
259 Comments


This news and thread are epic. How did I miss this? Keep bumping up for the lolz

sublimefan1991
January 7th 2011
757 Comments


hahahaha this is the greatest headline ever.

WARisalliknow91
January 12th 2011
493 Comments


This reminds me of the metalocalypse episode where they heard about someone sucking their own dick and each got caught trying it on their own time.

SylentEcho
January 12th 2011
1570 Comments


Haha what an ***hole. I can't believe he said that. Why would anyone say that to anyone?!

rockandmetaljunkie
March 27th 2011
3309 Comments


hahaha
retarded people who make retard music

TMobotron
Contributing Reviewer
March 27th 2011
7117 Comments


hey dude im seriously just curious- how do you stumble across this article? its been months since its been posted in and from looking i see its not even linked from nickelback's page.

LegendofPittman
March 27th 2011
2944 Comments


^ Someone posted it on one of his lists.

TMobotron
Contributing Reviewer
March 27th 2011
7117 Comments


haha k thanks pitt. i wasnt trying to imply anything about the above poster but it seriously seemed like you had to be googling some chad kroeger dick or something. awesome ava btw.

LegendofPittman
March 27th 2011
2944 Comments


LOL that's so true, and thanks bro.

toxin.
March 27th 2011
12437 Comments


I honestly thought this was some spoof news update to mock Nickelback. Guess not. Ew

psykonaut
March 27th 2011
3913 Comments


nah, he literally sucks penis.

Jebull
March 28th 2011
1340 Comments


lol I love how this gets randomly bumped every so often hahaha

Scoot
March 28th 2011
17756 Comments


ahahahaa

wyankeif1337
March 28th 2011
6739 Comments


yeah, it makes my day to log on to sputnik and see some bullshit about chad kroeger's penis on the front page

WeepingBanana
March 28th 2011
10147 Comments


this is my first time seeing this

i loled hard

UnnamedOcean
March 28th 2011
3966 Comments


Okay. My night is ruined.

Sanders
April 27th 2011
2351 Comments


See the thing about this is that on the one hand, you have a dick in your mouth...

But on the other hand, you have your dick in a mouth.

North0House2
April 27th 2011
5857 Comments


WHY IS THIS STILL BEING COMMENTED UPON?

But, either way, I have no idea why you would need to tell anyone that you did this.


Digging: Zelienople - The World Is A House On Fire

Gilgamahesh
November 5th 2011
1006 Comments


Bump. Cue the torches and pitchforks.

BallsToTheWall
November 5th 2011
44424 Comments


death by suffocating on own member

FromDaHood
Contributing Reviewer
November 5th 2011
9034 Comments


That's hot

Hawks
November 5th 2011
35824 Comments


Ahhhh this thread. Memories...

Digging: Engraved - Before The Tales

Wolfhorde
November 5th 2011
13530 Comments


Jesus did I laugh when I read this first time.

DrMaximus
June 16th 2012
9310 Comments


LOL

DotEight
June 16th 2012
5530 Comments


This has got to be the most awkward, yet entertaining article I've seen on here so far.

Devastator
June 16th 2012
2496 Comments


News Article of the year.

Digging: The Contortionist - Language

spillingmercury
June 16th 2012
877 Comments


Wasn't this a Metalocalypse episode?

TMZ worthy news indeed.

Puzzles
June 18th 2012
3065 Comments


happened in 2008, still relevant today. Now THAT's musicianship

benkim
June 18th 2012
2105 Comments


happened in 2008, still relevant today. Now THAT's musicianship

LOL

DarthMann
June 19th 2012
13815 Comments


who the fuck is implying that sucking your own dick is bad?

Spec
June 19th 2012
27173 Comments


lol i remember this

Yazz_Flute
June 19th 2012
18783 Comments


This was four years ago already? Damn.

Digging: Battles - Mirrored

Spec
June 19th 2012
27173 Comments


time flies when you're drunk

Spec
June 19th 2012
27173 Comments


*having fun

Yazz_Flute
June 19th 2012
18783 Comments


time sucks its own dick when you're flying chad kroeger

what

DarthMann
June 19th 2012
13815 Comments


+1 yazz

Recspecs
June 19th 2012
9829 Comments


Ahahahahahaha

taxidermist
June 19th 2012
7203 Comments


Still remember reading this in 11th grade English class and laughing my ass off.

Duderino
August 21st 2012
827 Comments


bump 4 avril

RosaParks
August 21st 2012
14910 Comments


lmfao

LifeAsAChipmunk
August 21st 2012
4854 Comments


Perhaps she didn't get the memo...

toxin.
August 21st 2012
12437 Comments


lol I remember this article
many lulz are had

Mickeymau5
August 21st 2012
1614 Comments


LMAO wtf lolol

DarthMann
August 21st 2012
13815 Comments


is i just me, or does chad kroegers voice sound like a truck engine with a broken crankshaft and three misfiring pistons?

HSThomas
September 28th 2012
668 Comments


4chad

ViralOblivion
September 28th 2012
7679 Comments


haha maybe it was a gay hater that hit him with the rock

LifeAsAChipmunk
September 28th 2012
4854 Comments


say it ain't so

ViperAces
September 28th 2012
12430 Comments


People actually believed that this is true?

Evreaia
September 28th 2012
4040 Comments


Holy fuck I lolled

Youtellme
September 28th 2012
1351 Comments


LOL

PeteWentz
September 28th 2012
6 Comments


Chad was here earlier

Youtellme
September 28th 2012
1351 Comments


I'm gonna bookmark this and bump it every few months.

This is fucking indredible.

Mickeymau5
October 30th 2012
1614 Comments


fucking lmao

DarthMann
October 30th 2012
13815 Comments


this is legit very true

North0House2
October 30th 2012
5857 Comments


Lol how have I never seen this?

Mickeymau5
December 5th 2012
1614 Comments


lol

Sapient.
December 5th 2012
1109 Comments


this means that the song "Something in your Mouth" is in fact autobiographical

MeatSalad
December 5th 2012
14540 Comments


Love this guy

Gwyn.
December 5th 2012
15103 Comments


Holy shit thanks for bumping this cause i forgot to put it on my bookmarks

*bookmarks*

Mickeymau5
December 5th 2012
1614 Comments


Welcum ;]

tempest--
December 5th 2012
13511 Comments


Just going to leave this here.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MgJUhmhBiuA

Digging: Jake Kaufman - Shovel Knight Original Soundtrack

aircycle
April 14th 2014
969 Comments


wait what

Digging: Adebisi Shank - This is the Third Album

aircycle
April 14th 2014
969 Comments


it was on the most viewed list when i was on another article so i thought it was new but it's 2008 and
i was like "wait what" see above

MMX
April 14th 2014
4818 Comments


ha

beachdude42
April 14th 2014
223 Comments


lol

Digging: Finch (US) - Back To Oblivion

ScuroFantasma
April 14th 2014
1854 Comments


haha holycrap

Digging: Eluveitie - Origins

Gwyn.
April 14th 2014
15103 Comments


Forgot to bookmark this again

Static
April 14th 2014
2104 Comments


aircycle nominated for "most pro bump" 2014

jfc this is next level


rip static

Digging: georgerolandallen - swagbob

MeatSalad
April 14th 2014
14540 Comments


best bump thank you

Static
April 14th 2014
2104 Comments


[2]

danielito19
April 14th 2014
5647 Comments


fripper how old are you

danielito19
April 14th 2014
5647 Comments


green baron is about four times more mature than you, and like four years younger.

PorcelainRain
April 14th 2014
537 Comments


still the best news article ever

Wizard
April 14th 2014
19414 Comments


Dave strikes!

Digging: Khonsu - Traveller

ShitsofRain
April 14th 2014
5898 Comments


haha

Digging: Anthony Shakir - Frictionalism 1994-2009

emester
April 14th 2014
3412 Comments


thank you to the guy who bumped this

Digging: Nightbringer - Ego Dominus Tuus

Skoj
April 14th 2014
1147 Comments


what the crap

FiveLeavesLeft
April 14th 2014
9838 Comments


I fuck the dead in my spare time

unaMUSEd
April 14th 2014
1074 Comments


Laughing too hard in school right now.

Digging: Bring Me the Horizon - Sempiternal

elbaliem
April 14th 2014
909 Comments


lololol

MO
April 14th 2014
18696 Comments


so good

Flugmorph
April 14th 2014
474 Comments


bookmarked!

Slut
April 14th 2014
2469 Comments


*comments so article comes up in my discussions*

Insurrection
Contributing Reviewer
April 14th 2014
21121 Comments


lmao

Digging: The Contortionist - Language

Sniff
April 14th 2014
1153 Comments


Milf

SharkTooth
April 14th 2014
4413 Comments


Aww you Canadians

Digging: Balkan Beat Box - Nu Med

aircycle
April 14th 2014
969 Comments


^_______________^

TheGreatQ
April 14th 2014
1399 Comments


Best bump ever

Digging: xSPONGEXCOREx - How Tough Are Yah?

Friday13th
April 14th 2014
2432 Comments


Here on sputnik we only have professional- quality news articles...except when it's too damn funny to pass up.

Digging: Manfred Mann's Earth Band - Solar Fire

SnakeDelilah
April 14th 2014
7261 Comments


F-E-A-T-U-R-E

Digging: At the Drive-In - Relationship of Command

tacos N stuff
April 14th 2014
361 Comments


wat

Mabbitt
April 14th 2014
1366 Comments


haha wat

lensag
April 14th 2014
93 Comments


this made my day ah ah so so funny

BMDrummer
April 14th 2014
7420 Comments


Best news article ever.

Digging: Shellac - Dude Incredible

Alondite
April 14th 2014
161 Comments


The fact that this qualifies as news is why Sputnik is great.

SharkTooth
April 14th 2014
4413 Comments


I swear, I'm gonna make a 'Sputniks greatest moments' list and this will be in there

sublimefan1991
April 14th 2014
757 Comments


"Photograph or didn't happen."

win.

danielito19
April 14th 2014
5647 Comments


anyone remember when you could rate news articles?

titanslayer
April 14th 2014
1739 Comments


"Photograph or didn't happen"

So you want a picture of under aged Chad Kroeger's dick?

zaruyache
April 14th 2014
6496 Comments


lookit this photograph, every time I see it makes me laugh?

Digging: Alpha Male Tea Party - Droids

Mad.
April 14th 2014
3844 Comments


It's never too old

DatBeefPudding
April 14th 2014
1316 Comments


wow this still gets bumped... rofl.

Digging: The Contortionist - Language

Judio!
Contributing Reviewer
April 14th 2014
5874 Comments


Almost as great as Balls's "Andcas Has Been Arrested" news article.

Digging: Heathen - Victims of Deception

DatBeefPudding
April 14th 2014
1316 Comments


lol i never saw that... i was gone for a week or so and then when i came back everyone was going on about andcas leaving... care to explain what happened? i was always curious

also if that article still exists, hook me up brah

Spluger
April 14th 2014
1152 Comments


Was not expecting this from staff... but this is still the best news article on this website in a very looong time

Judio!
Contributing Reviewer
April 14th 2014
5874 Comments


"lol i never saw that... i was gone for a week or so and then when i came back everyone was going on about andcas leaving... care to explain what happened? i was always curious also if that article still exists, hook me up brah"

Balls posted a fake news article about Andcas being arrested and was demoted from contributor and banned or some shit like that. And then shortly after Balls was kicked off the site Andcas decided to leave and asked the mods erase all his comments and reviews and permaban him. And Sputnik was sad about it for a while, myself included. The news article was deleted like five minutes after it was posted but I saw it and was laughing my ass off.

DatBeefPudding
April 14th 2014
1316 Comments


lmao that's hilarious. i wonder what made andcas up and leave, he was a pretty prominent contributer
to the site. i remember i made my first account around the time he joined.



zaruyache
April 14th 2014
6496 Comments


Oh, that's what happened? In that case Balls m/

OmairSh
April 14th 2014
11099 Comments


AHAHHAAHHAHAHAAAAHAAHAHA Oh man this is hilarious. I was wondering how this was still up and then I realised it was a staff article. Priceless

Digging: Leprous - Coal

SadAndHolyGlow
April 14th 2014
1521 Comments


This is is not news-worthy. Like, at all.

Digging: Death From Above 1979 - You're a Woman, I'm a Machine

PistolPete
April 14th 2014
3612 Comments


God help us all.

Digging: Banks - Goddess

SharkTooth
April 14th 2014
4413 Comments


"This is is not news-worthy. Like, at all."
Actually it is, for we have DOCUMENTED PROOF

FiveLeavesLeft
April 14th 2014
9838 Comments


This is the most news-worthy post since... well, ever.

Futures
April 14th 2014
10803 Comments


most news worthy article ever created agreed

Digging: Death From Above 1979 - The Physical World

Rhyme
April 14th 2014
1025 Comments


im just happy that my boy chad kroeger ended up getting that beer he so desperately wanted

Digging: Dropdead - Discography

sapient
April 14th 2014
2009 Comments


This is so TMZ-like, I'm surprised it isn't an Andcas article

Digging: Iron Maiden - Seventh Son of a Seventh Son

FiveLeavesLeft
April 14th 2014
9838 Comments


This is way better than TMZ. They wouldn't have the balls to write something like this

DatBeefPudding
April 14th 2014
1316 Comments


"im just happy that my boy chad kroeger ended up getting that beer he so desperately wanted"

fucking lol.

Azn.
April 14th 2014
5610 Comments


im so happy this was bumped

DatBeefPudding
April 14th 2014
1316 Comments


same. it's such a ridiculously hilarious part of the site.

that and KILL's review of periphery. fucking golden.

Futures
April 14th 2014
10803 Comments


best bump ever

Azn.
April 14th 2014
5610 Comments


gives ol sputty a rustic character

DatBeefPudding
April 14th 2014
1316 Comments


lmao sputty. cannot unsee that now

SharkTooth
April 14th 2014
4413 Comments


"same. it's such a ridiculously hilarious part of the site.

that and KILL's review of periphery. fucking golden."
WHY DOES EVERYONE FORGET THE CHRISTIAN COFFEE SHOP REVIEW?????



jsaf7
April 14th 2014
168 Comments


She'd be pissed if she could see the parts of me that i've been kissin'




joshieboy12345
April 15th 2014
5370 Comments


We didn't need an article on this subject because we've all known this fact for a while. Still funny though.

someguest
April 15th 2014
20596 Comments


Who knew that when he said "I like your pants around your feet", he was referring to your gay uncle.

XingKing
April 15th 2014
10613 Comments


I am glad this is on the most viewed list

InFiction
April 15th 2014
3663 Comments


Okay, sputnik.

Essence
April 15th 2014
3585 Comments


keep the bump going

MrHigh
April 15th 2014
68 Comments


Sputnik will never forget, Chad

Judio!
Contributing Reviewer
April 15th 2014
5874 Comments


I wondered who's going to have the last comment of the year on this article...

RoyalImperialGuard
April 15th 2014
1323 Comments


bumped

Digging: surrenderdorothy - nobodywantsme

RoyalImperialGuard
April 15th 2014
1323 Comments


Fuck off Inhalation. Thank you fripper.

CK
April 15th 2014
4917 Comments


I feel like if this were posted by a non-staff user, that person would get banned.

RoyalImperialGuard
April 15th 2014
1323 Comments


God, how long have you noobs been on this site for? 4 months? Geez.

RoyalImperialGuard
April 15th 2014
1323 Comments


Same shit. You don't even know kid....... you don't even know.

Ending
April 15th 2014
1914 Comments


News to me.

aircycle
April 15th 2014
969 Comments


f tha haterz

Makemebad35
April 15th 2014
752 Comments


Wait, what?q?!

NakedSnake
April 15th 2014
266 Comments


Wait you guys don't suck your own dick? Just me and chad?

RFO13
April 15th 2014
72 Comments


Let's be real here guys, I probably would've sucked my own dick for beer when I was 14 too. Actually I probably would've sucked my own dick for no beer when I was 14. That being said Chad Kroeger is still a douche who does in fact suck balls.

SharkTooth
April 15th 2014
4413 Comments


I'm just thinking KILLs review

danielito19
April 16th 2014
5647 Comments


they should make a rule that you can't post in this thread if you weren't here when it was posted (and yes I'm aware that I missed it too, but fuck all these new users in here)

titanslayer
April 16th 2014
1739 Comments


I'm gonna regret commenting on this...

Futures
April 16th 2014
10803 Comments


don't regret it

aircycle
April 16th 2014
969 Comments


it would never have gotten bumped then...

aircycle
April 16th 2014
969 Comments


if only i had joined the site 4 months earlier tho

KeepTheChange
April 16th 2014
59 Comments


omgz

emester
April 16th 2014
3412 Comments


KEEP ON BUMPING THIS

SharkTooth
April 16th 2014
4413 Comments


There are a few sources of unlimited happiness, while most of them are reviews, some are this

DatBeefPudding
April 17th 2014
1316 Comments


indeed, hope this thread never dies.

Fieryfenderz
April 17th 2014
1442 Comments


How have I never seen this

Tunaboy45
April 17th 2014
2333 Comments


And here I am, sat here with a stupid grin on my face. Thank you for this, it made my day!

Digging: Pink Floyd - Animals

lignimvite
April 17th 2014
43 Comments


Guess it's safe to say Chad figuratively and literally sucks dick now. XD

Skoj
April 17th 2014
1147 Comments


LITERALLY DAE AMIRITE?

emester
April 17th 2014
3412 Comments


THIS WILL ALWAYS BE RELAVENT

Dunpeal
April 17th 2014
3665 Comments


lol quite a feat there chad. props

BMDrummer
April 17th 2014
7420 Comments


There has to be at least one comment on this thread so it never disappears.

zaruyache
April 18th 2014
6496 Comments


Never forget.

Butkuiss
April 19th 2014
4186 Comments


Lol wow this is still going

silentstar
April 19th 2014
2254 Comments


"Oh this is still going. I'm fairly sure this story is the sole reason we don't have a "most viewed news stories" feature."

ta-da! your wish has been granted

SnakeDelilah
April 19th 2014
7261 Comments


do people like legit live on this website

Killerhit
April 20th 2014
5250 Comments



"It was soft and required a lot of pulling. I really wanted that case of beer."

Futures
April 20th 2014
10803 Comments


objectively the best article ever

zaruyache
April 20th 2014
6496 Comments


I love how it pops up at the top of the "Most Viewed" articles list. The BREAKING really makes it stick out.

Fieryfenderz
April 20th 2014
1442 Comments


DAE suck their own dick lelelelel 9gag army

elry2k
April 20th 2014
116 Comments


Lol I fucking knew it!!!

Azn.
April 20th 2014
5610 Comments


-infinite bump-

Krigo
April 22nd 2014
19 Comments


Whenever I see this news post, I can't stop myself from laughing.

FuzzyxPickles
April 23rd 2014
73 Comments


-infinite bump-[2]


BMDrummer
April 24th 2014
7420 Comments


Still as funny as the first time I saw it.

Azn.
April 24th 2014
5610 Comments


-smashing professionalism-

Thunderkat
April 24th 2014
569 Comments


Is anyone even surprised about Kroeger's actions?

Crymsonblaze
April 25th 2014
7482 Comments


Yep that sounds about right

BSX
April 26th 2014
1633 Comments


god is real

Slut
April 26th 2014
2469 Comments


Thank you lord xenu


Brabiz
April 26th 2014
212 Comments


Called it.

Digging: Harakiri for the Sky - Aokigahara

Brabiz
April 26th 2014
212 Comments


Called it.

Thunderkat
May 5th 2014
569 Comments


The "BREAKING" makes this article much more funny

Azn.
May 5th 2014
5610 Comments


hahaha

Sniff
May 5th 2014
1153 Comments


bum

SharkTooth
May 5th 2014
4413 Comments


"But did Chad really want the beer? Or was he trying to tell us something?"

Maybe he was referring to a different kind of "Sam Adams"


Impervious
May 5th 2014
387 Comments


This still going? Hahha

Dancedrewdance
May 6th 2014
620 Comments


Aaaaaaaaandddcaaaaaaasssass!!!!!!!!

Futures
May 6th 2014
10803 Comments


BREAKING

furpa
May 6th 2014
49 Comments


I hope this stays relevant forever.

Impervious
May 6th 2014
387 Comments


Looking back, he said he was 14 and much more flexible AT THE TIME. Is this him saying he's tried recently and knows he can no longer suck his own dick AGAIN? If so, for what reason was to suck it again? Two cases of beer?? lol

North0House2
May 6th 2014
5857 Comments


This is the most immortal bump I've ever seen.

ResidentNihilist
May 6th 2014
1044 Comments


impervious it wasn't just for the two cases of beer, he also wanted a packet of crisps as well

SharkTooth
May 6th 2014
4413 Comments


I thought he was looking for some Oscar Meyer

dawija1017
May 6th 2014
559 Comments


"Rain of fish" is an annual weather event in which hundreds of fish rain from the sky onto the city Yoro in Honduras!!!

Impervious
May 7th 2014
387 Comments


I wonder if sucking his own dick was totally worth the beer. Was it shitty beer like Natie Ice? lol

Shuyin
May 7th 2014
11649 Comments


my day=complete

Digging: Cannibal Corpse - A Skeletal Domain

krazytom
May 8th 2014
123 Comments


Does this mean Nickelback is cool now?

Digging: 2Pac - Makaveli

Dancedrewdance
May 8th 2014
620 Comments


Just out for a rip are ya chad?

Skoj
May 9th 2014
1147 Comments


AND THE TRAIN KEPT A ROLLIN

Impervious
June 5th 2014
387 Comments


I just randomly remembered that this happened...damn you Chad.

DatBeefPudding
June 5th 2014
1316 Comments


Just out for a rip are ya chad?


just out for a rip?

zaruyache
June 8th 2014
6496 Comments


more like just out for the tip

*swoosh*

johnnysbestfriend
July 4th 2014
23 Comments


...

YakNips
July 4th 2014
10942 Comments


yuuuuuuuuuuuuung leeeaaaan

in the cuuuuuuuuut
for some morphinee

Digging: Yung Lean - Unknown Memory

titanslayer
July 4th 2014
1739 Comments


#NeverForget

SharkTooth
July 4th 2014
4413 Comments


"THE WORLD MAY NEVER KNOW"

aircycle
July 5th 2014
969 Comments


we need to inform a larger demographic about this

aircycle
July 5th 2014
969 Comments


i want chad to be asked about this on the ellen show

BMDrummer
July 5th 2014
7420 Comments


Everyone see if you can email Nickelback this

Cygnatti
July 5th 2014
21352 Comments


Can't believe you guys bumped this again. Okay I can.

Haven't been on this thread for 2 years dayum, being old sucks.

Digging: Jon Hopkins - Immunity

someguest
July 5th 2014
20596 Comments


I knew Avril had a dong.

DatBeefPudding
July 6th 2014
1316 Comments


yep, bumpin'

sixdegrees
July 6th 2014
17120 Comments


BREAKING: this is no longer funny

Digging: 10Minimal - Aluminum World

BMDrummer
July 6th 2014
7420 Comments


Fripp- yes

DatBeefPudding
July 6th 2014
1316 Comments


six - me and my friends just had a laugh about it in skype, so i beg to differ.

sixdegrees
July 6th 2014
17120 Comments


I bet you savages laugh at memes too

DatBeefPudding
July 6th 2014
1316 Comments


we're the scum of the earth, true deviants.

titanslayer
July 6th 2014
1739 Comments


You say "savages" like it's a bad thing

Tunaboy45
July 6th 2014
2333 Comments


We likes laughing at le may mays.

Tunaboy45
July 6th 2014
2333 Comments


See, it's stupid.

Impervious
July 9th 2014
387 Comments


#NeverForget [2]

Krigo
July 25th 2014
19 Comments


#NeverForget [3]


CelestialOuroboros
July 25th 2014
435 Comments


This might be old, but I think this was how Chad wanted to be a big rockstar.

SnakeDelilah
July 25th 2014
7261 Comments


lol this article

SharkTooth
July 25th 2014
4413 Comments


#NeverForget [69]



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