BREAKING: Chad Kroeger Sucks Dick
2008-03-11 by Dr Dave De Sylvia STAFF | 386 Comments
Canadian rocker Chad Kroeger has confirmed the suspicions of many, confirming that he does in fact suck balls.

Kroeger told Playboy: "I put my own dick in my mouth. I was 14 and much more flexible at the time.

"It was soft and required a lot of pulling. I really wanted that case of beer."

Tagged: Nickelback

Comments:Add a Comment 
spoon_of_grimbo
March 11th 2008
2241 Comments


i really did NOT need to know that...

Fire Away
March 11th 2008
293 Comments


oh, chad...

Doppelganger
March 11th 2008
3124 Comments


Photograph or didn't happen.

Sweetness
March 11th 2008
47 Comments


lol

I don't know what else to say.
Why does the world need to know?

Eliminator
March 11th 2008
2067 Comments


ahahahaha

SynGates
March 11th 2008
2467 Comments


w t f

oh, the experimental youth

VicariousIntent
March 11th 2008
1599 Comments


Why would ANYONE tell ANYONE ELSE that!? Why even do it!?
...just...wtf

sickjesus
March 11th 2008
163 Comments


TMI

Sound
March 11th 2008
3904 Comments


:lol:

bobbingforapples
March 11th 2008
266 Comments


fucking retard

Abdar112
March 11th 2008
392 Comments


did he not realize that people already thought him and his band "sucked dick?" and now we can use it as a literal meaning
hahahaha, this is ridiculous what a dumbass

Abdar112
March 11th 2008
392 Comments


love the headline too

botb
March 11th 2008
9778 Comments


LOL.

Limework
March 11th 2008
223 Comments


I wonder if he got ribs removed so he can still do it like Marylin Manson did

ToWhatEnd
March 11th 2008
3172 Comments


This news seriously made me LOL. AHAHA!

DariusBlue
March 11th 2008
11 Comments


"I really wanted that case of beer"

So, he was sober at the time?

Thor
March 11th 2008
10202 Comments


I wonder if he got ribs removed so he can still do it like Marylin Manson did

Wasn't that just a rumor?

Digging: Black Crown Initiate - The Wreckage of Stars

Spectrum
March 11th 2008
347 Comments


Oh good lord. It's true that this news item confirms something that we all knew, and yet it still manages to be TMI! Quite lolworthy.

BroRape
March 11th 2008
803 Comments


not a surprise.

duckies
March 11th 2008
143 Comments


What? lol. Classic!

RoshanC
March 11th 2008
219 Comments


quite unnecessary, yet the funniest news article ever

webbtje
March 11th 2008
41 Comments


Bwahahahaha

Bassplayer101
March 11th 2008
34 Comments


All i can say is , WTF Chad? And yes the Marilyn Manson thing is only a rumor. He has denied it quite a few times. Its just something somebody made up to make him look even worse in the public eye.

DWittisarockstar
March 11th 2008
1501 Comments


Wait, that isn't normal?

jimay333
March 11th 2008
433 Comments


Wouldn't you if you could?

wakeupdead
March 11th 2008
2208 Comments


when I read the title I thought it was some guy who hated nickelback and was gonna get his account deleted, then I saw that it was Spat lol. and also :lol: at Chad being desperate and not being able to get a woman to do it for him

Tyler
Emeritus
March 11th 2008
7926 Comments


Desperate? Did you not read it? He was 14. I'm sure he could get a woman to do it for him, he's insanely rich.

Poet
March 11th 2008
5935 Comments


quite unnecessary, yet the funniest news article ever


So true. lol

Ohh
March 11th 2008
115 Comments


yeah, thor it was.

this band is terrible.

but i can do it.
and yeah, im gay.

DJTeeLay
March 11th 2008
25 Comments


Thank God he probably can't recollect what he might have done AFTER getting that beer.

It must have been SOME beer.

XD

WhiteLocust
March 11th 2008
37 Comments


Pfff, deny it all you want, the truth is you would if you could.

Gotta respect the guy's honesty

industrialjunkie92
August 1st 2008
167 Comments


why would ANYONE tell ANYONE ELSE that!?


init, doing it is one thing but then telling people. he's just an attention seeker.

SylentEcho
November 22nd 2008
1576 Comments


First of all he's lying, no normal person can do that. Unless hes one of those freaks who can fit themselves into a trunk or something.

AFI084
January 13th 2009
32 Comments


Most somewhat intelligent people usually follow the phrase "first of all" with another relevant thought or idea.

aliciaarol1
June 7th 2009
1 Comments


Even more "intriguing" than Chad performing such a "skillful" feat of flexibility at age 14 would be if Chad still has such a "skill" at age 34... What person (myself included) wouldn't wish to have such a "talent"? Come on...Don't lie... Chad Kroeger is very "fascinating" because he writes such a diverse variety of songs... How could you ever figure out a man whose onstage presence radiates sexual, animal, MAGNETISM, yet whose voice belts out tender, vulnerable, soulful, ballads? Chad Kroeger can never be "pigeon holed" like a lot of recording artists definitely can be... Chad writes beautiful love ballads like "Hero", "Too Bad", "Far Away", "Gotta Be Somebody", "Never Gonna Be Alone", & "If Today was your Last day"... Chad writes fun songs like, "Animals", "Something In Your Mouth", "Rockstar", "Next Contestant", & "Someone That Your with"... Chad writes angst filled, "suicidal" songs like, "Savin Me" and "I'm Not Leaving Yet"... Chad writes searing, heart pounding songs like "Side Of A Bullet", "Just To Get High", and "Just For"... Chad writes wild songs like, "Burn It To The Ground", And then (the icing on the cake) Chad recently wrote the sexually charged, "Sex" and "Next Go Round"... This gorgeous hunk of a man writes songs about EVERYTHING! What woman wouldn't DIE to have a sweet, loving, caring, VULNERABLE man in her life who was also fun, wild, crazy, and super sexually charged? Chad's pure onstage animal magnetism while singing songs like "Figured You Out" is terrifying, & just doesn't match up to the vulnerable little boy belting out songs like "Savin Me" and "Hero" This is called COMPLEXITY people, and Chad Kroeger's complexity and creative GENIUS is off the charts! (And this "God" can still laugh at himself and reveal some stupid, little thing he did when he was growing up in horrible life circumstances and just wanted some BEER)... What a beautiful "SOUL" lives and breathes in Chad Kroeger... The man takes my breath away

SeaAnemone
June 7th 2009
20970 Comments


I couldn't have said it better myself

Digging: Viet Cong - Viet Cong

AtavanHalen
June 7th 2009
17927 Comments


Chad recently wrote the sexually charged, "Sex"


lauriej
June 7th 2009
1712 Comments


How could you ever figure out a man whose onstage presence radiates sexual, animal, MAGNETISM, yet whose voice belts out tender, vulnerable, soulful, ballads?

OH GOD THAT MADE MY DAY

Titan50
June 7th 2009
4588 Comments


Too Bad's not a love song, it's about his wank of a dad

Relinquished
June 7th 2009
26011 Comments


Well, my suspicion is proven true. Something about him always screamed he'd done this kind of thing.

Fugue
June 7th 2009
7354 Comments


Lol is all I can say.

BallsToTheWall
June 7th 2009
44805 Comments


I SUMMON BLUE EYES WHITE DRAGONNNNNN

straylightrunner
June 7th 2009
74 Comments


ROFL @ the desperate housewife above

Nikkolae
June 7th 2009
4870 Comments


wahhahahha you can tell balls spend too much time playing with his yu gi oh! cards (so did i X D), on the news, yeah... freak...

Digging: Modern Witch - Unknown Domain

JAV
June 7th 2009
1972 Comments


Wasn't that PB issue pretty old?

marksellsuswallets
June 7th 2009
4848 Comments


I'm speechless.

KILL
June 7th 2009
72280 Comments


I am without speech

Digging: Throwing Muses - Throwing Muses

poweroftheweez
June 7th 2009
1290 Comments


words can't describe.

PanasonicYouth
June 7th 2009
7412 Comments


Anyone with an ear could tell that Kroeger has been knee-deep in balls since the first grade.

Chewie
June 7th 2009
4533 Comments


this old, he said that like a year ago

marksellsuswallets
June 7th 2009
4848 Comments


Did you happen to notice that the article date is over a year old?

cirq
June 7th 2009
9265 Comments


hahahahahahahaha

lauriej
June 7th 2009
1712 Comments


this old, he said that like a year ago

retard

MentalityOfA
September 5th 2009
1213 Comments


Hehe. This is great.

Romulus
September 5th 2009
8447 Comments


I'm so pleased you bothered to follow my link

Nagrarok
September 5th 2009
8316 Comments


has confirmed the suspicions of many

lol

myhigherpie
September 5th 2009
3027 Comments


omfg I have this issue too.

god I'm going to get rid of it now.

EasternLight
September 5th 2009
2704 Comments


well...i dont care. whatever he does is his own business.... FAG.

foreverendeared
September 5th 2009
14678 Comments


I just don't get 99% of the comments here, who the hell wouldn't suck their own dick if they could?

robertsona
Staff Reviewer
September 5th 2009
15082 Comments


i bet he lied


even about that

EasternLight
September 5th 2009
2704 Comments


true. good for him. but i wouldve prefered that he keep that to himself. oh well.

Poet
September 5th 2009
5935 Comments


wow...what a great bump to have. and lol...I do remember this when it was posted.

Oh this is still going. I'm fairly sure this story is the sole reason we don't have a "most viewed news stories" feature.


pretty much.

thebbqshrimp
September 5th 2009
1207 Comments


Made my day.

@ aliciaarol1: Epic sole post.

YouAreMySilence
September 5th 2009
3727 Comments


If I could, I would at least try it. I would just be incredibly ashamed and wouldn't tell anyone..

foreverendeared
September 5th 2009
14678 Comments


"If I could, I would at least try it. I would just be incredibly ashamed and wouldn't tell anyone.."

why? and if you don't mind me asking, how old are you?

i can almost guarantee any man over the age of 20 wishes he could suck his own dick. you jerk it, what's the difference?

bloc
September 5th 2009
35024 Comments


ewwww

YouAreMySilence
September 5th 2009
3727 Comments


16.

Its not about the difference, its about curiousity.
Man this is the worst convo ever haha.

foreverendeared
September 5th 2009
14678 Comments


lol people are too closed up on these sort of things. well i'm assuming you're a virgin (of coarse u don't have to respond) because i was at 16, but if you don't start being comfortable with these sort of things, you're not going to know how to please a woman because you'll be too scared and uncomfortable. just my opinion

EasternLight
September 5th 2009
2704 Comments


shhhhh

cirq
September 5th 2009
9265 Comments


you would if you could

EasternLight
September 5th 2009
2704 Comments


yep i would

bloc
September 5th 2009
35024 Comments


i'm pretty sure doing this, and pleasing a woman are two different ball games man.

foreverendeared
September 5th 2009
14678 Comments


you're missing the point

cirq
September 5th 2009
9265 Comments


if you do it to yourself, its not gay

bloc
September 5th 2009
35024 Comments


oh, did you mean being comfortable with talking about sex? then, i see your point.

CompanionCube
September 5th 2009
977 Comments


not gonna lie ive done it just to see if i could

foreverendeared
September 5th 2009
14678 Comments


"oh, did you mean being comfortable with talking about sex? then, i see your point."
yeah exactly. sex is the one of the most natural things on earth, right next to eating and breathing, it baffles me why people are so uncomfortable

bloc
September 5th 2009
35024 Comments


it's cuz you gotta get nekkid

cirq
September 5th 2009
9265 Comments


nudity is fun

bloc
September 5th 2009
35024 Comments


with a profile pic that you have, i am not surprised to hear you say that, thecircus

cirq
September 5th 2009
9265 Comments




Tits McGee
September 5th 2009
1876 Comments


awesome thread guys, keep it up

ziroth
September 5th 2009
1252 Comments


Someone keep it bookmarked and bump it once a month.

cirq
September 5th 2009
9265 Comments


everyday

fromtheinside
September 5th 2009
19166 Comments


oh
mi god.

Digging: Techno Animal - The Brotherhood of the Bomb

foreverendeared
September 5th 2009
14678 Comments


thread is rated R

Athom
Staff Reviewer
September 5th 2009
17231 Comments


hard R

cirq
September 5th 2009
9265 Comments


your 16 yr old friend isnt allowed in here

Klekticist
September 5th 2009
1259 Comments


no suprise

fromtheinside
September 5th 2009
19166 Comments


Even more "intriguing" than Chad performing such a "skillful" feat of flexibility at age 14 would be if Chad still has such a "skill" at age 34... What person (myself included) wouldn't wish to have such a "talent"? Come on...Don't lie... Chad Kroeger is very "fascinating" because he writes such a diverse variety of songs... How could you ever figure out a man whose onstage presence radiates sexual, animal, MAGNETISM, yet whose voice belts out tender, vulnerable, soulful, ballads? Chad Kroeger can never be "pigeon holed" like a lot of recording artists definitely can be... Chad writes beautiful love ballads like "Hero", "Too Bad", "Far Away", "Gotta Be Somebody", "Never Gonna Be Alone", & "If Today was your Last day"... Chad writes fun songs like, "Animals", "Something In Your Mouth", "Rockstar", "Next Contestant", & "Someone That Your with"... Chad writes angst filled, "suicidal" songs like, "Savin Me" and "I'm Not Leaving Yet"... Chad writes searing, heart pounding songs like "Side Of A Bullet", "Just To Get High", and "Just For"... Chad writes wild songs like, "Burn It To The Ground", And then (the icing on the cake) Chad recently wrote the sexually charged, "Sex" and "Next Go Round"... This gorgeous hunk of a man writes songs about EVERYTHING! What woman wouldn't DIE to have a sweet, loving, caring, VULNERABLE man in her life who was also fun, wild, crazy, and super sexually charged? Chad's pure onstage animal magnetism while singing songs like "Figured You Out" is terrifying, & just doesn't match up to the vulnerable little boy belting out songs like "Savin Me" and "Hero" This is called COMPLEXITY people, and Chad Kroeger's complexity and creative GENIUS is off the charts! (And this "God" can still laugh at himself and reveal some stupid, little thing he did when he was growing up in horrible life circumstances and just wanted some BEER)... What a beautiful "SOUL" lives and breathes in Chad Kroeger... The man takes my breath away

i couldn't have said it better myself

this.

Romulus
September 5th 2009
8447 Comments


the sexually charged, "Sex"


I think this is my favorite

mckale
April 18th 2010
39 Comments


oh my

ShadowRemains
April 18th 2010
21641 Comments


all i can say is...no surprise

Baphomet
April 18th 2010
7364 Comments


To this point I had not read this.... why?

Fugue
April 18th 2010
7354 Comments


The important thing is you have now.

MUNGOLOID
April 18th 2010
4352 Comments


dude is one bad mother fucker.

Baphomet
April 18th 2010
7364 Comments


Wow. I thought this was a spam article from someone' alt. account.

Same here, I was shocked when I saw Dave de Sylvia as the author.

Poet
April 18th 2010
5935 Comments


lol@bumping two year old news articles.

bloc
April 18th 2010
35024 Comments


Splat Out is the biggest troll ever!

fr33convict
December 4th 2010
11705 Comments


Not sure what I think about finding this...

Defeater
December 4th 2010
5782 Comments


"It was soft and required a lot of pulling. I really wanted that case of beer."


lmfao still hilarious

Athom
Staff Reviewer
December 4th 2010
17231 Comments


oh yeah, i remember this. lulz were had. tears were shed. good times.

wyankeif1337
December 4th 2010
6739 Comments


love you, Dave. js

Inveigh
December 4th 2010
25201 Comments


this is just ridiculous but

Even more "intriguing" than Chad performing such a "skillful" feat of flexibility at age 14 would be if Chad still has such a "skill" at age 34... What person (myself included) wouldn't wish to have such a "talent"? Come on...Don't lie... Chad Kroeger is very "fascinating" because he writes such a diverse variety of songs... How could you ever figure out a man whose onstage presence radiates sexual, animal, MAGNETISM, yet whose voice belts out tender, vulnerable, soulful, ballads? Chad Kroeger can never be "pigeon holed" like a lot of recording artists definitely can be... Chad writes beautiful love ballads like "Hero", "Too Bad", "Far Away", "Gotta Be Somebody", "Never Gonna Be Alone", & "If Today was your Last day"... Chad writes fun songs like, "Animals", "Something In Your Mouth", "Rockstar", "Next Contestant", & "Someone That Your with"... Chad writes angst filled, "suicidal" songs like, "Savin Me" and "I'm Not Leaving Yet"... Chad writes searing, heart pounding songs like "Side Of A Bullet", "Just To Get High", and "Just For"... Chad writes wild songs like, "Burn It To The Ground", And then (the icing on the cake) Chad recently wrote the sexually charged, "Sex" and "Next Go Round"... This gorgeous hunk of a man writes songs about EVERYTHING! What woman wouldn't DIE to have a sweet, loving, caring, VULNERABLE man in her life who was also fun, wild, crazy, and super sexually charged? Chad's pure onstage animal magnetism while singing songs like "Figured You Out" is terrifying, & just doesn't match up to the vulnerable little boy belting out songs like "Savin Me" and "Hero" This is called COMPLEXITY people, and Chad Kroeger's complexity and creative GENIUS is off the charts! (And this "God" can still laugh at himself and reveal some stupid, little thing he did when he was growing up in horrible life circumstances and just wanted some BEER)... What a beautiful "SOUL" lives and breathes in Chad Kroeger... The man takes my breath away

i couldn't have said it better myself


this [2]

Digging: Nero Di Marte - Derivae

Winsomniac
December 4th 2010
8014 Comments


I can't say I've read this before, but it's pretty great.

Digging: Submotion Orchestra - Alium

Xenophanes
Emeritus
December 4th 2010
10663 Comments


lolwut

Digging: Blut Aus Nord - Memoria Vetusta III - Saturnian Poetry

Josh D.
December 4th 2010
13972 Comments


Why was this found.

cvlts
December 4th 2010
8985 Comments


waitwut

Counterfeit
December 4th 2010
17819 Comments


wow, lol. just heard about this. hahahaha

Winsomniac
December 4th 2010
8014 Comments


Lol'd so hard

fr33convict
December 4th 2010
11705 Comments


You guys are welcome.

I think.

psykonaut
December 4th 2010
3913 Comments


greatest article ever

Winsomniac
December 4th 2010
8014 Comments


This is why Sputnik is my music news source.

fr33convict
December 4th 2010
11705 Comments


1. Laughed.

2. Stopped laughing.

3. Read it again.

4. The lulz resumed.

Jebull
December 4th 2010
1340 Comments


Lmao.. what.. hahahahaha

Hep Kat
December 4th 2010
15399 Comments


dave de sylvia owned the fuck out of me up there

Digging: Burning Kitchen - Many Wonder About the Meaning of Life

wyankeif1337
December 4th 2010
6739 Comments


I just realized that this is over 2 years old.

Josh D.
December 4th 2010
13972 Comments


[quote=Hep Kat]That wasn't funny at all.[/quote]
Lil Wayne avatar


Hep Kat
December 4th 2010
15399 Comments


yeah well josh why dont you go suck chad kroeger's dick for him cuz we know youd like it you half n half

Josh D.
December 4th 2010
13972 Comments


Whoa











.

Puzzles
December 4th 2010
3065 Comments


um, source?

Winsomniac
December 4th 2010
8014 Comments


Little bit of a verbal attack there.


On a side note, holy fuck that bull's eye is a star why the fuck would you mess with a bull with a star eye

Hep Kat
December 4th 2010
15399 Comments


PUZZLES


ARDENT DEFENDER OF ALL THINGS NICKELBACK






ps: josh i'm srry ilu tiger got outta the cage bro

Counterfeit
December 4th 2010
17819 Comments


Kroeger told Playboy:
Kroeger told Playboy:
Kroeger told Playboy:
Kroeger told Playboy:
Kroeger told Playboy:
FOUND THE SOURCE
lolz

Puzzles
December 4th 2010
3065 Comments


I found the source, lads.

Josh D.
December 4th 2010
13972 Comments


ps: josh i'm srry ilu tiger got outta the cage bro


Superbad.

Hep Kat
December 4th 2010
15399 Comments


have you seen every movie judd apatow and co. have ever been involved with ever



cause so have i

Puzzles
December 4th 2010
3065 Comments


PLAYBOY: Will Nickelback be vindicated 30 years from now, the way Led Zeppelin has?
CHAD KROEGER: I don't know if we've been decimated to the level Zeppelin was. Maybe we have, maybe more so.

(hinting that Nickelback are the modern day Led Zeppelin)

Puzzles
December 4th 2010
3065 Comments


PLAYBOY: Did you steal things often?
CHAD KROEGER: I broke into my junior high school about 11 times and found the combination to this huge walk-in safe. God, it was like my personal ATM.

(whoa guys, what a badass)

Josh D.
December 4th 2010
13972 Comments


have you seen every movie judd apatow and co. have ever been involved with ever


Yeah.

seifer
December 4th 2010
1006 Comments


lol

Puzzles
December 4th 2010
3065 Comments


PLAYBOY: The Los Angeles Times wrote, "Nickelback's music isn't for hipsters or the illuminati. It's for people who don't want to have to think."
CHAD KROEGER: At what show, besides Frank Zappa's, is someone trying to get people to think? Rage Against the Machine is the only band I can think of.

(System of a Down, Tool, Pearl Jam, Bruce Springsteen, Bob Dylan, Neil Young, Radiohead, Nine Inch Nails, Pink Floyd, Opeth, off the top of my head, and the list goes on)

Irving
Staff Reviewer
December 4th 2010
7321 Comments


Okay who was the bugger that revived this damn thread.

lol

Spec
December 4th 2010
27298 Comments


To be fair... it was for beer.

Puzzles
December 4th 2010
3065 Comments


I thought this was recent... How come I never saw this before?

thunder15
December 4th 2010
619 Comments


I don't know bro do you not search "chad kroeger" and "dick sucking" like all the time? there's your first mistake

Against Miik!
December 4th 2010
215 Comments


Its possible. A friend of mine saw Chad Kroeger go into a bathroom with a black guy, and when they came out the black guy handed him $10. It was a dick measuring contest. This was not made up.

Puzzles
December 4th 2010
3065 Comments


"I don't know bro do you not search "chad kroeger" and "dick sucking" like all the time? there's your first mistake"

I mean, if it was in the Sputnik news feed, I would have seen it. I check this site most days.


Jesuslaves
December 4th 2010
4658 Comments


:l

Counterfeit
December 4th 2010
17819 Comments


to be fair beer aint nothin special

Josh D.
December 4th 2010
13972 Comments


Liar.

Counterfeit
December 4th 2010
17819 Comments


nah im bein legit

Winsomniac
December 4th 2010
8014 Comments


I suppose if I was offered beer for putting my dick in my mouth...


I'd just go buy my own fucking beer.

Counterfeit
December 4th 2010
17819 Comments


yeeee

fr33convict
December 4th 2010
11705 Comments


"I don't know bro do you not search "chad kroeger" and "dick sucking" like all the time? there's your first mistake"

I found it by googling sputnikmusic sucks.

thunder15
December 4th 2010
619 Comments


ZINGGGGGGGGGGGG

Puzzles
December 5th 2010
3065 Comments


OH YES

Puzzles
December 5th 2010
3065 Comments


wait, fr33, I thought you were leaving lol

TMobotron
Contributing Reviewer
December 5th 2010
7159 Comments


lmao i never read this before

DonniSharK
January 7th 2011
466 Comments


Monthly bump. Just in time.

Motiv3
January 7th 2011
8945 Comments


lolwut? i never saw this hahaha.

witchxrapist
January 7th 2011
11057 Comments


I wonder if I could pull this off.

Spec
January 7th 2011
27298 Comments


What a faggot seriously. I tried this but couldn't bend over far enough!

BallsToTheWall
January 7th 2011
44805 Comments


I wonder how much yoga is necessary for a grown ass man to do this.

Gyromania
January 7th 2011
16089 Comments


Can't believe I'm just reading this for the first time. Absolutely hilarious.

BallsToTheWall
January 7th 2011
44805 Comments


What would Philosoraptor think of you now Gyro?

omnipanzer
January 7th 2011
21660 Comments


"Photograph or didn't happen."
Unless you give a quote first hand...
Why would he do that?

AliW1993
Contributing Reviewer
January 7th 2011
7427 Comments


Still the funniest news story I've ever seen

brandnewAAAA
January 7th 2011
259 Comments


This news and thread are epic. How did I miss this? Keep bumping up for the lolz

sublimefan1991
January 7th 2011
766 Comments


hahahaha this is the greatest headline ever.

WARisalliknow91
January 12th 2011
493 Comments


This reminds me of the metalocalypse episode where they heard about someone sucking their own dick and each got caught trying it on their own time.

SylentEcho
January 12th 2011
1576 Comments


Haha what an ***hole. I can't believe he said that. Why would anyone say that to anyone?!

rockandmetaljunkie
March 27th 2011
3868 Comments


hahaha
retarded people who make retard music

TMobotron
Contributing Reviewer
March 27th 2011
7159 Comments


hey dude im seriously just curious- how do you stumble across this article? its been months since its been posted in and from looking i see its not even linked from nickelback's page.

LegendofPittman
March 27th 2011
2958 Comments


^ Someone posted it on one of his lists.

TMobotron
Contributing Reviewer
March 27th 2011
7159 Comments


haha k thanks pitt. i wasnt trying to imply anything about the above poster but it seriously seemed like you had to be googling some chad kroeger dick or something. awesome ava btw.

LegendofPittman
March 27th 2011
2958 Comments


LOL that's so true, and thanks bro.

toxin.
March 27th 2011
12805 Comments


I honestly thought this was some spoof news update to mock Nickelback. Guess not. Ew

psykonaut
March 27th 2011
3913 Comments


nah, he literally sucks penis.

Jebull
March 28th 2011
1340 Comments


lol I love how this gets randomly bumped every so often hahaha

Scoot
March 28th 2011
17914 Comments


ahahahaa

Digging: Renounced - The Melancholy We Ache

wyankeif1337
March 28th 2011
6739 Comments


yeah, it makes my day to log on to sputnik and see some bullshit about chad kroeger's penis on the front page

WeepingBanana
March 28th 2011
10217 Comments


this is my first time seeing this

i loled hard

UnnamedOcean
March 28th 2011
3980 Comments


Okay. My night is ruined.

Sanders
April 27th 2011
2361 Comments


See the thing about this is that on the one hand, you have a dick in your mouth...

But on the other hand, you have your dick in a mouth.

North0House2
April 27th 2011
5889 Comments


WHY IS THIS STILL BEING COMMENTED UPON?

But, either way, I have no idea why you would need to tell anyone that you did this.


Digging: BRNS - Patine

Gilgamahesh
November 5th 2011
1006 Comments


Bump. Cue the torches and pitchforks.

BallsToTheWall
November 5th 2011
44805 Comments


death by suffocating on own member

FromDaHood
Contributing Reviewer
November 5th 2011
9067 Comments


That's hot

Hawks
November 5th 2011
35837 Comments


Ahhhh this thread. Memories...

Wolfhorde
November 5th 2011
13688 Comments


Jesus did I laugh when I read this first time.

Digging: Vi Som Alskade Varandra Sa Mycket - Den sorgligaste musiken i varlden

DrMaximus
June 16th 2012
9962 Comments


LOL

DotEight
June 16th 2012
5643 Comments


This has got to be the most awkward, yet entertaining article I've seen on here so far.

Devastator
June 16th 2012
2513 Comments


News Article of the year.

spillingmercury
June 16th 2012
877 Comments


Wasn't this a Metalocalypse episode?

TMZ worthy news indeed.

Puzzles
June 18th 2012
3065 Comments


happened in 2008, still relevant today. Now THAT's musicianship

benkim
June 18th 2012
2189 Comments


happened in 2008, still relevant today. Now THAT's musicianship

LOL

Spec
June 19th 2012
27298 Comments


lol i remember this

Yazz_Flute
June 19th 2012
18875 Comments


This was four years ago already? Damn.

Digging: DIR EN GREY - Arche

Spec
June 19th 2012
27298 Comments


time flies when you're drunk

Spec
June 19th 2012
27298 Comments


*having fun

Yazz_Flute
June 19th 2012
18875 Comments


time sucks its own dick when you're flying chad kroeger

what

Recspecs
June 19th 2012
9831 Comments


Ahahahahahaha

taxidermist
June 19th 2012
7212 Comments


Still remember reading this in 11th grade English class and laughing my ass off.

Duderino
August 21st 2012
828 Comments


bump 4 avril

RosaParks
August 21st 2012
15049 Comments


lmfao

LifeAsAChipmunk
August 21st 2012
4854 Comments


Perhaps she didn't get the memo...

toxin.
August 21st 2012
12805 Comments


lol I remember this article
many lulz are had

Mickeymau5
August 21st 2012
1614 Comments


LMAO wtf lolol

HSThomas
September 28th 2012
668 Comments


4chad

ViralOblivion
September 28th 2012
7679 Comments


haha maybe it was a gay hater that hit him with the rock

LifeAsAChipmunk
September 28th 2012
4854 Comments


say it ain't so

ViperAces
September 28th 2012
12504 Comments


People actually believed that this is true?

Evreaia
September 28th 2012
4060 Comments


Holy fuck I lolled

Youtellme
September 28th 2012
1351 Comments


LOL

PeteWentz
September 28th 2012
6 Comments


Chad was here earlier

Youtellme
September 28th 2012
1351 Comments


I'm gonna bookmark this and bump it every few months.

This is fucking indredible.

Mickeymau5
October 30th 2012
1614 Comments


fucking lmao

North0House2
October 30th 2012
5889 Comments


Lol how have I never seen this?

Mickeymau5
December 5th 2012
1614 Comments


lol

Sapient.
December 5th 2012
1109 Comments


this means that the song "Something in your Mouth" is in fact autobiographical

MeatSalad
December 5th 2012
15073 Comments


Love this guy

Digging: Hey Rosetta! - Into Your Lungs (And Around in Your Heart and on

Gwyn.
December 5th 2012
15324 Comments


Holy shit thanks for bumping this cause i forgot to put it on my bookmarks

*bookmarks*

Digging: Grief - Come to Grief

Mickeymau5
December 5th 2012
1614 Comments


Welcum ;]

tempest--
December 5th 2012
14628 Comments


Just going to leave this here.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MgJUhmhBiuA

aircycle
April 14th 2014
1022 Comments


wait what

aircycle
April 14th 2014
1022 Comments


it was on the most viewed list when i was on another article so i thought it was new but it's 2008 and
i was like "wait what" see above

MMX
April 14th 2014
4863 Comments


ha

Digging: Plebeian Grandstand - Lowgazers

beachdude
April 14th 2014
414 Comments


lol

Digging: D'Angelo - The Black Messiah

ScuroFantasma
April 14th 2014
2537 Comments


haha holycrap

Digging: Kyuss - Blues for the Red Sun

Gwyn.
April 14th 2014
15324 Comments


Forgot to bookmark this again

Static
April 14th 2014
2656 Comments


aircycle nominated for "most pro bump" 2014

jfc this is next level


rip static

MeatSalad
April 14th 2014
15073 Comments


best bump thank you

Static
April 14th 2014
2656 Comments


[2]

danielito19
April 14th 2014
6720 Comments


fripper how old are you

danielito19
April 14th 2014
6720 Comments


green baron is about four times more mature than you, and like four years younger.

PorcelainRain
April 14th 2014
537 Comments


still the best news article ever

Wizard
April 14th 2014
19644 Comments


Dave strikes!

Digging: Ash Borer - Cold of Ages

ShitsofRain
April 14th 2014
5956 Comments


haha

emester
April 14th 2014
4377 Comments


thank you to the guy who bumped this

Digging: Skelator - King of Fear

Skoj
April 14th 2014
1265 Comments


what the crap

Necrotica
April 14th 2014
10134 Comments


I fuck the dead in my spare time

unaMUSEd
April 14th 2014
1173 Comments


Laughing too hard in school right now.

Digging: Bring Me the Horizon - Sempiternal

elbaliem
April 14th 2014
928 Comments


lololol

MO
April 14th 2014
19078 Comments


so good

Flugmorph
April 14th 2014
877 Comments


bookmarked!

Slut
April 14th 2014
2679 Comments


*comments so article comes up in my discussions*

Insurrection
Contributing Reviewer
April 14th 2014
21817 Comments


lmao

Digging: Todd Terje - It's Album Time

Sniff
April 14th 2014
1429 Comments


Milf

SharkTooth
April 14th 2014
6488 Comments


Aww you Canadians

Digging: Boylan - ima rockstar im not a rockstar

aircycle
April 14th 2014
1022 Comments


^_______________^

TheGreatQ
April 14th 2014
1554 Comments


Best bump ever

Digging: Somos - Temple of Plenty

Friday13th
April 14th 2014
2788 Comments


Here on sputnik we only have professional- quality news articles...except when it's too damn funny to pass up.

Digging: Gnidrolog - Lady Lake

SnakeDelilah
April 14th 2014
9102 Comments


F-E-A-T-U-R-E

Digging: Foxing - The Albatross

tacos N stuff
April 14th 2014
400 Comments


wat

Digging: IDYLLS - Prayer for Terrene

Mabbitt
April 14th 2014
1383 Comments


haha wat

lensag
April 14th 2014
93 Comments


this made my day ah ah so so funny

BMDrummer
April 14th 2014
9979 Comments


Best news article ever.

Alondite
April 14th 2014
164 Comments


The fact that this qualifies as news is why Sputnik is great.

SharkTooth
April 14th 2014
6488 Comments


I swear, I'm gonna make a 'Sputniks greatest moments' list and this will be in there

sublimefan1991
April 14th 2014
766 Comments


"Photograph or didn't happen."

win.

danielito19
April 14th 2014
6720 Comments


anyone remember when you could rate news articles?

titanslayer
April 14th 2014
2117 Comments


"Photograph or didn't happen"

So you want a picture of under aged Chad Kroeger's dick?

zaruyache
April 14th 2014
7419 Comments


lookit this photograph, every time I see it makes me laugh?

Digging: Maybeshewill - Fair Youth

Mad.
April 14th 2014
4200 Comments


It's never too old

DatBeefPudding
April 14th 2014
1364 Comments


wow this still gets bumped... rofl.

Judio!
Contributing Reviewer
April 14th 2014
6563 Comments


Almost as great as Balls's "Andcas Has Been Arrested" news article.

Digging: Flying Lotus - You're Dead!

DatBeefPudding
April 14th 2014
1364 Comments


lol i never saw that... i was gone for a week or so and then when i came back everyone was going on about andcas leaving... care to explain what happened? i was always curious

also if that article still exists, hook me up brah

Spluger
April 14th 2014
1188 Comments


Was not expecting this from staff... but this is still the best news article on this website in a very looong time

Judio!
Contributing Reviewer
April 14th 2014
6563 Comments


"lol i never saw that... i was gone for a week or so and then when i came back everyone was going on about andcas leaving... care to explain what happened? i was always curious also if that article still exists, hook me up brah"

Balls posted a fake news article about Andcas being arrested and was demoted from contributor and banned or some shit like that. And then shortly after Balls was kicked off the site Andcas decided to leave and asked the mods erase all his comments and reviews and permaban him. And Sputnik was sad about it for a while, myself included. The news article was deleted like five minutes after it was posted but I saw it and was laughing my ass off.

DatBeefPudding
April 14th 2014
1364 Comments


lmao that's hilarious. i wonder what made andcas up and leave, he was a pretty prominent contributer
to the site. i remember i made my first account around the time he joined.



zaruyache
April 14th 2014
7419 Comments


Oh, that's what happened? In that case Balls m/

OmairSh
April 14th 2014
11924 Comments


AHAHHAAHHAHAHAAAAHAAHAHA Oh man this is hilarious. I was wondering how this was still up and then I realised it was a staff article. Priceless

SadAndHolyGlow
April 14th 2014
1547 Comments


This is is not news-worthy. Like, at all.

Digging: The Few Against Many - Sot

PistolPete
April 14th 2014
3650 Comments


God help us all.

SharkTooth
April 14th 2014
6488 Comments


"This is is not news-worthy. Like, at all."
Actually it is, for we have DOCUMENTED PROOF

Necrotica
April 14th 2014
10134 Comments


This is the most news-worthy post since... well, ever.

Futures
April 14th 2014
12425 Comments


most news worthy article ever created agreed

Digging: The Twilight Sad - Nobody Wants To Be Here And Nobody Wants To Leave

Rhyme
April 14th 2014
1203 Comments


im just happy that my boy chad kroeger ended up getting that beer he so desperately wanted

Digging: Godflesh - A World Lit Only by Fire

sapient
April 14th 2014
2163 Comments


This is so TMZ-like, I'm surprised it isn't an Andcas article

Digging: Cal Chuchesta - Cocoa

Necrotica
April 14th 2014
10134 Comments


This is way better than TMZ. They wouldn't have the balls to write something like this

DatBeefPudding
April 14th 2014
1364 Comments


"im just happy that my boy chad kroeger ended up getting that beer he so desperately wanted"

fucking lol.

Azn.
April 14th 2014
5618 Comments


im so happy this was bumped

DatBeefPudding
April 14th 2014
1364 Comments


same. it's such a ridiculously hilarious part of the site.

that and KILL's review of periphery. fucking golden.

Futures
April 14th 2014
12425 Comments


best bump ever

Azn.
April 14th 2014
5618 Comments


gives ol sputty a rustic character

DatBeefPudding
April 14th 2014
1364 Comments


lmao sputty. cannot unsee that now

SharkTooth
April 14th 2014
6488 Comments


"same. it's such a ridiculously hilarious part of the site.

that and KILL's review of periphery. fucking golden."
WHY DOES EVERYONE FORGET THE CHRISTIAN COFFEE SHOP REVIEW?????



jsaf7
April 14th 2014
187 Comments


She'd be pissed if she could see the parts of me that i've been kissin'




Digging: Mae - The Everglow

joshieboy12345
April 15th 2014
5371 Comments


We didn't need an article on this subject because we've all known this fact for a while. Still funny though.

someguest
April 15th 2014
21390 Comments


Who knew that when he said "I like your pants around your feet", he was referring to your gay uncle.

Digging: Pet Shop Boys - Please

XingKing
April 15th 2014
11078 Comments


I am glad this is on the most viewed list

InFiction
April 15th 2014
3713 Comments


Okay, sputnik.

Essence
April 15th 2014
3595 Comments


keep the bump going

MrHigh
April 15th 2014
76 Comments


Sputnik will never forget, Chad

Judio!
Contributing Reviewer
April 15th 2014
6563 Comments


I wondered who's going to have the last comment of the year on this article...

RoyalImperialGuard
April 15th 2014
1412 Comments


bumped

RoyalImperialGuard
April 15th 2014
1412 Comments


Fuck off Inhalation. Thank you fripper.

CK
April 15th 2014
4952 Comments


I feel like if this were posted by a non-staff user, that person would get banned.

RoyalImperialGuard
April 15th 2014
1412 Comments


God, how long have you noobs been on this site for? 4 months? Geez.

RoyalImperialGuard
April 15th 2014
1412 Comments


Same shit. You don't even know kid....... you don't even know.

Ending
April 15th 2014
1919 Comments


News to me.

aircycle
April 15th 2014
1022 Comments


f tha haterz

Makemebad35
April 15th 2014
765 Comments


Wait, what?q?!

NakedSnake
April 15th 2014
314 Comments


Wait you guys don't suck your own dick? Just me and chad?

RFO13
April 15th 2014
77 Comments


Let's be real here guys, I probably would've sucked my own dick for beer when I was 14 too. Actually I probably would've sucked my own dick for no beer when I was 14. That being said Chad Kroeger is still a douche who does in fact suck balls.

SharkTooth
April 15th 2014
6488 Comments


I'm just thinking KILLs review

danielito19
April 16th 2014
6720 Comments


they should make a rule that you can't post in this thread if you weren't here when it was posted (and yes I'm aware that I missed it too, but fuck all these new users in here)

titanslayer
April 16th 2014
2117 Comments


I'm gonna regret commenting on this...

Futures
April 16th 2014
12425 Comments


don't regret it

aircycle
April 16th 2014
1022 Comments


it would never have gotten bumped then...

aircycle
April 16th 2014
1022 Comments


if only i had joined the site 4 months earlier tho

KeepTheChange
April 16th 2014
60 Comments


omgz

emester
April 16th 2014
4377 Comments


KEEP ON BUMPING THIS

SharkTooth
April 16th 2014
6488 Comments


There are a few sources of unlimited happiness, while most of them are reviews, some are this

DatBeefPudding
April 17th 2014
1364 Comments


indeed, hope this thread never dies.

Fieryfenderz
April 17th 2014
1484 Comments


How have I never seen this

Tunaboy45
April 17th 2014
3175 Comments


And here I am, sat here with a stupid grin on my face. Thank you for this, it made my day!

Digging: Electric Wizard - Dopethrone

lignimvite
April 17th 2014
45 Comments


Guess it's safe to say Chad figuratively and literally sucks dick now. XD

Skoj
April 17th 2014
1265 Comments


LITERALLY DAE AMIRITE?

emester
April 17th 2014
4377 Comments


THIS WILL ALWAYS BE RELAVENT

Dunpeal
April 17th 2014
3801 Comments


lol quite a feat there chad. props

Digging: Aspherium - The Veil of Serenity

BMDrummer
April 17th 2014
9979 Comments


There has to be at least one comment on this thread so it never disappears.

zaruyache
April 18th 2014
7419 Comments


Never forget.

Butkuiss
April 19th 2014
4253 Comments


Lol wow this is still going

silentstar
April 19th 2014
2283 Comments


"Oh this is still going. I'm fairly sure this story is the sole reason we don't have a "most viewed news stories" feature."

ta-da! your wish has been granted

SnakeDelilah
April 19th 2014
9102 Comments


do people like legit live on this website

Killerhit
April 20th 2014
5381 Comments



"It was soft and required a lot of pulling. I really wanted that case of beer."

Futures
April 20th 2014
12425 Comments


objectively the best article ever

zaruyache
April 20th 2014
7419 Comments


I love how it pops up at the top of the "Most Viewed" articles list. The BREAKING really makes it stick out.

Fieryfenderz
April 20th 2014
1484 Comments


DAE suck their own dick lelelelel 9gag army

elry2k
April 20th 2014
123 Comments


Lol I fucking knew it!!!

Azn.
April 20th 2014
5618 Comments


-infinite bump-

Krigo
April 22nd 2014
20 Comments


Whenever I see this news post, I can't stop myself from laughing.

FuzzyxPickles
April 23rd 2014
83 Comments


-infinite bump-[2]


BMDrummer
April 24th 2014
9979 Comments


Still as funny as the first time I saw it.

Azn.
April 24th 2014
5618 Comments


-smashing professionalism-

Thunderkat
April 24th 2014
576 Comments


Is anyone even surprised about Kroeger's actions?

Crymsonblaze
April 25th 2014
7536 Comments


Yep that sounds about right

BSX
April 26th 2014
1636 Comments


god is real

Digging: Nicki Minaj - The Pinkprint

Slut
April 26th 2014
2679 Comments


Thank you lord xenu


Brabiz
April 26th 2014
282 Comments


Called it.

Brabiz
April 26th 2014
282 Comments


Called it.

Thunderkat
May 5th 2014
576 Comments


The "BREAKING" makes this article much more funny

Azn.
May 5th 2014
5618 Comments


hahaha

Sniff
May 5th 2014
1429 Comments


bum

SharkTooth
May 5th 2014
6488 Comments


"But did Chad really want the beer? Or was he trying to tell us something?"

Maybe he was referring to a different kind of "Sam Adams"


Impervious
May 5th 2014
426 Comments


This still going? Hahha

Dancedrewdance
May 6th 2014
1065 Comments


Aaaaaaaaandddcaaaaaaasssass!!!!!!!!

Digging: I CAN'T FUCKING SEE MY ASSHEAD - WILL I HAVE TO FART ON IT TO SEE IT

Futures
May 6th 2014
12425 Comments


BREAKING

furpa
May 6th 2014
113 Comments


I hope this stays relevant forever.

Impervious
May 6th 2014
426 Comments


Looking back, he said he was 14 and much more flexible AT THE TIME. Is this him saying he's tried recently and knows he can no longer suck his own dick AGAIN? If so, for what reason was to suck it again? Two cases of beer?? lol

North0House2
May 6th 2014
5889 Comments


This is the most immortal bump I've ever seen.

ResidentNihilist
May 6th 2014
1189 Comments


impervious it wasn't just for the two cases of beer, he also wanted a packet of crisps as well

SharkTooth
May 6th 2014
6488 Comments


I thought he was looking for some Oscar Meyer

dawija1017
May 6th 2014
576 Comments


"Rain of fish" is an annual weather event in which hundreds of fish rain from the sky onto the city Yoro in Honduras!!!

Impervious
May 7th 2014
426 Comments


I wonder if sucking his own dick was totally worth the beer. Was it shitty beer like Natie Ice? lol

Shuyin
May 7th 2014
12062 Comments


my day=complete

krazytom
May 8th 2014
124 Comments


Does this mean Nickelback is cool now?

Digging: Dark Tranquillity - Fiction

Dancedrewdance
May 8th 2014
1065 Comments


Just out for a rip are ya chad?

Skoj
May 9th 2014
1265 Comments


AND THE TRAIN KEPT A ROLLIN

Impervious
June 5th 2014
426 Comments


I just randomly remembered that this happened...damn you Chad.

DatBeefPudding
June 5th 2014
1364 Comments


Just out for a rip are ya chad?


just out for a rip?

zaruyache
June 8th 2014
7419 Comments


more like just out for the tip

*swoosh*

johnnysbestfriend
July 4th 2014
23 Comments


...

YakNips
July 4th 2014
13229 Comments


yuuuuuuuuuuuuung leeeaaaan

in the cuuuuuuuuut
for some morphinee

Digging: Jordaan Mason - The Decline of Stupid Fucking Western Civilization

titanslayer
July 4th 2014
2117 Comments


#NeverForget

SharkTooth
July 4th 2014
6488 Comments


"THE WORLD MAY NEVER KNOW"

aircycle
July 5th 2014
1022 Comments


we need to inform a larger demographic about this

aircycle
July 5th 2014
1022 Comments


i want chad to be asked about this on the ellen show

BMDrummer
July 5th 2014
9979 Comments


Everyone see if you can email Nickelback this

Cygnatti
July 5th 2014
22333 Comments


Can't believe you guys bumped this again. Okay I can.

Haven't been on this thread for 2 years dayum, being old sucks.

Digging: Jerry Lee Lewis - Live at the Star Club, Hamburg

someguest
July 5th 2014
21390 Comments


I knew Avril had a dong.

DatBeefPudding
July 6th 2014
1364 Comments


yep, bumpin'

sixdegrees
July 6th 2014
17723 Comments


BREAKING: this is no longer funny

Digging: Sputnik - Christmas At Our House

BMDrummer
July 6th 2014
9979 Comments


Fripp- yes

DatBeefPudding
July 6th 2014
1364 Comments


six - me and my friends just had a laugh about it in skype, so i beg to differ.

sixdegrees
July 6th 2014
17723 Comments


I bet you savages laugh at memes too

DatBeefPudding
July 6th 2014
1364 Comments


we're the scum of the earth, true deviants.

titanslayer
July 6th 2014
2117 Comments


You say "savages" like it's a bad thing

Tunaboy45
July 6th 2014
3175 Comments


We likes laughing at le may mays.

Tunaboy45
July 6th 2014
3175 Comments


See, it's stupid.

Impervious
July 9th 2014
426 Comments


#NeverForget [2]

Krigo
July 25th 2014
20 Comments


#NeverForget [3]


CelestialOuroboros
July 25th 2014
435 Comments


This might be old, but I think this was how Chad wanted to be a big rockstar.

SnakeDelilah
July 25th 2014
9102 Comments


lol this article

SharkTooth
July 25th 2014
6488 Comments


#NeverForget [69]

Alias
November 26th 2014
4 Comments


lmao holy fuck the detail on being flaccid... can't believe he found the need to include that



Aftertheascension
November 27th 2014
945 Comments


wtf

Digging: Dissection - Storm of the Light's Bane

Dunpeal
November 27th 2014
3801 Comments


Gobble Gobble

PumpBoffBag
November 28th 2014
330 Comments


Chad must still do this, he's been 14 all his fucking life.

his mom would be pissed if she could see the parts of himself that he's been kissin'




wwba
November 29th 2014
453 Comments


I see nothing wrong with it.

RevengeSoldier
November 30th 2014
300 Comments


Keep the dream alive.

Impervious
December 10th 2014
426 Comments


"his mom would be pissed if she could see the parts of himself that he's been kissin'"

Oh that's fucking gold. lmfao

pedro70512
December 10th 2014
3653 Comments


Disappointing. Was hoping for some hardcore auto action.

Digging: Taravana - A Visible Chill

Tunaboy45
December 10th 2014
3175 Comments


well, it wont suck itself



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