BREAKING: Chad Kroeger Sucks Dick

2008-03-11 by Dr Dave De Sylvia STAFF | 413 Comments
Canadian rocker Chad Kroeger has confirmed the suspicions of many, confirming that he does in fact suck balls.

Kroeger told Playboy: "I put my own dick in my mouth. I was 14 and much more flexible at the time.

"It was soft and required a lot of pulling. I really wanted that case of beer."

Tagged: Nickelback

Comments:Add a Comment 
spoon_of_grimbo
March 11th 2008
2241 Comments


i really did NOT need to know that...

Fire Away
March 11th 2008
293 Comments


oh, chad...

Doppelganger
March 11th 2008
3124 Comments


Photograph or didn't happen.

Sweetness
March 11th 2008
47 Comments


lol

I don't know what else to say.
Why does the world need to know?

Eliminator
March 11th 2008
2067 Comments


ahahahaha

SynGates
March 11th 2008
2467 Comments


w t f

oh, the experimental youth

VicariousIntent
March 11th 2008
1626 Comments


Why would ANYONE tell ANYONE ELSE that!? Why even do it!?
...just...wtf

sickjesus
March 11th 2008
163 Comments


TMI

Dis_Con_Nec_Ted
March 11th 2008
4834 Comments


:lol:

Digging: Madonna - Ray of Light

bobbingforapples
March 11th 2008
266 Comments


fucking retard

Abdar112
March 11th 2008
392 Comments


did he not realize that people already thought him and his band "sucked dick?" and now we can use it as a literal meaning
hahahaha, this is ridiculous what a dumbass

Abdar112
March 11th 2008
392 Comments


love the headline too

botb
March 11th 2008
10576 Comments


LOL.

Limework
March 11th 2008
223 Comments


I wonder if he got ribs removed so he can still do it like Marylin Manson did

ToWhatEnd
March 11th 2008
3172 Comments


This news seriously made me LOL. AHAHA!

DariusBlue
March 11th 2008
11 Comments


"I really wanted that case of beer"

So, he was sober at the time?

Thor
March 11th 2008
10235 Comments


I wonder if he got ribs removed so he can still do it like Marylin Manson did

Wasn't that just a rumor?

Spectrum
March 11th 2008
347 Comments


Oh good lord. It's true that this news item confirms something that we all knew, and yet it still manages to be TMI! Quite lolworthy.

BroRape
March 11th 2008
803 Comments


not a surprise.

duckies
March 11th 2008
143 Comments


What? lol. Classic!

RoshanC
March 11th 2008
219 Comments


quite unnecessary, yet the funniest news article ever

webbtje
March 11th 2008
41 Comments


Bwahahahaha

Bassplayer101
March 11th 2008
34 Comments


All i can say is , WTF Chad? And yes the Marilyn Manson thing is only a rumor. He has denied it quite a few times. Its just something somebody made up to make him look even worse in the public eye.

DWittisarockstar
March 11th 2008
1501 Comments


Wait, that isn't normal?

jimay333
March 11th 2008
433 Comments


Wouldn't you if you could?

wakeupdead
March 11th 2008
2227 Comments


when I read the title I thought it was some guy who hated nickelback and was gonna get his account deleted, then I saw that it was Spat lol. and also :lol: at Chad being desperate and not being able to get a woman to do it for him

Tyler
Emeritus
March 11th 2008
7925 Comments


Desperate? Did you not read it? He was 14. I'm sure he could get a woman to do it for him, he's insanely rich.

Poet
March 11th 2008
6003 Comments


quite unnecessary, yet the funniest news article ever


So true. lol

Ohh
March 11th 2008
115 Comments


yeah, thor it was.

this band is terrible.

but i can do it.
and yeah, im gay.

DJTeeLay
March 11th 2008
25 Comments


Thank God he probably can't recollect what he might have done AFTER getting that beer.

It must have been SOME beer.

XD

WhiteLocust
March 11th 2008
37 Comments


Pfff, deny it all you want, the truth is you would if you could.

Gotta respect the guy's honesty

industrialjunkie92
August 1st 2008
167 Comments


why would ANYONE tell ANYONE ELSE that!?


init, doing it is one thing but then telling people. he's just an attention seeker.

SylentEcho
November 22nd 2008
1607 Comments


First of all he's lying, no normal person can do that. Unless hes one of those freaks who can fit themselves into a trunk or something.

AFI084
January 13th 2009
32 Comments


Most somewhat intelligent people usually follow the phrase "first of all" with another relevant thought or idea.

aliciaarol1
June 7th 2009
1 Comments


Even more "intriguing" than Chad performing such a "skillful" feat of flexibility at age 14 would be if Chad still has such a "skill" at age 34... What person (myself included) wouldn't wish to have such a "talent"? Come on...Don't lie... Chad Kroeger is very "fascinating" because he writes such a diverse variety of songs... How could you ever figure out a man whose onstage presence radiates sexual, animal, MAGNETISM, yet whose voice belts out tender, vulnerable, soulful, ballads? Chad Kroeger can never be "pigeon holed" like a lot of recording artists definitely can be... Chad writes beautiful love ballads like "Hero", "Too Bad", "Far Away", "Gotta Be Somebody", "Never Gonna Be Alone", & "If Today was your Last day"... Chad writes fun songs like, "Animals", "Something In Your Mouth", "Rockstar", "Next Contestant", & "Someone That Your with"... Chad writes angst filled, "suicidal" songs like, "Savin Me" and "I'm Not Leaving Yet"... Chad writes searing, heart pounding songs like "Side Of A Bullet", "Just To Get High", and "Just For"... Chad writes wild songs like, "Burn It To The Ground", And then (the icing on the cake) Chad recently wrote the sexually charged, "Sex" and "Next Go Round"... This gorgeous hunk of a man writes songs about EVERYTHING! What woman wouldn't DIE to have a sweet, loving, caring, VULNERABLE man in her life who was also fun, wild, crazy, and super sexually charged? Chad's pure onstage animal magnetism while singing songs like "Figured You Out" is terrifying, & just doesn't match up to the vulnerable little boy belting out songs like "Savin Me" and "Hero" This is called COMPLEXITY people, and Chad Kroeger's complexity and creative GENIUS is off the charts! (And this "God" can still laugh at himself and reveal some stupid, little thing he did when he was growing up in horrible life circumstances and just wanted some BEER)... What a beautiful "SOUL" lives and breathes in Chad Kroeger... The man takes my breath away

SeaAnemone
June 7th 2009
21401 Comments


I couldn't have said it better myself

AtavanHalen
June 7th 2009
17927 Comments


Chad recently wrote the sexually charged, "Sex"


lauriej
June 7th 2009
1712 Comments


How could you ever figure out a man whose onstage presence radiates sexual, animal, MAGNETISM, yet whose voice belts out tender, vulnerable, soulful, ballads?

OH GOD THAT MADE MY DAY

Titan50
June 7th 2009
4588 Comments


Too Bad's not a love song, it's about his wank of a dad

Relinquished
June 7th 2009
33898 Comments


Well, my suspicion is proven true. Something about him always screamed he'd done this kind of thing.

Fugue
June 7th 2009
7372 Comments


Lol is all I can say.

BallsToTheWall
June 7th 2009
47163 Comments


I SUMMON BLUE EYES WHITE DRAGONNNNNN

Digging: Adorn - Grace

straylightrunner
June 7th 2009
74 Comments


ROFL @ the desperate housewife above

Nikkolae
June 7th 2009
5109 Comments


wahhahahha you can tell balls spend too much time playing with his yu gi oh! cards (so did i X D), on the news, yeah... freak...

Digging: Sleepwalker (JPN) - 5772

JAV
June 7th 2009
2515 Comments


Wasn't that PB issue pretty old?

marksellsuswallets
June 7th 2009
4848 Comments


I'm speechless.

KILL
June 7th 2009
78793 Comments


I am without speech

Digging: Metallica - Hardwired... to Self-Destruct

poweroftheweez
June 7th 2009
1293 Comments


words can't describe.

PanasonicYouth
June 7th 2009
7413 Comments


Anyone with an ear could tell that Kroeger has been knee-deep in balls since the first grade.

Chewie
June 7th 2009
4536 Comments


this old, he said that like a year ago

marksellsuswallets
June 7th 2009
4848 Comments


Did you happen to notice that the article date is over a year old?

cirq
June 7th 2009
9344 Comments


hahahahahahahaha

lauriej
June 7th 2009
1712 Comments


this old, he said that like a year ago

retard

MentalityOfA
September 5th 2009
1213 Comments


Hehe. This is great.

Romulus
September 5th 2009
8479 Comments


I'm so pleased you bothered to follow my link

Nagrarok
September 5th 2009
8527 Comments


has confirmed the suspicions of many

lol

myhigherpie
September 5th 2009
3029 Comments


omfg I have this issue too.

god I'm going to get rid of it now.

EasternLight
September 5th 2009
2710 Comments


well...i dont care. whatever he does is his own business.... FAG.

foreverendeared
September 5th 2009
14678 Comments


I just don't get 99% of the comments here, who the hell wouldn't suck their own dick if they could?

robertsona
Emeritus
September 5th 2009
15320 Comments


i bet he lied


even about that

EasternLight
September 5th 2009
2710 Comments


true. good for him. but i wouldve prefered that he keep that to himself. oh well.

Poet
September 5th 2009
6003 Comments


wow...what a great bump to have. and lol...I do remember this when it was posted.

Oh this is still going. I'm fairly sure this story is the sole reason we don't have a "most viewed news stories" feature.


pretty much.

thebbqshrimp
September 5th 2009
1207 Comments


Made my day.

@ aliciaarol1: Epic sole post.

YouAreMySilence
September 5th 2009
3727 Comments


If I could, I would at least try it. I would just be incredibly ashamed and wouldn't tell anyone..

foreverendeared
September 5th 2009
14678 Comments


"If I could, I would at least try it. I would just be incredibly ashamed and wouldn't tell anyone.."

why? and if you don't mind me asking, how old are you?

i can almost guarantee any man over the age of 20 wishes he could suck his own dick. you jerk it, what's the difference?

bloc
September 5th 2009
38699 Comments


ewwww

Digging: The Chameleons - What Does Anything Mean? Basically

YouAreMySilence
September 5th 2009
3727 Comments


16.

Its not about the difference, its about curiousity.
Man this is the worst convo ever haha.

foreverendeared
September 5th 2009
14678 Comments


lol people are too closed up on these sort of things. well i'm assuming you're a virgin (of coarse u don't have to respond) because i was at 16, but if you don't start being comfortable with these sort of things, you're not going to know how to please a woman because you'll be too scared and uncomfortable. just my opinion

EasternLight
September 5th 2009
2710 Comments


shhhhh

cirq
September 5th 2009
9344 Comments


you would if you could

EasternLight
September 5th 2009
2710 Comments


yep i would

bloc
September 5th 2009
38699 Comments


i'm pretty sure doing this, and pleasing a woman are two different ball games man.

foreverendeared
September 5th 2009
14678 Comments


you're missing the point

cirq
September 5th 2009
9344 Comments


if you do it to yourself, its not gay

bloc
September 5th 2009
38699 Comments


oh, did you mean being comfortable with talking about sex? then, i see your point.

CompanionCube
September 5th 2009
977 Comments


not gonna lie ive done it just to see if i could

foreverendeared
September 5th 2009
14678 Comments


"oh, did you mean being comfortable with talking about sex? then, i see your point."
yeah exactly. sex is the one of the most natural things on earth, right next to eating and breathing, it baffles me why people are so uncomfortable

bloc
September 5th 2009
38699 Comments


it's cuz you gotta get nekkid

cirq
September 5th 2009
9344 Comments


nudity is fun

bloc
September 5th 2009
38699 Comments


with a profile pic that you have, i am not surprised to hear you say that, thecircus

cirq
September 5th 2009
9344 Comments




Tits McGee
September 5th 2009
1876 Comments


awesome thread guys, keep it up

ziroth
September 5th 2009
1253 Comments


Someone keep it bookmarked and bump it once a month.

cirq
September 5th 2009
9344 Comments


everyday

foreverendeared
September 5th 2009
14678 Comments


thread is rated R

Athom
Emeritus
September 5th 2009
17241 Comments


hard R

cirq
September 5th 2009
9344 Comments


your 16 yr old friend isnt allowed in here

Klekticist
September 5th 2009
1263 Comments


no suprise

Romulus
September 5th 2009
8479 Comments


the sexually charged, "Sex"


I think this is my favorite

mckale
April 18th 2010
39 Comments


oh my

ShadowRemains
April 18th 2010
24280 Comments


all i can say is...no surprise

Baphomet
April 18th 2010
7364 Comments


To this point I had not read this.... why?

Fugue
April 18th 2010
7372 Comments


The important thing is you have now.

MUNGOLOID
April 18th 2010
4453 Comments


dude is one bad mother fucker.

Baphomet
April 18th 2010
7364 Comments


Wow. I thought this was a spam article from someone' alt. account.

Same here, I was shocked when I saw Dave de Sylvia as the author.

Poet
April 18th 2010
6003 Comments


lol@bumping two year old news articles.

bloc
April 18th 2010
38699 Comments


Splat Out is the biggest troll ever!

fr33convict
December 4th 2010
11723 Comments


Not sure what I think about finding this...

Defeater
December 4th 2010
5782 Comments


"It was soft and required a lot of pulling. I really wanted that case of beer."


lmfao still hilarious

Athom
Emeritus
December 4th 2010
17241 Comments


oh yeah, i remember this. lulz were had. tears were shed. good times.

wyankeif1337
December 4th 2010
6739 Comments


love you, Dave. js

Inveigh
December 4th 2010
26073 Comments


this is just ridiculous but

Even more "intriguing" than Chad performing such a "skillful" feat of flexibility at age 14 would be if Chad still has such a "skill" at age 34... What person (myself included) wouldn't wish to have such a "talent"? Come on...Don't lie... Chad Kroeger is very "fascinating" because he writes such a diverse variety of songs... How could you ever figure out a man whose onstage presence radiates sexual, animal, MAGNETISM, yet whose voice belts out tender, vulnerable, soulful, ballads? Chad Kroeger can never be "pigeon holed" like a lot of recording artists definitely can be... Chad writes beautiful love ballads like "Hero", "Too Bad", "Far Away", "Gotta Be Somebody", "Never Gonna Be Alone", & "If Today was your Last day"... Chad writes fun songs like, "Animals", "Something In Your Mouth", "Rockstar", "Next Contestant", & "Someone That Your with"... Chad writes angst filled, "suicidal" songs like, "Savin Me" and "I'm Not Leaving Yet"... Chad writes searing, heart pounding songs like "Side Of A Bullet", "Just To Get High", and "Just For"... Chad writes wild songs like, "Burn It To The Ground", And then (the icing on the cake) Chad recently wrote the sexually charged, "Sex" and "Next Go Round"... This gorgeous hunk of a man writes songs about EVERYTHING! What woman wouldn't DIE to have a sweet, loving, caring, VULNERABLE man in her life who was also fun, wild, crazy, and super sexually charged? Chad's pure onstage animal magnetism while singing songs like "Figured You Out" is terrifying, & just doesn't match up to the vulnerable little boy belting out songs like "Savin Me" and "Hero" This is called COMPLEXITY people, and Chad Kroeger's complexity and creative GENIUS is off the charts! (And this "God" can still laugh at himself and reveal some stupid, little thing he did when he was growing up in horrible life circumstances and just wanted some BEER)... What a beautiful "SOUL" lives and breathes in Chad Kroeger... The man takes my breath away

i couldn't have said it better myself


this [2]

Digging: Diamond Head - Diamond Head

Winsomniac
December 4th 2010
8307 Comments


I can't say I've read this before, but it's pretty great.

Josh D.
December 4th 2010
14002 Comments


Why was this found.

cvlts
December 4th 2010
9325 Comments


waitwut

Counterfeit
December 4th 2010
17837 Comments


wow, lol. just heard about this. hahahaha

Winsomniac
December 4th 2010
8307 Comments


Lol'd so hard

fr33convict
December 4th 2010
11723 Comments


You guys are welcome.

I think.

psykonaut
December 4th 2010
3913 Comments


greatest article ever

Winsomniac
December 4th 2010
8307 Comments


This is why Sputnik is my music news source.

fr33convict
December 4th 2010
11723 Comments


1. Laughed.

2. Stopped laughing.

3. Read it again.

4. The lulz resumed.

Jebull
December 4th 2010
1340 Comments


Lmao.. what.. hahahahaha

wyankeif1337
December 4th 2010
6739 Comments


I just realized that this is over 2 years old.

Josh D.
December 4th 2010
14002 Comments


[quote=Hep Kat]That wasn't funny at all.[/quote]
Lil Wayne avatar


Josh D.
December 4th 2010
14002 Comments


Whoa











.

Puzzles
December 4th 2010
3065 Comments


um, source?

Winsomniac
December 4th 2010
8307 Comments


Little bit of a verbal attack there.


On a side note, holy fuck that bull's eye is a star why the fuck would you mess with a bull with a star eye

Counterfeit
December 4th 2010
17837 Comments


Kroeger told Playboy:
Kroeger told Playboy:
Kroeger told Playboy:
Kroeger told Playboy:
Kroeger told Playboy:
FOUND THE SOURCE
lolz

Puzzles
December 4th 2010
3065 Comments


I found the source, lads.

Josh D.
December 4th 2010
14002 Comments


ps: josh i'm srry ilu tiger got outta the cage bro


Superbad.

Puzzles
December 4th 2010
3065 Comments


PLAYBOY: Will Nickelback be vindicated 30 years from now, the way Led Zeppelin has?
CHAD KROEGER: I don't know if we've been decimated to the level Zeppelin was. Maybe we have, maybe more so.

(hinting that Nickelback are the modern day Led Zeppelin)

Puzzles
December 4th 2010
3065 Comments


PLAYBOY: Did you steal things often?
CHAD KROEGER: I broke into my junior high school about 11 times and found the combination to this huge walk-in safe. God, it was like my personal ATM.

(whoa guys, what a badass)

Josh D.
December 4th 2010
14002 Comments


have you seen every movie judd apatow and co. have ever been involved with ever


Yeah.

seifer
December 4th 2010
1006 Comments


lol

Puzzles
December 4th 2010
3065 Comments


PLAYBOY: The Los Angeles Times wrote, "Nickelback's music isn't for hipsters or the illuminati. It's for people who don't want to have to think."
CHAD KROEGER: At what show, besides Frank Zappa's, is someone trying to get people to think? Rage Against the Machine is the only band I can think of.

(System of a Down, Tool, Pearl Jam, Bruce Springsteen, Bob Dylan, Neil Young, Radiohead, Nine Inch Nails, Pink Floyd, Opeth, off the top of my head, and the list goes on)

Irving
Staff Reviewer
December 4th 2010
7479 Comments


Okay who was the bugger that revived this damn thread.

lol

Spec
December 4th 2010
32613 Comments


To be fair... it was for beer.

Puzzles
December 4th 2010
3065 Comments


I thought this was recent... How come I never saw this before?

thunder15
December 4th 2010
626 Comments


I don't know bro do you not search "chad kroeger" and "dick sucking" like all the time? there's your first mistake

Against Miik!
December 4th 2010
215 Comments


Its possible. A friend of mine saw Chad Kroeger go into a bathroom with a black guy, and when they came out the black guy handed him $10. It was a dick measuring contest. This was not made up.

Puzzles
December 4th 2010
3065 Comments


"I don't know bro do you not search "chad kroeger" and "dick sucking" like all the time? there's your first mistake"

I mean, if it was in the Sputnik news feed, I would have seen it. I check this site most days.


Jesuslaves
December 4th 2010
4682 Comments


:l

Counterfeit
December 4th 2010
17837 Comments


to be fair beer aint nothin special

Josh D.
December 4th 2010
14002 Comments


Liar.

Counterfeit
December 4th 2010
17837 Comments


nah im bein legit

Winsomniac
December 4th 2010
8307 Comments


I suppose if I was offered beer for putting my dick in my mouth...


I'd just go buy my own fucking beer.

Counterfeit
December 4th 2010
17837 Comments


yeeee

fr33convict
December 4th 2010
11723 Comments


"I don't know bro do you not search "chad kroeger" and "dick sucking" like all the time? there's your first mistake"

I found it by googling sputnikmusic sucks.

thunder15
December 4th 2010
626 Comments


ZINGGGGGGGGGGGG

Puzzles
December 5th 2010
3065 Comments


OH YES

Puzzles
December 5th 2010
3065 Comments


wait, fr33, I thought you were leaving lol

TMobotron
December 5th 2010
7226 Comments


lmao i never read this before

DonniSharK
January 7th 2011
466 Comments


Monthly bump. Just in time.

Motiv3
January 7th 2011
8979 Comments


lolwut? i never saw this hahaha.

witchxrapist
January 7th 2011
11113 Comments


I wonder if I could pull this off.

Spec
January 7th 2011
32613 Comments


What a faggot seriously. I tried this but couldn't bend over far enough!

BallsToTheWall
January 7th 2011
47163 Comments


I wonder how much yoga is necessary for a grown ass man to do this.

Gyromania
January 7th 2011
21284 Comments


Can't believe I'm just reading this for the first time. Absolutely hilarious.

BallsToTheWall
January 7th 2011
47163 Comments


What would Philosoraptor think of you now Gyro?

omnipanzer
January 7th 2011
21798 Comments


"Photograph or didn't happen."
Unless you give a quote first hand...
Why would he do that?

AliW1993
Contributing Reviewer
January 7th 2011
7510 Comments


Still the funniest news story I've ever seen

brandnewAAAA
January 7th 2011
259 Comments


This news and thread are epic. How did I miss this? Keep bumping up for the lolz

sublimefan1991
January 7th 2011
799 Comments


hahahaha this is the greatest headline ever.

WARisalliknow91
January 12th 2011
493 Comments


This reminds me of the metalocalypse episode where they heard about someone sucking their own dick and each got caught trying it on their own time.

SylentEcho
January 12th 2011
1607 Comments


Haha what an ***hole. I can't believe he said that. Why would anyone say that to anyone?!

rockandmetaljunkie
March 27th 2011
6182 Comments


hahaha
retarded people who make retard music

TMobotron
March 27th 2011
7226 Comments


hey dude im seriously just curious- how do you stumble across this article? its been months since its been posted in and from looking i see its not even linked from nickelback's page.

LegendofPittman
March 27th 2011
2960 Comments


^ Someone posted it on one of his lists.

TMobotron
March 27th 2011
7226 Comments


haha k thanks pitt. i wasnt trying to imply anything about the above poster but it seriously seemed like you had to be googling some chad kroeger dick or something. awesome ava btw.

LegendofPittman
March 27th 2011
2960 Comments


LOL that's so true, and thanks bro.

toxin.
March 27th 2011
12896 Comments


I honestly thought this was some spoof news update to mock Nickelback. Guess not. Ew

psykonaut
March 27th 2011
3913 Comments


nah, he literally sucks penis.

Jebull
March 28th 2011
1340 Comments


lol I love how this gets randomly bumped every so often hahaha

Scoot
March 28th 2011
18555 Comments


ahahahaa

Digging: Anonymuz - Vice City

wyankeif1337
March 28th 2011
6739 Comments


yeah, it makes my day to log on to sputnik and see some bullshit about chad kroeger's penis on the front page

WeepingBanana
March 28th 2011
10455 Comments


this is my first time seeing this

i loled hard

UnnamedOcean
March 28th 2011
3982 Comments


Okay. My night is ruined.

Sanders
April 27th 2011
2409 Comments


See the thing about this is that on the one hand, you have a dick in your mouth...

But on the other hand, you have your dick in a mouth.

North0House2
April 27th 2011
5943 Comments


WHY IS THIS STILL BEING COMMENTED UPON?

But, either way, I have no idea why you would need to tell anyone that you did this.


Gilgamahesh
November 5th 2011
1006 Comments


Bump. Cue the torches and pitchforks.

BallsToTheWall
November 5th 2011
47163 Comments


death by suffocating on own member

FromDaHood
November 5th 2011
9107 Comments


That's hot

Hawks
November 5th 2011
46544 Comments


Ahhhh this thread. Memories...

Digging: In The Woods... - Pure

Wolfhorde
November 5th 2011
15050 Comments


Jesus did I laugh when I read this first time.

DrMaximus
June 16th 2012
12020 Comments


LOL

DotEight
June 16th 2012
5701 Comments


This has got to be the most awkward, yet entertaining article I've seen on here so far.

Devastator
June 16th 2012
2959 Comments


News Article of the year.

Digging: Zao - The Well-Intentioned Virus

spillingmercury
June 16th 2012
877 Comments


Wasn't this a Metalocalypse episode?

TMZ worthy news indeed.

Puzzles
June 18th 2012
3065 Comments


happened in 2008, still relevant today. Now THAT's musicianship

benkim
June 18th 2012
3053 Comments


happened in 2008, still relevant today. Now THAT's musicianship

LOL

Spec
June 19th 2012
32613 Comments


lol i remember this

Yazz_Flute
June 19th 2012
18938 Comments


This was four years ago already? Damn.

Spec
June 19th 2012
32613 Comments


time flies when you're drunk

Spec
June 19th 2012
32613 Comments


*having fun

Yazz_Flute
June 19th 2012
18938 Comments


time sucks its own dick when you're flying chad kroeger

what

Recspecs
June 19th 2012
9879 Comments


Ahahahahahaha

taxidermist
June 19th 2012
7226 Comments


Still remember reading this in 11th grade English class and laughing my ass off.

Duderino
August 21st 2012
828 Comments


bump 4 avril

LifeAsAChipmunk
August 21st 2012
4854 Comments


Perhaps she didn't get the memo...

toxin.
August 21st 2012
12896 Comments


lol I remember this article
many lulz are had

Mickeymau5
August 21st 2012
1614 Comments


LMAO wtf lolol

HSThomas
September 28th 2012
668 Comments


4chad

ViralOblivion
September 28th 2012
7679 Comments


haha maybe it was a gay hater that hit him with the rock

LifeAsAChipmunk
September 28th 2012
4854 Comments


say it ain't so

ViperAces
September 28th 2012
12561 Comments


People actually believed that this is true?

Evreaia
September 28th 2012
4727 Comments


Holy fuck I lolled

Youtellme
September 28th 2012
1351 Comments


LOL

PeteWentz
September 28th 2012
6 Comments


Chad was here earlier

Youtellme
September 28th 2012
1351 Comments


I'm gonna bookmark this and bump it every few months.

This is fucking indredible.

Mickeymau5
October 30th 2012
1614 Comments


fucking lmao

North0House2
October 30th 2012
5943 Comments


Lol how have I never seen this?

Mickeymau5
December 5th 2012
1614 Comments


lol

Sapient.
December 5th 2012
1109 Comments


this means that the song "Something in your Mouth" is in fact autobiographical

MeatSalad
December 5th 2012
16567 Comments


Love this guy

Gwyn.
December 5th 2012
16860 Comments


Holy shit thanks for bumping this cause i forgot to put it on my bookmarks

*bookmarks*

Mickeymau5
December 5th 2012
1614 Comments


Welcum ;]

tempest--
December 5th 2012
19159 Comments


Just going to leave this here.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MgJUhmhBiuA

aircycle
April 14th 2014
1103 Comments


wait what

aircycle
April 14th 2014
1103 Comments


it was on the most viewed list when i was on another article so i thought it was new but it's 2008 and
i was like "wait what" see above

MMX
April 14th 2014
5011 Comments


ha

beachdude
Contributing Reviewer
April 14th 2014
820 Comments


lol

ScuroFantasma
April 14th 2014
8258 Comments


haha holycrap

Digging: Shining (SWE) - Redefining Darkness

Gwyn.
April 14th 2014
16860 Comments


Forgot to bookmark this again

MeatSalad
April 14th 2014
16567 Comments


best bump thank you

danielito19
April 14th 2014
10181 Comments


fripper how old are you

Digging: Reiko Ike - Koukotsu No Sekai

danielito19
April 14th 2014
10181 Comments


green baron is about four times more mature than you, and like four years younger.

PorcelainRain
April 14th 2014
536 Comments


still the best news article ever

Wizard
April 14th 2014
20058 Comments


Dave strikes!

ShitsofRain
April 14th 2014
7698 Comments


haha

emester
April 14th 2014
7863 Comments


thank you to the guy who bumped this

Digging: Bolzer - Hero

Skoj
April 14th 2014
1599 Comments


what the crap

Necrotica
April 14th 2014
10583 Comments


I fuck the dead in my spare time

unaMUSEd
April 14th 2014
1441 Comments


Laughing too hard in school right now.

elbaliem
April 14th 2014
1019 Comments


lololol

MO
April 14th 2014
21194 Comments


so good

Flugmorph
April 14th 2014
13206 Comments


bookmarked!

Digging: Metallica - Hardwired... to Self-Destruct

Slut
April 14th 2014
4056 Comments


*comments so article comes up in my discussions*

Insurrection
Contributing Reviewer
April 14th 2014
24105 Comments


lmao

Sniff
April 14th 2014
3018 Comments


Milf

SharkTooth
April 14th 2014
13665 Comments


Aww you Canadians

aircycle
April 14th 2014
1103 Comments


^_______________^

TheGreatQ
April 14th 2014
2410 Comments


Best bump ever

Digging: The Birthday Massacre - Superstition

Friday13th
April 14th 2014
5582 Comments


Here on sputnik we only have professional- quality news articles...except when it's too damn funny to pass up.

SnakeDelilah
April 14th 2014
17410 Comments


F-E-A-T-U-R-E

tacos N stuff
April 14th 2014
1801 Comments


wat

Digging: Soap and Skin - Lovetune for Vacuum

Mabbitt
April 14th 2014
1499 Comments


haha wat

lensag
April 14th 2014
93 Comments


this made my day ah ah so so funny

BMDrummer
April 14th 2014
13758 Comments


wat

Alondite
April 14th 2014
250 Comments


The fact that this qualifies as news is why Sputnik is great.

SharkTooth
April 14th 2014
13665 Comments


I swear, I'm gonna make a 'Sputniks greatest moments' list and this will be in there

sublimefan1991
April 14th 2014
799 Comments


"Photograph or didn't happen."

win.

danielito19
April 14th 2014
10181 Comments


anyone remember when you could rate news articles?

titanslayer
April 14th 2014
2713 Comments


"Photograph or didn't happen"

So you want a picture of under aged Chad Kroeger's dick?

zaruyache
April 14th 2014
14899 Comments


lookit this photograph, every time I see it makes me laugh?

Digging: City of the Sun - To the Sun and All the Cities in Between

Mad.
April 14th 2014
4604 Comments


It's never too old

Digging: The Drones - Gala Mill

DatBeefPudding
April 14th 2014
1617 Comments


wow this still gets bumped... rofl.

Digging: Revocation - Great Is Our Sin

Judio!
Contributing Reviewer
April 14th 2014
8290 Comments


Almost as great as Balls's "Andcas Has Been Arrested" news article.

Digging: u-Ziq - Lunatic Harness

DatBeefPudding
April 14th 2014
1617 Comments


lol i never saw that... i was gone for a week or so and then when i came back everyone was going on about andcas leaving... care to explain what happened? i was always curious

also if that article still exists, hook me up brah

Spluger
April 14th 2014
1242 Comments


Was not expecting this from staff... but this is still the best news article on this website in a very looong time

Digging: Unwound - Repetition

Judio!
Contributing Reviewer
April 14th 2014
8290 Comments


"lol i never saw that... i was gone for a week or so and then when i came back everyone was going on about andcas leaving... care to explain what happened? i was always curious also if that article still exists, hook me up brah"

Balls posted a fake news article about Andcas being arrested and was demoted from contributor and banned or some shit like that. And then shortly after Balls was kicked off the site Andcas decided to leave and asked the mods erase all his comments and reviews and permaban him. And Sputnik was sad about it for a while, myself included. The news article was deleted like five minutes after it was posted but I saw it and was laughing my ass off.

DatBeefPudding
April 14th 2014
1617 Comments


lmao that's hilarious. i wonder what made andcas up and leave, he was a pretty prominent contributer
to the site. i remember i made my first account around the time he joined.



zaruyache
April 14th 2014
14899 Comments


Oh, that's what happened? In that case Balls m/

OmairSh
April 14th 2014
13827 Comments


AHAHHAAHHAHAHAAAAHAAHAHA Oh man this is hilarious. I was wondering how this was still up and then I realised it was a staff article. Priceless

SadAndHolyGlow
April 14th 2014
1612 Comments


This is is not news-worthy. Like, at all.

PistolPete
April 14th 2014
4132 Comments


God help us all.

SharkTooth
April 14th 2014
13665 Comments


"This is is not news-worthy. Like, at all."
Actually it is, for we have DOCUMENTED PROOF

Necrotica
April 14th 2014
10583 Comments


This is the most news-worthy post since... well, ever.

Rhyme
April 14th 2014
1404 Comments


im just happy that my boy chad kroeger ended up getting that beer he so desperately wanted

sapient
April 14th 2014
2406 Comments


This is so TMZ-like, I'm surprised it isn't an Andcas article

Necrotica
April 14th 2014
10583 Comments


This is way better than TMZ. They wouldn't have the balls to write something like this

DatBeefPudding
April 14th 2014
1617 Comments


"im just happy that my boy chad kroeger ended up getting that beer he so desperately wanted"

fucking lol.

Azn.
April 14th 2014
5625 Comments


im so happy this was bumped

DatBeefPudding
April 14th 2014
1617 Comments


same. it's such a ridiculously hilarious part of the site.

that and KILL's review of periphery. fucking golden.

Azn.
April 14th 2014
5625 Comments


gives ol sputty a rustic character

DatBeefPudding
April 14th 2014
1617 Comments


lmao sputty. cannot unsee that now

SharkTooth
April 14th 2014
13665 Comments


"same. it's such a ridiculously hilarious part of the site.

that and KILL's review of periphery. fucking golden."
WHY DOES EVERYONE FORGET THE CHRISTIAN COFFEE SHOP REVIEW?????



jsaf7
April 14th 2014
333 Comments


She'd be pissed if she could see the parts of me that i've been kissin'




joshieboy12345
April 15th 2014
5393 Comments


We didn't need an article on this subject because we've all known this fact for a while. Still funny though.

someguest
April 15th 2014
27606 Comments


Who knew that when he said "I like your pants around your feet", he was referring to your gay uncle.

Digging: Funkadelic - Free Your Mind...And Your Ass Will Follow

XingKing
April 15th 2014
11976 Comments


I am glad this is on the most viewed list

InFiction
April 15th 2014
3830 Comments


Okay, sputnik.

Essence
April 15th 2014
5397 Comments


keep the bump going

MrHigh
April 15th 2014
81 Comments


Sputnik will never forget, Chad

Judio!
Contributing Reviewer
April 15th 2014
8290 Comments


I wondered who's going to have the last comment of the year on this article...

RoyalImperialGuard
April 15th 2014
1569 Comments


bumped

RoyalImperialGuard
April 15th 2014
1569 Comments


Fuck off Inhalation. Thank you fripper.

CK
April 15th 2014
6104 Comments


I feel like if this were posted by a non-staff user, that person would get banned.

RoyalImperialGuard
April 15th 2014
1569 Comments


God, how long have you noobs been on this site for? 4 months? Geez.

RoyalImperialGuard
April 15th 2014
1569 Comments


Same shit. You don't even know kid....... you don't even know.

Ending
April 15th 2014
2172 Comments


News to me.

aircycle
April 15th 2014
1103 Comments


f tha haterz

Makemebad35
April 15th 2014
835 Comments


Wait, what?q?!

NakedSnake
April 15th 2014
662 Comments


Wait you guys don't suck your own dick? Just me and chad?

RFO13
April 15th 2014
78 Comments


Let's be real here guys, I probably would've sucked my own dick for beer when I was 14 too. Actually I probably would've sucked my own dick for no beer when I was 14. That being said Chad Kroeger is still a douche who does in fact suck balls.

SharkTooth
April 15th 2014
13665 Comments


I'm just thinking KILLs review

danielito19
April 16th 2014
10181 Comments


they should make a rule that you can't post in this thread if you weren't here when it was posted (and yes I'm aware that I missed it too, but fuck all these new users in here)

titanslayer
April 16th 2014
2713 Comments


I'm gonna regret commenting on this...

aircycle
April 16th 2014
1103 Comments


it would never have gotten bumped then...

aircycle
April 16th 2014
1103 Comments


if only i had joined the site 4 months earlier tho

KeepTheChange
April 16th 2014
68 Comments


omgz

emester
April 16th 2014
7863 Comments


KEEP ON BUMPING THIS

SharkTooth
April 16th 2014
13665 Comments


There are a few sources of unlimited happiness, while most of them are reviews, some are this

DatBeefPudding
April 17th 2014
1617 Comments


indeed, hope this thread never dies.

Fieryfenderz
April 17th 2014
1761 Comments


How have I never seen this

Tunaboy45
April 17th 2014
13391 Comments


And here I am, sat here with a stupid grin on my face. Thank you for this, it made my day!

lignimvite
April 17th 2014
51 Comments


Guess it's safe to say Chad figuratively and literally sucks dick now. XD

Skoj
April 17th 2014
1599 Comments


LITERALLY DAE AMIRITE?

emester
April 17th 2014
7863 Comments


THIS WILL ALWAYS BE RELEVANT

Dunpeal
April 17th 2014
4062 Comments


lol quite a feat there chad. props

BMDrummer
April 17th 2014
13758 Comments




zaruyache
April 18th 2014
14899 Comments


Never forget.

Butkuiss
April 19th 2014
4459 Comments


Lol wow this is still going

silentstar
April 19th 2014
2460 Comments


"Oh this is still going. I'm fairly sure this story is the sole reason we don't have a "most viewed news stories" feature."

ta-da! your wish has been granted

SnakeDelilah
April 19th 2014
17410 Comments


do people like legit live on this website

Killerhit
April 20th 2014
5933 Comments



"It was soft and required a lot of pulling. I really wanted that case of beer."

zaruyache
April 20th 2014
14899 Comments


I love how it pops up at the top of the "Most Viewed" articles list. The BREAKING really makes it stick out.

Fieryfenderz
April 20th 2014
1761 Comments


DAE suck their own dick lelelelel 9gag army

elry2k
April 20th 2014
134 Comments


Lol I fucking knew it!!!

Azn.
April 20th 2014
5625 Comments


-infinite bump-

Krigo
April 22nd 2014
56 Comments


Whenever I see this news post, I can't stop myself from laughing.

FuzzyxPickles
April 23rd 2014
94 Comments


-infinite bump-[2]


BMDrummer
April 24th 2014
13758 Comments


bump

Azn.
April 24th 2014
5625 Comments


-smashing professionalism-

Thunderkat
April 24th 2014
579 Comments


Is anyone even surprised about Kroeger's actions?

Crymsonblaze
April 25th 2014
8005 Comments


Yep that sounds about right

BSX
April 26th 2014
1647 Comments


god is real

Slut
April 26th 2014
4056 Comments


Thank you lord xenu


Brabiz
April 26th 2014
833 Comments


Called it.

Brabiz
April 26th 2014
833 Comments


Called it.

Thunderkat
May 5th 2014
579 Comments


The "BREAKING" makes this article much more funny

Azn.
May 5th 2014
5625 Comments


hahaha

Sniff
May 5th 2014
3018 Comments


bum

SharkTooth
May 5th 2014
13665 Comments


"But did Chad really want the beer? Or was he trying to tell us something?"

Maybe he was referring to a different kind of "Sam Adams"


Impervious
May 5th 2014
1196 Comments


This still going? Hahha

Dancedrewdance
May 6th 2014
1169 Comments


Aaaaaaaaandddcaaaaaaasssass!!!!!!!!

furpa
May 6th 2014
330 Comments


I hope this stays relevant forever.

Impervious
May 6th 2014
1196 Comments


Looking back, he said he was 14 and much more flexible AT THE TIME. Is this him saying he's tried recently and knows he can no longer suck his own dick AGAIN? If so, for what reason was to suck it again? Two cases of beer?? lol

North0House2
May 6th 2014
5943 Comments


This is the most immortal bump I've ever seen.

ResidentNihilist
May 6th 2014
1292 Comments


impervious it wasn't just for the two cases of beer, he also wanted a packet of crisps as well

SharkTooth
May 6th 2014
13665 Comments


I thought he was looking for some Oscar Meyer

dawija1017
May 6th 2014
675 Comments


"Rain of fish" is an annual weather event in which hundreds of fish rain from the sky onto the city Yoro in Honduras!!!

Impervious
May 7th 2014
1196 Comments


I wonder if sucking his own dick was totally worth the beer. Was it shitty beer like Natie Ice? lol

Shuyin
May 7th 2014
13010 Comments


my day=complete

krazytom
May 8th 2014
129 Comments


Does this mean Nickelback is cool now?

Digging: Revis - Places For Breathing

Dancedrewdance
May 8th 2014
1169 Comments


Just out for a rip are ya chad?

Skoj
May 9th 2014
1599 Comments


AND THE TRAIN KEPT A ROLLIN

Impervious
June 5th 2014
1196 Comments


I just randomly remembered that this happened...damn you Chad.

DatBeefPudding
June 5th 2014
1617 Comments


Just out for a rip are ya chad?


just out for a rip?

zaruyache
June 8th 2014
14899 Comments


more like just out for the tip

*swoosh*

johnnysbestfriend
July 4th 2014
23 Comments


...

YakNips
July 4th 2014
18666 Comments


yuuuuuuuuuuuuung leeeaaaan

in the cuuuuuuuuut
for some morphinee

Digging: Virginia Genta / Chris Corsano - The Live In Lisbon

titanslayer
July 4th 2014
2713 Comments


#NeverForget

SharkTooth
July 4th 2014
13665 Comments


"THE WORLD MAY NEVER KNOW"

aircycle
July 5th 2014
1103 Comments


we need to inform a larger demographic about this

aircycle
July 5th 2014
1103 Comments


i want chad to be asked about this on the ellen show

BMDrummer
July 5th 2014
13758 Comments


why

Cygnatti
July 5th 2014
30412 Comments


Can't believe you guys bumped this again. Okay I can.

Haven't been on this thread for 2 years dayum, being old sucks.

someguest
July 5th 2014
27606 Comments


I knew Avril had a dong.

DatBeefPudding
July 6th 2014
1617 Comments


yep, bumpin'

sixdegrees
July 6th 2014
22328 Comments


BREAKING: this is no longer funny

Digging: Difference Engine - Breadmaker

BMDrummer
July 6th 2014
13758 Comments


Fripp- yes

DatBeefPudding
July 6th 2014
1617 Comments


six - me and my friends just had a laugh about it in skype, so i beg to differ.

sixdegrees
July 6th 2014
22328 Comments


I bet you savages laugh at memes too

DatBeefPudding
July 6th 2014
1617 Comments


we're the scum of the earth, true deviants.

titanslayer
July 6th 2014
2713 Comments


You say "savages" like it's a bad thing

Tunaboy45
July 6th 2014
13391 Comments


We likes laughing at le may mays.

Tunaboy45
July 6th 2014
13391 Comments


See, it's stupid.

Impervious
July 9th 2014
1196 Comments


#NeverForget [2]

Krigo
July 25th 2014
56 Comments


#NeverForget [3]


SnakeDelilah
July 25th 2014
17410 Comments


lol this article

SharkTooth
July 25th 2014
13665 Comments


#NeverForget [69]

Alias
November 26th 2014
354 Comments


lmao holy fuck the detail on being flaccid... can't believe he found the need to include that



Aftertheascension
November 27th 2014
3565 Comments


wtf

Dunpeal
November 27th 2014
4062 Comments


Gobble Gobble

PumpBoffBag
November 28th 2014
798 Comments


Chad must still do this, he's been 14 all his fucking life.

his mom would be pissed if she could see the parts of himself that he's been kissin'




wwba
November 29th 2014
479 Comments


I see nothing wrong with it.

RevengeSoldier
November 30th 2014
306 Comments


Keep the dream alive.

Impervious
December 10th 2014
1196 Comments


"his mom would be pissed if she could see the parts of himself that he's been kissin'"

Oh that's fucking gold. lmfao

pedro70512
December 10th 2014
4158 Comments


Disappointing. Was hoping for some hardcore auto action.

Tunaboy45
December 10th 2014
13391 Comments


well, it wont suck itself

Sturgis
January 5th 2015
15 Comments


...ok

Hurricanslash
January 5th 2015
1649 Comments


WHY IS THIS ARTICLE STILL GOING AROUND?

Impervious
January 5th 2015
1196 Comments


Because he still is?

CatfishSoup
January 6th 2015
226 Comments


#NeverForget [70]


SowingSeason
Moderator
January 6th 2015
22338 Comments


We need more news articles like this. A hall of fame Sputnik moment.

Digging: Sufjan Stevens - Songs For Christmas

CatfishSoup
January 6th 2015
226 Comments


#NeverForget [70]


Grizzlypyro
January 6th 2015
272 Comments


The legend continues.

Skoj
January 7th 2015
1599 Comments


HERE WE GO #ROLLTIDE

Mister Twister
January 7th 2015
2438 Comments


invincible thread

Digging: Legion - Mind Training

Skoj
January 8th 2015
1599 Comments


VIEW

pedro70512
January 8th 2015
4158 Comments


If your news article lasts more than four years, please seek immediate medical attention.

RoyalImperialGuard
January 8th 2015
1569 Comments


#BUMP

Sniff
January 9th 2015
3018 Comments


#neverforget

thacoconut94
January 9th 2015
1497 Comments


Surely this isn't real

Impervious
January 12th 2015
1196 Comments


If your news article lasts more than four years, please seek immediate medical attention. [2]

lmao


Flugmorph
January 12th 2015
13206 Comments


#neverforgive

Tunaboy45
February 18th 2015
13391 Comments


classic

TheMoonchild
February 18th 2015
1104 Comments


I always suspected ;)

Asdfp277
February 18th 2015
12547 Comments


Chad recently wrote the sexually charged, "Sex"


Digging: The Gathering - TG25: Live at Doornroosje

MattTD
February 18th 2015
655 Comments


This is a disgrace

Digging: Landscapes - Life Gone Wrong

YungEarnYourStripes
July 7th 2015
35 Comments


BRING IT BACK

Supercoolguy64
July 7th 2015
7793 Comments


please dont

Digging: Asterisk* - Dogma

wtferrothorn
July 7th 2015
4765 Comments


a classic

Digging: The Velvet Underground - The Velvet Underground & Nico

BMDrummer
July 7th 2015
13758 Comments


again wow

Supercoolguy64
July 7th 2015
7793 Comments


the funny thing is, after all these years, this post still doesnt have a source

Krigo
September 3rd 2015
56 Comments


Seems to me that this is now relevant again.

Asdfp277
September 3rd 2015
12547 Comments


can you not

SharkTooth
September 3rd 2015
13665 Comments


"the funny thing is, after all these years, this post still doesnt have a source"

http://www.metalsucks.net/2008/03/10/nickelbacks-chad-kroger-sucked-his-own-dick-really/

and apparently it's on the April 2008 issue

Asdfp277
September 3rd 2015
12547 Comments


so

he broke up with avril?

DinosaurJones
September 3rd 2015
3958 Comments


I think she broke up with him.
Because he sucks dick.

zaruyache
September 3rd 2015
14899 Comments


Literally

evilford
September 3rd 2015
35414 Comments


Lmao

GmemberKills
August 20th 2016
2451 Comments


the only nickleback news that matters

SnakeDelilah
August 20th 2016
17410 Comments


#DicksInForNickelback

Futures
August 20th 2016
8562 Comments


i thought we banned people for bumping this tbh

LotusFlower
August 20th 2016
12002 Comments


2008-03-11 - Never Forget

GmemberKills
August 20th 2016
2451 Comments


what a simpler time........

Supercoolguy64
August 20th 2016
7793 Comments


was waiting when this would get its annual bump

YakNips
August 20th 2016
18666 Comments


zach why u do dis

GmemberKills
August 20th 2016
2451 Comments


i blame the recent nickleback article

LotusFlower
August 20th 2016
12002 Comments


i swear i saw this article on the front page last year.

Futures
August 20th 2016
8562 Comments


it's called bumping ever heard of it?

LotusFlower
August 20th 2016
12002 Comments


I meant in the 'music news' tab obviously.



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