EVH: Sick As A Dog

2012-08-31 by John Cruz | 30 Comments
Poor Eddie Van Halen. We already know he has 7 years bad luck for booting Micheal Anthony from the band and replacing him with his fat kid, but when it rains on Eddie, it really pours.

Not cancer related, drug related, drink related, or being mentally deranged related....the usual cause of Ed's trips to the hospital...this time the problem is a bit less sexy. As it turns out the guitarist was admitted to hospital with a digestive disorder requiring surgery and the postponement of several VH gigs scheduled for Japan throughout September.

Well, I guess when you get old a tablet of Tums or tablespoon of Maalox just won't do it anymore. Officially Eddie is stricken with the dreaded illness diverticulitis. Which is a fancy way of saying the walls of his butthole have developed small sacs that over time become filled with poop, swell, and hurt like hell. So surgery is performed to remove the poop and sacs alike.

This reporter thinks that's 100% disgusting, but apparently very common in men over 60. Gee, can't wait to get there. Ed is 57. Guess he likes being early.

In related news DLR will be offstage on account of Ed's illness for at least a month, proving every cloud does indeed have a silver lining.

Get well soon, Ed!

Tagged: Van Halen

Comments:Add a Comment 
MaskAtTheMasquerade
August 31st 2012
2888 Comments


yikes

Deviant.
Staff Reviewer
August 31st 2012
31936 Comments


Okay, now this article is terrible

Digging: ASC - Imagine The Future

ConcubinaryCode
August 31st 2012
2453 Comments


Ew.

Torii
August 31st 2012
822 Comments


Oh god not this guy again

someguest
August 31st 2012
23578 Comments


Dave, stop approving this shit!

Digging: Refused - Freedom

elephantREVOLUTION
August 31st 2012
2863 Comments


omg this guy always brings the lulz. never gets old

Digging: Employed to Serve - Greyer than You Remember

Recspecs
August 31st 2012
9867 Comments


Lmao that is disgusting.

Trebor.
Contributing Reviewer
August 31st 2012
51437 Comments


This one is funny idk why

Digging: Main Attrakionz - 808s & Dark Grapes III

tommygun
August 31st 2012
25670 Comments


Damn sounds painful get well soon Eddie

Mabbitt
August 31st 2012
1395 Comments


This guy's articles got old after the first one.

Recspecs
August 31st 2012
9867 Comments


Shitty user complains about funny article what a surprise.

lucasjcockcroft
August 31st 2012
3718 Comments


i dont see how its funny
but its news, so whatever

defjaw83
August 31st 2012
1794 Comments


the walls of his butthole...

Digging: Jamie xx - In Colour

MO
August 31st 2012
19622 Comments


ah the same thing that Lesnar had, heard that's pretty awful

"This reporter thinks that's 100% disgusting, but apparently very common in men over 60."

wow way to be an asshole, just wait till you get sick

massasarcasm
August 31st 2012
54 Comments


"Shitty user complains about funny article what a surprise."
The only thing shitty is your sense of humor.

ZippaThaRippa
August 31st 2012
2477 Comments


sick burn

ILikeRepetitiveMusic
August 31st 2012
134 Comments


Article was funny, as are a lot of your other ones. But kindly fuck off. It's gonna set a precedent and before you know it every news article is gonna be something stupid

Annayalater
August 31st 2012
192 Comments


This shit's getting old. It was funny the first few times but now you're just trying too hard.

FyreNail
August 31st 2012
175 Comments


Did Perez Hilton change his name to John Cruz?

Ire
August 31st 2012
41859 Comments


best article yet

TrstN01
August 31st 2012
800 Comments


I agree that this is the best one yet, but dude. Space them out a bit.

AnthonyFartano
August 31st 2012
233 Comments


Why's everyone complaining. Good god people. Get off this man's dick

marksellsuswallets
August 31st 2012
4848 Comments


poop


WeepingBanana
August 31st 2012
10321 Comments


best article yet[2]

seriously, keep them coming as many as possible as fast as possible.

bloc
August 31st 2012
35425 Comments


Talk about an Eruption...

WeepingBanana
August 31st 2012
10321 Comments


lol

RosaParks
August 31st 2012
16015 Comments


im dead

freedomofspeechnoway
August 31st 2012
420 Comments


It's articles like this that make me think I've grown out of this site. Or maybe the site truly is worse than it used to be. Either way, terrible 'article'. For the people that think it's funny, I have one question - which part?

freedomofspeechnoway
August 31st 2012
420 Comments


It's articles like this that make me think I've grown out of this site. Or maybe the site truly is worse than it used to be. Either way, terrible 'article'. For the people that think it's funny, I have one question - which part?

freedomofspeechnoway
August 31st 2012
420 Comments


And it's cool how when the site double posts your comments you can't remove it yourself.



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